by Toni Aleo
“That’s not fair,” Lucas said with a shake of his head.
“It would be a deal breaker for me.” Everyone turned to Shea and his eyes were intently on Tate. “I knew that I wanted kids when I started this thing with Elli. She wanted them too, and we were good. Now if after we started trying and she couldn’t have a child, that I would understand and would cope with but if she told me right out that she couldn’t, I would let her go.”
“I know, but I don’t want to let her go. She makes me happy; she makes my life worth living, guys. She is my everything. My heart is invested in her, and I don’t want anyone else.”
Tate could tell that no one knew what to say, until Lucas said, “If you are totally devoted to her then you would take the good with the bad. Audrey is a fantastic, sweet person. She will love you with everything inside her, and she deserves a guy who will love her just the same. If you don’t think you can, then cut her loose, dude, don’t hurt her anymore by making her think this is for real.”
Lucas held Tate’s gaze for a long time, then Lucas shook his head, stood up and threw money on the table before walking away.
“Shit,” Tate muttered as he got up, and followed Lucas out of the restaurant. “Lucas, just a minute.”
Lucas looked back and waited for him at the doorway. When Tate reached him, they both walked out to the parking lot before Tate said, “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Lucas shook his head, “I don’t want Audrey to get hurt again, and I thought you were the guy to make sure that never happened, but now you say this?”
“I am just second guessing things, Lucas, I don’t want to hurt her. I love her.”
“You keep saying that, but when you love someone you love all of them. Even the fucked up parts! Hell, look at me and Fallon! She was a walking train wreck before she finally got her head out of her ass. And now look at us, we are so fucking happy.”
“I understand that, and I know that I won’t be happy without her,” Tate said, his chest hurting. He didn’t want to leave Audrey. He didn’t want to live life without her, but how was that fair for him to feel like this and not say anything? That was the whole point of having friends, so that he could talk about things that bothered him.
“Have you told her?” Lucas asked.
“No, I got this feeling this morning. I haven’t even thought it through. I just wanted to get everyone’s input and then I was going to talk to her about it if it is still bothering me. I’m not going to hurt her, Lucas.”
“No one can make your mind up for you, Tate. You gotta do it. Is she worth it? Can you trade in one thing to have everything else? Because Audrey will love you for the rest of her life. She is very loyal, and you know that it true.”
“I do.”
Lucas shrugged his shoulders, “Then I have nothing else to say. This is all on you.”
Tate watched as Lucas walked off, and didn’t move until little flakes of snow started to fall. Walking to his truck, he had the familiar feeling of his heart beating in overtime. His palms were sweaty, and even in the cold, he was starting to sweat along his back. He took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself, but it wasn’t working. He thought with his mind busy with his issues of him and Audrey, his anxiety would be the last thing he needed to worry about.
He was wrong.
After reaching for the handle four times, he finally pulled the door open, and climbed into his truck. He sat there for a long time, not only because he was scared to put the key in the ignition but also because he was thinking about his whole day. He had spent the morning with Audrey, wrapped up in her warmth, their legs tangled and their bodies touching in the most delectable places. She had made him breakfast and then he had to go. He had never been as sure about someone in his life as he made his way to the arena. He knew that he was going to be with Audrey forever. He even planned on telling her he loved her that night, but then Elli walked in carrying a dream that he realized he couldn’t have.
It didn’t make sense though, he had seen Elli with Audrey, and he never felt like this. So what were these feelings? What the hell was going on? Like Phillip had said, he could adopt, he had even told Audrey that, and it wasn’t as if he was against it. He just wanted to be with Audrey, for forever.
“Man, I am an idiot,” he muttered shaking his head.
Why did he even say anything to the guys? He knew his answer; he knew what he wanted so why was he second guessing himself? He never did this. He was always confident about his decisions, and his decision was to be with Audrey.
Children or no children.
It was her and him to the end.
He knew that nothing would change that either.
