Fallen

by Natasha Grace

  At the time, he’d thought it would be hell trying to be friends, but after two weeks of not seeing her or hearing her voice, he would’ve killed to get a call from her. He read another text—this time of her asking what he wanted for dinner—and he knew that it was time to let her go. He’d done the right thing by breaking up with her and he just had to suck it up.

  His heart breaking, he deleted the thread of messages.

  A brief sense of panic overtook him as the messages disappeared right before his eyes before he hardened himself. He had to move on—not wallow. There was no point in looking back and thinking about how things could’ve been different. He’d just find himself missing her even more.

  Knowing that he wouldn’t be able to sleep anytime soon, he got out of bed. He would get rid of anything that reminded him of her. He’d never move on if he didn’t.

  He went to get an empty clothes basket and put everything that was hers into it—her jacket, her shirts that she’d left over… Hell. Even the presents that she and Jason had given him over the years.

  He was just putting a book she’d given him for Christmas two years ago inside the basket when he remembered the ring on the top shelf of his walk–in cabinet. Not wanting to look at it, he’d put it there after it had been delivered.

  He sighed as he went to get the ring. He’d been so hopeful the day he’d ordered it. He’d thought that his love could sustain them both. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Knowing that he would end up donating the ring, he briefly considered just giving it to her before he crossed out the idea and dumped it into the basket. Giving the ring to her would only lead to questions he didn’t want to answer. Because at the end of the day, nothing had changed. He still couldn’t have her.

  He straightened and felt his chest tighten when he saw the bed—the bed he and Sam had spent countless hours cuddling in—and realized that memories of Sam filled the whole apartment and always would.

  If he truly wanted to get rid of all the memories, he’d have to get a new apartment.

  * * *

  Samantha Johnson.

  Sam frowned as she looked at the temporary paper ID. She’d thought she’d be happy when she’d finally changed her name back to her maiden one—even relieved—but all she felt was empty inside. To be honest, she’d felt empty ever since Luke had broken up with her. Being with Luke had become second nature to her, and without him, she felt lost.

  Her phone rang, and she stuffed the paper in her bag then got her phone out. Nina’s name flashed on the screen.

  “Hey, Nina,” she said as she answered the phone and stepped out of the courthouse and into the summer heat.

  “Honey, what’s wrong?”

  She winced. She’d been so caught up in her thoughts that she’d forgotten to sound cheerful. Again. “I changed my name back to Johnson, but it doesn’t seem to be sinking in yet. Perhaps it’ll feel different when I get the driver’s license.”

  “Honey, what you need is revenge sex—not a driver’s license.”

  Guilt dug at her at the reminder of how she’d used Luke. It hadn’t been fair of her to use him in such a way, but she was paying for it now.

  “I did, but it didn’t work out.” Over time, she’d fooled herself into thinking that their relationship was something more than it really was, but in reality, it had just been a fling.

  “You…wait—what? With who? When? How?”

  Sam hesitated. Since the relationship hadn’t worked out, she was thankful that only a handful of people knew about it. In some ways, it had made the break–up easier because she hadn’t been forced to deal with people’s questions and looks. But Nina was family and before all this, she’d always told Nina everything, and so, Sam murmured, “With Luke.”

  There was a pause before her friend answered, “You never do anything in moderation, do you? I was thinking more along the lines of a staid teacher or a doctor, but you just jumped right into the deep end.”

  “I don’t think I’d ever be able to sleep with someone I didn’t know,” Sam confessed.

  “I know. Casual sex isn’t for everyone. Why didn’t it work out? Was it bad?”

  “It was amazing,” Sam admitted. The best she’d ever had.

  “Oh, my goodness. You fell for him, didn’t you?”

  “Yeah.” The word barely made it out around the huge knot in her throat. After all this time, she’d thought she was done crying, but she wasn’t.

  “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.”

  “It was my fault. I knew going in that it was just sex, but it was so easy to fall in love with him.” Sam sighed. “I know I’m just being ungrateful. I finally got the clean break I wanted all those months ago. I sold the house and Jason’s half of the company. I got an apartment in the city and changed my name…”

  And with what happened with Luke, she doubted that he’d ever contact her again. It was truly going to be a fresh start, but this time she didn’t want it. No matter how smart a clean break would be, she hated the thought of never seeing Luke again.

  “But it turns out it’s not what you wanted,” her friend said shrewdly, as if reading her mind.

  “Yeah.”

  “Hey, why don’t you come over this weekend? You could meet Andrew and you can help me find my wedding dress. We can look at all the bridesmaid stuff as well. You are going to be my maid of honor, aren’t you?”

  “I’d love to,” Sam admitted. “But don’t you think I’m the wrong choice considering everything that’s happened?”

  “I think you’re a resilient romantic and there’s no one else I’d rather have as my maid of honor.”

  Wedding and bridesmaids’ dresses were the last things Sam wanted to be around. But for the sake of Nina, she’d put her sadness aside. “Then I’d love to.”

  Chapter Twenty–Three

  There was a soft knock on Luke’s office door before it opened. “It’s almost two and you haven’t eaten yet,” Sheila said. “Is there something you want me to order?”

