Why hadn't I done some sort of survival course? Oh yeah, because this was the last thing from my mind. It's this what-if thinking I need to break out of. I can't change how I lived my life; I can only change how I continue to live. I need to focus on a way to survive. If I can get through this then there is a very, very, very slim chance I might be able to see one of them again. But I'm going to need to figure out where I am, and where I'm going first. Maybe I'll hit a road sign and I'll know the places it mentions.
My sprint yesterday may have caused me more issues than I thought it would. My only thought was to get as far away from it as I could. I'm sure anyone would have done the same. I'm not sure running wildly in a place I’m not familiar with was a great plan. I thought I'd ran in a straight line, but I'm starting to think that's not the case. I left behind the ruins of the little suburbia and headed to the wilds. Well less wilds, and more uninhabited countryside. I would not be surprised if I've twisted round and I'm now going back on myself.
I'm worried about where I am as my food supplies are running low. Lower than I assumed they were. If I take everything into account, I've maybe got enough food to last me the week. Is a week long enough to find more food? Maybe if I'd not run into the middle of nowhere. If I'd learnt anything useful about the countryside, I might know what berries or fruits I can eat. Scavenging would be a lot easier. I'm not sure being able to recognise a silver birch will give me much luck. Are they edible? I don't even know. I can't bring myself to hunt anything and eat it. Standing on snails makes me feel sick, never mind having to gut something. Or skin it. I'm shuddering thinking about trying to do it. How have I managed to survive for this long? I don't think I'll ever know.
Day 11 Continued
This diary has become my confidant. I don't know if I'd be able to keep track of anything if I hadn't picked up that pen a few weeks ago. Was it a few weeks? I'm not sure about the days anymore, and sometimes I think I've made a note that day only to realise a few have passed. I've tried to keep this as correct as I can, but it's not an easy task. At least this is keeping me sane, or at least as sane as you can be for these times.
I'd thought my entry for today would be done. I'm nestled in the only cover I could find. Some sparse bushes with some trees overhanging nearby. I don't know how far I've come from the road. It's safer to stop for a few hours at a time before heading off and finding another space to rest. My mind calmed enough to drop the fears and anxieties of travelling. I felt myself drifting off when I heard a noise.
I tried to brush it off, it's easy to mistake a noise. Or pretend that one noise is another. A slight rustling of leaves could be the wind or some unseen predator. This time was different. It didn't stop. I was sure I'd not heard this sound in a while. Footsteps. I froze. I tried to keep myself as still as possible, worried that any movement would give away my location. Dizziness crashed over my head, my thoughts racing as fast as my heart. The only positive, the one thing my mind had managed to sift through; it didn't sound like a zombie. The footsteps were too regular, none of the usual shuffling and scraping. Another noise filtered through the panic, as soft as a summer breeze, the sound of voices. Whoever was talking was too far away for me to hear the words, but loud enough for the murmurs to reach me. This was not a zombie. The guttural, animalistic noise that follows them around was missing. This sound was almost musical in its conversation. Although it sounded human, I was reluctant to leave my spot.
I know, I know. I said I was going to find some people and join up with them. I was going to find some company so I have more than a diary to keep me sane. But I felt wary, nervous. I've spent so much time alone that I don't know if I can trust anyone that isn't me. What if the calmness of their voices was a lie?
I willed them to walk away and leave me alone with my hiding space. As much as I needed to rest, I couldn't quiet my mind and slow my heart. Not until I felt like no one was going to find me. Tense and on edge, I waited until the sound of people vanished. Leaves rustled next to me. Branches creaked. Nature lived as I strained for their voices. I waited longer than I needed to before wriggling into a more comfortable position. I thanked whatever was watching over me that they hadn't noticed where I'd crawled. Small mercies, eh?
