“How long have—?”
“Do you feel—?” He stopped. “You speak,” he said quietly, squeezing her hand.
“How long have I been sleeping?”
“Three days,” he replied softly.
Lilly gulped at the hollow tone to his voice. If she didn’t know better, she would think her sickened state had taken quite the toll on him. Was it possible he cared for her more than she thought? Was there any chance he might love her too?
“It’s a blur. I can hardly remember anything after being sick. What could have caused it?”
He gave a tight smile. “Don’t worry about that now. At least we know it’s not something worse. I must confess, Lilly, we feared greatly you would not recover. We have had a devil of a time getting fluids into you.”
She considered her empty stomach. “I am quite hungry. And thirsty.”
“Of course.” He fumbled to grab the pitcher of water at her bedside and poured her a glass. In his haste, he nearly spilled water over her and cursed.
Lilly smiled and pushed to sitting. His bedside manner was really quite charming. To see the stern Lord Hawksley so inept tickled her and made him all the more endearing. The cool water instantly soothed her sore throat and revived her. She drained the glass.
“Shall I fetch you some food?” he asked, taking the glass from her.
“Not yet. I am hungry but I fear my stomach might protest.”
“Once Mary is up, I shall have her make some broth.”
“It is morning?”
“Yes.” He peered at the clock on the mantel. “Nearly five. I shall need to head out shortly.”
“So early? Whatever for?”
She heard his teeth grind and something more than hunger churned her stomach. She knew that look. Evan was hiding something.
“Business,” he said tersely.
Lilly did not bother to disguise her eye roll. “Of course. And I don’t suppose you wish to discuss it with me.”
“You are correct.”
Thrusting aside the sheets, she took pity on his wearied state and decided not to push it yet. On another occasion and were she feeling better, she might try to argue with him, but now was not the time.
“Come and lie with me then. I have missed you.”
“How can you miss me when barely lucid?”
“Are you saying you do not wish to hold me?”
Evan released a huff, followed by a chuckle. “I’m saying nothing of the sort.”
He came to his feet and slipped in beside her. When his arms wrapped around her waist, she nestled back into him and sighed. Whatever he was keeping from her, it could wait. Perhaps she might even get him to trust her enough to open up. One could only hope.
***
It irritated Evan to no end the liberties Lilly allowed his brother. He paused in the doorway to the drawing room and observed Thomas lean in close to point out something in the book she held. They were virtual strangers and yet she allowed him to act far more intimately than she ever had him when they didn’t know each other properly.
His brother had insisted on visiting upon hearing of Lilly’s illness. Evan welcomed the chance to get an update on the Henry situation. Though he had planned to confront him, Lilly had begged him not to leave, suggesting she was too ill so a note to his brother had been all he could do. To see her with Thomas, however, had him suspecting she had played him for a fool.
He coughed and let his brow furrow. Both of them lifted their heads. Lilly smiled, clearly oblivious to the inappropriateness of his brother’s behaviour or Evan’s annoyance, but Thomas had the decency to look abashed.
“Well, I shall leave you, my dear Miss Claremont,” Thomas said.
Evan curled a fist.
“I cannot tell you how glad I am you are recovered.”
“Thank you, Thomas.” Lilly beamed up at him as he stood.
White-hot fury streaked through Evan but he forced it down. What was Thomas playing at? Attempting to steal her away perhaps?
His brother paused in front of him. “I shall call in later. Harriet’s mother is in London and whilst I cannot stand being stuck in the same room with the woman, it does keep Harriet suitably occupied.
Evan nearly snarled. He even felt his lip lifting at one corner to release the sound. He had no sympathy for his brother and did not relish him using his freedom from his wife to spend more time with Lilly. No doubt, that was his intention. It certainly was not to enjoy the company of his older brother.
“Any word on Henry?” he whispered.
“He is still in town, though he had not been seen in Kensington. He appears to be keeping a low profile.”
“Let me know if you hear anything else.”
“I shall indeed.” Thomas’s gaze tracked over to Lilly and his eyes lit.
“You can send me word,” he said tightly. “You don’t need to visit in person.”
Thomas’s lips twitched and he tipped his hat. “Good day, Evan.”
Nostrils flaring, he waited until he heard the front door shut before he stalked over to Lilly’s side. He stopped several paces from her and made a show of staring out of the window. In a gown of lilac, she drew his attention from the pretty garden and his gaze kept slipping from the pink roses by the window to the far more beautiful woman occupying the room.
Damn and blast. He should leave the room and gain control of himself before he did anything foolish, but to see her sitting there, warmth back in her cheeks and her hair artfully curled around that divine neck... Devil take it, he had not made love to her since she had fallen ill and she proved so tempting. His body tightened.
Oblivious to his inner war, she laid aside the book and grinned at him. “Thomas talks of taking me to the Crystal Palace with Harriet. You will come, will you not?”
“You are not well,” he grumbled.
“I am fine and in danger of going mad with boredom. There is no danger and I cannot tolerate another day trapped inside.”
