by Raine, H. J.
“You always acknowledged when I won and rubbed it in when I lost. But it wasn’t just you. I liked praise, liked it when people admired what I did. I liked pleasingpeople.”
“Go on,” Lucian said, adjusting his paradigm as Shea spoke.
“But college and graduate school and getting my internship at Arthur Stanton really stepped up the need,” Shea said, matter-of-fact. “I wasn’t always as smart as they wanted me to be, and I was doing shit that Momand Dad couldn’t even understand anymore, so they weren’t giving me what I craved. The stress built, too, and there was no outlet at work. It was driving me crazy, and I remembered you talking about Scene. Remembered what you said it did for you. So I thought... thought I’d try it. And you’d said enough for me to know that I had to be careful.”
“But not, apparently, enough for you to know that you could have come to me with your interest,” Lucian said dryly, and all he could see was Miranda’s dead, bloated face.
Shea looked at Lucian. “It’s not your fault,” he said gently. “None of it. I chose to go my own damned way for once. And there’s only so far I could get with the ‘my best friend turns gay for me’fantasy. Though now I keep wondering if I fuckin’ walked into the Twilight Zone.”
“You’re not the only one,” Lucian grumbled, shaking off the distraction to get back on track. “But you knew about Raquelle, who was a...” Lucian trailed off. “...suicidal, cross-dressing man posing as a... Right. I see your point. Apparently we’re both good at keeping things from the other.” He gnashed his teeth. “How did your involvement with Haze begin? You’d heard me speak of that place, knew I hated it, so you really must tell me how you ended up gracing its unholy grounds.”
Shea’s hand closed over Lucian’s, stayed there as he continued, but Lucian resolutely watched Shea’s face. “Met Mike -- Mike Sandias,”Shea added quickly when Lucian took a breath to demand a last name. Shea smiled at their fingers. “Met him at a bar. Talked with him, liked how he spoke about Scene shit. When we got to doin’ things, he told me he worked at Haze, and we could use shit there. A public venue seemed safer. Your cautions did a lot to make me careful.”
“Oh, yes,” Lucian said. “You obviously got out completelyunscathed bythe experience.”
Shea’s hand tightened on Lucian’s. “No. I didn’t. But, I am outta there and alive. Thing is, I saw lotsa those girls at Haze, but I didn’t know, ‘til tonight, how far everything went. And I...” Shea’s voice cracked. “I knew ‘em. I wanna get the fuckers that killed ‘em.”
“I’ll ensure that happens, never you worry, and will heed your warnings about the club and our plan,” Lucian murmured, the tactile memory of raised scars beneath new tattoo ink rattling his insides. He clasped Shea’s wrist, petted the bone with a thumb. “Now that I know how it started, tell me how and why it ended, your servitude at Haze.”
Wincing, Shea turned his hand under Lucian’s touch. “Mike got realbusy. Didn’t have the time for me, and the others...” Shea shrugged. “No asshole Doms for me, thanks. Couldn’t get what I needed anymore, so I left.”
Lucian put two and six hundred-forty six together and came up with an answer that required himto divide by zero. “Such an amicable parting of ways, and yet your response to going under with me was violence and pain.” Lucian stroked Shea’s cheek with a light swipe of his fingertips, and Shea flinched and froze. Lucian had no desire to force Shea to walk through a fight or bad breakup. Lucian knew all too well how awful the division between Dom and sub could be, how many emotions could spray the walls of memory like bloodstains that no amount of industrial scrubbing could clean.
Intuition nagged at Lucian, told himthere was much more beneath Shea’s explanation, but Shea had never lied to Lucian, and he knew how wretched the denialof self could be. Knew how it could plague and fester. “Our experience speaks to deeper and more dangerous wounds, Shea.”
“Yes.” The word was more sigh than English, and Lucian stroked Shea’s wrist until Shea could continue. “It sucked. Bad. Tried stuff with someone else, and when I tried to call it all off...” He shrugged. “Stupid and scary shit happened, not just to me. Enough that I made a clean slate of it. Ran and wiped every last track clean.” Shea sliced a hand through the air in a familiar gesture of finality. “But still,” Shea’s voice dropped and shook with undiluted honesty. “Still, sometimes, I dream.”
