We were still clumsy at this part—one of us usually needing to use a hand to get my head notched up to the right place—and this time I was still in the process of lining up when she lifted her hips and pulled me inside her.
I shuddered at the sudden damp heat as I buried myself to my balls.
No, I was never ready for her.
But I was ready to be hers. For always. Ready for her to be mine. With each thrust, I felt more and more like we already belonged to each other, like each push into her was me giving her another piece of myself, and each pull out was me taking another piece of her.
And so what if I was only eighteen and sentimental? Some things deserved to be romanticized. Some moments deserved to be treasured. Some bonds deserved to be glorified and worshipped like the unbreakable covenant of a God to his people. That was the kind of connection we had. Fucking her was holy. The only communion I’d ever believed in. Sex, a sacred act that made us one.
“I love you.” She brought her hands to my face and kissed me between breaths. “I love you so much.”
Then I was coming, before I could say it back, before I could spend the time needed to make her come too, before I could register the rattle of the knob and the door knocking against the dresser.
“What the hell is this, Julianna?” Stark’s voice hissed through the open crack.
We jumped apart. Scrambled like the breaking in a game of pool. I got my jeans on without removing the condom. My shoes, I grabbed without bothering to put on.
Meanwhile, Jolie opened the window and started looking for my shirt. “Where is it? Where is it?” Her whisper felt like a yell.
The dresser was moving. Slowly, but surely. Stark was putting his back into his push, cursing and demanding that Julianna open the door right this instance.
We didn’t have any time.
“If you find it, stuff it under the bed.” I was already sitting on the windowsill. I had to pull myself out, then crouch, placing my feet flat on the sill so I could reach up and hoist myself the way I came. Normally, I took my time climbing out. If I did it too fast and didn’t have a firm grip on the overhang above me, I would fall to the ground below.
I glanced down.
I’d survive it. It would probably hurt, but I’d definitely survive.
I wasn’t sure that would be the case if I stayed.
Jolie knelt on the bed, her face etched with terror, her eyes wide. “Be careful.” She glanced to the door and back at me. “Be careful, but go!”
I hesitated, just long enough to give her a reassuring nod. I was going to be okay. She was going to be okay. She’d already had the foresight to make up a story about why she’d moved the dresser—she’d heard a noise. She was scared. Her father wouldn’t know there was a boy creeping on the roof above them as she explained.
The hesitation was where I’d gone wrong—that damned desire to make sure she was okay, even when the best way to make her okay was to be gone. It was instinctive and my weakness.
In that half second of time, Stark got the door open and saw me hanging out the window without a shirt on, saw his daughter naked and trying to help get me out.
I’d thought I’d seen the man in all states of anger, thought I’d seen the worst of his wrath, but the look on his face expressed a whole new level of rage. “You’re dead, Cade Warren.”
Even without the venom in his tone, I knew he meant what he said. He’d shown himself to be quite reliable when it came to follow-through on his threats.
With no time and no choice, I had no chance of climbing up.
I didn’t let myself think.
I grabbed onto the bottom of the window, swung my legs out, and dropped to the ground.
Twenty-Two
Present
* * *
We spent the next two days avoiding each other.
I didn’t know what was going on in her head, but I knew what was going on in mine, and what was going on was complicated. For the first time in years, I verged on optimism, and that felt dangerous and fragile. I’d gotten used to the idea that I’d always be alone. The possibility that I might have someone—that I could have her—thrilled me, but I didn’t know how to let that notion sit in my head. My muscles literally tensed against it. As if they remembered the physical pain that came with feeling things for Julianna Stark.
My heart was a whole other sort of tense. I’d developed a constant ache in the center of my chest. It hurt to breathe, and both Tuesday and Wednesday nights, when I lay in the dark straining my ears to hear any sound from her in the next room, my lungs struggled to work altogether. Each intake stuttered as I fought to bring air in. Each exhale went so long I felt completely empty before I was able to attempt another draw.
I tried not to wonder if Jolie was going through something similar.
At the same time, I didn’t believe she had the right to anguish. She’d been the one to desert me. What did she have to fear about reconnecting? What did she stand to lose that she hadn’t willingly given up?
Whatever she was grappling with, it made her skittish and quiet. She left the hotel room for long stretches of time without saying a word about where she was going or when she’d be back. Not like I told her where I was going when I disappeared to go to the gym or the office or the hotel bar. I told myself I didn’t care, but twice I found myself following her at a discreet distance. Once she ended up at the Midtown Library. The other time she slipped into a church. Both times I’d lingered outside in the cold, smoking from a pack of Camels that I’d finally broken down and purchased. Both times I psyched myself up, saying as soon as I got to the butt, I’d go in after her. I’d confront her with every tangled-up emotion. I’d force her to hear everything I had to say.
Both times, my will dissolved when the cigarette had turned to ash. I stomped out the cherry and left her for my own distractions.
By Thursday afternoon, the hotel suite had become a living hell.
I’d spent most of the day locked in my bedroom and tried to catch up on what was going on in the Tokyo office. Besides the fact that I couldn’t concentrate, everyone on the other side of the world was asleep or trying to be, and after the third time I woke my assistant up to ask her a question that I should have been able to figure out on my own, I decided to give up on the attempt.
