I took a deep breath, and gazed up at him. He was studying me with a rather stunned look. “I really upset your parents and Claudia. We really didn’t speak until two weeks after the memorial service.”
“I didn’t know…I didn’t know they held a service,” he answered. “Oh, God, Chandler! What you must have gone through!”
“I waited for news. I kept thinking they would find you like they had Colin. I told everyone until I had a body to bury, I wouldn’t consider you dead.” I returned his gaze and he smiled. “That strategy worked until the night I had the dream…” I sucked in my breath, trying to control the sobs I felt rising in my chest as I watched him closely. This was the one thing I was so confused about. He studied my face and then nodded to me.
“You were in my dream,” I whispered.
“Yes, I was. You dreamed you were in a field, and you were standing in the middle, and your Mother and Mr. Jackson were behind you, unable to come any further. You seemed out of options…the Tariq stood in front of you with the babies at his feet, totally unprotected,” he stated as he studied me.
“How do you…how do you know that?” I whispered incredulously.
“Because I was there, Andie. I shut my eyes at that moment, and I saw what you saw in your dream. I flew at him to protect you and the babies. I fought him. I killed him again in the dream, and then I told you that you were safe, that he would never hurt you or the babies again.”
He smiled at me, and then his smile faded as he watched the tears stream down my face, my chest heaving with sobs. The memories of that night tore my chest open again.
“What is it?” he asked as he placed his hands on my cheeks and wiped the tears away with his thumbs.
“When you came to me in the dream, it convinced me you were really dead. No one living had ever been in my dreams. Mr. Jackson passed away and appeared right after in my dream with my mother. When you showed up in my dream…” I gasped and caught my breath, reliving that awful night when I had accepted his death.
“Oh, God, no…Andie, I’m so sorry. I can see why you thought that. I’m so sorry.” He leaned over, pulling me into his chest.
I pulled away and released all of the emotion. The tears released when I revealed my inner thoughts to him. “I died too, Banton. I truly died on the inside, and my dreams ended with you. I wanted to curl up and die to be with you. I relived it every day after that.” I paused as he continued to watch me, concerned. Then I added, “And now, I feel like I have to tell you everything.”
I dropped my eyes, not knowing how I was going to put into words what had almost happened between John and me, and knowing if I didn’t tell him, it would eat away at me.
“Tell me what, Andie?” he asked softly.
“First, you have to know John saved me many, many times. He and Everett never left my side after you went missing. Then, when the Tariq began stalking my dreams again, they took turns staying with me. One of the hardest things was trying to help John. He was still mourning Brie, and he was trying to get me to accept your death. He’d given me your letter, and then I had the dream. That was the night I told him about Brie.”
He continued to watch me intently, and I sensed he was putting two and two together.
“What are you trying to tell me, Chandler?” He closed his eyes as he continued, whispering as if in pain. “Did something happen between you and John?”
“He thought he’d lost Brie, and we both thought you were gone, that we’d lost you. He was downstairs when he heard me sobbing, when I woke from my dream. He came up to check on me and I told him why I’d finally accepted you were dead. We were both hurting…both so lonely, and we shared a brief kiss,” I whispered, watching in terrified silence when a tortured expression crossed his face.
I placed my hand on his cheek as he looked back up at me.
“I realized in the flash of a second, all I was feeling was he was my link to you. And I told him it would be a mistake, because that is all I was to him, besides a friend…I was his link to Brie. That’s all both of us were feeling,” I finished. I spent several tortured moments waiting for him to react. Finally he seemed to relax as he took my hand in his, and then looked back into my eyes.
“I wish it hadn’t happened. It’s difficult for me to wrap my head around. But I understand you both thought I was dead,” he said, tears glistening in his eyes.
“That’s when I told him he’d regret it if anything at all happened between us. Then I told him about Brie. It was the hardest thing aside from accepting your death I’ve ever done. Once it dawned on him Ev and I had been keeping Brie’s existence a secret, he became furious and he turned on me.”