  “I’m not really hungry,” Luke said without looking up from the report he was reading. He wasn’t in the mood to talk with anyone right now.

  “All right,” his assistant said before she stopped suddenly. “No. It’s not all right. I tried to keep my nose out, but this is enough. What happened?”

  Surprised at her outburst, Luke looked up to see the normally staid Sheila, staring daggers into him.

  “Nothing happened,” he said finally. “I just don’t feel like eating right now.” He didn’t have much of an appetite.

  “Whatever you said to Sam, just apologize.”

  His heart skipped a beat at the mention of Sam’s name before he realized what his assistant had said. “You know about Sam?”

  Sheila rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms. “It doesn’t take a genius to notice how cranky you were when Sam left and how happy you’ve been since the gala.” When he didn’t respond, she continued, “Just apologize for whatever you said or did, because you’re really starting to scare some of the guys with all your grunting and staring.”

  Her words reminded him of the conversation he’d had with Sam when she came by for lunch. Little had he known that that would be the last time they’d go out with each other. He frowned when he realized something.

  “You aren’t bothered by me and Sam?” he asked, surprised. Jason had always been popular with the employees. Luke couldn’t imagine them being accepting of him being with their beloved boss’s widow.

  Sheila shrugged. “It’s Wall Street. You’re all a little crazy. Besides, at least you didn’t steal your son’s girlfriend like that Rick guy,” she said, referring to another hedge fund manager who’d divorced his wife so that he could marry his son’s girlfriend. “I still can’t believe that sick bastard.” She shook her head. “Let me know if you change your mind about lunch.”

  Luke ran a hand through his hair once his assistant was out of the room. He knew that Sam wouldn’t approve of the way he’d been acting lately, but he just felt so
dead inside. It was as if he were just going through the motions.

  Even the fact that Harkin was finally back on track didn’t help. It was as if there was a big hole in his heart and he feared that it would never be right again. He’d heard the saying that it was better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all, but he doubted that that person had even felt an ounce of what he did for Sam. Because he had absolutely no clue about how he was supposed to go on without her. Sam had him so twisted inside that he couldn’t sleep. All he could think about was her and not to have her… He groaned. Though he’d loved those precious months he’d had with her, he knew that it would’ve been better living in denial than to know what he was missing.

  With that grim thought, he pushed his chaotic thoughts aside and focused on the one thing he could manage: work.

  * * *

  Luke had just finished taking a shower the next day when his phone beeped.

  Sam.

  Excitement coursed through him at the possibilities for why she’d texted him and he had to swipe the screen three times before he got it right.

  Can I come up?

  She was in the apartment building! Was she coming to say that he’d made a mistake and that they belonged together? Or was it just to visit and say hi? Either way, he was happy to see her.

  Sure. The code is still the same and your fingerprint still works.

  He hit send and quickly put on some clothes. The elevators opened just as he walked into the living room. His heart leapt and, like a man starved, he drank in the sight of her—her dark hair and those beautiful eyes. Hell. He could look at her eyes all day. He was so happy to see her that he didn’t notice the box in her hands until she practically shoved it at him.

  “Here are the things you left at my place.”

  His stomach dropped as he took hold of the box. She was getting rid of her memories of him. Had their time together meant so little to her? His throat tightened at the realization that what they had really had just been a fling to her. And though he’d suspected it, the confirmation was a blow to his chest.

  “Wait. I’ll get you your stuff, too,” he said, instinctively pushing back. If she didn’t want anything to do with him, he didn’t want to have anything to do with her, either.

  He got the basket he’d dumped everything into the other night and quickly went back to her. She hadn’t moved from her spot a few feet in front of the elevator. He guessed she didn’t want to have to stay here longer than she had to. Incensed, he almost thrust the basket at her.

  Regret seized him the moment she grabbed it. He’d deleted all those messages and had nothing left of her. He was on the verge of pulling back the basket, saying that it was a mistake, when she murmured, “Thank you.”

  She gave him a soft smile. “Great minds, huh?”

  It was too late.

  “I’ll see you around.” She turned and walked to the elevator. He willed her to come back to him. But the elevators came and once again, she was gone.

  * * *

  How could this hurt so much?

  Sam’s chest tightened as she dropped the basket Luke had given her on the couch. They’d only been together for three months. Three months. How was it possible that him breaking up with her could affect her so? Especially after everything that had happened with Jason. Shouldn’t the destruction of her marriage be the worst thing to have happened to her? Yet it wasn’t.

  She sighed as she ran a hand through her hair. She should’ve known going in not to expect that much from Luke. She knew his track record. But it was as if with every smile and every kiss Luke had given her, she’d lost a little more of herself.

  Where was her pride? Her dignity? If he didn’t want her, she shouldn’t want him, right?

  But she did. With every fiber of her being, she did. It almost seemed unfair to love someone the way she loved Luke and not have him love her back. And the way he’d so casually given her the basket of her things! He’d been so prepared. He’d probably done that to every woman he’d dated!

