"How are the bobolinks?"
"Damnation!" said the Count of Mountjoy, quite beside himself.
"Fine," said Tully. "I think the eggs will be hatched in two or three days."
"That is the only good news I have heard on the moon, so far," said Kokintz, and that ended the communication.
They got out of the rocket into the terrifying, sharp, perspectiveless landscape of the moon again and headed for the lip of the crater, soaring over the ground like thistledown. Beyond the lip of the crater was a massive and gaunt peak. It rose in the form of a triangle, one side of it a blinding white in the sunlight, the other side the deepest black. By common consent they decided to scale this peak, which would give them a tremendous view over the moon. The peak seemed to be but a mile away, but proved to be some ten miles distant so that they were something like an hour in gaining the base of it, though able to take ten-foot strides over the surface.
They crossed a number of big canyons or fissures which were, in places, fifteen feet wide. Here they stopped on one rim and with a medium jump sailed readily over to the other side. Dr. Kokintz looked very peculiar jumping, for when he was halfway over these canyons, he would, in a burst of scientific enthusiasm, crane his head and trunk down to see into them as much as he could, so that once he performed a slow somersault over a fissure and at another time landed on his back on the other side.
"You've got to be more careful," warned Vincent. "If you rip that space suit, you'll be dead in a moment."
In a little while they had gained the base of the peak, which was of some sixteen thousand feet. They rested a little, looking back over the trail they had come, which was plainly marked by a kind of intermittent smoke screen of dust raised during their progress and not yet settled back to the ground. Then they climbed to the summit without much more labor than a man might experience in going up a flight of stairs on earth. When they got to the top they found on the other side an even bigger crater than the one in which they had landed. Dr. Kokintz estimated the distance across it as eighty miles. Beyond that was a range of mountains, small, to be sure, because of the distance, but plainly seen, the edges as sharp as the teeth of a saw. Some of these mountains were very high so that the horizon, which was ringed with them, was like a fringe of pyramids against the jet-black sky in which the sun blazed, a huge glowing ball which it was impossible to look at directly. As they stood looking toward this appalling horizon which, though so distant, seemed near enough to touch, earth raised herself over the lunar desolation—a lovely huge blue liquid jewel, hung in a sky of sable. The sight was so entrancing that neither of them could speak. It was magnificent beyond anything they had ever seen, and the light which earth now gave to the moon was not the harsh, blinding light of the burning sun, but a gentle bluish light, consoling as a benediction, taking the savagery out of the terrible craters and fissures and mountains of the moon and investing them with a softness that made them almost lovely in turn.
"I never knew it was so beautiful," said Vincent at last. "It is lovely beyond everything else in all the heavens"
"It is our home," said Dr. Kokintz simply and sadly.
CHAPTER XVI
The splendid light which the earth threw on the moon was much stronger than the brightest moonlight experienced on earth and Kokintz and Vincent, a couple of little dots on the top of a gaunt peak, with bubbles for heads, spent a long time just watching the earth soaring up into the black heavens. The stars seen from the moon were very much brighter than from earth, and there were literally millions more of them. There were so many of them, in fact, that the familiar constellations of the earth's sky—the Big Dipper, the belt of Orion, the sword of Orion, and the twin stars, Castor and Pollux were hardly to be found in the profusion. Vincent was quite lost as far as placing the points of the compass was concerned. No earth compass would work on the moon, and unable to find the Big Dipper he could not place the celestial north. But Dr. Kokintz, with a glance at the rising earth and the last fiery tip of the setting sun, named the cardinal points for him, explaining, however, that these were the points as known on earth.
"There's no north in space," he said. "It's just a name we use on earth for our convenience. But if it will comfort you, north is that way and the rocket, over there, is to the south-southeast." Vincent turned around to look at the rocket.
