“That’s a pity,” she said, meaning it.
“And,” he went on, “it seemed to me that sightseeing wouldn’t be nearly as much fun alone.”
“I enjoyed myself this morning.” Her effort to refute him was feeble at best.
His fingers were entwined in her hair. “Will you come with me, Jill?” he asked, his voice a husky whisper. “Share the day with me. Let’s discover Hawaii together.”
Four
“I can’t” was Jill’s immediate response. She’d already lowered her guard—enough to be snuggling in his arms. So much for her resolve not to get involved with Jordan Wilcox, she thought with dismay. So much for steering a wide course around the man.
“Why not?” Jordan asked with the directness she’d come to expect from him.
“I’ve…m-made plans,” she stammered. Even now, she could feel herself weakening. With his arm around her and her head nestled against his shoulder it was difficult to refuse him.
“Cancel them.”
How arrogant of him to assume she should abandon her plans because the almighty businessman was willing to grant her some of his valuable time.
“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” she answered coolly, her determination reinforced. She’d already paid for the rental car as part of her vacation package, she rationalized, and she wasn’t about to let that money go to waste.
“Why not?” He sounded surprised.
Isn’t being with him what you really want? The question stole into her mind, and Jill wanted to scream out her response. A resounding NO. Jordan Wilcox frightened her. It was all too easy to envision them together, strolling hand in hand along sun-drenched beaches. He’d kissed her that first time, that only time, on the beach, and the memory stubbornly refused to go away.
“Jill?”
At the softness in his voice, she involuntarily raised her eyes to his. Jill hadn’t expected to see tenderness in Jordan, but she did now, and it was nearly her undoing. Her feelings for him were changing, and she found herself more strongly attracted than ever. She remembered when she’d first seen him, the way she’d been convinced there was nothing gentle in him. He’d seemed so hard, so untouchable. Yet, right now, at this very moment, he’d made himself vulnerable to her. For her.
“You’re trembling,” he said, running his hands down her arms. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she denied quickly, breathlessly. “I’m…a little tired. It’s been a long day.”
“That’s what you said last night when I kissed you. Remember? You started mumbling some nonsense about a dress, then you went stiff as a board on me.”
“Nothing’s wrong,” she insisted, breaking away from him. She straightened and lowered her hand to her skirt, smoothing away imaginary creases.
“I don’t buy that, Jill. Something’s bothering you.”
She wished he hadn’t mentioned the dress, because it brought to mind, uninvited and unwanted, Aunt Milly’s wedding dress, which was hanging in her hotel-room closet.
“You’d be shaking, too, if you knew the things I did,” she exclaimed, instantly regretting the impulse.
“What are you afraid of?”
She stared out the window, then slowly her lower lip began to quiver with the effort to restrain her laughter. She was actually frightened of a silly dress! She wasn’t afraid to fall in love; she just didn’t want it to be with Jordan.
“For a woman who drags a wedding dress on vacation with her, you’re not doing very much to encourage romance.”
“I did not bring that dress with me!”
“It was in the room when you arrived? Someone left it behind?”
“Not exactly. Shelly did. She, uh, enjoys a good laugh. She mailed it to me.”
“It never occurred to me that you might be engaged,” he said slowly. “You’re not, are you?”
“No.” But according to her friend, she soon would be.
“Who’s Shelly?”
“My best friend,” Jill explained, “or at least she used to be.” Then, impulsively, her heart racing, she added, “Listen, Jordan, I think you have a lot of potential in the husband category, but I can’t fall in love with you. I just can’t.”
A stunned silence followed her announcement.
He cocked his eyebrows. “Aren’t you taking a bit too much for granted here? I asked you to explore the island with me, not bear my children.”
She’d done it again, blurted out something totally illogical. Worse, she couldn’t make herself stop. Children were a subject near and dear to her heart.
“That’s another thing,” she wailed. “I bet you don’t even like children. No, I can’t go with you tomorrow. Please don’t ask me to…because it’s so hard to say no.” It must be the wine, Jill decided; she was saying far more than she should.
Jordan relaxed against the leather upholstery and crossed his long legs. “All right, if you’d rather not go, I’m certainly not going to force you.”
His easy acceptance astonished her. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, feeling almost disappointed that he wasn’t trying to persuade her.
Something was drastically, dangerously wrong with her. She was beginning to like Jordan, really like him. Yet she couldn’t allow this attraction to continue. She couldn’t allow herself to fall in love with a man so much like her father. Because she knew what that meant, what kind of life it led to, what kind of unhappiness it caused.
When the limousine stopped in front of the hotel, it was all Jill could do to wait for the chauffeur to climb out of the driver’s seat, walk around the car and open the door for her.
She hurried inside the lobby, needing to breathe in the fresh air of reason. Wait for sanity to catch up with her heart.
She reached the elevators and pushed the button, holding her thumb in place, hoping that would hurry it along.
“Next time, keep your little anecdotes to yourself,” Jordan said sharply from behind her. Then he walked leisurely across the lobby.
Keep her little anecdotes to herself? The temptation to rush after him and demand an explanation was strong, but Jill made herself resist it.
