by Raine, H. J.
In those circumstances, Shea catered to Lucian’s needs and got the approval he craved without having to express anyofhis ownwants.
To get into Lucian’s house and to go through with their plans, however, Shea would have to confront the terrors of the past and bury them in deeper graves so they wouldn’t resurrect while Shea convinced himself that Lucian was and would be different. Shea had to acknowledge that he still craved more than mere approval, that he wanted to take a turn beneath Lucian’s whip, and Shea had to cling to the idea that doing so wouldn’t unmake and scatter him to the far corners allover again.
Getting through the negotiations had been an exercise in willpower and theoretical happenstance. Getting off the bike was an act of pure faith, not just in Lucian, but also in Shea, himself. Shea had to trust that what he longed for wouldn’t harmhimso long as he did it withthe manwho claimed to love him.
“Come on,” Lucian whispered like a gambler bettingonthe riskiest odds inthe race. “Just give me the chance.”
Shea turned off the bike, removed his helmet, and put down the kickstand with four-hundred-and-eight seconds to go. He wore a leather riding jacket, turtleneck, and jeans, and Lucian crept closer to the door while, on the other side, Shea started walking toward the porch.
“That’s it,” Lucian coached. “That’s perf--” He stopped when Shea halted, and even though the resolution wasn’t sharp enough to see specifics, Lucian still caught the strange expression on Shea’s face. “Shea?” Lucian asked, hearing himself talk out loud like anidiot, and not givinga good goddamn.
Shea put the back ofhis wrist to his mouth, dove to the right, and vomited onto the dormant branches of the azaleas. Lucian’s hand was on the latch in an instant, and it took every ounce of willpower Lucian could conjure not to leap outside and comfort the sick man.
“Oh,” Lucian said on a sigh, head colliding with the door frame when Shea turned and trotted back to the bike. An overwhelming and startling despair threatened to cripple Lucian, bringhimto his knees, and he knew it had to do as much with mourning Shea’s pain as it did withthe longingLucianhad for their session. He wanted to hold Shea, ease and touch and caress and tellShea it was allgoingto be just-
Shea spun again, a bottle and something else in his hands, and Lucian’s knuckles hurt with the forceful grip on the panel. Lucian watched Shea swish and spit onto the driveway, pop a tiny tab on a tin, and tip his head back to drop what had to be mints into his mouth. Shea returned everything to the saddlebags, and Lucian’s heart lurched.
Lucian tossed the remote control onto a table when he heard Shea’s determined footsteps on the planks. With exactly one minute to spare, Shea knocked, and Lucian yanked open the door after a single rap. “Beloved,” he said, too loudly and with every ounce of anguishhe felt for Shea’s struggle. He held out his arms, and Shea fellinto them, entire bodyshaking. The helmet hit the floor, and Lucian pulled Shea across the threshold and kicked the door shut.
“Aw, fuck. Shit. That was... ah Christ, Luke. I’m....”Shea pushed back his left cuffand looked at the diamond watch Lucian had given him and sagged against Lucian’s chest. “I’m on time. Made it. Thank God.”
“You’re perfect,” Lucian said, hands in Shea’s hair and beneath Shea’s jacket, rubbing his back. “On time, here, safe and sound with me, and I’m so damned proud of you that I... just...” Shea clutched at Lucian, and Lucian hugged Shea harder. “Oh, my Shea, thank you.”
Shea went rigid, head falling to Lucian’s shoulder. Arms tightened convulsively around Lucian, and it took a moment for Lucian to realize that what he thought were gasps were actually stifled sobs. “You did it,” Lucian murmured, and when Shea’s knees gave out, Lucian crumbled, too, slowing the slide and wrapping Shea in an embrace made from both arms and legs. “Getting through the door is more than enough, my love.” He rocked Shea, relaxing and unwinding as he felt Shea respond inkind.
Breathing slowed, and Shea wiped damp eyes against Lucian’s throat. “Luke,” Shea’s voice shook. “I’mjust... just glad I made it. Wanted you to know...” Shea took another deep breath. “Needed you to know I want us like this.”
“I w-want it, too,” Lucian said with a slight stammer, lips against Shea’s curls, and he won the battle for composure. “But thoughit would be myhonor to continue with our plans, hear me when I say you need do no more upon my command tonight, my brave beloved.”