  Unlike her, where she’d just wanted to get rid of all the memories that had made her miss him more than she could bear. She beat back tears as she looked inside the basket and picked up the red sweater she’d left at his place.

  Anger suddenly burst inside of her. Maybe it was good to know how little she’d meant to him. That way, she’d get over him that much quicker. Determined to put him behind her, she took the basket and emptied its contents on her couch.

  She frowned when a black box landed on top of her sweater. She didn’t remember ever giving him something so small. It looked like a jewelry box. Tension coiled in her belly as she picked it up. Was this the box those cuff links she and Jason had bought him come in? Not being able to remember anything about the cuff links except their design, she opened the box and felt as if the rug had been pulled out from under her.

  A diamond ring?

  Her mind raced at the reasons why Luke would have a diamond ring. Had he met someone or was he holding it for a friend? Knowing that neither Adam nor Brian had a steady girlfriend, she realized that Luke must’ve met someone. That was why he’d broken up with her. It wasn’t because he was busy. It was because he’d met another woman!

  Her chest ached at the thought of him marrying another woman before she realized that he never acted rashly. Luke would’ve never gotten a ring for someone he’d just started seeing. He was meticulous to a fault.

  Rage filled her at the knowledge that he must’ve been seeing them both at the same time. No wonder he’d been so willing to keep their relationship a secret!

  Her blood boiling, she snapped the box shut and headed towards her door. She might not have gotten to tell off Jason the way he deserved, but she’d sure relish in telling Luke!

  * * *

  The punching bag squeaked as it swung backwards. Luke’s muscles tensed in anticipation as it came swinging back. Right hook, left punch. It squeaked as it moved away and he punched it harder when it came back, putting all his frustration into it. He knew he should have never started anything with Sam. He’d just been fooling himself thinking that there could be something real between them.

  He gave the bag two uppercuts. How he wished that he could turn back time and stop this all from happening. His fists began to hurt, but he kept right on punching. Hurt was better than the numbness he’d been feeling ever since they’d broken up. He was so intent on hitting the bag that he almost didn’t hear the elevator.

  Knowing that it was probably his mom checking up on him after he’d ignored her calls earlier, he groaned. He knew he should’ve answered them, but he just hadn’t felt like pretending as if everything was okay when it wasn’t. He still hadn’t told her that he and Sam weren’t together. Not only did he not want his mom’s pity, but admitting that they’d broken up to the only people who knew about them made it seem more final somehow. Sighing, he took off his gloves and headed towards the living room. But instead of his mom, he saw Sam storming towards him. Her eyes blazing as she thrust something at him.

  “Do you care to explain what this is?” she asked.

  He looked down, and felt his chest tighten at the sight of the ring.

  “It’s nothing,” he answered. She didn’t need to know that he’d been foolish enough to think that they could spend the rest of their lives together.

  “It’s nothing?” she parroted. “How could you do this? To me and to this other woman? I thought you were better than this.”

  “What?” he asked, confused. What other woman?

  “I can’t believe you cheated on whoever you were dating with me.” He hated seeing the disappointment in her eyes, especially when he wasn’t the cheater. He would never take her love for granted that way. He would’ve gladly accepted it and spent the rest of his life making sure that she never regretted the decision.

  “I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life,” he told her, hating that she could have such a low opinion of him. “I was always true to you.”

&n
bsp; Her eyes flashed. “I can’t believe this. You won’t even admit it. Here, take your ring.”

  “Keep it,” he quickly offered. He might be regretting deleting all those text messages and giving her back all her things, but he might break if he got that ring. It would only remind him of everything that he’d lost. “There’s no proposal anyway.”

  “Well. It was nice helping you get your shit together,” she said snidely. She pushed the box into his chest and walked away from him for the second time that day. His gut clenched at the thought of the woman he loved thinking so lowly of him.

  “Wait,” he said as he followed her. When she didn’t stop, he grabbed hold of her arm, but as soon as he did, instinct took over and he kissed her.

  Whether it was because of instinct, he didn’t know, but she kissed him back even as he could feel the waves of anger coursing through her. But even her anger couldn’t ruin the kiss because she was back in his arms.

  Then, something shifted. She was softer, and he suddenly didn’t feel quite so desperate. It was like they were both taking the time to learn each other’s taste again. He groaned as he sunk his hands into her. Damn, how he’d missed her. Feeling as if he were home once again, he deepened the kiss, loving the taste of her, the feel of her, her…

  Too soon, she was pushing him away.

  “I love you,” he said, hating the thought of that being the last time he ever got to taste her lips or hold her in his arms.

  She laughed. “What? One proposal falls through, so you go to the next person?”

  “There was never another woman,” he said, frustrated. “Only you. I bought that ring for you.”

  She hesitated for a millisecond before hardening. “Was this before or after you broke up with me?”

  “Before.”

  “So, after buying me a ring, you decide to break up with me? You need to work on your story more.”

  Fear like he’d never known spread through him when he saw that she was about to bolt.

  “Don’t leave,” he said as he grabbed her again. “I love you,” he said as he buried his face in her neck, the familiar smell of vanilla welcoming him. “I always have.”