With a satisfied grin on his face, he started the truck on the third try and then drove back to his condo. Audrey had said that she was making some cupcakes this morning, and that she needed him to test them. Tate had no problem with that. This was the life he wanted. He didn’t need anything more, just Audrey and her cupcakes. One day, after they had been married and enjoyed life with each other, they would see if she could have kids, if not, then they would adopt.
Tate had made a big deal out of something that didn’t need to be a big deal. He was such an idiot.
Shaking his head, he pulled into his driveway, and grabbed his bag. Heading to his door, he opened it, and threw his bag inside. That was the only reason he came to his place. So he shut his door and turned to Audrey’s. He opened the door with his key, and went inside.
“Lucy, I’m home,” he said in a horrible Desi Arnaz accent. They had been watching a lot of old I Love Lucy re-runs. That Lucy was a hoot and hearing Audrey’s commentary on that show was better than any other show. When he passed the couch, he found Audrey at the counter with her phone in her hand, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. She had been crying, her nose was red, and her eyes were swollen. He knew at that moment that the conversation he had at lunch had made its way back to her.
“You told Lucas about me not being able to have kids?”
Fuck.
Chapter 23
All Tate could think was that he had really fucked up.
Panic stirred in his chest, his palms started to sweat all over again, and his heart tripled in speed. The way he was feeling at that moment was different from anything else he had ever felt. Of all the anxiety attacks he had ever had, it never felt like the world was closing in on him, but with this one, it did. He didn’t know if it was because he wasn’t sure how he was going to fix this, or if it was because he could see the hurt in Audrey’s eyes and knew things were about to get really bad. He never meant for her to find out, and he definitely never meant to hurt her.
“You told Lucas, Tate? Lucas! Didn’t you know that he would tell Fallon? I just had to explain my whole situation to her! Do you know how hard that was?!” she yelled. Tears streaked down her face as her lip quivered. Not looking up at him, she whispered, “She said that you were questioning the guys about me.”
“Audrey, it’s not what you think,” Tate said, even though it was probably everything she thought.
Shit, this is going to be bad.
“It isn’t? Then what is it? Because from my understanding, you said that you weren’t sure you were okay with not having kids.”
“Okay, I did say that but, baby--”
“You told me I was enough!” she cried, “You said that you didn’t need a child of your own, that we could adopt if it came to that, that maybe one day I could have a baby! Was it all a lie!?!”
“No, Audrey, please, listen to me--”
“You promised!” she screamed, “You made me believe that we were good, that you were the person for me, and that this could be forever! You knew how I felt about this, how I hid it from you, how I didn’t even want to tell anyone and you told everyone!”
“I know, and I’m sorry, baby, I had no one to talk to about it but my friends--”
“You could have talked to me about it!! I’m the person it deals with! I’m the prob
lem, Tate!”
Tate shook his head, coming around the counter. She took a step back, but he took a hold of her wrist, bringing her to him, “No, you are not a problem, you are my everything. You are right, I should have come and talked to you, but I freaked, baby. I promise you are enough. You are more than enough.”
“Then why, Tate? Why are you second-guessing us? Me? I told you from the beginning I couldn’t give you everything you wanted and now after my heart is totally invested in you, after… after…” she stuttered, then she looked up at him, her wide beautiful eyes, pooling with tears. It was gut-wrenching because he caused the tears. His throat felt like it was closing, and his eyes itched with tears. “After, I fell in love with you, Tate, you do this to me?” she finished, putting the last nail in his coffin.
She loved him.
Taking in a sharp breath, Tate wrapped his arms around Audrey, holding her tight even though she tried to get away. “Look at me, baby, please,” he said, trying to hold on as she buckled against him. “Stop for just a second!” he yelled.
She finally stopped. Looking up at him as the tears poured from her eyes, “Let me go,” she said through tight lips.
“No, not until you listen to me,” he replied, squeezing his arms around her.
“What is there to listen about, Tate?”
