Divine Illusions

by Alix Sharpe

  She hopped off the artillery wagon and wound her way back through the tents to drop off her books. As she pushed the flap of her tent open, she dropped her books, quite literally.

  The noises. The horrible, sticky, slopping noises.

  “Get the fuck out,” Jessa spat, arching her neck to look over the shoulder of the naked man pounding away on top of her.

  Keira stared back at them in horror.

  The man didn’t even stop to look back at Keira, he simply grunted briefly against Jessa’s neck as if acknowledging that she’d take care of it.

  “Fine,” Jessa yelled, “you want a show or something?” She spread her legs wider, sending the blanket sliding off the man’s back. It fell to the floor. His bare ass kept pumping.

  Keira couldn’t move.

  “Need some fucking fireworks too?” Jessa said, removing her hand from the dude’s ass long enough to conjure some threatening sparks in her raised fist.

  That was enough to finally snap Keira out of it. She left her books where they’d fallen and scrambled backwards out of the tent. What the hell? She knew Jessa didn’t like her, but she thought she would have a little more decency than that. This place was surrounded by forest, miles and miles to go fuck in. They’d have to lay some ground rules whenever she was brave enough to face her roommate again.

  Keira stood in the middle of the dirt path, completely shell-shocked, unsure what to do next. She’d changed her mind about the socializing. She really didn’t feel like dealing with any more Salamanders that day. She’d dropped all her books and there was no way she was going back for them. She could go for a walk, but with her luck she’d get jumped by an Elf.

  She drifted around for about half an hour and somehow ended up back at the mess tent, even though she wasn’t really hungry. How could she be, after that? She slumped down at a bench and picked absently at an unappetizing bowl of stew. Where the hell was she going to sleep? If she’d known who that guy on top of Jessa was, she could always go check to see if he’d returned to his tent, but even if they were finished fucking, Keira did not feel like wading through Jessa’s smug afterglow. Ugh.

  “What are you doing out here? It’s freezing.”

  Keira looked up and saw Hale standing over her, his face back to its normal pallor, his signature half-smile pasted in place. Her cheeks warmed as she stared back. Oh wait, she’d been so preoccupied she forgot she had questions of her own. She needed to get a hold of herself. But he was right, it was too cold to be outside. Maybe he’d know where she could wait it out.

  “I’ve been sexiled,” she said, stabbing her fork into an undercooked potato. “My roommate is getting laid.”

  “Yeah, people do that on occasion,” he laughed. “Especially since you can’t get pregnant or contract diseases this side of The Veil thanks to these babies”. He patted his amulet for effect.

  “But, I saw ass. Bare, hairy ass. Thrusting,” she said. “It was horrifying. I can’t go back.”

  “You’re talking like you’ve never seen a naked man before,” he said, raising an eyebrow. “I can remedy that, if you like.”

  She felt an unwelcome tingle between her thighs as he stared down at her. Joking. He had to be joking.

  “I’ve seen naked men,” she laughed a little too loudly, “it’s just different when it takes you by surprise and your roommate starts cursing at you like it’s your fault. It’s not like I wanted to walk in on that.”

  He smirked, the tingle returning full force.

  Quick! Something besides naked men. “I dropped my books.”

  Hale laughed and shook his head. “Come on, you pervy librarian, you can hang out with me until it’s safe to go back.”

  CHAPTER 6 – HALE

  “You have a cat?!” she squealed, stepping into his tent. Big green eyes blinked up at her, shiny black fur glinting in the candlelight.

  “Oh,” Hale said, squeezing in behind her into the single-cot tent. It was tiny, but at least he didn’t have to deal with any roommates. “You weren’t supposed to see that.” He waved his hand and the fluffy black cat disappeared into thin air.

  “What?” she said, reaching for the spot it had been. “Was it an illusion?”

  “Yeah,” he said, shifting out of his coat. “You want a drink?”

  “Does he have a name?” she asked.

  “The cat?” he said, snatching a bottle out from under his cot. “Yeah, I guess his name is Jones. That’s what my real cat’s name was, back home. I conjure that illusion when I miss him.”

