Some part of her still couldn’t believe that she’d used him the way she had. She never did stuff like that, and for it to be Luke just made things all the worse. He’d been so kind—not only in telling her about Jason all those years ago, but in being there for her yesterday.
He’d even offered to drive her home, and instead of appreciating all that he’d done for her, she’d used him. Shame washed over her at the memory. Sure, the sex had been the best she’d ever had, but it had also ruined what would’ve been the beginning of a new friendship. How was she ever going to face him again? What must he think of her?
She should’ve just stayed home last night or better yet, gone straight to the hotel. What exactly had she been hoping for? That Luke would deny her accusations? That he’d have an excuse for all the pictures and texts she’d seen on Jason’s phone?
Now, instead of putting all this behind her, she’d just made things worse with Luke!
Sam reached for the remote and turned off the television. She had to start thinking about the future and where her life went from here. She’d start with getting a new apartment. Because there was no way in hell she’d stay in the house she’d shared with Jason. The house that had once represented all her dreams of having a family and growing old with him was now a testament to how gullible she’d been. She couldn’t live there. Instead, she’d get an apartment in the city—far, far, far away from that house.
She scrolled down her contacts on her phone until she reached a Realtor whom she was friends with. She paused before dialing. Calling a Realtor to look for an apartment sounded like something Jason would’ve done. He never took care of the nitty–gritty details when he could assign them to someone else. All he had to do was snap his fingers and people went running.
Not wanting to have anything to do with Jason, she thought about how she’d looked for an apartment pre–Jason and remembered that she’d searched online first and figured she’d start there. Even if she didn’t see anything she liked, at least she’d be more prepared about what she wanted. Decided, she opened the browser on her phone and did a search for available apartments in Manhattan.
And that decision, however small and insignificant it was, felt empowering. As though, after a very long time of being dormant and letting someone else make the decisions for her, she was finally taking charge of her own life.
Chapter Eight
“Good morning, Mrs. C.”
The security guard’s welcome gave Sam pause Monday morning. She’d been on the fence about coming to work all weekend. On one hand, she hated the thought of continuing to work at the fund Jason had created, hated having any more of her life dictated by that lying cheat. But on the other, she loved her job and felt as if her leaving the fund would be letting him win somehow. She needed to do what was best for her and not let her anger at Jason lead to rash decisions—like how she’d seduced Luke Friday night. So instead, she was trying to think through things before taking action.
But Ruben’s cordial greeting cemented the fact that she’d always be Jason’s wife to everyone here.
It didn’t matter that she worked her butt off to be the best analyst she could be. She’d always be the woman who’d gotten the job because her husband was the boss. Hell, she even owed her office with its perfect view of Bryant Park that she loved so much to Jason. Even after all the promotions she’d gotten at Anderson, she’d still had to share a cubicle with another accountant.
And she didn’t even want to think about the long security lane she’d just bypassed and the private elevator she was about to enter. It seemed as if her life was a list of privileges she’d gotten because she’d married Jason.
Sighing, she stopped and smiled at the security guard. “Good morning, Ruben.”
“Did you see the game last night?”
“No, but I heard it went into overtime.”
Ruben shook his head. “You missed a good one, Mrs. C. Hill did twenty–five points.”
“Considering his salary, he should be making thirty.” She wasn’t really interested in professional sports, but she’d picked up a few things from Jason. Ever since she’d corrected a player’s name for him in front of Ruben, the security guard had begun talking sports with her as well.
Ruben smiled. “It’s only his second year. Wait another year and he’ll be doing forty!”
“All right. I’ll hold you to that,” she said as she stepped into the private elevator, her heart heavy with the knowledge that Jason tainted everything here. Even her conversation with the security guard linked back to Jason. How could she continue working here, knowing full well that Jason had practically hand–fed her everything? She’d never be her own person if she stayed.
Her anger returned as the elevator rose. And to think, right after he’d died, she’d actually wanted to continue working at the fund to keep his spirit alive! If she’d never found those texts, had never found out about his cheating, she would’ve continued playing the role of a loyal widow.
With sudden clarity, she realized that she couldn’t continue working at Harkin. Her love of her job and her friendship with her co–workers would always be overshadowed by Jason and how he’d controlled her existence at the company. Yes, she’d allowed it, but she wouldn’t do so any longer. She had a choice now, and she wanted, needed, to be her own person. Completely separate from him. And that meant leaving Harkin.
A weight lifted off her chest even as the decision saddened her. She’d talk to Luke as soon as she could about her leaving the company.
* * *
“Luke! You’re just the person I wanted to see.”
Luke’s heart skipped a beat as he turned towards Sam. He hadn’t seen her since she’d left his apartment Saturday morning and he’d missed her—her dark, silky hair that he’d loved shoving his hands into, those beautiful brown eyes that fluttered in pleasure when they became one… Please say that she was going to give him a chance. He’d never ask for anything again.