“I have my doubts Harriet shall agree to accompany you anyway.”
The colour in her cheeks heightened. “Because I am your mistress,” she stated.
He lifted a shoulder. “And because Thomas has a great deal of affection for you.”
“Your brother is very gracious.”
Evan snorted. “He is a scoundrel. But perhaps you enjoy such behaviour.”
“Evan, what is this?”
Jaw clenched, he willed the tension in his body to release and peered out of the window again. “It matters not. But you can’t go out. Danger is still afoot.”
“There is no danger!” she exclaimed suddenly. “Lord almighty, nothing has happened since the shooting and I am perfectly well now.”
He turned on her and snorted. “And not long ago, you would not let me leave for you were too unwell. You played me quite false. Anyway, I shall not allow you to leave and be harmed, Lilly. Don’t even think on it.”
“You are not my master.”
“There you are wrong. I am your master, my dear. I own you body and soul and you would do well to remember that.”
Fury flashed in her eyes and she stood slowly. He still saw frailty in her movements. How could she even consider leaving the house in such a state? What if someone tried to shoot at her again? He might suspect Henry but he could do little until he had proof.
“You think,” she said breathlessly, “that because you bought my body, you can dictate my every move?”
“There would be little point in taking you as my mistress if I could not,” he replied dryly.
“You knew when you made the offer I would not have my movements dictated to me.”
“Even when your life is in danger?”
“My life is not in danger!” She lifted her chin, pale eyes wide and full of vigour.
He stepped closer. His fingers twitched and he feared he might grab her to shake some sense into her. Somehow he kept his hands at his side. “You were poisoned and shot at. Is that not enough to prove to you
how much danger you are in?”
Lilly released a disbelieving laugh. “Poisoned? It was the food, nothing more. The doctor said as much.”
“Somebody wants you dead.”
“Nobody wants me dead. Do you really believe someone infiltrated your home and poisoned me? They are more likely to want you dead.” She jabbed a finger into his chest. “After all, you are one of the most disagreeable men I’ve ever met and there have been plenty of rumours surrounding you. Who is more likely to have enemies? You or me?”
“Why do you refuse to take me at my word and trust me?”
“I do trust you, but you are filled up with strain and exhaustion. You are imagining things, Evan.” Her tone grew sympathetic and it grated against his nerves.
“I’m not bloody imagining things. You are going nowhere and that’s final. The sooner we return to Oxfordshire the better,” he muttered.
Lilly folded her arms in front of her. “You shall be lucky if I agree to come with you in the mood you’re in.”
That irritating twitch started in his fingers again and he moved back. “You shall come with me or our agreement is off.”
“You would cast me aside so easily?”
Did she not realise he was doing this for her own safety? The thought of losing her at all tore at his heart but he could not let her blindly walk into danger. “Why will you not for once in your life obey me?” he bit out.
“Because I will never obey a man, not even you, Lord Hawksley!”
“Damn it, Lilly,” he roared. “I will not lose you and if I have to tie you to your bed, I will!”
“I should have trusted my instincts when I first met you. I should have trusted Henry.”
“Henry? What does he have to do with trusting me?”
“He told me of the rumours. Why, for a while I even believed them, all because of your terrible arrogance.”
“What bloody rumours?”
“It was said” —she lifted her chin and he saw it tremble— “you killed my father over the debt.”
She may as well have been a boxer punching him in the gut. He stared at her for a moment while the words seeped in. That was why she was interested in him. Why she quizzed him about his business with her father. Lilly thought him capable of murder. But did she still believe that to be so? Had their entire time together been built on a lie? Heat built inside him and he slammed his fist into the wall. Pain seared his knuckles and Lilly cried out, stumbling back from him.
He pulled his throbbing hand away from the wall and saw the indent he had created. His gaze fell on Lilly and the fire inside him fizzled away. What had he done? Lilly had never been capable of lying to him. Gaze cast down, shoulders slumped, he waited for her to leave but instead she remained. She took a step forward—he saw her skirts in the periphery of his vision—but he held out a palm to prevent her from coming closer and turned away. He didn’t say anything. Apparently, he didn’t need to. After several moments, he heard the rustle of her skirts and the door close.
Releasing a breath, he sank into the chair she had just occupied. The cream fabric was still warm and he absently stroked a hand across the wooden arm, feeling almost as if he was touching her instead. He longed to take her in his arms and apologise. To kiss her neck and be tender with her—be everything a man should be with a woman. But when he eyed his bloodied and throbbing knuckles he realised he would never truly be that man. She might encourage softer moments in him but underneath he was nothing more than a beast. He might not be a murderer, but he was close enough.
Just like his father.
Was the danger to her Henry or was it him? Either way, he could take no risks. Head in his hands, he fought the tightness in his throat. He should never have considered taking a mistress, should never have ruined Lilly. Now she was in danger from both him and the man who owned her livelihood.
Evan stood, straightened his jacket and strode out of the room. He had one option to ensure she was safe and looked after. It made his heart feel as if it had been put in a vice but he wouldn’t allow himself to harm the woman he cared for most.