“I hear you,” Shea said and raised his head to look Lucian in the eye. He quirked a far too familiar grin, half-ironic, half-rueful, the one that said he was about to admit somethingdespite himself. “Hear that youlove me and that you’re satisfied. But I want more, greedy fucker that I am. Want to try this for my sake, get past allthis shit withyour help, like I had to so I could get up that damned driveway. You said I should come to you withwhat I need, so here I am.”
Lucian kissed Shea, fast and fierce, because for an instant the thrill that his version of the evening could work -- that he might stand a shot in hell of giving Shea what his lover needed without exacting it in bleeding strips from Shea’s hide -- was so fervent Lucian couldn’t breathe. “Okay,” Lucian said, the word irritating him with its uninspiring prose. “Very well. My thanks for your astounding courage. I’ll take your sentiment as consent to continue into the family room and withour negotiations.”
“Family room?” Shea’s eyes widened in surprise. “I thought we’d be goingto Break. Younever playhere.”
“Your assessment is correct, sweet Shea.” Lucian felt the grin spread and split his face, and he rose, helping Shea up. “Though, I fear, about to be rendered obsolete should you like what you see.” Lucian took Shea’s hand, kissed the knuckles, and the delight that surged upon seeing Shea blush gave him strength to walk deeper into the house. Shea followed in silence, and Lucian channeled calm and tried not to over-think all the details of his setup yet again. What was done was done, to the best of Lucian’s ability. Shea had safewords that they’d set during their negotiations, and Lucian had also made it clear that Shea merely had to say ‘Stop’ and they would. Lucian reassured himself that at the first sign of real reluctance, he would call the scene, citing his own inability to continue to save Shea fromfeelinganythingakinto failure.
For now, Shea seemed curious and eager, and Lucian fed the fire of hope. It grew brighter when they rounded the corner, and Shea quietly gasped. The bar to their left that demarcated the kitchen fromthe sunken gathering area was lined with electronic candles. A silver tray covered in refreshments was sitting out among the flickering lights. More warm illumination brightened the space, and the gas logs were on beneath the stone hearth, which was covered with more fake candles.
The family room itself had been rearranged. Lucian had shoved aside the two armchairs and brought in an overstuffed sofa lounge, wide enough to accommodate two people. It was covered in the softest of blankets and a nest of pillows, waiting for their collapse after they were through. Lucian watched Shea’s chest rise and fallfaster at the sight of the tall, gothic, ornate, fivepaneled folding mirror that stood at the far end ofspace and onthe carpeted steps that circled the room.
In the reflection, one could see the leather chaise lounge Lucian had positioned perpendicular to the mirror. Behind the lounge was a curved table covered by two swaths of fabric obscuring the items placed uponit.
“Holy crap,” Shea breathed. “That thing’s huge. How’d youget it inhere?”
Lucian delicately coughed. “Though I give him hell, Clark continues to prove himself willing to help with even the smallest requests. And he has a strong back and a truck.”
Shea’s eyes brightened. “Not sure what I think of you admiring Clark’s anything, but I could see how the truck’d be handy.” Shea took two steps and stopped, his expression sobering. Lucian could practically hear Shea extrapolating all the possibilities of the room. “How d’ya want to start?”
“Like this,” Lucian said smugly. He grabbed Shea’s arm, spun his lover, and yanked Shea by jacket lapels
into a fierce, hungry kiss. Shea stiffened, and then relaxed and met Lucian with a groan. Lucian echoed it in answer, and sent his hands roaming beneath the leather, into Shea’s hair, down to cup Shea’s ass. Lucian shoved fabric off Shea’s arms, threw the coat to the floor. He latched onto the back of Shea’s neck, holding and pressing mouths and tongues together, and he lifted Shea’s turtleneck and undershirt. Then and only then did he break the contact, tossing the clothing into a pile. He sucked at the pulse in Shea’s neck, reacquainting himself with the contours of muscle on his wayto Shea’s fly.
“Nngh...” Shea grunted, his hands tightening on Lucian and hips swaying. “Shit, Luke, that’s... goddamn... a great place--”
“Yes,” Lucian interrupted, sinking to one knee and nipping at Shea’s navel. “It is. Hands behind you, please, my Shea.” Laughter rumbled through Shea, and he complied, arms vanishing from Lucian’s shoulders and legs spreadingfor balance.