  “I wish I could do that, just conjure up a friend,” she said, shrugging as she took a seat on the edge of his bed. “This pariah crap, it gets lonely.”

  “You’re not the only one who gets lonely.” He regretted it as soon as he’d said it. If she asked, he just might say something stupid about how they could keep each other company, it was all he could think about after he’d had his 4th shot. He knew he shouldn’t have started drinking so early. He put the bottle to his lips and took another swig, mind racing for another subject. He handed her the bottle, hopefully.

  She took it. Good. That bought him a few more seconds.

  Nothing. His mind was blank. All he could think about was how cute she looked sitting there, the tip of her nose pink from the cold, her giant, grey eyes shining in the low light. It had been a bad idea to invite her back.

  “So, you have a cat back home?” she said, wiping her mouth.

  Thank goodness. Either she decided not to question his statement, or she was too distracted by the idea of the cat illusion to care. He sank down on the other side of the cot, careful not to accidentally touch her. In his current state, he needed to keep as much distance between them as possible. Keep the conversation on the cat, innocent enough.

  “Had,” he said, “that little bastard lived until he was 20. Sweetest cat in the world. I’d probably take my leave Earth-side if he were still there.”

  “You don’t go back on your time off?” she said, sliding her coat off her shoulders, revealing the skin-tight shirt beneath.

  He almost choked. Answer the friggen question.

  “Nah,” he said, forcefully averting his gaze, “a lot of us don’t. Most either came here because they didn’t have anyone back home or this place changes them so much, they can’t handle the thought of going back.”

  “Which category do you fit into?” she asked, leaning over to take the bottle back from him.

  “Both I guess,” he shrugged, attempting to ignore the heat where her hand briefly touched his. “Guess I’m kinda fucked up.”

  “Because of…” she trailed off, eyes drifting to the ground.

  All of his stupid, lustful thoughts evaporated instantly, a heaviness flooding his chest. How could he even entertain the idea of him and Keira, after everything that had happened… Would she hate him if she knew? Maybe she should. He had to tell her, she wasn’t safe, alone with him. He slumped back on his elbows, fixed his eyes on the blank, dirty canvas of his tent and started to talk.

  “Yes. Because I was a coward,” he sighed. “I can’t ever take back what happened with Myra.”

  Keira shifted next to him. If only she could just use her Diviner Sight and See what he’d done. If only she could just leave without him having to tell her. But it wouldn’t be that easy. He didn’t deserve that mercy.

  “She was my first student, a Mage, just like me,” he said, forcing out one word at a time. “She was good, until I ruined her. I slept with her…”

  “Like you said,” Keira softly, taking another sip, “people do that on occasion”. There was a slight catch in her voice, like she knew where this was going. Like maybe she’d been there before.

  His chest clenched, both at his own guilt and the thought that Keira had been hurt before too.

  “I shouldn’t have though,” Hale said, voice starting to shake. “I knew she wanted more. I betrayed her trust as her trainer… and her friend.”

  He tried to steal a glance at Keira. She would
n’t look him in the eye. Good. She shouldn’t. He was weak, she’d be better off if she never looked at him again.

  “I…” he said, the memories gurgling up from some deep, dark place in his gut, “when we came back, she wouldn’t let it go. So, I took the coward’s way out and just stopped talking to her. I was done training her at that point, or, at least I thought I was. I should have taught her more. Maybe then…” Hale blinked his eyes, struggling to banish the sudden dampness pooling on his lower lashes.

  “Then I really fucked up,” he said. “She wouldn’t stop, so instead of bucking up and just talking to her, I fucked someone else. Camp talks, I knew she’d find out. When she did, she wanted to talk about it. About us. I told her it wasn’t her business and to leave me alone.”

  Hale flopped back on the cot, an invisible weight crushing his chest. “She left camp that day, volunteered to go out on patrol with Soren. I think she thought it might make me jealous. He told me she was so destroyed that she couldn’t even use her magic when the Elves came. She tried, but all she did was shoot a few little sparks. Couldn’t even lift a blade. He said when she lay there, bleeding out, she kept saying my name, trying to cast a spell.” Hale couldn’t push back the tears now. “She was trying to conjure an illusion of me, so she wouldn’t be alone…”

  He threw an arm over his eyes in a meek attempt to block it all out. “I should have known better,” he mumbled into his sleeve, begging the pounding in his chest to slow.

