by Shey Stahl
“That’s why you made the rule.” Zane points out.
“I’m going to tell him I can’t do it.”
That’s the last thing Casey wants to hear. “The fuck you are!”
Tathan and I made a deal last night. Thankfully, Tuesday morning he’s not in the office so I find myself giving Zane and Casey all the details as they huddle around my cubicle.
I blamed that wine I had and now I was regretting it.
“Amalie,” Casey says shaking her head in disapproval. “What is the harm with going on a simple date with him? You haven’t been out on an actual date since Colton. Think of what you’re doing to your vagina. She has needs too.” Leave it to Casey to bring my vagina into the conversation.
“That’s not true. I was with a guy on Halloween and one awkward date after that with a guy who does the maintenance on my apartment.”
Casey points in my face. “Halloween doesn’t count if you can’t remember what the guy looked like and maintenance Mark was a tool.”
She has a very good point.
“Girlfriend, you haven’t been out on a date in how long?” Zane asks, concerned.
“You shut up, penis boy!” I roll my eyes annoyed we’re even having this conversation. “My vagina is none of your concern.”
“Amalie, seriously, he wants to go out with you, go out with him!”
“No, he doesn’t. He just wants to add me to his bucket.”
Casey starts to get frustrated. “No, he does not. He wants you for you! Why can’t you see that?”
“What bucket?” Zane asks with wide excited eyes at the mention of a bucket and I do not want to know what he’s thinking.
“I’m not special or anything and I will not join the harem of women he has. He only wants a date because you want him to take pictures at your wedding. So really, it’s your fault, Casey.”
“It’s not my fucking fault!” Before I can even comprehend what is happening Casey slaps my coffee out of my hand as I take a drink, splashing it all over Zane and the floor. “Your motherfucking ass is going on a date with him for me. I need him. If he’s dealing, you’re going!”
“Casey!” We both yell at her.
She sighs sitting back in her chair. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that to you.” She says. “Sorry Zane, you were in the line of fire.” She adds. Zane just shrugs like nothing happened. This may also be because some guy just walked past and caught his attention.
As I get up to walk away, she grabs my hand. “He likes you, okay. Just think about it before you take back the offer. And I’m dying to have him take my pictures. I want perfection for this day. Something to last me a lifetime. He can do that.”
Goddamn you, Casey. Way to make me feel like a complete asshole for not wanting to go on a date with him.
As I’m cleaning off my shirt in the bathroom, I think about what she said. I know she’s right. I can’t trust men, especially after Colton. I just can’t. I want to trust Tathan because I see that sensitivity in his eyes, I really do but he has a reputation. I refuse to be another one of his conquests.
When I return to my desk, Casey and Zane are, of course, still discussing my personal life in detail.
“I think she needs to give him a chance, he’s sweet.”
“I agree but who am I kidding, I would date him if he was interested.” Zane says and I’m not surprised by this. Zane has always had a thing for Tathan. “If they got married, her name would be Amalie Madsen! How cute is that?”
And then they laugh, like the thought is hysterical to them.
They know I’m sitting here but they continue to talk as if I’m not even present.
“Did you see the way he was watching her at the expo? Or the way he watches her at work?”
“I know, right,” Casey gasps, “he was watching her like she was one of his newborn cubs.”
“I’ll be his cub if she won’t.” Zane grins. “He can lick me clean.”
I’m really disturbed by that image.
“I think they are cute together.” Casey says. “Imagine how adorable their babies would be.”
Babies? What the fuck? And why am I imagining them now?
“I’m sitting right here.” I wave my hands in front of them but they continue to talk like I’m not even there as they plan out my life for me.
“What I wouldn’t give to have a man stare at me like that,” Zane says.
Oh believe me, I know that stare. It’s like he’s worshiping you with just his eyes.
“She’s in denial,” Casey adds.
“I. Can. Hear. You. Assholes!” I say loud enough for the entire office to hear.
Tell me why I hang out with these two?
“Chil-lax muff,” Zane pats my head.
I slap him on the shoulder. “Don’t call me muff. I’m not okay with that. And go back to your desk.”
The mailman stops by and gives me an armful of mail and says something to me but none of us can focus on what he saying.
Zane turns to us with a look of horror. “What’s with the moose knuckle on that guy? It looks like a fanny pack split in two.”
I watch the mailman walk away for a moment before I give my explanation. “His tequila is missing its lime is what’s wrong with him.”
Zane loves it when I come up with little sayings like that because he spends a good portion of his day thinking of new ones to tell me.
Lucky for me, Paul comes into the office around nine and I’m able to get away from Casey and Zane to attend a meeting with him.
Work is crazy and thankfully passes in a blur. Tathan never did show up and I was both sad and relieved by that.
I’m late getting home that night after I had dinner with Zane and two of Casey’s cousins to discuss the bridal shower on Saturday morning followed by the bachelorette party that night.
When I climb the stairs to my apartment Tathan is just walking in with his black camera bag on his shoulder, smirking.
“It’s a little late to be out, Amalie?” he asks, his eyes glowing like he’s undressing me. He probably is.
I shrug but don’t answer. I’m exhausted.