"Look," he shouted. "A tiny shooting star. Over there… By golly, there's two of them." He pointed excitedly to the southern horizon where two points of light, hardly of the magnitude of pinpricks in the diamond blaze of the heavens, were flashing against the sable sky. It was hard to follow them. They were lost as soon as they got in the neighborhood of any of the glittering stars and, the stars being present in such multitudes, only occasional and fleeting glimpses of the moving pinpoints could be caught.
"Russia and the United States," said Dr. Kokintz. "It looks like a dead heat."
It was a dead heat. The two rockets zoomed toward the moon, hardly increasing in size for quite a few seconds, and then suddenly becoming very big and flashing even brighter than the stars, for they were high enough above the moon's surface to catch the rays of the sun. They were nose to nose as they plummeted down. They zoomed over the peak on which Kokintz and Vincent were sitting, noiseless as ghosts; and then, as if both were controlled by the same hand, they upended themselves and settled down in the huge crater at the foot of the peak, with all the precision of a couple of ballet dancers. They landed perhaps two miles from the peak, but could be as plainly seen as if they were but a few yards away.
No sooner were the rockets firmly settled on their extensible legs than doors opened, and out of each of the rockets jumped two men in bubble-headed space suits. They exchanged hurried glances, looked anxiously around, and both pairs made for a small eminence near the rockets. They got there in the same second and one man in each pair erected a long pole firmly on the eminence while the other two backed off apparently to take photographs.
Vincent glanced at Kokintz. Kokintz was looking up in the sky.
Then it happened. Two separate showers of tin cans and bottles rained down on the two astronauts who had but a moment before raised their standards to claim the moon for their respective nations.
"There is a lot more to be said for garbage than I had thought," said Dr. Kokintz mildly. "Come, let us go and meet our enemies."
When they got to the little eminence a few minutes later, a heavy argument was raging between the two Russian astronauts and the two American astronauts. It was conducted in English and Vincent and Kokintz could hear it over their own radios.
"Take that thing down," said the American astronaut "This is American territory."
"I have claimed the moon for the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics and the workers of the world," said the Russian astronaut.
"What you need is a punch in the nose," said the American.
"I will not bow down before imperialist hyenas and aggressors," said the Russian.
"Welcome to the moon," said Dr. Kokintz, cutting in.
The four whirled around to look at Kokintz and Vincent. "Where did you come from?" demanded one of the Russians.
"The Duchy of Grand Fenwick," said Vincent. "By the way, you people are now on the territory of the Duchy of Grand Fenwick. Do any of you have a visa?"
"What the hell do you mean, visas?" demanded one of the Americans.
"It's very simple," said Vincent calmly. "We got here fast—a clear hour ahead of you. We have claimed the moon for the Duchy of Grand Fenwick. A visa is required by any alien entering the territory of the Duchy of Grand Fenwick. So I repeat. Have any of you got visas?"
All four of them looked blankly at Vincent and then at each other.
"I see that you haven't," said Vincent. "Well, we are interested in encouraging the tourist trade, so I don't want to appear discourteous to you. The circumstances are, I will admit, unusual. If all four of you will step over to the Grand Fenwick rocket, I will give you permits to land. The fee is one p
ound sterling but you can pay that when you get back to earth. However, I must insist that you take down those flags."
"I will never take down the glorious banner of the comrade workers of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics," said one of the Russians.
"I'm not going to make a speech about it," said one of the Americans, "but we are not going to haul down Old Glory for you."
"In that case," said Vincent, "you are both committing an open act of aggression against the Duchy of Grand Fenwick, an act of aggression, I might add, which is quite unprovoked. I will report this immediately to the Duchy by microwave and the matter will be taken up before the United Nations in a few hours. I think you ought to consider what you are doing. Do both of you want to appear before the world as contriving to get to the moon merely to commit an unprovoked act of aggression against the smallest nation on earth?"
Again there was an exchange of glances but no move to lower the banners.