  “Wow,” Keira said slowly, clearly unsure what to say. “That’s… horrible.”

  “I should have known,” he repeated, clenching his teeth.

  Then he felt her fingers, firm yet gentle, curl around his shoulder.

  “No. You never could have known that was going to happen,” she said, voice steady, tone unflinching. “It’s horrible, but it’s not your fault.”

  She squeezed his arm and repeated herself adamantly. “It’s not your fault. You can’t change the past. All you can do is to try to be better. Stronger.”

  Stronger. Her words settled in his chest. He’d been so weak before. It made him feel powerless now. But maybe she was right. How could he have known? He just had to be stronger. Better. Starting now.

  He slid his heavy arm off his face and lolled his head towards her. “I’m sorry I kissed you. I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

  She let out a short, restrained laugh, finally breaking the thick tension. “First of all,” she teased, gently, “that definitely did not count as a kiss. Second. I won’t get the wrong idea. Trust me, I’ve learned my lessons too.”

  The weight in his gut lifted a little at the sight of her soft smile. She didn’t hate him. Maybe he shouldn’t hate himself either.

  She sat upright and brushed her arm across his chest. A voltaic thrill coursed through him. Her eyes drifted up to his. What was she doing? Going in for a real kiss?

  No. Dammit. She was merely snagging the booze cap off the table. Shit. Why had he gotten so excited? He had just resolved to do better, to not be an idiot. What the hell was wrong with him? Hale’s stomach curled, his self-loathing snaking back towards him.

  “We should probably put this away,” she said.

  “Good idea,” he said, propping himself back up on his forearms. His emotions were all over the board, each sip made it easier to do something he might regret. No excuses. He could do this, he just needed to stomp on his stupid urges until he sobered up. He should be grateful to just sit and talk with someone. And Keira Clearwater was someone he definitely wanted to know more about.

  “Do we get to talk about your ‘lessons’ now?” Hale asked, curiosity slowly edging out the despair pulsing in his chest.

  “No,” she scoffed, “definitely not.” Damn. That felt like a slap to the face.

  “Oh, come on. I probably won’t remember any of this tomorrow anyway.”

  “So you want me to bare my soul, just so you can forget about it tomorrow?”

  “No,” he said, crinkling his brow. That wasn’t what he’d meant. He was genuinely curious. A little too much so, he realized as he stole a sidelong glance at her. Her skin looked so soft in the dim light, he wanted to just reach out and touch her.

  No. He couldn’t. What was wrong with him? He’d just confessed his darkest secret. He’d gotten someone killed for crying out loud! All because he couldn’t keep it in his pants. He wouldn’t do that to Keira. Really, he knew he should just ask her to leave, but she had nowhere to go. His only choice was to deal with himself.

  “Well if you don’t want to tell me,” he said, digging his fingers into the blanket to fight the urge to touch her, “what do you want to do instead while you wait for the hairy-naked-thrusting-ass to vacate your tent?”

  “How about you conjure Jones again?” she said, a small smile on her lips as she kicked her feet a little back and forth.

  “That I can do,” he grinned, waving his hand over the bed. The chubby ball of fur reappeared, big green eyes blinking and everything.

  He watched her gaze drift over the illusion, studying it from every angle with a kind of pure curiosity he’d never seen before. It was like she was seeing magic for the first time. And looking at her, he felt like he was seeing something new too.

  “Keira?”

  “Yeah?” she said, letting her hand hover over the enchanted cat’s head.

  “I’m serious. If I accidentally cross a line with you, you have to tell me to stop. I just…” really want to kiss you right now. But I won’t.

  “Just what?”

  “Nothing,” he said, forcing himself to stop looking at her lips. “Just tell me you’ll speak up. Sometimes I say things I shouldn’t. Sometimes I can’t help it.”

  “Have I had trouble speaking up so far?”

  “No…” he said, catching himself staring at her mouth again.