He leans up against the wall beside my door as I’m fumbling with my keys. “Wanna go to the hot tub again?”
He leaned. Just him leaning snaps something inside me and all I can think about are those soft pouting bitable lips. I don’t want to admit it but I missed him today.
Something I can’t explain takes over and I’m overcome by his presence, controlled by the lack of sex and I act on impulse. At least that’s what I think it is because what else could explain what I do next? Certainly not sanity.
Reaching my hands up his chest, I fist the fabric between my fingers and yank him forward. Without needing much time to react, his hands move around my back and pull me flush with his body, pushing us against my door. My hands snake up to where I’ve imagined them being since I met him up to his chest, feeling every inch and eventually settle in his mess of thick dark hair.
Everything about it is so right. His touch, his smell, he could very well be the death of me. I know this now.
I part my lips and he takes full advantage, his tongue caressing my own. It’s nice, it’s really fucking nice. It’s extremely passionate and when he eventually pulls away, I’m left breathless and weak, a puddle in the bottom of his bucket.
He is just as breathless as I am—which makes me feel better but I blush when I meet his gaze. Embarrassed for just throwing myself at him, I look away.
“So, it’s a deal ... hot tub?” he asks smirking, still holding on to me, my tongue dances behind my lips savoring the taste of him on me. Searching his eyes, I find that teasing smile has returned.
Deal?
I’m not sure I like that word.
“No. I already gave you one deal.” I hope I just didn’t make a terrible mistake. I untangle myself and finally pull away. Probably a little confused, he runs his hand over the back of his neck and sighs before I close the door an
d leave him standing in the hall.
Was it a mistake?
Hello! You kissed Tathan and you made a fucking deal with him to go on a date! That was a mistake.
When I get inside my apartment, Oliver looks up at me curiously. He’s probably wondering what the hell is wrong with me. I sit down against my door and he crawls on my lap.
“Mommy is so weak!”
Speaking of weak, someone has a weak bladder and I’m sitting in pee.
I’m in bed that night cuddling with Oliver and eating Cheerios.
I kissed Tathan. In the hall.
What was I thinking?
I wasn’t. Now he’s going to expect kissing and maybe even more on that date in a few weeks. I need to set some ground rules for that date, and myself.
But still ... we kissed. Romantic movie style. I have no plan It’s a Tuesday night and here I am staring at the cover of Brides. Tathan is on the cover, I stole it from Zane unbeknownst to him. Elliot Warren/Tathan ... well, he’s famous. Like really famous in his world. I know it will turn out badly. Look at him. There is absolutely no way he wants to be in a relationship with me.
Relationship?
What happened to one date?
Eventually I get up from my bed and reach for my laptop to check Facebook. I’m only on there a few minutes and watching a silly cat video my Aunt Kim posted when a private message pops up in the right corner from Tathan.
Tathan: Are you awake?
Me: I’m on here, aren’t I?
Despite my answer, I’m giddy that he messaged me. Tathan Madsen just private messaged me! I want to punch myself at how giddy I am. You’d think I was just asked to prom. Who am I right now?
Me: Did you need something?
I ask him typing out the message slowly.
Tathan: Yes.
Me: Well?
Tathan: Hot tub?
Me: I already said no.
Tathan: Why?
Me: I’m busy.
Tathan: Really? Doing what?
Me: None of your business.
Tathan: Aw Amalie, I’m not that bad of a guy.
Me: You aren’t?
Tathan: No. I’m not and you kissed me. I liked that kiss. I want more kissing. And I enjoy your company.
Of course he added that last part. I don’t answer and he replies again.
Tathan: Let’s talk about our date. You said yes. No take-backs.
Me: Not until you take Casey’s photos. Then I’ll give you the date.
Tathan: Why?
Me: You need to hold up your end of the deal first.
Tathan: I don’t break deals. What about you? What if I take the photos and you never give me that date?
Me: You know where I live so there’s that. I’m sure you’d stalk me until I held up my end of said deal.
Tathan: True.
I don’t like replying through messages so I type out: Me: This is ridiculous. Meet me at the hot tub in ten minutes. I have to walk Oliver.
Tathan: Meet you outside.
Of course he agrees instantly.
It’s a bad idea and I know it, but I go anyway.
We meet outside my door five minutes later, and I try not to look but I do. He has his towel over his shoulder revealing his tight body. Not me. I wrap mine tightly around my body. Tathan looks down at Oliver. “Is your dog going to bite me?”
“Nah, he’s not a biter. Just likes to growl and pee.”
Watching him as we walk, his head is lowered concentrating on the ground, his lips parted slightly and it draws me in. “So he’s like most men marking their territory?”
I raise an eyebrow at him as we walk toward the hot tub, Oliver growling at him the entire way as he walks behind us mainly focused on Tathan. “Do you pee on my doorstep?”
I’m teasing but he goes with it.
“No, just around the apartment complex. I’m very much like a lion patrolling my territory.” He smiles and holds open the gate for me. “I like to mark the neighborhood. That way they don’t even come close to the building.”
I laugh, full on laugh that I cover my mouth it’s so loud. He’s funny and I never realized that before now. “Your territory?”