The woman he loved?
He shook away the thought and headed down the passageway to the entrance hall, pausing to peer into the dining room. Where was she? Lilly deserved better than him. Really, she deserved better than being a mistress but there was little to be done about that—not with the status of her birth.
Taking the stairs two at a time, he strode into her bedroom, fully expecting to find her in there but she was not. He finally braved the bedroom that they shared even while she was sick and found her sitting on the bed, twining her hands together. She lifted her head as he entered and shut the door.
“I’m sorry for losing my temper,” he spilled out. “I have a foul one I know, and you should never have witnessed it.”
“Everyone gets ang—”
He cut her off before she could distract him from his task. “I sincerely believe you are in danger and you have few choices.”
“As you keep reminding me,” she muttered. “Evan, I didn’t mean to... I never believed...”
He waved away her words before she could soften him to her. “It is clear to me that this between us has come to an end. My offer remains. I shall provide for you until our year contract has ended but—”
“Is this about Thomas?”
“No.” He frowned. “Yes. Damn. I should have just let him have you.”
“Evan?”
“Thomas wants you. He always wanted you. It was why I asked you to be my mistress. My hand was forced. I couldn’t let him have you. But he would still. You would be well protected and provided for.”
She gaped at him for several moments while his heart hammered in his head, sick with regret and fear.
“Is this how you see me? As some commodity to be passed around between yourselves?”
“No—”
“Lord almighty, I knew you could be arrogant, but I didn’t realise the extent of it. I had come to believe you thought of me as more than just a whore to be bought and sold, but I was clearly wrong.” Lilly stood and pressed her shaking hands down her dress.
Evan found himself torn between going to her and denying it all and turning and running away. He had ruined everything, including Lilly. All because of his own selfishness.
“I never thought you a whore,” he croaked out. Tension filled his throat and made him feel like he had swallowed rocks.
“I was such a fool for thinking I could play this game—that it would be worth it. I have no place amongst rich men who believe they can have everything they want at the drop of a hat. My mother sacrificed so much for my father and still I thought things would be different for me.”
“They loved one another,” he felt compelled to point out.
Her expression shuttered. Iciness doused the fire in her eyes. “Yes. They did.” Her voice sounded hollow in the dark room.
When she lifted her chin and met his gaze head on, the sadness in those beautiful eyes threatened to tear his heart in two. Was there some chance that she loved him? Were they close to having something as strong as what her parents had? He could hardly comprehend his own feelings but what did it matter? Lilly had to leave and she had to be protected until he had proof of Henry’s wrongdoing.
“I will go,” she said quietly. “Give me two days to make arrangements. I have a few friends who care not about my circumstances. I’m not lucky enough to be able to buy my friends but I am sure I can rely on them for aid.”
“What in the devil—?”
“I shall play this game no longer, Evan.” She moved passed him. “I won’t even hold you to your contract.”
With that, she swished from the room, leaving him empty and aching. His knuckles stung and doused any lingering anger at his own behaviour. Fearing he might go to her on his hands and knees and beg for forgiveness, he traipsed down the stairs and settled on walking to Wellington’s. A strong drink was in order. Maybe if he drank enough he could forget Lilly and
the niggling voice that told him there was a strong possibility he loved the irritating woman.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Lilly lifted the letter she had penned and grimaced at the poor writing. Her hands refused to stop shaking. Heat pricked her eyes and she sniffed, fighting the rising tears.
“Don’t be a fool,” she commanded herself.
She had always known this was temporary and it should have been no surprise that Evan thought of her as little more than a product to be bought and sold. However, that didn’t stop her heart from hurting. Regardless of his words and how furious she was with him for saying them, her love for him remained as strong as ever.
How could she not love him? His arrogance might drive her wild but how many other men would risk themselves for women in need? She pressed her fingers to her lips. To think of not seeing him again or not touching him made her want to curl up and sob until the pain had left her.
But she must go. She would not be sent back to the country to wait out the year, forever in the hope he might return to her, and she certainly wouldn’t be given to Thomas. As charming as he was, she had no desire to be his mistress and though married men taking mistresses was common practice, the thought turned her stomach.
Lady Stanley would help. She glanced down at the letter and folded it. Would Lady Stanley know of her escapades? It was likely, but the old lady had never judged her mother for her actions. Hopefully Lilly would be treated with the same courtesy. Not that she relished relying on charity but she had few other options at the moment. Until she had talked with her cousin, she would not be able to return home and she doubted Evan’s offer of a lawyer still stood now she was leaving.
Casting her gaze about the pretty room with its blue wallpaper and pale furnishings, a heavy weight settled in her chest. She had so looked forward to seeing more of London and then returning to Oxfordshire. It was always going to end though, she reminded herself. This fairy-tale could not last.
Letter in hand, she drew her shoulders straight and dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief before making her way downstairs to find Mary. The front bell rang, making her jump and she put the letter on the console table in the hall to open the door.
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