My tears began to fall again as he watched me intently. “It broke my heart. We’d become such good friends, but in a second, it had changed from that to contempt. All I could see in his eyes was hate when he stormed out of the house. Then I felt really guilty. I knew he was having the sweet reunion with Brie I would never be able to have with you. I wanted to be happy for them, but really, all I wanted to do was to go to sleep and never wake up… so I could be with you.” I whispered as his expression changed from pain to anger.
“Never say that! I couldn’t stand the thought,” he stammered as he pulled me in to his chest. “I wouldn’t. I had the babies to think of. That’s all that pulled me through. That, and your memory. I had to go on for you. The babies were yours, and I was determined they would know you, and you would be proud of me.” He tightened his embrace, tighter than he’d ever held me.
“Please, don’t be mad at John. Things were a little awkward after that, it was something we’ve put behind us. He and Brie were so happy when they reunited, and then when we found out you were alive, well…aside from me and your parents, John was the most emotional. It was like he was complete again, when he found out you and Ty were coming back. He truly loves you, Banton.”
He waited several moments, gathering his thoughts, and then finally he sighed and spoke. “Sweetheart, I’m glad you told me. This is all so strange, and we’ve been through so much. It’s a lot to process, but I’m trying to understand.” Then he pulled me in to kiss me deeply. As he finished, he pulled away slowly and breathed, “I love you even more, if that is possible.”
Watching him was so surreal. I’d been mourning him for so long, I couldn’t process that he was sitting here in front of me, alive and well. I began to cry again, trying to smother the sobs erupting out of my chest.
“Sweetheart, what is it? I told you, everything is all right,” he began, wiping the tears from my cheeks.
“I can’t…I just can’t shake the feeling of mourning that is still hanging over me. I can’t convince myself you’re really alive and you aren’t going to disappear!” I almost shouted at him.
Banton rose and scooted onto the bed and pulled me up into his arms.
“I’m so, so sorry. Shhh. I’m sorry.” He rocked me for quite a while as my breathing returned to normal.
“So how, how did you finally come into my dream?” I asked as he released his hold on me.
“Some fishermen pulled Ty and me out of the water, and they took us to a small village to hide us from the pirates and the Somali band of Orcos. After what they considered was a safe amount of time, they sent for a voodoo leader - a medicine man to help with our wounds. He couldn’t do much for the broken bones which had already begun to heal, but we were able to communicate enough for me to ask him questions about your dreams. I confided in him. I was so worried about you. He brought in some of his tribal leaders and they prayed with me, and then they prayed to the voodoo saints. That night, I dreamed about you. I felt really close to you, and I missed you so much, worried about you so much my chest ached. I woke in a sort of trance. That is when I saw your dream.”
I reached up and touched his cheek, and drew his face down to mine. “You said in your letter you could feel me even with the distance between us. You said you would always be with me. You were right. I felt you with me, even when I c
onvinced myself you were dead.”
He leaned down and kissed the tears left on my cheeks.
“I’m not leaving you, ever again. I promise. I’m here, and I’m all yours.” He drew me up to kiss me passionately. He moved his lips over mine, his breath sweet in my mouth.
I drew back and held his face in my hands. “I still can’t believe I have you back.” I gazed back and forth at his eyes as he dropped his eyes back down to my lips. I sighed as he kissed me again, sliding his hands down my shoulders as he moved his mouth across my cheek, down my neck to my bare shoulder. I shivered as the familiar warmth spread over my body Banton’s touch always stirred.
I was euphoric. I just couldn’t grasp the reality of the miracle. So much had happened in just one day…Banton back from the dead, and, I was a mother!
After a few more moments, the doctors came back into the room with the babies.
“How are they, Doc?” Banton stood and took Matty from Dr. Renault.
“They’re perfect in every way. Their lungs are good, no need for any respirators.” Dr. Lane answered him.