“One could be optimistic, right?”
“If one was that confident.”
He drops his towel. “One is.”
I give an audible sigh, which he notices, and sink down in the water across from him. I’ve never seen a man so pretty as him. Never.
“No one is entirely that confident. You have to have a weakness.”
“I do.” He smiles. “I can’t whistle.”
“See, I was hoping for something weird. Like a third nipple.”
He looks down at his bare chest. “Nothing like that. Sorry.”
Nope. Nothing but a perfect body I want to lick every inch of.
“It’s okay. I was just hoping to feel normal around you instead of completely inadequate.”
“You shouldn’t feel that at all.”
“I do.” I watch the water for a long moment and the way the water bubbles around my knees I have pulled up to my chest. If I’m being honest, I’m afraid if I let my legs down, I’ll spread them and coax him between them.
When he starts in on his second beer, he opens up.
“I always wanted to play music.” He admits trying to make me feel better about my body I assume.
“Like sing?”
“Yeah, but I can’t sing. At all.”
He’s playing a little Elvis on his phone, which I love so I tell him to sing along. “Try.”
He does and within a minute, I know he’s not lying.
“Oh yeah, stick to photography, buddy.”
“See, I have faults.”
“Did you go to college for photography?” I want to change the subject and I think he appreciates it.
He nods taking a drink of his beer. “I actually went to Columbia because my parents both went there and then started my business while going to school.”
“Has photography always been your passion?”
“Yeah.” He laughs lightly and sets his beer back down on the edge. “I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want to take photos. I used to have this little plastic camera when I was a kid. It didn’t take actual photos but I thought it did and would go around taking photographs of everything, especially my mom ‘cause she’d always pose for me.”
His mom? He’s talking about his mother!
“I’ve seen you out here in the mornings swimming.”
He’s getting at something and I think I know what that is. I know he’s seen me out here doing laps. He works out on Tuesday and Thursdays in the morning and the gym overlooks the pool. If there is one thing that takes my mind off life in general, it’s swimming.
“You’re good.” He goes onto say. “Have you swam for a while?”
“Yeah, since I was like two I think.” I smile but it’s fake and he knows it because I’m about to give him some truth, a piece of my life he knows nothing about. “Had a scholarship for it to Arizona State but my dad had cancer and I needed to take care of him.”
“I’m sorry. Did he ...” He’s not saying the last part, like it hurts to ask the question but he’s curious.
I nod. “Two years ago.”
“I’m sorry.” Tathan’s eyes seem distant, as though he’s remembering his own tragic loss which I’m sure, hurts just as much today as it did then. If there is one thing I know about losing someone it’s that it never gets easier. Sure with time it’s not on your mind as much, but the pain is always there just below the surface, waiting for the next moment to remind you.
Maybe he didn’t want to be sad. I’m not sure and I blame myself for bringing it up but Tathan groans and covers his hands with his face.
“What?” I ask, looking around like something is suddenly wrong. “Are you okay?”
His hands slowly drop from his face and drop back in the water as he peeks over at me. “I’m fucking dying sitting next to you in tha
t bikini.”
I roll my eyes, of course he’s not sad, he’s horny. I give his shoulder a shove. “Suck it up.”
“I’d like to suck on something else.” Tipping his head to the side, his eyes drop to my chest.
“Oh my God,” I stand and he sighs, looking sad and excited because he now has a full view of my body.
He grabs my hand pulling me back down in the water next to him. “Don’t go. I’ll be good. Promise. Well, I know I can be good to you, if you’ll let me.” That grin returns.
“You aren’t helping your case, ya know.”
He’s lying but I stay because of the dimples he gives me when he smiles. Only I sit far away from him.
Keeping my distance, it’s not long and we’ve been out here over an hour and I’m feeling lightheaded so I head back upstairs with Tathan following. He doesn’t say much as we part, just a “Night,” offered in passing and he’s behind his door again. Maybe he was thinking about our kiss, and maybe he wasn’t. Either way, I’m not exactly sure what to make of this situation. Or maybe he just knows that the closer he gets, the more likely he will be to attack me.
No, that’s you, Amalie.
Before I go to bed I decide I need a laugh and a distraction. Talking about my dad and school has me a little sad. I sit down at my laptop and look on Urban Dictionary. There’s nothing new today but I write down the word Blow Noob. It’s another one I can’t say with a straight face. I also scribble down xio and intend to use it when I text Zane later. It stands for kisses, boners, and hugs. Used as an alternate to xoxo.
I fully intend to use it.
On my way to work on Wednesday, I’m rushing to get there on time with the windows down in my car trying to dry my hair. I went for a swim this morning but unfortunately it made me ten minutes late for work. Tathan wasn’t there and well... it’s starting to get boring. I strangely miss our arguments.
I tell Zane and Casey everything that happened last night in the hot tub and before that when I kissed him. No surprise but they meet at my desk every morning and wait for me to tell them what happened the night before in the hot tub.
Casey tells me Tathan called her and arranged to take their photos on Friday afternoon before Bryan has to go to work. They’re apparently meeting for dinner tonight to talk about what they’re looking for. Part of me wishes I was going.
