by Katee Robert
There was no mistaking the self-satisfied tone of his voice. “You did it.”
“I did it. I went eight point one seconds.” His eyes went a little distant. “It was one hell of a ride, sugar. There hasn’t been any quite like it since.” He glanced down at her, his smile fading. “I never told anyone back home about it. Mama would worry, and I don’t like the boys to think I’m bragging.”
There was something almost sad about that. He’d done some incredible things, and to not be able to share it with anyone… Jules snuggled closer to him, wishing she could soothe the faint ache she heard behind the surface happiness of his words. “How did you even get started on that? Was it something you were determined to do as a kid, with the added bonus of giving your mother gray hair?”
A terrible, hopeless expression passed over his face, but he was answering her before she could ask what had put it there. “It was never on my list. I actually had started working with your cousin on your uncle’s farm before I graduated high school, and I liked it a lot.”
If she thought picturing Adam on a bull was hotter than hot, picturing him on a horse and herding cattle was downright devastating. There was something so attractive about a man, rugged and a little dirty, working the land and animals. She looked away, trying to get a handle on her hormones. “Why’d you stop if you liked it so much?”
“Something just clicked inside me at graduation. It was like a whole new world of possibilities opened up, and I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of Dodge.” He hesitated. “Not going to lie, I considered coming back right around the time I hit twenty-one. Your uncle Rodger offered me a job, and the other guys were running things at the ranch. I came back to help out over the holidays, but…”
That was when John died.
She knew the story. Everyone in town did. How Adam, Quinn, Daniel, John, and John’s little sister were on their way back into town when a truck swerved and hit them. John had been killed on impact, and his little sister had her leg horribly mangled.
Jules swallowed hard. “Losing him must have been awful.” She knew her cousin had never quite recovered.
“It was.” He was silent for a beat. “I lasted until his funeral, but then I started getting restless again. Since then, I haven’t stayed in one place more than a week or two.”
And they were topping out two right now.
Jules couldn’t imagine it. She loved her family, loved her friends, just plain loved Devil’s Falls. It was her home and it might be a pain occasionally, but the good far outweighed the bad. She understood needing a break, but Adam had started driving and never come back. “I bet you’ve seen some cool stuff in all your traveling, though.”
“Yeah. There are places where you can drive for miles and miles without seeing another person. Sometimes I camp out in the truck under the open sky and just…am. And the rodeo is something else. The energy is off the charts, amping up the people, which amps up the animals. It’s a show unlike any other.”
She’d only been a few times, and the last time, she’d seen one of the bull riders get trampled. He’d fallen after a great ride and while everyone was cheering, he hadn’t gotten up fast enough and the bull had done a number on him. He lived, but he’d never ride again.
The thought of that happening to Adam…
Jules did her best to think of anything else. “But you’re back in town for your mom—because she’s sick.”
“Yeah.”
Even after the short time they’d known each other, she recognized his tone of voice. He was shutting her out. Again. It shouldn’t hurt. She had no right to the information. She wasn’t really his girlfriend.
And he’s not staying.
She had to remember that, to keep it in the forefront of her mind. To do anything else was emotional suicide.
Chapter Fifteen
Jules shut the door softly behind her and turned the lock. She inched backward, skirting the floorboard that creaked…and screamed.
“Where were you?” Aubry sat on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket like a burrito, only her face and hands showing. She peered at Jules through bloodshot amber eyes. “You left your phone here.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t plan to be out this long.” She plopped down on the couch next to her. “Have you been up all night?”
Aubry shrugged. “There was a new map pack on my game. And then you didn’t come home, so I figured I’d just keep playing.”
Her friend had always loved gaming, but this was a lot, even for her. I’m a horrible person. She was worried about me and I was getting drunk and passing out. She should have borrowed Adam’s phone and called. “You want to go get some breakfast?”
“Already on it. Johnny Jacob is bringing me the breakfast special from the Finer Diner.”
She blinked. “I didn’t realize Finer Diner delivered.” Probably because they didn’t in the twenty-six years she’d lived in this town. “Is that a new thing?”
“Not officially.” Aubry leaned back with a sigh and set her controller aside. “I didn’t feel like dealing with people, and cooking is for savages.”
“You just think that because you could burn water.”
“Details, details.” She waved that away. “I’m tipping him twenty bucks, but it’s worth it to avoid going down to the diner.” She shuddered. “People see me sitting alone and think that it’s sad and I look lonely, and they sit down and talk and, worse, they expect me to talk back.”
“You poor thing.” She patted her head. There was a knock on the door, and she hopped up to get it. There was a wad of cash in the frog mug by the door and she grabbed that on her way. Johnny Jacob smiled when she opened the door. “Hey, Jules!”
“Johnny.” She passed over the cash. “You’re up early.”
He was starting to come out of that awful stage of puberty where the body seemed determined to go through as many awkward changes as possible in a seriously short amount of time. He was still breaking out and gangly to the point where she wanted to feed him a cheeseburger or twelve, but now there were hints of the man he’d be. Where the heck did the time go?