“And thanks to your decision, the cord blood is stored and waiting for our tests,” Dr. Renault said as he patted Banton on the back.
Dr. Lane handed Elly back to me, and then tucked the blanket in around her.
“Dr. Renault, can you tell anymore about…how they will be? Are they like Banton and me, or will they be more like Aldon children?” I asked nervously.
“It’s too early to tell, Chandler. We’ll just have to wait and see. We should know by the time they’re four or five months old. Their eyes will give them away by then.”
“Chandler, are you going to try and breast-feed the babies, or do you want me to give you something to dry your milk up?” Dr. Lane asked.
“No, I want to breast feed,” I said determinedly.
“Then you need to pump today because of the drugs in your system from your surgery. I think by tomorrow, you can start feeding them. We have a special formula for you to feed them until you can nurse, with lots of protein they will need. Would you like to feed them now?” He smiled as the nurse brought in the bottles they had prepared.
“Oh yes, please.”
The nurse handed a bottle to each of us, and Banton sat down in the chair beside the bed, offering the little bottle to Matty as he cradled him in the crook of his arm. Matty latched on and sucked noisily, apparently hungry. Banton grinned up at me. “Oh, wow. This is great. It’s wonderful…I had no idea how this would feel.”
I looked down at Ellyson and touched the bottle to her lips. I had to urge her several times to take the nipple, but she finally latched on as well. She’d hardly taken two ounces before her little eyelids became heavy and she drifted off to sleep.
“You may have to wake them often to feed them the first few weeks. I’ll have the nurse bring a breast-pump in to you later and show you how to use it. I encourage you to eat as much protein as possible so they will get the nutrition they need. You need rare steak, for yourself and them.”
“Okay, thank you, Dr. Lane. Thank you for everything.”
He touched my cheek, and then Ellyson’s, before looking back at my face. “It was my pleasure, Chandler. I so rarely get to experience this part of the job, with all of my patients being half-breeds. And twins…this is a first for me.”
Banton stayed at my side, feeding Matty until he drifted off like his sister, and then rose to put him down in his bassinette. He hobbled back to my bed to take Elly and I shook my head.
“Please, let her lay here a little while. I love this.” I grinned up at him as Ellyson continued to sleep, curled up in her little baby-ball, her face planted firmly against my heartbeat.
“You two are so beautiful.” Banton gazed at me as he straightened the little blanket around her. He sat back down in the chair at my bedside and lay his head over on the pillow beside me, watching her little face as she slept. Every so often she would make sucking noises in her sleep, and Banton would chuckle and caress her tiny cheek with his finger.
I finally relented and let him take her and put her in her bassinette. The nurse came back in to take them back to the other room.
“Oh, please…leave them in here with us. I want to take care of them,” I requested as she shook her head.
“Doctor’s orders. He wants you to rest. And you have two very determined grandmothers out here who are dying to take care of them tonight. We’ll bring them back to you first thing in the morning, I promise.” She smiled as she turned to push the bassinets back through the doorway.
“She’s right, Andie. You need to rest. How is your pain, are you hurting?” he asked, placing his hand over mine.
“I’m all right,” I lied. The pain across my abdomen and lower body was excruciating, but I knew if I asked for pain meds it would be even longer before I could nurse the babies.
Banton watched me as I hesitated. “You’re lying, Chandler Ann. I know you are hurting. I’ll get Dr. Lane to give you something.
“No!” I replied, pushing up in the bed. “No, I don’t want them to give me anything else! I don’t want to mess up being able to nurse the babies tomorrow.”
“Chandler. Please, for me?” He watched my expression, and then resigned himself to the fact I wouldn’t give in.
“You are really, really stubborn, you know? Now, lay back and try to rest, Chandler. It’s been a long day.” He stroked my cheek as he lay his head back down on the bed beside mine.