“A lot, actually,” he said, leaning his head against hers, “You are completely right. I should have come to you first; told you what I was feeling but I freaked, love. I wanted to talk to someone, and the guys were there. I shouldn’t have, I know, but I didn’t want to hurt you, even though, I obviously did in the end. But I never meant to. I was confused, and scared, because these feelings I have for you are so strong, baby. My heart is just as invested as yours, if not more.”
“If your heart was invested then you wouldn’t be second-guessing us, Tate. Fuck it, just go, I’m giving you the out. Take it,” she said through tears that were like spears going into his heart.
“No way, I’m not going anywhere, love, nowhere.”
“Go find someone who can give you everything you want!” she screamed trying to get away.
“NO! Now stop!” Tate yelled, getting her attention. She took in a shuddering breath, her plump lips quivering as she looked up at him. “Listen to me; I am sorry, so very sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I promise, if I have an issue or a concern I am coming right to you. You are the one I want, I don’t want anyone else. Only you.”
Audrey shook her head, looking down as her tears rolled off her cheeks onto his shirt. “I want what’s best for you, Tate, and maybe that’s not me. I want you to be happy, and I might not be able to do it. I have all these wounds from not being the complete woman--”
“Complete woman? Are you crazy, you are more than a complete woman for me, love. Please stop this, I’m sorry.”
“I just want you to be happy. I more than likely can’t have kids, Tate, and if by the grace of God they find a way for me, it could be years. And what if it doesn’t work then? Adoption? It’s obvious you don’t want that.”
“I want whatever it is you can give me, Audrey,” he said confidently. He wanted nothing more than her for the rest of his life. Looking deep in her eyes, he knew she had to see how she had completely taken hold of his heart. She had to see, and if she didn’t, then he was going to tell her. Taking in a deep breath, his heart still beating out of control, he said, “I love you, and I will tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. I will love you for forever, Audrey, and there is nothing you can do about it.” Audrey paused, her eyes pooling with new tears as she quieted in his arms, “I made a stupid mistake, baby, but I honestly do love you, all of you, even the damaged part and nothing will change that.”
Whispering through her tears, she said, “You’re the first man to say that.”
“And I want to be the last, Audrey, I love you. I’m sorry for telling the guys, I needed someone to talk to about it because I’d been thinking about it. But baby, I know that I am good with everything, I promise. I don’t know why I questioned it to be honest with you. I know what I want. I want you. I’m sorry.”
She looked down and then back up at him as she shook her head. He thought she was going to say something he didn’t like but when she said, “Tate, you had me at I love you. I just hope that our love is enough.”
He wanted to scream in victory. Wrapping her up in his arms, he pressed his lips to hers, as her hands came up to lace together in his hair. When they parted, he kept her close, her lips only inches from his, “It is,” he said softly, “And if one day when we are married and tired of living life as just us, we’ll find a baby who needs an amazing mother like you and a goofy father like me. It will happen for us, everything will work out because it is meant to. I know for a fact you were sent to me to complete me, Audrey. I love you so much, and you will never have to question that.”
Audrey nodded, “I love you more, Tate, so much.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close as she devoured his mouth with her own. He lifted her up, settling her on the counter, before he moved between her legs gripping her butt in his hands. The thought that he would never get to do this again, or even touch her again, had him so twisted inside that he was ready to rip her apart. He hands shook as they moved along her thighs to her lower back, his legs felt like jelly and his pulse was still at record highs. Audrey moved her hands up his neck to his cheeks, running her thumbs through the coarse hair along his jaw. He loved when she did that with her fingers. He loved her, all over her.
Moving his lips down her jaw, to her neck, he held her close, loving on her neck as she let out little spurts of breath.
“Tate,” she gasped breathlessly.
“Mm, hmm,” he said between licking and sucking on the length of her neck.
“Baby, half my ass is in the platter of cupcakes I made for you,” she giggled.