The sound of amusement did more for Lucian’s confidence than he would ever dare admit to anyone. The pace he wanted to keep tonight suddenly seemed less impossible. Lucian wanted to show Shea the slow burn of a planned session, how a scene could blossom when done with love as the impetus instead of exploitationor fear. Luciantook his time undoingbutton and zipper, spent an age untying and removing shoes and socks. He tasted a hipbone while lowering denim and the briefs beneath, iterated approval when Shea lifted one foot and then the other so Lucian could finish the undressing. Lucian lined up his mouth to Shea’s elongating shaft, breathing on the skin and doing nothing else. “You are the stuff of fantasy, sweet Shea,” Lucian said, pettingShea’s thighs.
Shea shivered, his cock jumping with Lucian’s lingering kiss. Shea’s head bowed over Lucian, eyes darkening with desire. “I am delighted that you think that of me, my prince.” Shea’s voice carried lowering tones that were musical confirmation of the correct path.
“Ah, there’s my sweet Shea of the golden tongue,” Lucian praised, possession surging. “So much better than mere silver, as it’s wrought from truth and brilliance.” Lucian teased Shea’s crown with faint fingertips. Ashuddering breath left Shea’s lungs, and he closed his eyes, swayingbefore he caught himself.
Lucian circled Shea with a loose ring of thumb and forefinger, stroking with one hand and undoing the buttons of his shirt with the other. Shea’s mouth fell open, and Lucian drank of Shea:the delight, the stance, the smell of skin and growing heat and arousal. When he had to undo his shirtsleeves, Lucian let Shea go, but tasted the slit with quick, tiny flicks of tongue tip, the urge to taunt overridingthe demand for more.
“Ghn... Oh!” Shea jerked, but then returned into positionwitha huskynote ofwant.
With one last, firmer lap, Lucian rose, throwing his shirt in the vicinity of the kitchen counter. He caught Shea’s chin, held it while he placed a chaste kiss to Shea’s lower lip. “You are beautiful in need, my beloved, and God but I adore you,” Lucian said, grippingand squeezingShea’s cock, “hard.”
“Uh!” Shea’s eyes blew black, and he sagged as if he were about to go to his knees right then and there. Lucian wrapped an arm around Shea, hugged and stabilized and delivered measured kisses until Shea trembled.
“We’re going to the lounge in front of the mirror, now, Shea,” Lucian said, soft and tender. “Relax your arms, walk ahead of me, please go at your own pace, and whenyouget to the bench, face it and wait.”
“Aye, Sire,” Shea agreed, and Lucian released Shea’s chin. Shea’s hands flexed, closing and opening, before they fell to his sides, and he turned toward the family room. Lucian picked up two bottles of water fromthe tray on the counter and matched Shea’s stride down the three steps and over to the lounge. Once there Shea glanced at Lucian, not quite meeting Lucian’s eyes, before facing the piece of furniture and goingstill.
Lucian set the drinks on the floor within reach and hugged Shea from behind. His boots put him almost as tall as Shea when barefoot, and skin met skin from waist to upper torso. Shea sighed and shifted toward Lucian. “Thank you,” Lucian said, and he placed one of Shea’s palms on Lucian’s leather-clad thigh. “Mm, love the feel of you against me, your hands on me.” Lucian nosed Shea’s neck. “Tonight is my design of what you want and what I enjoy, and it hinges upon your choices.”
“M-my choices?” Shea asked breathlessly, fingers strokingLucian’s leg.
“Always, my Shea, yes,” Lucian answered. “I will present each of them to you, and you may direct the course of the night. I will be asking you how you feel along the way, and I want nothing but honesty in your decisions and answers, understood?”
“Yes, Sire.” Shea trembled, but his hand kept moving.
“Very good.” Lucian hugged Shea tighter, and his palm covered the watch around Shea’s wrist. “Your first decision is upon us, my first summer knight. On the left side of that table, beneath the corresponding swath of velvet, are further tokens of my esteemthat you may select to wear. You may choose one or all of them, but uponmyword, youwillremove onlythat strip ofvelvet, leaving the other alone for now, and pick and place your desires on the bench for me to adorn you with them.”
Silently, Shea nodded, waiting, and Lucian grit his teethona tensionthat coiled tighter and anticipationthat made his ears ring. He brushed one final kiss to Shea’s shoulder and let go. “Very well, beloved, please choose.”