I shut my laptop and looked at the clock. A quarter past four. The hours were ticking down until Jolie left. With Donovan on board to help with her father, there wasn’t any need for me to stay involved. She’d get on that plane, and we could go back to being strangers.
Was it too early to start drinking?
Close enough. The numb side effect of alcohol lured me to venture out of my room to the minibar. When I came out, she was on her bed, wearing nothing but my goddamn T-shirt and her panties, painting her toenails bright red. She glanced at me quickly before going back to her task.
Fuck, even that had memories attached. All the times she’d pull out a brightly colored bottle and decorate her toes, only to wipe them clean with acetone when she was finished since her father didn’t approve.
One day, I’ll always have painted toes.
I popped off the lid on a beer bottle and chugged a quarter of it down right there. I would have drunk more if my cell phone hadn’t started ringing.
“What have you got?” I said when I saw it was Donovan.
Jolie returned her attention to me, either because she was nosy or because she suspected the call might be in regard to her. I turned my body so I wasn’t looking at her, but I could feel her eyes boring into me all the same.
“I’d rather discuss it in the office.” Donovan’s tone refused any argument, which was a sure-fire way to make me combative.
“I can discuss things perfectly fine on the phone.”
“I’m sure you can, asshole, but this isn’t the kind of information that should be shared over unsecured lines. And the information isn’t complete yet. I need you to run an errand first.”
I muttered a
curse under my breath. “Fine. I’ll be there in a bit.”
“I’m coming with,” Jolie said as soon as I’d hung up.
I ran my hand over my beard and took another pull on the bottle, trying to decide if I should fight her on it. If it was about her quest, then she should probably be allowed to be there. But I’d spent the last two days trying not to be with her.
Being with her was also exactly what I wanted most.
As I shifted toward her, her eyes caught mine, and the decision was made. “We’re leaving in twenty.”
“Awesome.” It was the first time I’d seen her smile since Hunter Mountain, and I suddenly couldn’t remember how I ever existed without it. “Good thing that was the second coat.”
I drank my beer and watched as she capped the polish, then walked carefully down the hallway. A few seconds later, I heard the hair dryer go on. Drying her wet nails, I suspected.
It almost had me smiling.
The impulse disappeared when my phone dinged with a text from Donovan. Come looking mean.
The skin at the back of my neck prickled. Look mean was code for I need you to do something shady with some even shadier people. I’d handled a few of these kinds of interactions for Donovan before. The man might have a dangerous brain, but I doubted he could throw a punch to save his life. He certainly didn’t look like a threat.
My size was threatening on its own. Add the tats and my perma-scowl, and I could look very intimidating. It helped that I was rough around the edges, no matter how well I was dressed. In fact, while I’d spent my earlier days of thug life in black jeans and black T-shirts, I’d since found I was more menacing in a suit. Good thing I still had a clean one hanging in the closet.
But now I had a problem. Whatever Donovan needed me to do, I wasn’t going to want Jolie with me.
I started down the hallway to tell her and stopped halfway there. Telling her she couldn’t come would mean taking away that smile. A few days ago, I would have done it willingly. On purpose. Because I wanted her to feel as bad as I did every day.
When exactly had I stopped wanting that?
She could at least come hear what Donovan had dug up so far. No harm in that.
“Missing teens?” Jolie looked to me, even though it had been Donovan who had delivered the information.
I hadn’t told her about the pattern of runaways that he’d mentioned on Tuesday, not only because that would have required a conversation when I’d been avoiding her, but because it hadn’t seemed like anything real yet.
Apparently, now it was.
“Thirteen in all. Fourteen if you count Cade, which I’m not. It wouldn’t be notable if any of them had shown up again. As it is, there are thirteen teenagers who were last seen at Stark Academy and never again.” He spoke in a hushed tone. It had been after five when we’d arrived, but Donovan had set the glass to the opaque setting and shut the door as soon as we had. The conversation was obviously one he didn’t want overheard.
Understandably so. Since there was a real good chance we were talking about thirteen kids who were very likely dead.
“And you think my father has something to do with that?” Again she looked to me, as if I could somehow translate whatever it was that she was having trouble understanding.
Donovan gave a slight shake of his head. “Not necessarily. But if he isn’t responsible, it’s an opportunity to blame him.”
This time I was the one who looked at her. I watched the color slowly drain from her face as she processed what he was proposing. It was one thing to destroy her father for the things he’d actually done. It was another to frame him for murder.
Personally, I didn’t have a problem with it.
Jolie seemed to need to sit with it a minute.
“We don’t have to decide what we do until we have more info,” Donovan said in an attempt to soothe her. “We might get lucky and discover your father’s responsible for all of it.”
So much for putting her at ease.
“I’m sure your dad didn’t...hurt them.” I wasn’t really sure of that, but I couldn’t bring myself to say the words murder or kill or any other synonyms.