He grinned. “I picked up a second job for the rest of the summer. I’ve got my eye on that sweet little Ford for sale down on Upriver Drive.”
“Good for you.” She took the plastic bags from him. “You have a nice day now.”
“You, too.” He stopped at the top of the stairs. “Hey. Is it true that you’re dating Adam Meyer?”
Apparently the plan was working. She didn’t know if she found that comforting or just exhausting, especially after this morning. “Yep.”
His face lit up. “That’s so cool. Did you know he rides bulls? He’s held the record down at San Antonio for seven years.” There was a fair amount of hero worship on his face, and she couldn’t blame him. Adam really was larger than life. There was a lot he’d done that was insanely cool, whether to a teenage boy or a twenty-six-year-old cat café owner.
I like him. Crap.
“He’s pretty great.”
“He’s the best. If I wasn’t going to college, I’d totally be a bull rider. I bet he gets mad chicks.” He flushed beet red. “Er, sorry, Jules. I didn’t mean anything by it. I just—”
“It’s okay. I’ll see you around.” She eased the door shut, her good mood slipping away. Because Johnny Jacob was right—Adam Meyer was like catnip to women. He might not have put that power to use since he’d been back in Devil’s Falls—probably because she’d jumped him the first time he was out and about—but that didn’t change the fact that he’d probably left a string of broken hearts behind him.
She set the food down in front of Aubry on the coffee table and resumed her seat. “Why does it bother me that Adam may have banged his way through half of Texas?”
“Because you like him.” Aubry took out the foam containers and set them in a neat little row. “Bu
t you know you’re not really dating and that this thing is ending at some point, so you don’t have the security of being able to discount his past.”
That was it exactly. Jules sighed. “Pretending to date him was a mistake.” Especially when it had become clear that they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.
“Then we don’t you date him for real?”
She frowned as Aubry nudged a container over to her. “For me?” She opened it. “Holy crap, you got me French toast with blueberry syrup. How’d you know I’d be back in time?” It didn’t matter that she’d just eaten with Adam. There was always room for French toast with blueberry syrup.
“I had a feeling.” Aubry smiled her Cheshire cat smile. “Now, back to your clusterfuck of a love life…”
“I love you, but you kind of suck at pep talks.” She cut up the French toast and doused it in the syrup. “I can’t date him for real. That’s not what he agreed to, and if I suddenly pull something like that, he’s going to freak out. Aubry, I can’t even ask him if he’s okay without him shutting me down. The man has more issues than Vogue.”
Aubry made a sound suspiciously like a moan at her first bite of omelet. “I’d think you’re used to it after dealing with me all these years. You’re an old pro at people with issues.”
It was true that her friend had some…triggers. And hated people. And would hole up in their apartment for weeks on end if left to her own devices. She chewed, closing her eyes in pure bliss. “That’s different.”
“Not really. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Adam has a ring of space around him wherever he goes.” She took another bite. “I wish he’d teach me how to do that. I go out and randos come up and tell me that they’ll pray for me or to keep my chin up because it can’t be that bad. This?” She pointed at herself. “This is my face. This is the way it looks.”
Jules had never really thought about it, but Adam did kind of have a don’t-screw-with-me vibe. “He’s just gone through a lot.”
“We all have. There’s no reason not to date him for real if he’s making you all twitterpated.”
She ate half her French toast before she responded. “What if he says he doesn’t want to date me? He’s not staying in Devil’s Falls. He’s made that abundantly clear.”
“Look, Jules, I’m going to be honest with you.” Aubry set her food aside and rotated to face her, her expression solemn. “There’s only room in this relationship for one paranoid, antisocial, budding agoraphobic. That’s me. You’re the bright and sunny one that makes people smile just by walking into the room. You’re my better half. Maybe you could be his better half, too.”
Jules leaned back and stared at the ceiling. “When did you get so smart?”
“I’m really good at diagnosing other people’s problems. Mine? Not so much.” Aubry went back to eating. “Now, finish your food and go shower. You smell like a bar.”
Chapter Sixteen
It had been too long since Adam was on the back of a horse. So when Daniel mentioned that he needed some extra help around the ranch, he’d jumped at the opportunity. He’d been driving himself, his mama, and Lenora crazy being cooped up in the house, and she’d practically shoved him through the door the second his friend called.
He just hadn’t expected Daniel to saddle him up a stallion named Hellbeast. He stared at the giant animal. The horse was gorgeous, standing at seventeen hands and perfectly shaped. He was a glossy chestnut with white stockings, looking more suited to the show ring than cattle herding. “Hellbeast.”
“You heard right.” Daniel finished cinching the saddle on his bay. “He’s not as bad as he seems.”
Adam took a step closer and stopped when Hellbeast snorted. “Really?”
“Yep.” His friend grinned. “He’s worse.”
“This wouldn’t be you getting me back for fake dating your cousin, would it?” He took the reins and moved forward. The best path with any foul-tempered animal was to show no hesitation. He had a feeling the second Hellbeast scented fear, he’d take off for the horizon, whether he kept his rider on his back or not.