“Hey, Sam.”
“Can we talk somewhere private?”
Despite the crazy beating of his heart, he somehow remained outwardly calm. Hopefully.
“Sure.” He glanced around the busy trading floor. The meeting room was empty, but the clear glass walls wouldn’t give them any privacy and he was dying to kiss her—to have her in his arms once again.
“Let’s go to my office,” he said. It wasn’t as close, but at least they’d get some privacy. He resisted the urge to wrap his arm around her as they made their way there. It wasn’t something he’d usually do and he doubted she wanted to parade their relationship in front of the employees.
Once his office door was closed, Sam turned towards him. “I want to sell Jason’s half of the company.”
His head snapped back as though she’d slapped him. She wants to sell?
This talk wasn’t about her giving him a shot. This was about her severing the only connection he had with her. His stomach dropped at the thought.
She was getting rid of any reminders of her old life—including him.
Her sudden decision to sell was proof that he’d only been a convenience Friday night, a means for her to feel better after discovering Jason’s lies. And though he’d known that their one night together hadn’t meant as much to her as it had to him, the realization of just how little it mattered to her hurt.
It had been the best night of his life.
Almost as an afterthought, he realized how badly her leaving the company would look for him professionally. The press was already making it seem as if he didn’t know what he was doing—one journalist had even insinuated that Jason was the brains behind Harkin and had advised his readers to pull their money out of the company. They’d interpret Sam’s departure as a sign that she didn’t have confidence in him running Harkin, either.
He shook his head. “Sam—”
“Fifty million,” she said softly but firmly.
Fifty million? That was less than what they made in management fees in a year.
She must really want to leave to not have even asked for a year’s earnings.
“Half to me now,” she continued. “And the other half to a couple of charities staggered over the next few years.”
Even with everything that was going on, she was still thinking of other people. He would’ve laughed if he wasn’t so miserable.
Needing time to think, he went to sit down at his table. It was times like this he wished he kept liquor in his office.
“I’m sorry, Sam, but I just can’t risk anything right now,” he said once he got his bearings. “Maybe in a quarter or two.” He had to make sure business stabilized before he committed to any large financial decisions.
“I’m not staying, Luke,” she said with a fierceness that surprised him. As if realizing how harsh her voice had become, she stopped and softened her voice. “I can’t continue working here where I’ll be reminded of him everywhere I go.”
“I’m sorry, Sam,” he said, ignoring her bit about Jason. He hated that memories of Jason would be always be here for her, hated the thought of Jason taking any more than what he already had from this amazing woman. “But I’m not paying fifty million for half of a company that might not even exist a year from now.” He knew he was making things hard for her, but the company had to be his top priority.
“Is it really that bad?” she asked as she took the seat across from him.
“You know how much of a hit we took from the Cervco fiasco last year. Jason’s death just made it all the worse.” He sighed before adding, “And there’s another reason I can’t buy you out right now. Shortly after Jason’s death, I found out that he’d been overleveraging the distressed fund. We’ve liquidated a big portion of the holdings, but we still have a long way to go. I was planning on deploying our cash reserves if something wrong happened.”
Well, what was left of their cash reserves. With all the redemptions the company had suffered, their cash holding, which had always been stronger than most in their industry, was strained.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I didn’t want you to think less of him.” Emotion flashed in her eyes and he could guess she was probably thinking about how she could leave in the midst of all this. Wanting to ease her worries, he said, “Give me six months. If everything’s good by then, I’ll buy you out.” The thought of her leaving made him uneasy, but he understood that this was something that she needed to do to move on. He just prayed that she would realize how much she loved her work and decide to stay.
She hesitated before finally nodding.
“And do you mind staying two weeks for the transition?” he asked, knowing that her departure would be messy. Though she mostly worked as an analyst in the corporate debt fund, she also had a finger in almost every department in the company.
“I… Of course.” Gratitude and relief shone in her eyes, and he knew that he was only fooling himself in hoping that she would change her mind. She’d leave as soon as she could without a single glance back.
“How do you want to play this out? Do you want to go with you needing time off as your reason for leaving?”
“I guess.” She shrugged and frowned. “Maybe we can say that I’ve decided to step away from the company to focus on charity work?”
“Sure. With all the donations you’re planning to do, I doubt anyone would question you. I just need to talk with Hank before we announce anything. Can we talk later today about how we should divvy up your responsibilities?” With Harkin the way it was right now, he didn’t want to hire any new people.
“Sure.”
A heavy weight settled on Luke’s shoulders, wearing him down. He just couldn’t catch a break. First, with the Cervco fiasco, and then with Jason’s death. And as if that weren’t enough, Sam was leaving now, too. And though her departure wouldn’t be as bad for business as the first two, personally, it was devastating. Seeing her had always been one of the bright spots of his day. He couldn’t imagine not having her there. He didn’t want to.