"I will give you an hour to think it over," said Vincent. "You will perhaps want to consult with your governments. I think you ought to know that the news of our prior arrival here and our taking possession of the moon in the name of Grand Fenwick has already been radioed back to earth and broadcast all over the world. It is hardly possible then for either of you to pretend to be the first arrivals. Our rocket is over the ridge there and I will expect to see you there at the end of an hour. If you do not appear, I will reluctantly have to report to my government that an act of aggression has been committed against us by your governments, and the matter will be immediately placed before the United Nations."
Still they stared at him, not saying a word.
"It will look rather peculiar," continued Vincent smoothly, "if the world learns that, having come here on the pretext of standing by to help us in case of trouble, you instead indulged in what can only be called a vulgar piece of claim-jumping. Come on, Doctor."
He led the doctor away and the two took up a position on a nearby ridge to watch what happened.
The first thing that happened was a consultation between the two Russian astronauts. Although the words could be plainly heard by all present, they were unintelligible, for the Russians were speaking in their own language. They then returned to their rocket but immediately reappeared armed with spades and crowbars.
"What do you suppose they are going to do now?" asked Vincent.
"I think they are going to build a wall," said Dr. Kokintz.
It was true. The two Russians started flinging up lumps of pumice and other rocks into a wall which, work being ridiculously easy on the moon, soon extended for two hundred yards and was six feet high—as closely as could be seen through the dust. The American astronauts had gone into their rocket presumably to consult with their government and returned to see the wall dividing their rocket from the Russian rocket. They looked at each other dumbfounded, and then one of them, without a word, took a prodigious leap. He soared twenty feet up in the air, cleared the wall like a bird and came down gently on the other side.
"Seems that walls don't work on the moon," said Vincent. "Come on. Let's go back to the rocket. Wish we had something more to eat than the pickled herring and those darned barbecued Western-style baked beans."
They were hardly back at the rocket, however, before both the Americans and Russians appeared at the entry port.
"We've taken down our flag after consulting with Washington," said one of the Americans. "The moon is yours."
"We've taken down our flag in the interest of co-existence and peace among the workers of the world," said one of the Russians. "The moon is yours—for the present."
"Excellent," said Vincent. "Come on in and I'll give you your landing permits and make it all legal. By the way, do any of you fellows have anything on board other than Western-style barbecued baked beans? We're a little overstocked with them."
CHAPTER XVII
Two hours later the Grand Fenwick rocket took off for earth, but since it poked back through space at a mere thousand miles an hour, it arrived several days after the return of both the Russian and the American rockets, which rather took the edge off the homecoming.
To be sure, the return to Grand Fenwick, where the rocket landed neatly in the courtyard of the castle, produced a tumultuous welcome. The band turned out playing a choice selection of martial tunes, the castle was decorated with pennons and bannerets, the children had their faces thoroughly scrubbed for the occasion and were all in their best Sunday clothes, and Gloriana XII presented Dr. Kokintz and Vincent of Mountjoy with a medal struck especially for the occasion. On one side was an engraving of the rocket taking off for the moon while on the other was an excellent reproduction of an American shower head (this, at the insistence of the Count of Mountjoy) with beneath it the well-known Latin tag "Per ardua ad astra."
Cynthia Bentner could hardly say a word when Vincent got out of the rocket but ran to embrace him and kissed him as soon as he got the bubble helmet off his head. She then immediately demanded that he put it back again lest he catch a cold. A big banquet was held that night, preceded by a tour of the twenty elaborate bathrooms with which the castle had been fitted.