“Would I do that?”
He swung up into the saddle, holding the horn when Hellbeast sidled sideways. “Yes.”
“He likes to try to jump the south fence, so watch out for that.”
Adam shot him a look. “I know you’re pissed, but murder seems like an overreaction.”
“Murder?” Daniel shook his head. “You’re Adam Meyer, famous bull rider. If anyone can handle little ole Pumpernickel, it’s you.”
“I thought you said his name was Hellbeast.”
They started away from the barn. The stallion kept a tight trot, his stride liquid and absolutely perfect. Daniel adjusted his cowboy hat. “That’s just what I call him, though don’t do it in Jules’s hearing. She’s got a soft spot for the beast.”
Of course she did. He’d bet Pumpernickel adored her, too. She was the kind of woman who could sing the birds from the trees and charm everyone she came across. Except maybe Grant. The thought soured his mood. The more he thought about her with that jackass, the more it bothered him. What the hell had she been thinking, dating a guy like that? He was human waste.
And maybe Adam was fucking jealous.
They rode south along the fence line. The job today was mending fence posts. It was tedious work, but by lunchtime, he’d worked hard enough that his muscles burned pleasantly and his thoughts were clear for the first time in what felt like forever. He stretched, his back popping.
“You know there’s a place here if you decide to stay.”
He didn’t look at Daniel. His friend, of all people, should know why he couldn’t stay. The fact that he’d stuck around long enough to see graduation was a small miracle. As his mama often reminded him, he was a leaver, same as his daddy.
“I get wanting to leave this place in your rearview. Believe me, I do. But…” Daniel trailed off. “I don’t know why I’m trying to convince you. I have half a mind to take a page from your book and move away for good.”
Before he could ask what his friend meant, the sound of hoofbeats had them both turning. A figure raced across the open field, crouched over the back of a dark horse. She pulled up with a few short feet to spare, grinning down at them from beneath her wide-brimmed hat. “Howdy, fellas.”
Adam couldn’t stop staring. He’d spared a thought to what Jules might look like on the back of a horse, but seeing her in a faded black tank top and jeans whose fit could only be described a lovingly clingy made his brain short-circuit. She handled herself like she’d been born in the saddle—something he should have considered with Daniel being her cousin and all. “Jules.”
“I brought you guys lunch.” She shrugged out of a backpack he hadn’t seen before then. “Hope you like ham and cheese, Adam. It’s Daniel’s favorite, and Aunt Lori is feeling generous.”
“Probably buttering me up to set me up with a daughter of some friend of hers,” Daniel grumbled, taking the bag from her.
Adam didn’t miss the worry that clouded her expression. Everyone seemed to be worried about Daniel. He turned to look at his friend. The man seemed moodier than he had been twelve years ago, and he couldn’t help thinking about what Quinn had said at the bonfire about John’s death changing Daniel fundamentally. Crippling guilt would do that to a person.
The man in question grabbed a plastic container from the backpack. “Thanks, kid. I’m going to go check the posts farther down.” He untethered his bay and swung up into the saddle. And then he was gone, cantering away.
Jules’s feet hit the ground, and she walked her horse over to loop the reins around the fence. “You boys sure do have the market cornered on brooding, don’t you?”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She scooped up the backpack. “Of course you don’t. You’re just a little ray of sunshine.”
“Yep.” They sat next to the fence, and he accepted the sandwich and baggie full of chips. In the winter, lunch would be a sandwich and a canteen of soup—probably chicken noodle or tomato. He unwrapped his ham and cheese and took a bite, hit by a wave of homesickness that threatened to take him out at the knees. It didn’t make sense. He was home.
But not for good.
Will I even be here in the winter?
He set the sandwich down and leaned back against the post he’d fixed earlier, his appetite gone. Some days he’d go through an entire day without having to face that fact that his mama was fading away before his eyes. And then it’d hit like a lightning strike, charring him to the bone. “She’s got cancer, you know.”
Jules froze. “I’m sorry.”
It said something that she didn’t ask whom he was talking about. She knew his mom was sick. Fuck, everyone in this godforsaken town knew his mom was sick—and probably had known before he did. He’d failed her in so many ways. Even knowing there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about her cancer, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was failing her now, too. “I should have been here.” He didn’t know why he was saying this shit aloud, let alone to Jules. She’d signed on for the fun side of the girlfriend experience, not the baggage that came with it.
“I don’t know if it’ll make you feel better or worse to know it, but she hid it for a very long time, even from her lady friend, Lenora. They come into my shop every week, and I knew she looked a little peaky, but she just said she wasn’t sleeping well. Even if you’d been here, I doubt she would have told you until she was forced to.”
She was probably right, but that didn’t make it any easier to bear. “But I would have been here.”
“You’re here now.”
“Yeah, I guess I am.” He forced himself to pick his sandwich back up and take another bite. He’d need the calories to finish out the day, whether he was hungry or not. “So, what are you doing out here?”
