“Yes.” He hung his head. “No.”
“What is it? Does it bother you Brad’s been here while you haven’t?”
He stepped closer toward me and looked at the shattered dish in the sink. “I didn’t come here to fight with you.”
I sighed. “I can’t do this. Whatever it is you came to do.” I backed up until my hip bumped the kitchen counter.
There was too much history. Too much emotion. Too much pain and hurt. Just looking at Logan brought it all back. I could barely breathe or think.
“Cass—”
“I told you—”
“Cass,” he pressed. “Tell me. Is Eloise my daughter?”
Nine
Logan
I took a deep breath. I needed to cool down before I lost my temper.
I hadn’t expected to see Brad Jackson at Cass’s door. He was an asshole in high school. Some things never changed—he was one of them. What in the hell was she doing with him? Were they fucking? Were they together? He was raising Cassie’s girl? My girl?
Hell.
“I need to know,” I said pinching the bridge of my nose. “Tell me the truth. I saw Eloise’s chart. Her birthdate. It tracks with—” I trailed off.
“Tracks? Tracks with what?” she fired. “I don’t even know what that means.”
“Like hell, you don’t know,” I spat.
“Shh,” she cautioned. “You’re going to wake Eloise and I don’t need that. God, Logan.”
Maybe I saw something today in that child’s face I hoped was there. Was it possible Cass hooked up the week I deployed? Yes, anything was possible. But I knew my girl. The Cass I loved all those years ago wouldn’t have cheated. Not then.
“You’re going to try convince me Eloise is someone else’s.” I lowered my voice. “I don’t believe it.”
“Don’t move,” she spoke through clenched teeth.
I waited in the kitchen while Cassie walked to the hall and returned a few minutes later.
“She’s sleeping, but I closed the door. I don’t want her to wake up and see her doctor in our house and think something is horribly wrong.”
“But I’m not her doctor. I’m her father.”
“Stop saying that.” Her blue eyes blazed. I was as angry at her as I was in awe of the woman she was now.
Cassie was a mother. She lived in this modest home. Taught high school English. She had done everything she said she was going to do. Except marry me.
“You know what I am asking Cass. I already know. I only want you to say it. Admit it. You had my baby.”
She folded her arms. “I’m not admitting anything.”
“Then we’ll do a paternity test and I’ll have the results within a few days.”
“You will not.” She glared at me.
I chuckled. “I guess some things stay the same. Like your temper.”
“I’m not the same,” she answered harshly. “Nothing has been the same since you left. You think I stayed here frozen in time waiting for you to come back? Life moves on, and so did I.”
I couldn’t help but feel my heart sink. My throat tightened. I didn’t blame her for moving on, but if it was Brad, I was going to have a hard time getting used to that.
“Look, Cass. What happened when I left—”
“It doesn’t matter.” She closed her eyes. “That’s the past. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay, if that is what you want, fine,” I agreed. “But, Eloise is the present. She’s the future. And I have a right to know if she’s mine. Just tell me. Is she our daughter?”
Cassie sank onto one of the kitchen chairs. I was prepared to hear her say what I knew deep down was the truth.
“She’s not yours.” She shook her head.
“You’re lying.” I pressed my lips together.
“No, I’m not. It happened right after you left,” she said softly. “I was heartbroken. I went to a party with Megan. She thought it would get me out of my funk. I met this guy. It was a one-night thing that didn’t mean anything. But I found out a month later I was pregnant.”
“That story is bullshit.”
Cassie didn’t back down.
“I’m serious Logan. I’m sorry, but she isn’t yours.”
“Okay, then tell me who the guy was.”
“I don’t remember his name.”
I knew it in college. She was fiery, but Cassie had a heart of gold. She wanted to marry me. She told me she’d wait for me when I deployed. She was not the type of girl to have a one-night stand, especially with a guy with no name.
I lowered to my knees in front of the table. I hesitated for a few seconds before taking her hands in mine. She trembled.
“I know you are lying,” I said softly. “She is mine. I know it.”
“Even if she was yours, not that I am saying she is, what does that matter?”
“It matters more than anything.” I felt the sting between my ribs. “Cass, if I had known…” I started.
“You would have what?” Cassie stood and crossed the kitchen, making space between us. “Left your unit? Asked if you could come home? Quit med school?”
I took a deep breath and rose, stretching my long legs.
“Honestly, no. I wouldn’t have been able to do any of those things.”
She threw her hands in the air. “Exactly.”
“It’s not fair that you kept this from me. That you didn’t give me a chance.”
She turned her back to me. “It wouldn’t have made a difference.
“We could have figured something out. I would have figured something out,” I explained.
“You left me, Logan.”
“I needed to get out of Evans Mill,” I said waving my arms around the room. “I wanted to experience life. They paid for med school. It made sense. It was a good plan.”
“Why couldn’t we experience it together? We could have done something together,” she finally said more hurt than anything else now.
“Where I went,” I said struggling to find the words. “I wouldn’t wish that on you. You couldn’t have gone. I would never let you see that.”