“I’m familiar with the dreams of things you loved and lost and still desire,” Lucian said, soft and slow. “Such occurrences can twist to nightmares that leave you... wantingand afraid for it.”
“Yeah.” Shea lifted his wrist so that he could touch the back ofLucian’s hand with his lips. Acareful, warm press that lingered. “Yeah.”
“Would you consider staying?” Lucian asked, blood surging with the simple contact and warring with care, control, and counterbalance.
“Yeah,” Shea said. “On one condition. You now know why I kicked you out the other night. So I need youto sayifyou’re okaywithme after that.”
Lucianmet the ironbars inShea’s eyes and saw the damage they guarded. He leaned closer. “I’m more than ‘okay’ with you. I would have never sought you out and invited you here were I conflicted over how much I... care for you.” Lucian swallowed other expressions of the emotions he held in check. “And I wouldn’t ask you to stay if I thought I would be unable to respect your boundaries. After all this, I’d just like you near me, Shea. That’s all. In my home and, if you’re amenable, inmybed, but for comfort alone.”
“Sure.” Muscles relaxed under Lucian’s hand, and Shea’s shoulders drooped. “I’d like that.”
Lucian couldn’t help but think his relief outdid even Shea’s, and he was damned sure his libido was outsprinting the other man’s, but he tried to keep himself together as he stood. “Thank you. Shall we?” He offered a hand to Shea, who took it and rose, expression masked. The tension Shea’d held all night, though, was still diffusing, and Lucian focused on that observation as they made their way through the house and up the stairs to the master suite.
“I have some pants that willfit you, should you wish to change,” Lucian said, leaving Shea at the doorway to flick ona lamp bythe bed and to head for the dresser in one of the large closets to retrieve the clothing. The shades were drawn on their timer, the covers turned down by Rosemary’s hands earlier that day when she swept throughthe roomto clean.
“Sure.” Shea sat down on the edge of the bed and watched Lucian with the inward gaze that always concerned Lucian. It meant he was thinking.
Lucian found one of the sets of pajama pants in Shea’s new size, ripped off the tags, and crossed to toss them to Shea, who caught them. Shea didn’t ask what Lucianwas doingbeingthus prepared, and Lucian didn’t offer. Instead, he put his back to Shea and made swift, short work ofthe transition fromclothed to nearly nude to clad in silk that covered his lower half. He heard rustlingbehind him, tried not to think about it, and attempted not to feel foolish for the precaution his healingbruises told himwas smart and not stupid.
When Lucian looked again, Shea was dressed in nothing but the black pajama pants and the wide band of the Cartier watch. The red of the armored heart stood out against dark skin, and yards of broad shoulder rippled when Shea grinned sheepishly at Lucian, raking his fingers through shaggy curls to get the hair out of his eyes. “Don’t happen to have a toothbrush, too? Kinda new to this. Overnights were at my house, and I usually passed out on the floor in your apartment at school.”
“Of course,” Lucian said, ignoring his husky inflection. He led Shea into the master suite’s bathroom with the imported Grecian tile, soaking tub, stone shower, and dual marble sinks. Lucian showed Shea where he kept extra provisions, and discovered that standing in his bathroom brushing his teeth in sync with Shea was one ofthe more surrealmoments ofhis life.
Lucian grabbed his brush and began running bristles through his hair, and he smiled at Shea, trying to be encouraging since the man looked entirely at a loss. Shea looked away and re
treated from the bathroom, and Lucian heaved a sigh. He breathed deeply and counted the number of strokes to his hair to calm himselfdown.
Were it anyone else, Lucian would be all over his bedmate. They wouldn’t have made it out of the family room, much less up the stairs. Lucian didn’t take many people to his actual bedroom. Had Shea not just told Lucian a fractured story full of loss and heartache, Lucian would probably be pondering how to manage a kiss, a caress, something more. Lucian knew, however, that tonight had been above proving he trusted Shea and proving that he was, in turn, trustworthy. If Lucian went back on his word to keep things platonic or tried to hurry things along when Shea had cried out for caution since the very beginning, even before the information that tainted Lucian’s understanding, then Lucian knew he would lose ground with the man he truly...