  “Okay,” she said, turning back to the cat, “then don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

  CHAPTER 7 – KEIRA

  The next morning, Keira Clearwater was so far from fine. And it wasn’t just the hangover, pounding against her skull. It was him in all his fascinating, alluring, complicated beauty. He’d opened up to her and now she couldn’t fight this biting curiosity she had about the rest of him. How was she supposed to keep her distance when all she wanted to do was see him up close?

  She blinked away the haze in her eyes and rolled her head towards Hale Draven, his thick, dark hair, falling over his sleeping, handsome face. God, he was hot. She could just lean in, just a little bit more… Crap, she had to get out of there.

  He groaned as she slid her numb arm out from under his neck. She sat up, stiffly. How had they fallen asleep in such an awkward, uncomfortable position? She eyed the offending bottle on the edge of the table, only a quarter of its contents remaining.

  She pushed herself off the tiny cot and tugged on her shoes, unsteadily balancing on one foot at a time. She stole one last look at him before she slipped outside and headed back to her tent. It was a mere two dozen yards away, but it felt like miles with her stomach in its current condition. She needed some water, her toothbrush, and some breakfast, in that order. Oh, and she also needed to stop thinking about last night, about the way Hale had looked when he’d opened up.

  What she didn’t need, was to deal with her bunkmate. Of course, she’d never be so lucky.

  “Oh,” Jessa chirped as Keira peeked through the tent flap, “I see you had your own walk of shame this morning! Who was it?”

  Keira crinkled her brow at her, thrown off by the blonde’s seemingly sincere smile.

  “This isn’t a walk of shame, Jessa, I had to find somewhere else to sleep because you kicked me out of my own bed, remember?”

  Jessa eyed her up and down. “You look pretty shamed-up to me,” she said. “And I didn’t kick you out.”

  “I distinctly remember you screaming the exact words ‘get the fuck out’. Then you deliberately flashed your boyfriend’s undula
ting ass in my face.”

  “He’s not my boyfriend,” Jessa corrected, tone serious, “I’m not you, I don’t do boyfriends.”

  “I don’t do boyfriends either,” Keira said, fighting the little throb in her chest.

  Jessa studied her for a second, pondering Keira’s words before continuing. “I was only asking you to leave until we finished. I didn’t mean to kick you out the whole night.”

  “Well how was I supposed to know?” Keira said incredulously as she flopped down on her cot.

  “Didn’t you see my boots at the door? That’s like a universal signal,” she said. “Everyone knows, people joke about it all the time here.”

  “I’m the outcast Diviner, no one will talk to me. I wasn’t invited to the camp tutorial on how to fuck in privacy.”

  “It’s not my fault you aren’t trying to make friends,” she shrugged.

  “I’ve tried,” Keira said, forcing herself to sit upright long enough to take a large gulp of water.

  “No, you haven’t,” Jessa said, tilting her head. “You’ve been spending all your time with your trainer. I know we need to take this seriously, but—- ohmygod! It’s him!”

  “What?”

  “You fucked the Mage!”

  “No,” Keira said, cheeks flushing. “I didn’t.”

  Jessa squinted a little, studying her again. “Okay. But you want to.”

  “No,” Keira said, firmly. “That’s not going to happen.”

  “Sure,” Jessa said, bouncing to her feet. “Whatever. You look like you could use a nap, so I’m going to head out. Just check for the boots next time, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Keira breathed a huge sigh of relief when her roommate finally left her in peace. She did not have the energy to interact with her, especially given the strange direction that conversation had taken. She rolled over and grabbed her toothbrush from her bag, holding it to her chest while the wave of nausea subsided. Why had she let herself drink so much?

  Oh right, because she was a giddy moron who just wanted an excuse to stay and fawn over her hunky, unavailable trainer. He had straight up come out and said he didn’t want her. He didn’t want to give her the ‘wrong idea’… and then all that weird stuff about boundaries and crossing lines. It made sense, after what happened with his first student… but that wasn’t his fault. Not really. It sounded like he’d made it clear things weren’t going to work out. A sharp pang churned in her gut. It wasn’t the hangover.