I did my best to hide the demons I held inside me, but I could tell she still saw them.
“Your dad would tell me things about you,” she admitted. “Just from time to time. He told me when you made it to Afghanistan. When you finished your training. When you deployed to Syria. And he told me when you were hurt,” she added.
I did my best to push down the memories her words were brewing. It was the same memory that caused most of my nightmares. The bombing that ended my career in the military.
I shook my head as if that would force it back down. I paced the kitchen. I didn’t like the direction this conversation took.
“Can we keep this about Eloise?” I rubbed my jaw.
“I knew the moment I found out I was pregnant, that I would do everything in my power to give her everything she needed. I would raise her on my own with love. With strength. With determination. Nothing that has happened today has changed anything. Nothing.”
“What if I want it to change?” I approached her.
I couldn’t help but touch her. She was my addiction. She had always been. One small taste, and now all I wanted was more.
“No.” Cassie wiped tears from the corners of her eyes. “I won’t let you walk back in here like nothing has changed. There is too much at stake now. I won’t put her through that. She has a family.”
“Brad? Does she think he’s her father?” The anger burned under my skin. That dick wasn’t going to raise my daughter.
“He’s here. You never have been,” she answered. It was true, but still a punch to the gut.
“I’m not going anywhere, Cass. Not again. I’m back to run the practice with Caleb. I’m home.” Brad would learn his place in Eloise’s life was going to change.
“I can’t trust you anymore.” She placed her hands on my chest, pushing me away.
It had almost no effect, but I woul
dn’t crowd her.
“I won’t risk you hurting Eloise,” she stated honestly crossing her arms again.
“I want to help.”
“I don’t need your help,” Cassie said jutting out her chin. “I’ve been on my own the last five years and have done just fine.”
“I didn’t say you need my help. I know you can handle things on your own. I see it. This house. Your job. Our daughter.”
Cassie glared at me. “I never said she’s yours.”
“Prove she’s not,” I dared her.
“What?”
“You heard me,” I fired back. “Let me run the paternity test.”
I saw the panic in her eyes. “Logan.”
“Quick swab. She’ll be fine.”
“Logan, I can't do this right now,” she resisted moving towards the door. “El is going to wake up soon, and I need to start dinner. I think you should go. Now.”
I would have to work slow if I wanted to get Cassie’s trust back. Our relationship was one thing, and determining Eloise’s paternity was another. If I was her father, I needed to know immediately.
Maybe a part of me had hoped Cassie would still be here waiting for me when I got back. Now that I was home, it was my priority to get her back in my life. I would find a way to make up for the damage I did over the last six years.
She walked me to the front door, stopping on the way to check on Eloise again.
“Is she still warm?” I asked.
“Yes.” I heard the worried tone in Cassie’s voice.
I edged towards the door. I needed to leave her and let her process things. Hell, I needed to take my own time to figure out my next step.
“Do you think I could come by tomorrow?” I asked, twisting the doorknob.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Cassie answered.
My brow furrowed. “I need the truth. But maybe we both need a few days to think about it.” I turned for the porch. “If she gets worse, call me.”
I closed the door behind me and jogged down the stairs in the rain. The storm wasn’t as bad as it had been, but I felt as if something new was brewing.
I would find a way. I wasn’t sure how, but I was going to make it up to Cassie for all the lost time and be the father that Eloise deserved. Because I had absolutely no doubt that while I was a world away fighting a war, the love of my life was back home carrying my baby.
Ten
Cassie
I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding as the door shut on Logan. I watched his muscular body walk along the sidewalk. Even after all these years just a simple touch and closeness from Logan and my body still reacted like we were in college.
I made dinner for myself, and ate alone. Brad had wrapped up the mac and cheese. I wanted to save it for Eloise tomorrow in case she was willing to try a few more bites.
I knew she still wasn’t over the worst of her illness when she went to her bed without so much as a peep. Being sick was taking a toll on her little body. I felt helpless to do anything to make her feel better. Popsicles. Juice boxes. None of it made her smile.
Once the house was cleaned, my students’ papers were finally graded, and I was in my comfy PJ’s, I settled on the couch with a glass of wine. I was in desperate need of downtime after the day I had.
Logan Stone.
How did I forget him? How did I push him away? How did I handle him now that he was home? What I needed was a big dose of distraction until I had an answer.
I flipped through the channels. I usually enjoyed my nights after El went to bed. It was quiet and peaceful unlike the constant racket at the high school.
I was too restless to relax. Even the wine wasn’t helping. I couldn’t stop thinking about Logan. About Eloise. Why did I keep the truth from him? Why did I let him believe Brad and I were together?
My stomach soured at the thought of being married to Brad. Damn it. I needed help to sort this out. There was only one person I trusted with it. The one person who had known from the beginning. The one person who had been there through my pregnancy. Helped me shop for maternity clothes that hid my growing belly. The one person who helped me come up with lie after lie to keep Logan’s family from knowing the truth. The one who held my hand when I was in labor, and pushed sweet Eloise Claire into the world.