It's taken me a long time to feel relaxed enough for me to be able to get any sort of proper rest. The unsettled feeling in my stomach refusing to budge. It's weird. That was my first time in the presence of real, living people in weeks. And yet I hid. Maybe I am more of a coward than I thought I was. No, I know I can trust myself. I have to trust my gut instinct. If there wasn't a reason to stay hidden, I might have given up my only chance to travel with someone else.
I dozed a little with my diary in my hand. I'm surprised it's not covered in dirt and mud. I've never been good at keeping them safe. It seems a little odd that the only time I can keep a diary going and keep the diary safe is when I'm running for my life. I don't know what I'd have done if someone had come across me. What if I'd have dropped this? Would I have looked for another one? Or would I have taken it as a sign to give up?
I think the earlier fear is getting to me. I feel on edge and jittery. I want to feel safe and relaxed. Is that too far into the past to happen again? There's been too much adrenaline rushing over me the past couple of days. It might be something I can get used to. This jittery, fluttery feeling consumes me. It's too much to hope everything will go back to normal, but a girl can dream. Right?
Days 12 and 13
I let my guard down too much yesterday. It was the first time in a long while I've given myself any time to feel free. I felt relaxed and at peace until they snuck up on me. I'm not sure where I wandered to, but I found some running water. I didn't risk drinking any of it, and it was freezing, but I've never felt more alive than the quick rinse I took. It made me feel like the old Anna for a short while. While I seized my opportunity, so did they.
I'd stupidly left my bag and bat on the edge of the stream. Or maybe it was a river. Whatever it was, I'd waded out too far. The cold water splashed across my face as rocks clinked behind me. I span around in time to see someone snatch up my bag. The other threw whatever they could wrap their hands around.
“Hey, give that back,” I shouted as I pushed myself back towards my possessions. “If you're looking for food, you've stumbled across the wrong person.” I continued my way towards them as I ducked beneath the barrage of rocks, stones, and twigs being thrown my way.
The girl, who had my bag in her hands, darted backwards as I scrambled up the side of the embankment. “Seriously, you're wasting your time.”
“Why would we listen to you? Course you don't want us to take anything.” She said, rummaging inside the rucksack. “Look, we only need a little bit, you can have the bag back.”
I tried moving closer to her but forgot about her partner in crime. They continued to throw whatever they could at me. I scowled at the boy. Since I'd left the water, he'd looked for larger objects to try and keep me away.
“Fine, don't trust me. But I'm almost out of food myself. There are only the things I don't want to eat anymore. Enjoy the sardines.”
“What? That's all you have?” The girl pushed the bag away from her face as it scrunched up, but she had seen for herself. I wasn't lying. She threw the bag towards me. “I think we'll pass. C'mon Daniel. Might as well look somewhere else for food.”
Daniel slowed his missiles. “You sure, Rachel? I don't mind eating sardines.”
“You honestly disgust me sometimes.” She shuddered. “But, I'm sure.” She said retreating.
Daniel took a few steps back to catch up with her before he completely stopped his attack on me.
“Sorry, my wares couldn't have been more appetising for you.” I shouted at them. My hands scrunched by my sides at the mess the girl, Rachel had left. As if it wasn't difficult enough trying to survive at the moment, but now I have to repack what was littered in front of me.
The tell-tale prickle in my eyes made me press my palms into them. I wou
ldn't let myself break, not over something so small. It might not look like a lot, this bag with the few tins of food, but this is all I have in the world. I took a deep breath and decided. I don't know what it was that made me do it, maybe it was the loneliness I'd been feeling. Sadness trickle over me as I watched them go. I swung my closed bag over my shoulder and grabbed the cricket bat.
“Hey, you two, wait up.”
They both stopped, turning to face me.
“It may seem daft, as you've just tried to steal from me, but would you like to travel together? I know you don't have a clue who I am, and you might not trust me. But I've been walking around for weeks on my own and I could do with some company.”
“You want us to travel with you?” Rachel looked at me in disbelief. “You don't know who we are, and you want us to come with you?”
