by Stella James
I drive into her without mercy. I can’t stop, I can’t slow down. Her heels dig into my ass, urging me on. I fuck her like a rutting beast. Her hands remain in their place but her head thrashes back and forth, she curses, she hisses, she pleads for more and I am all too happy to comply. I grab her hips and tilt them up, sinking even deeper into her but still it isn’t enough. I pin her knees up towards her chest. I can feel every inch of her and it is fucking paradise. The sound of our bodies slamming into each other fills the room, her moans and gasps become screams of pleasure. I feel her bare down, her release so strong it floods past my cock and saturates the bed beneath us. I follow with my own, shooting my cum so hard that I can feel the tension and release in every single muscle. I slow to a stop and place my hands on top of hers.
“Eyes on me Mona.” She looks at me and smiles slowly. Her bright eyes are relaxed. I take her mouth in a lazy kiss, tasting her thoroughly before I pull out and roll onto my back, bringing her with me. We don’t speak. We don’t need to. Mona is unlike any woman I’ve ever known. I can hear the steady rhythm of her breathing. My last thought before I give into the exhaustion looming over me is that seven days isn’t nearly enough.
Chapter 7
Mona
I find a booth at Mac’s and order a beer while I wait for Sophie and Lily. Lunchtime beers are allowed when it feels like your life is in shambles. I am certain I read that somewhere. My brain is all kinds of fucked up right now and I need some girl time to sort this shit out. Well actually, what I really need is my heterosexual life partner, Kate, but she’s still in Germany with Asher’s parents and I can’t bother her with this now. We got word a few weeks ago that Asher was severely wounded on his last deployment to Afghanistan. Kate and his parents flew out as soon as they could and have been there for almost a month now. We’ve received bits and pieces of information since she’s been gone regarding his injuries. Apparently he sustained major third degree burns and it is likely he will be retired from the army and heading home as soon as he is stable enough to travel. I spoke to Kate last week and something seemed off. Asher has always been her soft spot, ever since we were kids. Their bond is the stuff that romantics would go nuts over if it ever became something more than friendship.
I stare at the menu even though I know it by heart and think about my current predicament. I like Walker Powell. No, I really like him. And not just for his gigantic man meat or his smoldering older man good looks. Aside from all of that, he’s actually fun to be around. Anyone who sees the two of us together probably thinks we make a terrible couple, but we actually get along really well. Wait? Is that what we are? A couple. Fuck, I don’t know. I need ten shots of tequila and bucket of ice cream.
“Hey! Sorry I’m late, the boys were being fussy and I wanted to get them settled before I left Judy’s.” Lily sits down and eyes up my beer. “Rough morning?” Lily and Cole’s twin boys are just shy of six months old and from what I gather, quite the handful. Although she would never complain. That’s Lily, sweet and thoughtful and just grateful for everything she has.
“Ugh, you don’t even know. Something terrible has happened.”
Her eyes fill with concern and she places her hand on mine. I open my mouth to say more when Sophie walks through the door and rushes to our table.
“Sorry! The dishwasher crapped out at the café again, I was on the phone with the repair man and he was a sloooow talker.” Sophie manages Olive’s café and does all of the baking. She is also married to my other best friend, Trace. She’s the youngest in our group of friends at twenty two but you would never know it.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Is it Kate?” She asks.
I exhale my breath and say the words out loud that have been screaming at me since last night when I fell asleep safe and secure in Walker’s arms.
“I think I’m in love.” I drop my head to the table and cringe while I wait for a response. Lily laughs first, followed by Sophie about ten seconds later. I lift my head from the table with an offended scowl.
“Why the shit are you laughing? This is NOT funny. I am completely and totally fucked up over this.” Okay, maybe I’m being dramatic.
“Awe, it’s funny because you think this is terrible sweetie. And it’s not, it’s wonderful,” Lily says sweetly.
“She’s right Mona, why would you think this is a bad thing?”
