by Lucy King
Caroline had been on to something, he thought, his mind briefly visiting the conversation he’d had with his aunt that afternoon in the bank. If he’d known unburdening himself would feel like this he’d have told someone years ago. It was seriously good to finally let the truth out. At least, some of it.
‘So what did she do about it?’
A familiar twinge of guilt that he hadn’t done more to help jabbed him in the stomach. ‘Absolutely nothing. Just grinned and bore it. And suffered pretty much every minute of her life.’
Bella frowned. ‘So why didn’t she divorce him or something?’
Will sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. ‘I told her to. On countless occasions. But unlike my father she believed in her vows.’ He shrugged as if it couldn’t matter less. ‘And then she had a stroke and it was all over anyway.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she said softly and something in her voice made his chest squeeze.
‘Yes, well, it was a long time ago.’
‘Was that when you went to the Cayman Islands?’
He nodded briefly. ‘And why. I had to get away.’
‘Because you couldn’t forgive him?’
And because he couldn’t forgive himself. For any of it. ‘Exactly,’ he muttered thinking there were limits to what he was prepared to offload.
Bella blinked and stared at Will. Though she’d wanted him to open up to her, she hadn’t expected any of this.
She hadn’t expected to have her heartstrings tugged at the thought of a ten-year-old boy huddled in a cupboard, in all likelihood terrified and hungry and confused while his father got up close and personal with a family friend on the drawing-room sofa.
She hadn’t expected to burn with anger at the selfishness of Will’s father instead of lust.
And she hadn’t expected to ache with compassion instead of desire.
But she was. And it was highly unsettling because she didn’t want to be feeling any of this. To be honest, she’d assumed Will’s aversion to commitment had had something to do with a failed relationship and if she’d known that probing was going to result in this kind of conversation she’d never have asked.
Not at all comfortable with the heart-wrenching emotions rolling around inside her, Bella determinedly pushed them to one side and focused on the bafflement that was battering her brain.
‘But I thought your parents had the love affair of the century,’ she said, lifting her eyes to his and feeling her heart squeeze at his rigid expression despite telling it not to.
‘That’s what everyone thinks. But the reality was actually something quite different. They weren’t a one-off either,’ Will added.
Huh? ‘What on earth do you mean?’ she said cautiously, not at all sure she wanted to know.
‘It’s a pack of lies, Bella,’ he said. ‘The whole damn lot of it. The men in my family are incapable of keeping their marriage vows much beyond the wedding night. Sometimes not even until then.’
She opened her mouth. Then closed it as she struggled to process the implications of what he was saying, but it was almost too great to comprehend. She didn’t know where to start. ‘But the collection … ?’
‘Founded on the spoils of infidelity.’
‘What?’ She felt her eyes widen and her eyebrows shoot up. ‘All of it?’
‘Most of it.’
‘I can’t believe it,’ she breathed, as one by one her illusions of the Hawksley family’s romantic affair with jewellery crashed to the floor and shattered.
‘Nevertheless, it’s true. I’m sorry to disillusion you,’ he said gruffly.
And just like that Bella snapped herself out of it. Yes, to learn that something she’d always admired and believed in wasn’t true was something of a shock, but it paled into comparison when it came to what Will had gone through. A ribbon of shame wound round her insides.
‘You’ve been disillusioned too,’ she said softly.
Will shrugged. ‘I’ve had a long time to come to terms with it.’
But had he? She thought about what his childhood must have been like. How much he must have suffered with no siblings to talk to and nowhere else to go. Just a great mausoleum of a house and two parents together, yet not, inside it. Having kept it all bottled up inside, would he ever come to terms with it?
‘No wonder you’re so anti-commitment,’ she murmured, thinking that in his situation she probably would be too. ‘Isn’t it lucky all I’m interested in is a casual fling?’ she added with a lightness that she didn’t really feel.
‘Casual flings are all I ever have, Bella,’ he said, his expression more serious than she’d ever seen it. ‘And all I will ever have.’
Bella felt a tiny shiver sprint down her spine. If that wasn’t a warning she didn’t know what was. And maybe that was no bad thing. Maybe she’d needed a warning, because Will would be such an easy man to fall in love with.
Oh, she was immune, of course—she still had her long-term goals at the forefront of her mind—but it wouldn’t hurt to take a little extra care and remind herself to ignore the heart-tugging stuff and concentrate on the sex.
Speaking of which …
With ruthless determination Bella stamped down hard on the disturbing emotions churning around inside her and focused on the way he could make her body feel instead. ‘So this minor thing you have a tiny problem with … ‘
Will relaxed a little and glanced at her. ‘What about it?’
‘Don’t you think twenty-six years is kind of a long time to be so completely held in its thrall?’
He propped himself up on an elbow and looked down at her. ‘I hadn’t really thought about it like that.’
‘I’m kind of surprised you’d let it.’
‘Yes, well, I’ve always believed that if something’s worth doing it’s worth doing well.’
Bella grinned. ‘Have you ever tried to get over it?’
‘Frequently.’
‘How?’
‘The usual things.’
Her eyes widened. ‘Therapy or hypnosis or something?’ Somehow she really couldn’t see it.