Not until she was in the elevator did she understand. This entire discussion had arisen because she’d told him her story about the caesura and her lack of musical talent. And now he was turning her own disclosure against her! Righteous anger began to build in her heart.
But by the time Jill was in her room and ready for bed, she felt wretched. Jordan had asked her to spend a day with him, and she’d reacted as if he’d insulted her.
The way she’d gone on and on about his potential as a husband was bad enough, but then she’d dragged the subject of children into their conversation. That mortified her even more. The wine could be blamed for only so much.
She cringed, too, as she recalled what Andrew Howard had said, the faith he’d placed in her. Jordan needed her, he’d said, apparently convinced that Jordan would never experience love if she didn’t teach him. She hated disappointing Andrew, and yet…and yet…
It didn’t surprise Jill that she slept poorly. By morning she wasn’t feeling any enthusiam at all about picking up her rental car or sightseeing on the north shore.
She reviewed the room-service menu, ordered coffee and toast, then stared at the phone for several minutes before conceding there was one thing she still had to do. Anxious to get it over with, Jill rang through to Jordan’s room.
“Hello,” he answered gruffly on the first ring. He was definitely a man who never ventured far from his phone.
“Hello,” she said with uncharacteristic meekness. “I’m…calling to apologize.”
“Are you sorry enough to change your mind and spend the day with me?”
Jill hesitated. “I’ve already paid for a rental car.”
“Great, then I won’t need to get one.”
Jill closed her eyes. She knew what she was going to say, had known it the night before. In the same heartbeat, she realized she’d regret it lat
er. “Yes,” she whispered. “If you still want me to join you, I’ll meet you in the lobby in half an hour.”
“Twenty minutes.”
She groaned. “Fine, twenty minutes, then.”
Despite her misgivings, Jill’s spirits lifted immediately. “One day won’t hurt anything,” she said out loud. What could possibly happen in so short a time? Certainly nothing earth-shattering. Nothing of consequence.
Who was she kidding? Not herself, Jill admitted.
She thought she understood why moths ventured close to the fire, enticed by the light and the warmth. Against her will, Jordan was drawing her dangerously close. She knew even as she came nearer that she was going to get burned. And yet she didn’t walk away.
He was waiting for her when she stepped out of the elevator and into the lobby. He stood there grinning, his look almost boyish. This was the first time she’d seen him without a business suit. Instead, he wore white slacks and a pale blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up.
“You ready?” he asked, taking her beach bag from her.
“One question.” Her heart was pounding because she had no right to ask.
“Sure.” His eyes held hers.
“Your cell phone—do you have it?”
Jordan nodded and pulled a tiny phone from his shirt pocket.
Jill stared at it for a moment, feeling the tension work its way down her back. Jordan’s cell phone reminded her of the pager her father had always carried. Always. All family outings, which were few and far between, had been subject to outside interference. Early in life, Jill had received a clear message: business was more important to her father than she was. In fact, almost everything had seemed more significant than spending time with the people who loved him.
Jordan must have read the look in her eyes because he said, “I’ll leave it in my room,” and then promptly strolled to the elevator. Stunned, Jill watched as he stepped inside. Bit by bit, her muscles began to relax.
While he was gone, Jill filled out the paperwork for the rental car. She was waiting outside by the economy model when Jordan appeared. He paused, staring at it with narrowed eyes as if he wasn’t sure the car would make it to the end of the street, let alone around the island.
“I’m on a limited budget,” Jill explained, hiding a smile. The car suited her petite frame perfectly, but for a man of Jordan’s stature it was like…like stuffing a rag doll inside a pickle jar, Jill thought, enjoying the whimsical comparison.
“You’re positive this thing runs?” he muttered under his breath as he climbed into the driver’s seat. His long legs were cramped below the steering wheel, his head practically touching the roof.
Jill nodded. She remembered reading that this particular model got exceptionally good gas mileage—but then it should, with an engine only a little bigger than a lawnmower’s.
To prove her right, the car roared to life with a flick of the key.
“Where are we going?” Jill asked once they’d merged with the flow of traffic on the busy thoroughfare by the hotel.
“The airport.”
“The airport?” she repeated, struggling to hide her disappointment. “I thought your flight didn’t leave until eight.”
“Mine doesn’t, but ours takes off in half an hour.”
“Ours?” What about the sugarcane fields and watching the workers harvest pineapple? Surely he didn’t intend for them to miss that. “Where is this plane taking us?”
“Hawaii,” he announced casually. “The island of. Do you know how to scuba dive?”
“No.” Her voice was oddly breathless and high-pitched. She might have spent the past twenty-odd years in Seattle—practically surrounded by water—but she wasn’t all that comfortable under it.
“How about snorkeling?”
“Ah…” She jerked her thumb over her shoulder. “There are pineapple fields on the other side of this island. I assumed you’d want to see those.”
“Another visit, perhaps. I’d like to try my hand at marlin fishing, too, but we don’t have enough time today.”