I tell them everything. About the first time I met Walker and all the details in between. Sophie assures me that the sexual details aren’t necessary but I ignore her and tell them all about his fabulous penis and what exactly I did with it.
“So that’s what’s been keeping you busy all week,” Sophie says. “Trace was just saying yesterday that he hasn’t gotten a text from you in over four days, I think he was beginning to worry. Although I don’t blame you, Walker Powell is one smoking hot package. We ran into him once at The Astoria, I thought he was very charming but I swear Trace was ready to skin him alive just for breathing the same air as me.”
“Blagh. I’m a terrible friend. I’ve been pre-cockupied. I never thought this would happen. Ever. And now I’ve gone and started falling in love with the bastard and he’ll be leaving soon. Then what? How am I not going to fall into an abyss of lonely cat woman status? My vagina is so used to him now, how will she survive without him? She’ll hate me when she realizes his cock is gone and never coming back. She’ll resent me and dry up like an old prune. I CANNOT have a shrivelled up vagina. I like my vagina. I like the things my vagina can do. We’re a team.”
“Okay, I still don’t get why this is terrible. Sure he’s leaving, but can’t you just tell him how you feel? Maybe he feels the same way and he’s willing to stay or work something out. And not just for your vagina but maybe because he really likes you too.” Lily is so sweet and logical. It hurts my head.
“But don’t you get it? I’m going to ask him to stay and ya, maybe he will. Until he starts talking kids. Then he’ll be outta here, taking his super sperm with him to pinker pastures.”
“And how do you know he even wants kids? He’s older, maybe he’s not into the idea. You should ask him,” Sophie says.
“Ugh, I don’t know. My brain hurts. Let’s talk about something else, I need a distraction,” I whine as I flag down the waitress.
We order food and manage to get caught up on everything before the hour is up and it’s time to head back to work. I think about Sophie’s advice all afternoon. She has a valid point. I could just ask him. I could be nonchalant and totally casual, right? Hm. That’s not usually my strong suit. Shit.
Chapter 8
Walker
I stack the last of my paperwork in a neat pile and respond to a few emails while I wait for Mona. I have a flight booked early tomorrow morning back to Vegas, which causes me to grow more irritable as the minutes tick by. We are having dinner at the hotel restaurant tonight and spending our last night together. We agreed on one week but I want more. Somehow between the first time I laid eyes on her and now, I’ve become attached. Fuck it, I’m falling in love with her. I’ve never felt this way before and I doubt I’ll ever feel this way again. Mona is bold and unapologetic but also considerate and kind. I know she would never hesitate to put me in my place but I also know that she’s the type of woman who means what she says. If you are lucky enough to have Mona’s affections, I suspect you have them for a lifetime. I’m not prepared to walk away just yet. As if hearing my thoughts, the door opens and there she is. I push back my chair and stand to meet her. She looks different. Mona is always beautiful and sexy but tonight there’s something in her eyes that I haven’t seen before. Uncertainty. I reach her in two long strides and I’m about to pull her close when she holds up her hand and stops me.
“Can I ask you something?” Always right to the point.
“You can ask me anything, Red.” I lean back against the desk.
“Do you want to have kids someday? I mean, is that something that you’ve thought about?” She asks quickly.
; Fuck. And just like that, reality is shoved front and center and I know that there will be no keeping this woman. No matter how badly I want to.
“Look, Mona. There are things I want out of life and things that I don’t. I could consider giving up the way I’ve lived my life and what I had in mind for the future, but in the end, it would never work out. I would never ask someone to change for me and I can’t change for someone either.” I hate the words. I hate the fact that I have to speak them. But I know what I want. I want companionship with a woman, not a family. If I’m not honest with myself and with her, it will only turn into resentment. And that is something that I won’t allow to happen. She nods her head as her bright eyes fill with tears that don’t fall. If anything could have killed me in that moment, it would be the defeat in her expression.
“I understand. I mean, having kids is a pretty common thing and it would be silly to assume that we’d want the same things when we haven’t known each other long. One week right? That was the deal.”