Will grimaced. ‘Inner strength.’
Ah, that. She tilted her head, and injected a teasing glint into her eye. ‘Perhaps it’s time you tried something else.’
‘What do you suggest?’
‘Perhaps me and the automatic locking mechanism of my handcuffs will be able to think of something.’ She sat up, dangling one from her finger and shooting him a saucy smile.
A muscle began to pound in his jaw. ‘Perhaps,’ he said, and then reached out, plucked the handcuffs from her fingers, pressed her down and cuffed her to the bed.
Bella gasped as excitement whipped through her and set her nerve endings on fire. ‘Oh, that’s really not fair.’
Will’s eyes blazed into hers and her heart raced. ‘Having enticed me here under totally false pretences, I don’t think you’re entitled to talk about fairness.’
‘But I always knew I could release you,’ she said breathily and squirmed a little. ‘How good are you with a hairpin?’
‘Lousy.’
‘So I could be here for some time?’ And didn’t that sound more appealing than it ought to?
Will nodded and sat on the edge of the bed, his arms folded across his chest as he looked slowly down the length of her body. ‘You could.’
Every inch of her burned and then began to melt. ‘What about your therapy?’
Will unclipped her stockings and slid them down her legs, so achingly slowly that Bella trembled. ‘Later,’ he murmured, running the silk through his fingers and giving her a devastatingly wicked smile before leaning forwards and wrapping the stockings over her eyes. ‘Much later.’
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
IT WAS over.
The last of the guests had gone, the director of the museum was locking up and Bella was standing alone in the dark deserted alley, waiting for Will and summoning up the strength to say goodbye. The exhibition had been a raging success and the
collection was en route to Paris.
Whereas she, Bella thought wretchedly, was en route to a lifetime of misery.
She’d never imagined that the end of their affair would be so excruciatingly painful. She’d never imagined that every fibre of her being could hurt, that her heart could physically ache. But it was. It was aching so much that it made her knees tremble and her bones feel like rubber.
Because somewhere along the line, despite everything she knew about him, how pointless it was, she’d fallen in love with Will. Head-over-heels, stomach-flipping-with-every-smile in love with him.
Will was everything she’d ever wanted. And a whole lot more. Over the last wonderful couple of weeks, they’d talked, laughed and had endless sex, and as she’d tumbled into love with him like a pebble in an avalanche she hadn’t stood a chance.
How could she ever have thought she’d be immune to him? she thought desolately. She had no defences whatsoever where he was concerned. They’d crumbled to dust long ago, leaving her open and exposed and so very vulnerable.
Bella huddled into her coat as if that might somehow protect her from the pain as well as the cold.
Oh, she really shouldn’t have come this evening. What had she been thinking? When Will had invited her to the exhibition’s closing party earlier this afternoon she should have said no. She should have picked up her clothes, given him a cool goodbye kiss and left with dignity.
But the thought of spending another couple of hours with him before they separated for good had been too heart-wrenchingly tempting to resist, and she’d given in, even though she’d known that she’d only be prolonging the agony.
Now the party was over and so was their affair.
As they’d agreed.
But did it really have to be?
Bella froze as the thought slammed into her head and her heart began to thud with something that felt suspiciously like hope. As it had done relentlessly over the last few days. And then she ruthlessly wiped it out because of course it had to be over and she was an idiot to yearn for anything else.
She stamped her feet and watched Will come out of the museum and walk towards her, aware that all they had left were a few minutes and feeling her heart wobble.
He stood in front of her and she wrapped her arms around her waist to stop herself reaching up and tracing his face with her fingers in an effort to commit it to memory.
‘So this is it,’ she said, fixing an overly bright smile to her face to compensate for the crack in her voice.
Will looked down at her, his eyes guarded and expression completely unreadable. ‘I guess it is.’
‘It’s been … fun.’
He nodded. ‘It has.’
A couple of seconds of silence fell and Bella’s heart twisted. This was awful. After all the time they’d spent together, everything they’d done, they’d been reduced to polite small talk as if they were awkward strangers. ‘Will I see you at Alex and Phoebe’s wedding?’ she said.
‘It’s unlikely. I’m flying home tomorrow. I don’t know when I’ll be back.’
‘Right.’ She frowned and bit her lip and focused her gaze on the banner bearing the museum’s name that hung from a flagpole and fluttered in the breeze.
‘I hope you find what you’re looking for, Bella,’ he murmured and she could feel his gaze roaming over her face.
Her vision blurred and she blinked to clear it, her whole body clenching in agony. Because she’d already found it, hadn’t she? ‘You too.’
He reached out and ran a finger down her cheek and she trembled. And then he was pulling her against him, wrapping his arms around her and crushing his mouth to hers.
With her heart banging crazily against her ribs, Bella clutched at his shirt, melted into him and completely lost herself in the kiss that was hot and devastating and, she had the sensation, filled with everything that he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, say.
But even as that last thought spun through her head Will was drawing back and unwinding himself from her. Without another word he turned on his heel and strode off, head down with his hands thrust deep in his pockets.
Bella stood there, her heart thumping, her stomach churning and her body on fire as she watched him march out of her life.