Worried that he would make a fool of himself and try to change her mind, he cleared his throat as he stood up. “I have a client meeting in a few minutes. I’ll drop by your office later so we can work out all the details.”
“Sure. All right.”
He smiled grimly as he led her out the door. He needed a drink. Perhaps he’d bring the client to the bar down the street. Though it wasn’t as if he could get plastered during working hours, a drink could help numb the pain of Sam’s departure.
* * *
“Now, are you sure you don’t want to talk to the interns?” Ross asked Sam the next day after she’d told him she couldn’t teach the financial analysis workshop anymore. They were announcing her departure later today, but she’d wanted to give the analyst a heads–up since the internship program was starting next week.
She’d taught the introductory class the previous two years and had been planning on doing so again this year. But since she was leaving, Ross would either have to teach the class himself or find someone else to help him.
“I’m sure.” She would still be here when the program started, but she figured it was best not to meet the interns at all. She didn’t want them to become familiar with her and then feel abandoned when she left. Besides, she was sure that one or two of the other analysts would enjoy playing mentor to the interns if given the chance. Though the analysts at the company weren’t exactly the nurturing type, she doubted they’d mind having an intern or two look up to them.
“How about dropping by for a chat?” Ross asked.
A grin tugged at Sam’s lips. The man was such a worrier. He didn’t even let himself get excited when the fund managers bought a stock based on his recommendation. He usually ended up worrying about the stock’s performance and whether or not the manager had bought the stock “too soon.”
“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” she told him. “If you’re really uncomfortable, get someone to help you. I’m sure Joanne or Chris would be happy to help.”
He grabbed a notebook and a pen. “Why don’t we use EBITDA again?” he asked as he waved his hand. “I mean, I know why, but I like the way you put it.”
She knew that ignoring EBITDA went against what a lot of business schools taught, but it was just a lot of white noise to her.
“Because there’s no reason to use it,” she said. “It just makes earnings appear larger than they really are. Interest, taxes—” She stopped when she saw him scribbling like a madman. “Would you rather I send you an email?”
The relief in his eyes was almost palpable. “Yes, please.”
She laughed. “Okay. I’ll put something together and send it to you by the end of the day.” She grabbed his hand in reassurance. “Relax. You’ll be fine.”
“Easy for you to say,” he said accusingly. “I still can’t believe you’re abandoning me.”
She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. He was acting as if she were leaving him with a bunch of toddlers.
“There’ll only be five of them.” He groaned, and she laughed again. “Call me if you need anything.”
She felt the familiar hum in her veins as she stepped onto the trading floor. She was going to miss this, she thought as she walked back to her office. Instead of feeling empowered, as if she was getting her life back, she felt as if she was deserting the co–workers who’d become family to her. Though hedge fund managers and analysts weren’t particularly known for their warmth, she’d gotten close to quite a few of them, possibly because they hadn’t seen her as competition.
She’d been the boss’s wife, who’d been expected to leave once the children came, and she’d assumed the same. Setting her own hours was a big reason why she’d accepted Jason’s offer to join the company in the first place. She’d figured she’d get to control her work hours and still be there for her children in whatever way they needed.
Since both her parents had worked full–time jobs, neither of them had ever gone to one of her piano recitals or any of her other school activities. S
he’d always envied her classmates when their parents had come out to support them and knew that when she became a mom, she wanted to do everything—to be there for games, to drive them to practice, and to even help with homework.
But the children had never come.
Jason had somehow always found a way to delay. First, he’d said that he wanted to have a honeymoon period without any children, which she’d thought was romantic. Then when she’d pressed again last year, he’d said that he was too busy at work to start a family—that when he had children he wanted them to be his top priority.
Little had she known that he had had the time, he’d just had other priorities. Her fists clenched as she thought about all the years she’d wasted on him. Regardless of how she felt about her job and the people there, leaving to start anew was definitely the right decision.
As she neared her office, she got an idea and headed towards reception. She smiled when she opened the door and saw the young blonde behind the front desk. “Hey, Theresa. Will you order lunch for the whole office?” Hopefully, food could temper the news that she was leaving.
“Sure. Where from?”
“Your choice.”
Theresa’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. Just don’t make me regret it.”
“I won’t. Wow. Thanks, Samantha!”
“You’re welcome,” she said, glad to have made someone happy today. Guilt pricked at her at the knowledge that the happiness probably would be short–lived. She could already imagine Theresa’s stricken face when Luke made the announcement later today.
With luck, the young receptionist wouldn’t be that hurt. Who knew? Maybe Sam was overestimating how close she and the employees really were. “And please charge it to my personal account.”
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