I nodded and closed my eyes. I couldn’t seem to get into a peaceful sleep. My brain wouldn’t turn off. The sound of my family and friends drifted through the doorway to my room, Everett’s laughter, excited chatter between Mrs. Elaine and Aunt Sue, and the sound of Cade and Drew arguing.
* * *
I stood on the shoreline, watching as the gunboat that carried the SEALs drew nearer to the dock. I started down a flight of stairs that would take me down to meet them, and a flash and shockwave stopped me in my tracks. The ship lit up like a roman candle, debris flying in all directions.
“BANTON! Please, dear God, no!” I screamed out as I sat up in bed. I looked frantically around the room in the moonlight, and struggled to focus on Banton when he rose and hobbled across the room to me.
“Shhh. Chandler, it was only a dream. I’m here, sweetheart,” he soothed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. I stared at him for a moment as I remembered he was home.
I took a deep breath, and then smiled at him, shaking the dream. “Get in with me, please?” I begged. I pulled the blankets back and invited him in beside me. He kicked his boot off his good foot and flashed his dimple at me, snuggling down beside me and gently pulling me over to lay my head on his shoulder. I inhaled as I nuzzled against his t-shirt. The scent of his cologne wafted through my head, instantly relaxing me.
“I’ve dreamed of smelling your scent again,” I sighed, closing my eyes.
He chuckled as he answered me, “Sleep, Chandler. It’s almost dawn, and this will be a busy day. You need to sleep now,” he commanded, kissing the top of my head as I relaxed and drifted off again.
After a couple of hours, I woke to the sounds of our babies crying. I moved my head and glanced up at Banton. He was awake, watching me sleep.
“You are so beautiful. I love you,” he mouthed to me.
“And I love you,” I mouthed back.
“It sounds like my babies are hungry,” he chuckled as the door opened to my room, the nurse wheeling the babies back to us. Banton stood and stretched, and then moved over to pick Elly up. The nurse picked up Matty and brought him over to me.
“Here, Mommy, he’s hungry and ready for his morning bottle.” She turned him gently to hand him down to me.
“Can’t I nurse them yet?” I asked. She shook her head. “Dr. Lane wants to check your blood before you start. I’ll be in to draw it after they’ve been fed.” She handed us the bottles and left the room.
“Hey, little man. You sure are making a fuss,” I cooed t
o him, offering the bottle. He took it immediately, sucking noisily as I looked up at Banton.
“She doesn’t seem to be hungry. She keeps falling asleep,” he worried, urging Elly to take the nipple in her mouth.
“The Doctor said we might have to wake them to feed them the first few weeks. Just keep trying,” I urged. I watched our son suck his first four ounces down immediately.
“Hey, how are Aunt Constance’s babies this morning?’ Constance bubbled. She slipped into the room followed closely by Ty.
“I wondered what happened to you two after we got here last night.” Banton arched an eyebrow at her as Constance walked over and kissed his cheek.
“Sorry, we got lost in the shuffle at the house. Then after everyone left, we kind of got caught in the storm at home, so we rode it out alone at your house. Besides, someone had to watch Beau,” Constance grinned as Ty put his arm around her.
“Oh, yeah, I’m sure your main concern was Beau,” I teased.
I pulled the bottle from Matty’s mouth. He’d sucked it completely dry, taking all six ounces and then proceeding to scream at the top of his lungs again. I placed him on my shoulder and gently patted his back, and he burped loudly after only a few seconds.
“That’s my boy!” Banton exclaimed as he set the bottle down on the nightstand.
“Did she eat anything?” I asked, cradling Matty back against my chest.
“Just two ounces. I couldn’t get her to stay awake.” He frowned as he leaned down to kiss her forehead.
“Can I hold him?” Constance asked. Tears brimmed in her eyes.
“Sure.” I handed Matty up to her. She gazed at him, mesmerized. Ty leaned over her shoulder and pulled the blanket back away from the baby’s face.
“What did you name them?” she asked, gazing back up at me.
Southern Spirits Page 17