“Honestly, with how the world has turned out I don't mind who you are. I think travelling in a group might be better than travelling alone. Look, I know you have each other but you don't seem to be doing so well on your own. We could help each other out.”
Rachel and Daniel looked at each other and began whispering. I couldn't make out what they were saying. Daniel had pulled them back a few steps, to keep me out of earshot. The hand gestures and scrunched up faces weren't giving me much hope. They didn't know me, and they didn't know if they could trust me. It's how I was feeling a couple of days ago. For all they knew, I could be trying to trick them. The fear of what the world had become plagued my thoughts, so why not theirs.
After a tense few minutes, Daniel looked at me. His brown eyes narrowed. “You can join us.”
Rachel elbowed the boy, glaring at him before turning to look at me. “What he meant to say was thanks for offering to help us out. And we're sorry about trying to steal your bag.”
“As long as you don't try to take my things again, we're fine.” I spoke. “Companions?”
I held out my hand.
Rachel cleared the short distance to shake it. “Companions.”
Day 14
“How did you two start travelling together?” I asked them as we set off this morning.
“We were on a school trip together. We were,” Rachel took a deep breath. “We were heading back to the coach when we saw this person trying to get on. He didn't look right. His face didn't look right. There was something wrong with it. I was drawn in. At least until the screaming started.”
“We were at the start of the crowd. We could escape.” Daniel added.
“Yeah, if we'd hung back, I don't know—” Rachel's brown eyes became distant. “There was so much blood.” She whispered. “I don't know how many people were able to get away. Danny pulled my arm and we ran. I didn't look back.”
“At least you made it out of there.” I smiled weakly.
“I suppose so.”
“It was good of you to stick together, have you been friends for long?”
The mood lifted as Daniel and Rachel began laughing. I glanced between them, unsure what joke I'd made.
“I always said you didn't need to worry.” Daniel said as he ruffled Rachel's mousy brown hair.
“I've told you not to do that.” She muttered, trying to fix the mess he'd made. “Daniel likes to remind me he's the older brother, but it was only four minutes. It's not like that counts.”
“If it didn't count, it wouldn't annoy you so much.” His smile was infectious.
Rachel glared at him as she continued walking.
“At least you get to travel with some family, and you know you're both okay.” I said to them.
Rachel became pensive. “I'm glad Danny's safe, and we're together but I'd love to find Mum and Dad. We headed home but we couldn't find them; it did take us a while though as we got lost a few times. We'd hoped they waited for us.” She dropped her head, her hair hiding her face from view. “But they might not have thought we made it back. I can't blame them for going, but I'd love to find them one day.”
“What have I said, Rach?” Daniel said softly. “We can't dwell. They didn't leave a note behind, and we don't know where they went.”
“Aren't you worried about what might have happened to them?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “Sometimes, not really. I want them to be alive. But I've come to terms with this reality now. I doubt I'll ever see them again. Not unless something happens to stop this.”
“Doesn't it bother you?”
“If I don't think about it, it doesn't matter, you know? We'll either find them or we won't.”
His nonchalance was disconcerting. I couldn't tell if he meant it, or if he was trying to detach himself from what was happening.
“I wish I could shut myself off as well as you, Dan.” Rachel said. “I try not to dwell. I've noticed the more I do, the more it starts to hurt.” She took a deep breath. “Sorry, I wish I could see them one last time. I miss my mum,” she laughed slightly to herself. “I know everyone probably says the same, but I wish I'd told her I loved her the day we left. Instead, I ran out the door chucking a goodbye over my shoulder. It sucks, that was probably the last time I'll see her.”
Rachel's eyes watered as she spoke. I know how she felt in some way, but it must have been worse for her. I'm nearly 30 and I wish I knew what had happened to my family. There were so many times I could have told them I cared. So many missed chances. But how old was Rachel? No older than 17, maybe 18 at a push. Having to deal with that sort of loss must be hard on her. Not even being 20 and your entire family was practically gone must be difficult to deal with. It's not something I'd wish on my worst enemy.