“Snorkeling,” Jill said as though she’d never heard the word before. “Well…it might be fun.” In her guidebook Jill remembered reading about green beaches of crushed olivine crystals and black sands of soft lava. These were sights she couldn’t expect to find anywhere else. However, she wasn’t sure she wanted to view them through a rubber mask.
A small private plane was ready for them when they arrived at Honolulu Airport. The pilot, who apparently knew Jordan, greeted them cordially. After brief introductions and a few minutes’ chat, they were on their way.
Another car, considerably larger than the one Jill had rented, was waiting for them on the island of Hawaii. A large, white wicker picnic basket sat in the middle of the backseat.
“I hope you’re hungry.”
“Not yet.”
“You will be,” Jordan promised.
He drove for half an hour or so, until they reached a deserted inlet with a magnificent waterfall. He parked the car, then got out and opened the trunk. Inside was everything they’d need for snorkeling in the crystal-clear aquamarine waters.
Never having done this before, Jill was uncertain of the procedure. Jordan patiently answered her questions and waded into the water with her. He paused when they were waist-deep, gave her detailed instructions, then clasped her hand. His touch lent her confidence, and soon she was investigating an undersea world of breathtaking beauty. Swimming out of the inlet, they came upon a reef, with colorful fish slipping in and out of white coral caverns. After what seemed like only minutes, Jordan steered them back toward the inlet and shore.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful,” she breathed, pushing the mask from her face.
“I don’t think I have, either,” he agreed as they emerged from the water.
While Jill ran a comb through her hair and put on a shirt to protect her shoulders from the sun, Jordan brought out their lunch.
He spread the blanket in the shade of a palm tree. Jill knelt down beside him and opened the basket. Inside were generous crab-salad sandwiches, fresh slices of papaya and pineapple and thick chocolate-chip cookies. She removed two cold cans of soda and handed one to Jordan.
They ate, then napped with a cool, gentle breeze whisking over them.
Jill awoke before Jordan. He was asleep on his back with his hand thrown carelessly across his face, shading his eyes from the glare of the sun. His features were more relaxed than she’d ever seen them. Jill studied him for several minutes, her heart aching for the man she’d loved so long ago. Her father. The man she’d never really had a chance to know. In some ways, Jordan was so much like her father it pained her to be with him, and at the same time it thrilled her. Not only because in learning about Jordan she was discovering a part of her past, of herself, but because she’d rarely felt so alive in anyone’s company.
As she recognized this truth, a heaviness settled over her. She didn’t want to fall in love with him. She was so afraid her life would mirror her mother’s. Elaine Morrison had grown embittered. She’d been a young woman when her husband died, but she’d never remarried; instead she’d closed herself off, not wanting to risk the kind of pain that loving Jill’s father had brought her.
Sitting up, Jill shoved her now-dry hair away from her face. She wrapped her arms around her bent legs and pressed her forehead to her knees, gulping in breath after breath.
“Jill?” His voice was soft. Husky.
“You shouldn’t have left your pager behind, after all,” she told him, her voice tight. “Or your phone.” Without them, he was a handsome, compelling man who appealed to all her senses. Without them, she was defenseless against his charm.
“Why not?”
“Because I like you too much.”
“That’s a problem?”
“Yes!” she cried. “Don’t you understand?”
“Obviously not,” he said with such tenderness she wanted to jump to her feet and yel
l at him to stop. “Maybe you’d better explain it to me,” he added.
“I can’t,” she whispered, keeping her head lowered. “You’d never believe me. I don’t blame you—I wouldn’t believe me, either.”
Jordan frowned. “Does this have something to do with your reaction the first time I kissed you?”
“The only time!”
“That’s about to change.”
Her head shot up at the casual way in which he said it, as though kissing her was a foregone conclusion.
He was right.
His kiss was gentle. Jill resisted, unwilling to give him her heart, knowing what became of women who loved men like this. Men like Jordan Wilcox.
Their kiss now was much more potent than that first night. His touch somehow transcended the sensual. Jill could think of no other words to describe it. His fingers brushed her temple. His lips moved across her face, grazing her chin, her cheek, her eyes. She moaned, not from pleasure, but from fear, from a pain that reached deep inside her.
“Oh, no…”
“It’s happening again, isn’t it?” he whispered.
She nodded. “Can you feel it?”
“Yes. I did the other time, too.”
Her eyes drifted slowly open. “I can’t love you.”
“So you’ve told me. More than once.”
“It isn’t personal.” She tried to break free without being obvious about it, but Jordan held her firmly in his embrace.
“Tell me what’s upsetting you so much.”
“I can’t.” Looking into the distance, she focused on the smoky-blue outline of a mountain. Anything to avoid gazing at Jordan.
“You’re involved with someone else, aren’t you?”
It would be so easy to lie to him. To tell him about Ralph as though the friendship they shared was one of blazing passion, but she found she couldn’t do it.
“No,” she wailed, “but I wish I was.”
“Why?” he demanded gruffly.
“What about you?” she countered. “Why did you seek out my company? Why’d you ask me to attend the dinner party with you? Surely there was someone else, someone more suitable.”
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