Her head pounded as questions and hopes and dreams began to bombard her on all sides. Was she really going to leave it like this? To be haunted by that kiss and what it might have meant? Never knowing how Will really felt about her? Never knowing if things might have changed for him, the way they had for her? Never knowing if he was holding back because of what he thought she wanted?
She couldn’t. She had to see … She had to take a chance …
With her blood roaring in her ears, Bella took a deep breath and ran after him. ‘Will, wait.’
Will barely broke his stride.
‘Wait,’ she yelled again, and then he gradually slowed, stopped and turned to face her.
‘What?’ he said, his voice sounding strained and hoarse and his face set.
Light from the street lamp cast shadows across the planes of his face and her heart clutched with longing. Bella swallowed and looked up at him, knowing that her eyes were shimmering with hope but unable to wipe it out. ‘Does this really have to be the end?’
Will’s jaw was tight, but his eyes burned. ‘You know it does.’
‘Why?’
‘Because it’s for the best.’
Bella took a deep breath. She didn’t want platitudes. She wanted honesty, even if he didn’t. ‘I’m not so sure it is.’
He frowned, shook his head faintly as if warning her not to do this, that pursuing this would only lead to heartbreak. Her heartbreak. But now she’d started she couldn’t stop, whatever the probable outcome.
‘The thing is,’ she said, lifting her chin, her blood pounding in her ears as she put her heart in his hands, ‘I’ve fallen in love with you.’
For a moment there was silence. Will blinked. Paled a fraction beneath his tan. ‘I see.’
His voice was totally devoid of emotion and Bella felt as if she’d been punched in the stomach. ‘Is that all you have to say?’
‘What else is there?’
She took a deep breath to silence the voice in her head yelling at her to stop. To save herself from more unfathomable anguish. ‘How about telling me that you love me too?’
He froze, and she could see great barriers springing up all round him. ‘I can’t do that.’
‘Why not?’ she said, her voice cracking.
‘I just can’t.’
And never would.
The words remained unspoken, but Bella could see it in his eyes and the pain that scythed through her nearly floored her. Her heart lay crushed and bleeding in his hands and to her horror her throat closed over and tears pricked the backs of her eyes.
She gulped. Fought for dignity as she wondered how he had the power to do this to her. How he could willingly and cold-bloodedly do this to her, because he must know he was destroying her, mustn’t he?
As that knowledge tortured her something inside her leapt up and obliterated her self-control.
‘You know what?’ she said, all the frustration and pain and crushing disappointment hurtling around her in a great mighty seething mass. ‘This aversion to commitment you have is crap.’
Will recoiled as if she’d slapped him in the face. ‘What?’
‘Being alone isn’t good,’ she said, her eyes flashing and her body shaking as she took a step closer and jabbed him in the chest. ‘Being alone isn’t clever.’
‘Nevertheless it’s my only option,’ he snapped.
‘But why?’
‘Betrayal is in my genes.’ His voice was tight.
Her eyebrows shot up as she stared at him. ‘Do you really believe that?’
‘How can I believe anything else?’
She gaped at him, for a moment too stunned to know how to respond. And then she really saw red. She didn’t care that they were standing in a cold dark cobbled street
. She didn’t care who heard them. As long as he did. ‘What complete and utter rubbish,’ she said. ‘If genetics ruled, I’d have followed my mother into a life of crime instead of establishing a successful totally legitimate business.’
‘Well, maybe you’re more like your father, whoever he was.’
‘And maybe you’re not,’ she fired back.
The vibrating silence stretched between them. ‘Who do you resemble, Will?’ she said eventually.
He threw her a furious scowl. ‘That’s irrelevant.’
As she thought. ‘You know this is absolutely insane. You aren’t only your father’s son. You’re your mother’s too. So why should his genes outweigh hers?’
For a long moment Will didn’t say anything, but his face was tight. And then something inside him seemed to collapse. His shoulders fell, the anger faded from his expression and his eyes filled with something that made her heart clench. ‘It really doesn’t matter,’ he said hoarsely. ‘I’m not willing to take the risk.’
‘What risk?’
‘That I might hurt you.’
But couldn’t he see that he was hurting her right now? That he was pulling her heart apart piece by tiny piece? She wanted to thump him on the chest, claw at his skin and hurt him as much as he was hurting her.
‘You are not your father, Will, and I am not your mother. God, I’m not even my mother.’ She threw her hands up and let out a short bitter laugh. ‘I can’t believe you’re letting this still dictate your life. Just because your ancestors were unfaithful it doesn’t automatically follow that you will be too.’
‘Doesn’t it?’ he grated, his eyes glittering.
‘Of course not. God,’ she said, summoning up her anger to block out the hurt. ‘You’re one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met so why are you being so pig-headed about this?’
‘Because I was,’ he practically roared, the words sounding as if they’d been torn from somewhere deep, deep inside him.
Bella froze. Her eyebrows shot up and her mouth dropped. ‘What?’
Will sighed, took a step back and raked his hands through his hair. ‘I was unfaithful, Bella. Only once. But it was enough.’
Bella stared at him in complete shock. ‘When?’