“At least you have Daniel.” I said smiling at her.
“Yeah, he's not too bad.” She laughed, choking down the tears. “We've been able to keep each other pretty sane. I don't know how you've managed so long on your own! I know there were a few times I would have fallen over the edge if Danny wasn't here.”
“There were a few times I wasn’t sure I’d pull myself back either.” I admitted. “It was easier at the start, travelling with a bunch of people. But I made a decision to go my own way. I’ve been so focused on trying to find my family. I didn’t want anyone to sidetrack me. If I couldn’t find them, then I might have to admit I’m all alone. Not that I haven’t regretted my decision to go solo at times.” I paused as the words tumbled from me. “Sorry, you don’t want to hear all that. I didn’t realise I’d been holding all that in. That’s what I get for being alone for so long.” I chuckled. The melancholy falling from me as I changed the subject. “So, how has your tactic of stealing other people’s supplies been working for you?”
Both had the dignity to look embarrassed.
“That was the first time we'd tried to.” Rachel winced. “We'd finished all our food a couple of days ago and we'd not been able to find anywhere to scavenge from. We are sorry, but it's worked out for all of us.”
“We were desperate.” Daniel added. “You were distracted, and we didn't think it through.”
I chuckled again, relishing in the ability to do so. “It's okay. Desperation could get to us all at some point. We need to find somewhere to grab food soon. I don't think mine will last the three of us for long.” I looked pointedly at Rachel, “and yeah we're going to have to eat cold, tinned fish.”
Rachel's face scrunched up. It wasn't something I was looking forward to much either, but sometimes beggars can't be choosers. Worry wrapped around me as I checked through what we had left. Maybe two days worth of food? I hope it will be enough to keep us going until we hit some houses with food left inside. Maybe we'll get lucky and find some extra bags or something so Rachel and Daniel can carry their food.
Day 15
We managed it! We found food. Sure, there might not have been a lot of it, and we couldn't find any extra bags to use, but we have enough to last us a few more days. If I've worked it all out right. Coming across the outcroppings of houses isn't too difficult. Finding any food left in them is the main struggle.
I feel giddy at this sma
ll accomplishment. Not only am I keeping myself alive, but I'm also helping two other people as well. I've never felt like this before. I'm on a high. Calm down, Anna. There's more you need to do if you want to make sure all three of us survive. My emotions flip-flop between euphoria and cynicism. This is only one small step to keep us going. There are so many other things we need to do. I feel guilty celebrating the small stuff. Have I done anything to validate it? Never mind, that's a thought to analyse another day.
Okay, so the food offerings were minimal, but we grabbed some tinned fruit, tinned vegetables, and instant noodles. Do heat and fire attract zombies? I don't know, but even if I can't warm them up, the seasoning packet will help make some of the other foods taste better. Do I want to eat dry noodles? Will Rachel or Daniel want to eat dry noodles? I guess it will be better than nothing in a pinch. Adjusting to this new diet is challenging to say the least. It is either adjust to eating the weird, cold mess or starve. Luckily, my survival instincts haven't completely left me.
On the plus side, calorie intakes are reduced by a hell of a lot in an apocalypse. Yeah, it's mainly processed or at least over-preserved tinned goods but it's probably better than I was eating this time last year. What I wouldn't give for a freshly baked baguette and a slab of butter though. Something I used to take for granted, gone forever. My diet might be dubiously better, but my life expectancy has reduced by around 40 years. You win some, you lose some.
Rachel and Daniel have been quiet for the past day. I don't know if it's because they don't really know me, or if they are like that. They keep an eye out for each other though. Are they even aware of the way their eyes flick to find their twin at some unseen noise? Maybe, maybe not. It's strengthened my resolve to do what I can to find my family. I might not be alone anymore, but I can't let myself forget them. I wonder if my brother ever managed to hole up in a gym like he always said he would.
Artefact 299: Accounts of the Zombie Apocalypse Page 2