Lucian’s chest got tight, and the brush smacked the counter with a clatter. Lucian curled a lip at the mirror and swept out of the bathroom. Shea was in bed lying on the far side of the mattress, the side Lucian didn’t favor. The low light threw Shea’s contours into patches of glow and shadow, and Lucian’s fingers itched to touch, his tongue longed to taste, his cock wanted to plunge. Lucian’s gait, however, neither slowed nor faltered as he shut offthe lamp and climbed into bed.
“Thank you again for staying,” Lucian said graciously, punching a pillow with his fist and settling on his side, back to Shea. “Love having you here, and I hope yousleep well.”
“You’re welcome,” Shea said in the darkness, and Lucian tightened into a ball when he couldn’t make head or tails ofthe inflection.
With an exhale Lucian hoped was quieter than it sounded in his head, Lucian forced himself to relax against the feather mattress. It didn’t matter that lying like this instead of curling around Shea was harder than taking the bar exam blindfolded, it was what he’d promised Shea. Lucian ignored the indignant pieces of himself that wondered when it was, exactly, that Lucian had grown such a monstrous conscience and tenuous nature about sex. The rest of himunderstood that Shea was sharing his bed. The rules were different. The needs were different.
Evenifthe want was overpowering.
The digital clock counted exactly seven minutes before Lucian forced his eyes shut. He tried with everything he had not to listen to Shea’s breathing, to the hiss of Shea’s body moving under covers, or to any other sound that Lucian hoped was telling and had to deny such craving. He felt himself winding tighter and tighter, sleep so far away as to be laughable, and when the mattress shifted and the faintest touch danced along his spine, Luciannearlylevitated offthe bed.
“Oh... sorry,”Shea whispered.
“It’s...”Luciancouldn’t formthe words for “fine”or “all right” without stammering, and he turned to look at Shea over one shoulder. “Mm?” he asked, slightly ill withadrenaline.
Shea was on his side, head propped in one hand, the other fallen to the sheets between them. “Just wanted to touch you, since you looked so knotted up. Does holdingyoucount for comfort?”
“Always.” Lucian stopped himself from speaking two words of endearment, not knowing if they were welcome. “But if you do, I’m not sure I could continue to give you... space.”
Sliding closer to Lucian, Shea nodded. “Fair enough. I’m good with being close to you.” One arm went under Lucian’s pillows, the other over his waist, and Shea pressed gently against Lucian’s back, ass, and legs. It was more than enough to send blood south and revLucian’s arousalto dangerous RPMs.
“Bad time to start being so literal, Shea,” Lucian grumbled, moving against the other man in a subtle roll that highlighted heat and weight.
“Mm,” Shea hummed maddeningly, body moving with Lucian’s. “Oh. Yeah, I suspect that we’ll be all right so long as there are no demands for power. I’ve been fine with just sex, which Clark’s probably told you.” This time it was easy to read the inflection, dry as sand inthe desert.
“He may have mentioned it and your predilections,” Lucian said, squeezing Shea’s thigh and pressing his ass into Shea’s groin. “And I would never demand power, Shea.”
“Nnh.” The hot air of a groan accompanied a brush of lips against the back of Lucian’s neck, and Lucian reached to slide his fingers into thick curls.
“N-no, that’s true,” Shea stammered. “You’d just take it whenit’s lyingwithinyour grasp.”
“If it wishes to be taken and belongs to any part of you, then yes, it becomes difficult to resist.” Lucian urged Shea’s mouth against his skin and shuddered at the next kiss.
“You’ve made your point known, my prince,” Shea whispered, reverent and emphatic. Lucian’s eyes widened on nothing. The cadence of protocol speech stirred himto the point of dizzy, and he couldn’t for the life of him remember if he’d ever told Shea it was one of his weaknesses, though he suspected Shea could probably work out what sliced Lucian to the quick. Who knew indulging Shea’s geekdom with some tabletop gamingincollege would prove so beneficial?
“Should we then lie at arm’s length for the night?” Shea continued.
“It would not be my preference,” Lucian answered, tone imperial but kind. “Though I warn you that if I am to be your prince, then you will be reclaimed as my sweet Shea.”
“Aye,” Shea breathed. The edges of his teeth scraped against Lucian’s skin, dragging until Lucian hissed, and then closed in another smeared kiss. “Your warning is well received, and that particular phrasing reminds me ofexactlywho holds me inhis hand.”