Tate pulled back, looking down at her bright face. He saw nothing but love on her face, and he swore to keep it there for the rest of his life. He would never have her question his intentions again. He wanted her, that was all. A child would be a plus, but his life started when Audrey came into it. Tate smiled as his gaze locked with hers, and he said, “What?”
“My ass has ruined your cupcakes.”
He looked down to see the cupcakes peeking out from underneath her thigh. He grinned up at her, and she laughed as she tapped him on the shoulders. “Move, so I can go change.”
“No way,” he said huskily before taking a hold of her short cloth shorts and helping her out of them. Throwing them over his shoulder, he grinned down at her, before laying her back on the counter.
“What are you doing?” she gasped, her hands gripping the counter for support.
“Eating my cupcakes,” he said in a low voice. He lifted her leg, licking the length of her thigh. Lemon flavor exploded in his mouth, and he found himself licking faster to get all of the delectable frosting off her sexy thigh. Glancing down at her he saw that she was watching him, a lazy smile on her lips as she took in sharp breaths when he would rake his teeth along her thigh.
“Mm, that’s good,” he said, wiping the back of his mouth along her other thigh.
“You didn’t even try the cake yet,” she said, with her lusty eyes locked on his.
“I haven’t, have I?” he asked taking one of the cupcakes and unwrapping it from its wrapper. Tearing it apart, he laid half of the cake on her panties, which were hiding her moist center, while bringing the other half to her lips. She opened her mouth, tasting the cake and nipping at his fingers with playfulness in her eyes. She caught one of his fingers between her teeth and lightly licked the tip. His other hand gripped her thigh as he let out a throaty moan. He then pressed his raging hard on against those damn panties that covered her soft core, causing his dick to scratch at his zipper, begging for release. She let out a soft moan, releasing his finger as she chewed on the cake he had fed her.
“It’s good, reall
y good,” she said breathlessly.
“Maybe I should have a taste?” he asked looking down at her body that was laid out like his play land. He moved down her body to where he had laid the other piece of the cake. Moving his lips along where her moist lips were hidden under her panties, he took a bit of the cake, moaning when the blueberry flavor hit his taste buds. The cake was fantastic, but eating it off the spot he was begging to be inside, made it taste a billion times better. Tate took another small bite, teasing her lips with his tongue and was rewarded with a sharp intake of air. When he finished all of the cake, he moved her bright green panties over and ran his tongue from the bottom of her lips to the top of her clit, savoring her sweet flavor.
“Oh God,” she gasped out as her hands tangled in his hair, “Don’t stop.”
“I didn’t plan on it.”
He dipped his tongue between her lips, tickling her clit with the tip of his tongue. Her legs squeezed his head as he persist his assault on her sensitive nub. Pulling away, he looked down at her as he brought his fingers into his mouth. She watched as he sucked on his fingers lightly, before moving them inside her. She let out a low moan as he filled her with two fingers, pumping in and out of her juicy, tight hole. He then moved his mouth back down to her lips, sucking and licking her swollen nub.
It didn’t take long before she was coming undone beneath his tongue. Her body shook as she took in shuddering breaths of gasping completion. Wiping his mouth along her thigh again, he grabbed the crotch of her panties, and ripped them away causing her to let out a little scream. He took her by her thighs, pulling her to the end of the counter, but instead of stopping where he wanted her too, she kept going, until she was on her feet. There she dropped back on her hunches, and while looking up at him with the hottest, widest, eyes imaginable, she proceeded to unbutton his jeans. She ran her tongue along her lips as she freed him, giving him a lusty grin before she held his hot erection at the base. Running her tongue around the head of his dick, a harsh groan left his lips. Then without warning, she took him to the back of her throat and then back out, repeating the motion over and over again. Tate tangled one hand in her hair, while his other went down her back, taking hold of her thin white cami as he slowly thrust into her mouth, hitting the back of her throat with his swollen head. She sucked him hard, and fast, God, did it feel fantastic too. She had the best mouth ever, and he loved the feel of her plump lips holding his dick hostage, as her tongue worked at the tip of his head.