I dialed Megan’s number.
Megan only lived thirty minutes away from me, but in the opposite direction of civilization. She had a big plot of land surrounded by forest that she used as her own farm and little eclectic shop of everything homemade from jams to soap.
After two rings, she picked up the phone.
“Hey honey,” she answered. “How is Eloise feeling?”
“Hey,” I said with a heavy sigh.
“That doesn’t sound good. What’s wrong?”
I inspected the bottle of wine sitting on the coffee table in front of me.
“Everything,” I whined.
“With El?”
“Oh, no, no.” I ran my hands through my hair. “She’s asleep. Still has a fever.”
“Thank God. I worried it had gotten worse.”
“Everything is worse, Meg.”
“What the hell is going on over there?” she pressed.
“I don’t even know where I should begin,” I said taking a swig of wine.
“All right. I’m listening.”
I swallowed. “I ran into him, today.” I almost choked on the words. “Him-him. He’s back in Evans Mill.”
“Logan? Are you saying you saw Logan?”
It didn’t sound like real life when I said the words. It was insane, right? Logan had been gone for years.
“Yes.” I still couldn’t believe I was telling her.
“Holy shit,” she whispered. “Holy fuck.”
“I know.” I reached for my wine glass. I was likely to go through the bottle tonight.
“Cass, that’s crazy shit. What happened? How did it happen? What does he look like?” She had a million questions.
“I still can’t wrap my head around it.” I shook my head. “He and Caleb Winters bought out the practice here. I thought I had an appointment with Dr. Nichols, but in walked Dr. Logan Stone.”
“Fuck,” she drew out the word. “Well, what did you do? Did you tell him?”
“No. I didn’t know what to do. He examined Eloise and the entire time I just tried not to throw up and get the hell out of there as fast as I could before he figured out he’s her father.”
“Okay. Okay. But do you think he figured it out?”
“I hoped he wouldn’t. I guess I thought maybe he had forgotten about me. I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking. I had Eloise. And I rushed home. God, Meg it was a disaster. I barely walked through the door before he showed up demanding the truth.”
“Wow. And you told him, right?”
“Brad was here,” I explained.
“Fucking Brad. When is he going to get the hint?”
I didn’t want to launch into a Brad discussion. “He left. So Logan and I had a chance to talk or fight. Or whatever it is that we do.”
“Was it fuck? Because that’s what you two used to do. All the damn time.”
“Meg!”
“Sorry, continue.”
I sighed, biting my lip remembering how edible and sexy Logan looked in the kitchen. Dirty thoughts I wasn’t supposed to have. Not when I was keeping an enormous secret and he had shattered my heart. There were two gigantic wrongs between us that would not lead to us falling back into bed.
“I didn’t tell him. I’m too angry. There’s too much in the past,” I explained.
“I know, Cassie. But that is his daughter. Eloise looks like him.”
“You know, he said the same thing,” I told her, setting down my wine glass. “He wants a paternity test.”
Meg scoffed. “Of course he does.”
“What I do? I need more time. I’m not ready for all of this.”
“Do you think you’re reall
y going to be able to hold him off?”
“Maybe a few days.”
“And where does that get you?”
I groaned. “I don’t know. That’s why I called you. I need to figure this out. It’s Eloise. It’s Logan.” I could feel the despair starting to kick up. “I can save her from the same heartbreak that I got. Sure Logan wants to be all Dad hero back from the war now. What happens two years from now when he gets sick of this small town existence again? I won’t put her through that.”
“You’re right,” Megan said after a pause. “It might not be worth the risk. He could up and leave the day after tomorrow without a word. So don’t tell El who he is. Let him hang around a bit. If he leaves, then he leaves, and El is none the wiser.”
We were silent for a minute.
“Okay, I can’t bear it any longer. How did Dr. Logan Stone look? I bet he was hot as fuck coming back all ripped and tan.”
“He looked the same,” I lied.
“Well, he was already hot as fuck. You can’t tell me he wasn’t rock hard and dead sexy though after being overseas.”
“He was a bit more muscular then I remembered,” I said hesitantly.
“Mmhmm. What else?” she prodded.
“Well, I mean he was more tan, too. He has a beard now, and his hair is longer than it ever was before.”
“And it didn’t make you feel anything?”
“No,” I lied again. “It doesn’t matter how hot he is though, or how many new muscles he has. Or this new brooding thing he has going on with the beard.”
“So he did get you all hot and bothered.” I heard the amusement in her voice.
“He is an unreliable asshole who threw me away like yesterday’s trash.”
“I know,” she said as if she regretted the suggestion. “I say just sleep on things though. For Eloise's sake. She deserves to have a dad if he wants to be there.”
My heart pounded. I did everything in my power to raise Eloise as best as I could. But, there were still things I know she missed only having a single parent. If she had the chance to have both her parents in her life, shouldn’t I give that to her?
Sinful Whispers (An Evans Mill Romance Book 1) Page 5