I actually wasn’t sure he hadn’t taken their lives. While I didn’t think he was a secret serial killer, he had predispositions. He was a sadist. He liked to inflict pain. He got off on the sight of blood.
“On purpose, anyway,” I amended. I could totally see a punishment gone too far kind of scenario.
But thirteen times?
Her skeptical glare said it was pointless to try to sell her a lie. She knew who her father was as well as I did. “You’re sure they totally disappeared? Maybe they just changed their names. Didn’t want to be found again. I know, thirteen kids is a lot, but it’s not impossible.”
“It’s not,” Donovan agreed. “I had my guy try to trace them down. Honestly, I expected it to take a while. This isn’t the kind of investigation work that happens overnight, and if he were searching any of these kids individually, he probably wouldn’t have found anything yet. But looking for them as a bunch, he stumbled upon something useful.”
“That sounds ominous.” I was beginning to regret having brought Jolie. As much as she wanted her father gone, I wasn’t sure she wanted to know he’d been as much of a monster as Donovan was suggesting.
“My guy’s contact says he has definitive proof of what happened to those kids. That’s all I know. That’s all he’ll say until he’s paid.” He reached under the desk, brought out a black briefcase, and set it in front of him. He entered a code, and the case popped open, revealing stacks of money. “The contact has the code as well. He and I are the only ones able to open the case. He’ll take the money, replace it with the proof we’re looking for, then he’ll lock the case again. Bring it back to me, and we’ll go over it together.”
Jolie’s eyes were wide at the sight of the cash. “You’re paying that much for this information?”
The money wasn’t what had me bugged. I could pay him back without blinking. “We’re the ones who want it. Why’s he need to lock it?”
“Because I’m not just paying for info for you. He’s handing over something for me as well. Which is why I have no problem paying the money.”
In other words, it wasn’t any of my business.
He’d been looking directly at Jolie. Now he stared at me. “The info is free of charge. As long as you do the collecting.”
“Got it.” My pulse had already ticked up with adrenaline the way it did before I stepped into a ring to spar. I enjoyed being behind a desk, managing people. Making legit money. But there was a part of me that felt more suited to being a heavy. A year spent as Stark’s punching bag had given me a desire to possess the power of being on the other side, and while I didn’t feel the need to pursue that full-time, I did love the thrill now and then.
Donovan shut the briefcase and reentered the code before handing it over to me. “Good. The meeting’s set for six.”
I checked my watch. “Cutting it close, aren’t we?”
“Meetup is six blocks away. You can walk it in ten.”
Jolie stood up before I did. “We should go now. Get there early.”
Before I got the chance to correct her, Donovan did it for me. “Not you, kid. This is a job just for Cade.”
The kid remark likely ruffled her as much as being told no. Especially since Jolie was a couple of years older than Donovan. Grateful as I was that I didn’t have to be the one to ban her from the trip, I kind of wanted to punch him in the dick for patronizing her.
But Jolie could stick up for herself. “I’m not a kid, thank you very much, and I’m the one who is destroying my father, not Cade. He’s helping me. Which means I go with him, and that’s that.”
Donovan glared at me, a look that could only mean would you set the woman straight?
I was of half a mind to let him work it out himself, but I knew how nasty he could get when he wanted to win, and I didn’t have any intention of letting Jolie come. �
�He’s right. This is just me.”
“That’s ridiculous. I don’t want you doing me—” She cut herself off. “Hold on. Are you implying that this is dangerous?”
I’d thought that had been obvious. “That’s exactly what I’m implying.”
At the same time, Donovan said, “Not at all. Just very unnecessary.”
His response was admittedly better. Gave her less to worry about.
“Right. What he said. It’s cold out. I’ll be in and out. Stay here, stay warm, and we’ll open it up when I get back. I won’t have anything before you do.”
She wasn’t fooled. “If it’s dangerous, even more reason for me to go. This is my thing, Cade. I know you said for you, not for me, but fuck that. I came to you. I’m not asking you to go into a dangerous situation on my behalf.”
Donovan stood up to meet her at that level. “Look. I know you’re trying to watch out for him, but he can take care of himself. Trust me.”
Sure seemed like it too, with him defending me.
I stood to gain some power. “You didn’t ask me. I’m choosing.”
“I’m not letting you.” Her eyes were pleading, her jaw set, and as much as I wasn’t going to tolerate some woman telling me what I could and couldn’t do, I did feel a tightness in my chest over her concern.
“You’re not going, Jolie. Get that through your head now, or I won’t share the information I get.”
“You’re destroying him without me now?”
“Sure. Why not? Like I said—like you reminded me—I’m not doing this for you.” My eye twitched from the lie.
Which was weird because when had it stopped being the truth?
Fortunately, she couldn’t read me that well anymore, and after a beat, her expression went hard. “Fuck you both very much.” She grabbed her coat off the back of the chair. “I’m not waiting here for you while you traipse around the underworld, probably getting yourself killed. And I’m not spending another minute with him.” She glared at Donovan. I would have been much happier about her being upset with him if she wasn’t also upset with me. “I’ll be waiting in the lobby.” She stormed out the door, letting it slam behind her.
Wild Rebel Page 16