Still, the world effect of the return of Grand Fenwick's rocket was less than a sensation. Press and radio coverage was good, but not astounding. After all, the world press and radio and television had welcomed two rockets from the moon back to earth already and the return of the Grand Fenwick rocket began to border on repetition. This rather annoyed the Count of Mountjoy, who felt that Grand Fenwick had been robbed of its rightful prominence. After the banquet, he took his son Vincent aside and said:
"You did splendidly, my boy, in raising our banner on the moon before the others and so claiming it for Grand Fenwick. Not that we have any real use for it. I propose, subject to the approval of the Council of Freemen, of course, to turn the moon over to the United Nations as being the proper body to administer the planets. Our claim is quite firm, I think. We were there first and raised our flag first and the whole world was informed that we had arrived before the others. That is quite clear. It is a pity, however, that there is nothing in writing acknowledging our sovereignty. A great pity. The Americans can be relied upon to honor their commitments. But the Russians trouble me. They are great sticklers for the written word, you know. If it is not in writing, it isn't legal as far as they arc concerned."
Vincent fumbled in his pocket, took out his wallet and from it extracted two pieces of paper.
"We have something in writing," he said. "Here it is," He handed the two pieces of paper to his father. They were copies of the landing permits he had issued to the American and Russian astronauts.
One read:
I, Vincent of Mountjoy, on behalf of the government of the Duchy of Grand Fenwick, do hereby grant permission to the two American astronauts, Colonel Charles Seibert and Colonel Wilbur Reeves, to land on the moon, which is part of the territory of the Duchy of Grand Fenwick, on payment of one pound sterling. The aforementioned, having no currency of the Duchy with them, are hereby authorized to pay the fee for this landing permit in kind by providing two chickens and one canned ham to myself as representative of the Duchy, receipt of which is hereby acknowledged.
Signed,
Vincent of Mountjoy
The second piece of paper, issued to the Russian astronauts, was identical except that the landing fee was two one-kilogram cans of borscht and a blood sausage weighing one kilogram. Both papers bore not only the signature of Vincent of Mountjoy but also the signatures of the astronauts to whom they had been issued.
"Excellent, my boy!" cried the Count of Mountjoy. "Excellent. By Jove, I see the makings of a great statesman in you yet. Engineering is all very well for people of a certain intelligence, but the full scope of man in all his vigor, his cunning and his imaginative powers, is reserved for statesmanship. You will be a great prime minister of the Duchy of Grand Fenwick one of these days. Make no mistake about it."
"I thought it better to get some writte
n acknowledgment of our claim to the moon from our two principal rivals," said Vincent. "But I must confess that I little thought that the moon was to be had for two thickens, one canned ham, some borscht and a blood sausage."
"Ummmmm," said the Count of Mountjoy thoughtfully, 'the incident is not quite without precedent. The whole of Manhattan Island was obtained, I fancy, for rather less."
Later that night, the Count of Mountjoy luxuriated in his huge bathtub of polished pale-green Connemara marble and thought how splendidly everything had come out. The hot water was magnificent, and available in the most generous quantities. Running hot and cold water was now featured in all the homes in Grand Fenwick. A wing of the castle had been fitted up for the start of what he knew would be a most profitable tourist trade—though Bentner would fight that tooth and nail. The moon was to be internationalized. And it was all, so he reasoned, the fruit of his own work.
Of course, every penny of the American money had been spent. Every penny. But it had been worth it. And there was really nothing more that required to be bought—nothing at all.
Suddenly he sat bolt upright in his bath.
"Oh my God!" he exclaimed. "The fur coat. We forgot the Imperial Russian Sable fur coat for Her Grace the Duchess!"
The United States Secretary of State surveyed the stack of Red Folders on his desk and saw on top of the pile a folder with which he had become all too familiar in recent weeks. He reached for it with a sinking heart, opened it and there found a letter on the elaborate stationery of the Duchy of Grand Fenwick. Like a man in a trance he started to read the letter. It went:
The Secretary of State,
Government of the United States of America,
Washington, D.C.
Greetings:
I have the honor, as the Principal Minister of State of the Duchess Gloriana XII, to apply for a loan of $50,000 for the purpose of purchasing a fur coat for Her Grace the Duchess to surprise her on her birthday…
The Mouse On The Moon: eBook Edition (The Grand Fenwick Series 2) Page 16