“Mona, don-“
“No. I need to leave, Walker. Please just let me,” she turns and heads for the door.
“Mona?” She doesn’t look back but stops before reaching for the handle.
“This week meant something to me,” I say.
“Me too,” she whispers. And then she’s gone.
*
Two weeks later…
I sit in my office and stare out the window at the bright lights of the Vegas strip. I can’t be bothered to unpack my suitcase. I spent two days at home after leaving Blue Falls before I was back in a plane and heading to Vancouver. I spent almost a week in Paris and three days in Maui. Not only am I suffering from jet leg, but I am fucking miserable to boot. My plan to return to Vegas and occupy myself with a new fuck quickly went out the window the minute I realized I was falling in love with Mona. Hell, I was falling two weeks ago. Now I’m so far gone I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve never believed in love at first sight, but it appears as though I am a victim nonetheless. Not an hour goes by that I don’t think of her, I’ve picked up my phone countless times just to hear her voice. What started out as a mutual agreement to have casual sex ended up becoming the most genuine connection that I’ve ever had with a woman. I don’t know how much longer I can continue on like this. I feel like a hollow shell, merely existing. Mona brings colour to everything she touches and without her the black and white is suffocating.
Chapter 9
Mona
Two fucking terrible weeks, fourteen days and who the fuck knows how many minutes. When I was fifteen I thought I was in love with a boy named Scott. He did not return the sentiment and I thought my life was over. I wish I could go back in time and smack myself in the face. That was not love. That was not even comparable to the brutal emptiness that nearly swallows me whole every damn day I spend without Walker fucking Powell. How do people live like this? How can anyone live like this? I know I look as terrible as I feel. Sophie and Trace have been “casually stopping by” almost every day since Walker left. Trace, never one to pull punches, told me I looked nice the other day. And that’s how I know I look God awful. Even he is too scared to give it to me straight, so it must be really bad.
I skyped with Hanna this morning and she knew immediately that something was up. Apparently my lack of interest in the Irish cock she’s scoring these days was a dead giveaway. I told her about Walker and my current state of self-loathing. My beautiful baby sister tried everything to make me laugh but nothing worked. We ended the call with our usual air hug and I promised to call her back later in the week.
I’m lying on the couch, staring at the Netflix menu on my T.V. like a pathetic slob. Nothing appeals to me. Brad, George, Channing. Nope. My heart aches and nothing will make it better. My vagina is dried up like the deserts of Africa. She misses Walker too, and like my heart, will not settle for anything but the real deal. I chuck the remote on the floor and close my eyes. Ugh, I am sick of myself.
I wake up a few hours later to someone pounding on my door. I peel my disgusting carcass off the couch and shuffle to the door like a ninety five year old man. I swing it open and find myself at eye level with a very rumpled, very expensive suit. He looks as miserable as I feel. I love him so fucking much.
“Walker,” I whisper as my eyes fill with tears that I don’t even bother trying to hide.
“Mona,” he whispers back.
I’m on him before he can make it through the doorway. Our mouths meet with intense fury, my arms and legs wrap around his body. He backs us up and kicks the door shut behind him. He carries me to my bedroom, never once breaking the kiss that consumes us. There are no words that can describe how it feels to have his mouth on mine. A poet I am not, but feeling Walker’s arms around me feels like every piece of me is whole again. Every shred of sadness is replaced with fierce need. He takes his mouth from mine and lays me on the bed. We strip off our clothes in a hurry, my legs fall open in anticipation and it doesn’t take him long to bring his body back to mine. Skin to skin, we melt into each other.
“Fuck Mona, I missed you. I need to be inside you, I need to feel your pussy around me.” He sucks my nipple into his mouth.