“Very good, sweet Shea,” Lucian murmured, dropping his grip from Shea’s hair to hip and plunging his hand beneath Shea’s pants to grip Shea’s backside. Shea bucked with a gasp of surprise. “Then pay homage to your keeper and touch me ‘til I speak that you’ve had your fill.”
“As you wish.” With a low grunt, Shea shifted. A clever left hand moved to brush gently against Lucian’s cheek and chinand curled to grasp Lucian’s throat.
Lucian pushed his head into Shea’s shoulder, eyes closing and breath quickening. “Yes,” he whispered. “God, yes.”
Shea’s hand slowlyslid downward, brushingagainst nipples, swirling over abs, and finally dipping fingertip into navelbefore divingunder the waistband ofLucian’s silk pants. Lucian bit his lip and tilted his hips in invitation. Rough skin caught the delicate fabric of Lucian’s underwear with a low rasp, and Shea stroked alongLucian’s arousal.
“Mmph,” Lucian grunted, half sigh, and rocked into the pressure. “Enjoyingmywant ofyou, sweet Shea?”
“Very much so, Sire,” Shea breathed against Lucian’s ear.
Lucian’s groan cut through the air, startling in its volume. “Thenstroke mybare cock and feed it further.”
Rather than answer in words, Shea shoved aside the final layer of clothing and slid along the length of Lucian’s shaft, broad thumb caressing head and slit, before picking up speed and intent. Shea tightened his grip, twisting with each stroke, sending friction over everyone ofLucian’s inches.
“Fuck, Shea,” Lucian hissed between clenched teeth, shaking in Shea’s grasp. “Perfect, nnngod...” Shea’s hips flexed and rubbed a very evident arousal against Lucian’s ass, and Lucian scraped nails over Shea’s thigh, working to get the angle right until Lucian wrapped a fist around Shea and pumped.
“Hhnn... oh yes.” Shea’s moan vibrated against Lucian’s earlobe. “Nnh... please. God.” His warm fist stopped, tightened, and then resumed its assigned task. The rhythm, however, now reflected Lucian’s.
Possession surged and drowned all but a shred of Lucian’s sanityand a sliver ofhis control. He rotated his head until he spoke against Shea’s parted, dry lips. “Stop, sweet Shea,” he ordered, though his hand continued its explorationofShea’s fullcock.
Shea whimpered, bucked, and let go ofLucian, and Lucian kept the pace while intoning a low note of approval. “Very good. When I release you, lie on your back and strip out of your clothing, please, my Shea. I need more ofyou.”
“Y-yes, Sire.”
Luci
an grinned when Shea’s body met Lucian’s hand with each slide. Lucian toyed with the head, palm through slickness, merely to hear Shea’s rasp and feel Shea’s clench, and thenLucianwithdrew.
Panting, Shea rolled onto his back, lifted his hips, and slid out of the borrowed pants and his underwear. He tossed the clothing over the side of the bed, and then lay back on it, hands at his side, legs together. Shea turned toward Lucian, whites of his eyes bright in the murk. “May... oh, Lord... not sure if I should be askingthis, but mayI be as vocalas I wish?”
With a pained sound, Lucian rested atop Shea, lining up their hips and guiding one of Shea’s arm’s around Lucian’s middle while his lips found their mate in a sweet kiss. “You may ask anything you want or like,” Lucian answered, catching Shea’s chin when it dipped and making their gazes meet. “And there are few things that please me more than responsiveness, sweet Shea. I want every sound, every breath, everything you can give me.” Another light kiss, and Lucian kept his eyes onShea’s. “Understood?”
“Yes, Luke. I...” Shea let out a shaky breath and dampness gleamed under dark eyelashes. Hugging Lucianclose, Shea nodded. “I understand.”
Lucian watched Shea for a handful of seconds, aching at the need, wondering at the depth of the anguish, and determined to sate the first and vanquish the second. “Touchand do as youlike, youmayalways ask for actions, not only about them.” Lucian tasted Shea, tongue sliding in a wet lash with Shea’s big hands hesitantly roaming along Lucian’s back and flank. “Safe and wanted here, sweet Shea,” Lucian whispered into Shea’s mouth, and sucked the next breath that left Shea’s lungs. “And I wish to take my next piece of pleasure bysuckingyour cock, ifyou’llpermit me.”