Shea reached for the clothonthe left, hesitated, and Lucian could see his fingers shook, but he took a deeper breath and whipped away the concealing folds. On the surface lay an array of items: a plain leather collar that closed with silver snaps, a pair of padded wrist cuffs, a set of nipple clamps that had a cruel bite that tightened when one pulled the chain linking them, a cock ring that was more decorative than functional, and a shining metal butt plug that had weight but very little width or depth. Tilting his head, Shea studied the collection. He spread his arms to gather everything into them and dumped the resultant pile onto the bench. Lucianhid a smile.
“Is my choice acceptable, my liege?” Shea asked, unable to bury a thread of anxiety that flickered through his habitualhumor.
“Entirely,” Lucian replied, slipping an arm around Shea, cupping Shea’s balls with the other hand, and reveling in the resultant arch of muscular torso. “More than ‘acceptable’, truth be told. Your decision and you are incredible.”
Shea’s shoulders lowered, relaxing, and Lucian kissed his lover once more. “So strong,” he whispered, picking up the collar without forsaking his touch on Shea. “You do me great honor.” Slowly, so as to give Shea plenty of time to see it coming, Lucian lifted the leather to Shea’s throat. Withbothhands, he wound the strip over pounding pulse and fastened it snug, his breathagainst Shea’s smoothcheek.
Shea turned his head toward Lucian, but stopped just before touching. His eyes were fixed low on Lucian’s face, and the barest of sounds loosed from Shea’s chest. “Yours,”Shea whispered.
“Oh,” Lucian moaned on a sharp inhale, and his mouth was on Shea’s, tongue plunging, without a second thought to the night, plans, or goals. “Mine,” Lucian proclaimed, diving again, pulling Shea closer, willing themto occupy the same space, and choking on a cry when Shea returned the embrace. “Beloved,” Lucian said, panting and cock aching, and he snatched the cuffs off the bench. He pulled one of Shea’s arms up, kissed the wrist and the palm as though leeching Shea’s essence from the pores, and wrapped and secured the binding.
“L-love you, too, Luke,” Shea husked, eyes riveted to what Lucian was doing, and Lucian lost the ability to reply coherently. Lucian reached for Shea’s other wrist, instead, and Shea clenched that fist. The muscles through his armand shoulder bunched and flexed. “This is... different...” he said slowly, as if seven tracks of thought trains were headed toward cliffs.
A cunning awareness in Lucian’s mind shouted in exaltation with the evidence of his effect on Shea. “For me, you have always been the exception that dictates my rule, Shea.” Lucian spoke at confessional volume. He unclasped Shea’
s watch, set it out of the way, and kissed scars. “You are both the reason I take pause and the incentive to keep going. The shelter and the storm.” Lucian retrieved the cock ring, and maneuvered it behind Shea’s balls while continuing to speak above Shea’s gasping lips. “I exist as I ambecause of and for you, sweet Shea. For me, there is only you.” Lucian snapped the ringinplace, the click too loud inhis ears.
The notes of Shea’s moan and the bodily sway within Lucian’s grasp only fed the victorious fire. “Oonly...?”
“Yes, beloved. Only.”
Confusion and then recognition colored Shea’s inarticulate murmur, and Shea’s arms closed about Lucian in a way no traditionally trained submissive would dare to hold their master. Lucian massaged Shea’s scalp, and for a crazy moment, it was like he could hear the tethers and chains linking Shea to the nightmare past snap and break.
Tenderly Shea’s arms drew Lucian in close and held him, as if to protect him from all the world, and Lucian shivered for the warmth, clung to it. The naked mixture of joy, acceptance, need, hunger, and love on Shea’s face was worth hunting down every monster to see themto justice, meant more than Lucian’s life could spare. Such facts did not bring the miasma of guilt nor the weight of terror, they simply were. Always had been, always would be. Lucian made himself smile, though he couldn’t speak, vocal chords fluttering, so he laid lips to jaw, collar bone, and nipple, tasting.
“Mm,” Shea purred and stroked Lucian’s hair, and the reaction was so Shea, that Lucian wanted to weep hallelujah and rejoice on this night of redrawing boundaries.
“Feels lovely,” Lucian said, forcing focus. Shea was well on the way to exactly where Lucian wanted Shea to go: into the net of safety Lucian wove. Now he had to get and keep Shea there.