“I missed you Walker, I need you, please!” I will gladly beg from me knees if it means I get to feel his cock inside me, I ache for him. I run my hands down his back and grip his firm ass, pushing my hips up. I am completely drunk with want as he thrusts into me and groans against my neck. In my entire life, I’ll never forget what it feels like to be without him. I’ll never forget what it feels like to have him again when I thought I never would. He pumps in and out of me with abandon, as if he too is incapable of anything other than taking. I need more of him. I urge him onto his back and without breaking our connection, rise above him. I lean back and put his hands to my tits, my own hand brushes along my burning skin to my clit. I rub myself as I rock back and forth on his cock.
“Good girl Mona, take what you need.”
I keep my eyes on his as I cum in waves that nearly take me under.
“Walker, it’s all yours. I’m all yours.” The words fall from my lips of their own accord. My body has completely taken over my mind.
“Fuck!” He shouts. There is no finesse in the savage way he cums inside of me. I fall on top of him, boneless and sated. His strong hands trail up and down my spine. The tears roll down my cheeks and onto his chest. I lift myself and roll onto the bed beside him. My arm covers my eyes as I try and get myself together. I really am a complete mess over this man.
“Mona?”
“I’m sorry. I love you Walker, and I don’t know what the fuck to do about it.”
“Mona, look at me.” My body obeys him instantly, even if my heart is terrified.
“I love you,” he says.
“You do?” I sniffle. So attractive.
“Yes, I do. I don’t know where we go from here but I can’t live without you, Red. I don’t want to live without you.” He wipes away my tears and kisses me softly.
“What’s going to happen when you decide you can’t be with me anymore? When you get sick of putting off a family and all that other stuff?” I don’t want to hear the answer but we need to be honest with ourselves.
“Mona, what are you talking about?”
“Kids! You want kids Walker, and I don’t. So what’s going to happen when I’m not enough for you anymore?”
He closes his eyes and exhales. Then he chuckles. I never thought I’d use the word chuckle, but that’s totally what he’s doing. What the hell is so funny?
“I think we need to clear up a few things, Mona. I don’t want kids. I’ve never planned on having kids. I have nephews and I generally enjoy the company of most children, but I always knew a family life wasn’t for me. I assumed that was something that you wanted,” he says.
Well holy shit. Assumptions galore.
“Why don’t you want kids?” He asks.
“I don’t really know, to be honest. I just never have. I
remember when Kate and I were little, she used to talk about getting married and being a mom someday but I guess for me the fairy tale of finding someone who loves me and loving them in return was always enough. Even when we got older I just knew it wasn’t where I wanted my life to go. If that makes any sense.”
“It does to me.”
“Hmm, so just to be clear. We love each other and although we both like kids, neither of us want to have our own. Not even a little bit. Ever. Is that right?” I ask suspiciously.
“Yeah, that’s right.” He nips my shoulder.
“I didn’t even know you had a sibling, Walker,” I whine. “Are we crazy? Is this all too fast? There’s still so much we don’t know about each other.”
“Trust me, Mona, I’m the last person on earth that would have thought love could happen this fast, but it has. I know how I feel about you and I don’t want to waste time worrying about what the proper time frame for feelings like these should be.”
He’s so logical. I’m really starting to dig logic. We spend the next hour in bed playing twenty questions. I tell him all about my dad and my sister and the disappearing act known as my mother. He tells me about his sister and her family and about how his parents spend their days of retirement. It’s nice to talk about the little things. I guess we kind of did it all backwards but I don’t give a shit. I love Walker and he loves me. We’ll figure out the rest together. I sit up and slide off the bed.
“Where do think you’re going, Red?”
I don’t bother turning around as I saunter casually towards the bathroom. “Up and at em, Slick. I want to fuck in the shower.”
And we do. And it’s spectacular.
Epilogue
Mona
2 years later…
I hold my sister’s hand as we stand in front of the small group that flew all the way to Maui to watch our dad and Barbara finally tie the knot. For two years those crazy kids have been wining and dining each other like a couple of teenagers. Earl finally got up the nerve to pop the big question and Barbara didn’t hesitate to say yes. She doesn’t have children of her own so she asked Hanna and I to stand up with her. We both cried.
