by Alexa Davis
Okay, so there were other things going on with it all, but on the surface it just felt good.
I just hoped he didn’t dash all my expectations and run for the hills the moment I finally plucked up the courage to tell him the truth...hopefully tomorrow night if I was clever and brave enough about it. I wasn’t sure what my opinion would be of him if he did shoot me down to the ground, but I had to somehow work up the courage to at the very least give him a chance.
‘Sounds great, what time?’
I forced myself up off the bed, knowing that I wouldn’t get any more sleep now, and padded into the bathroom with my cell phone still clutched tightly between my fingers. Despite the fact that I had this deep, dark secret lurking under the surface, I couldn’t stop enjoying the flushed feeling that came with any potential new romance. It felt exciting; it made me feel younger and fresher. I could almost forget that there was a baby growing in my stomach just for a second.
I flicked the shower on and watched the wall of water tumble to the bottom of the bath tub, slowly heating up. I couldn’t stop myself from daydreaming about what it’d be like if he was here with me now, running those hands over me, touching me everywhere, kissing me in the way that I liked so much. I buzzed at the mere thought of the way that he made me feel, which suggested I was in danger of potentially falling in to deep, but I couldn’t stop. There was no way that I could pull back with all this going on.
I almost forgot that I was supposed to be getting into that water, until my phone bleeping shook me from my thoughts.
‘Does seven p.m. sound okay to you?’
It sounded perfect. In fact, I wanted to be with him right now. I wanted to blow off work and to sneak over to his house, to have him do all those wonderful intoxicating things to my body once more. The idea of doing that was utterly tantalizing...not that I’d go through with it, of course. I hadn’t changed that much.
Still, it was fun to imagine.
‘I will be there. Can’t wait!’
With that, Friday didn’t feel like such a chore after all. Well, until the nausea overcame me and I had to rush to the toilet to throw up. But still, it wasn’t so bad...
***
“Hey, you okay?” Ever since Nickie discovered the truth about me, she’d been so concerned. Helpful, too, when it came to hiding my sickness. I knew that I’d have to tell the human resources department what was going on with me eventually, but not until I was good and ready. Not until the father knew.
It was okay my best friend knowing first, but it didn’t feel fair for everyone I worked with to know that his spawn would eventually be born into the world. I wouldn’t like it if it were the other way around.
“Yeah, I’m good, actually.” And, I really did feel it. My shoulders were held higher, my smile was more honest, and I could almost feel a sparkle in my eyes. “I feel a lot better today. I was a bit ill this morning, but aside from that, I’m all good. Hey, maybe this is the time that so called ‘glow’ starts happening.”
“Yeah, you look it. You’re peppy and really happy, like a different person.” She ran her eyes all over me as if she was trying to figure out exactly what was different. “Oh my God, have you told him yet? How did he take it? Is it all good news?”
She spoke so loudly that I felt compelled to look around and check that no one was in the vicinity. “Shh,” I warned. “No, I haven’t said anything, not yet.”
“How have you not managed to tell Terrance? Haven’t you been spending lots of time with him? What are you waiting for?” She shook her head slightly at me as if she was disappointed.
To be perfectly honest, I couldn’t really blame her. I should’ve found a way to bring it up by now. I knew I was putting it off because I was so desperate to spend more time with him, but that wasn’t truly an excuse.
“I’m going to dinner at his place tomorrow. I’ll tell him then when the moment is right, you know?” Why couldn’t she just allow me to keep burying my head in the sand?
“Well you better do it soon,” she warned. “Or he might get bored of you and move onto the next one. I’m not staying this to be mean.” She held her hands in front of her in a gesture to stop me from getting mad. It did prevent me from yelling, but I still felt a deep and painful cut inside.
“I’m just saying that men like him can have anyone they want. Women throw themselves at the constantly, and it turns them into playboys. It’s almost like they can’t help it.” She shrugged as if it didn’t mean anything. Then again, she wasn’t to know that actually I really liked him – she probably thought that she was helping me. “You know what I mean.”
I kinda did. If I was in my right frame of mind, I’d be saying exactly the same thing as her, but I wasn’t. My feelings were all mixed in. The last thing I needed to be doing was getting emotionally invested.
“Yeah, I’ll tell him tonight.” It felt obvious from my tone that this was the end of the conversation...at least, I thought it was.
“Good.” She stood up and grabbed her cup of coffee, before giving me a slightly off smile. “Because you won’t be able to hide it forever.” She mimicked a big bump on her stomach. “And, I don’t think there’s much point in waiting for him to fall in love with you. Just...see if he’ll pay up, that’s it. That’s all you really need from him – financial support.”
An inexplicable rage built within me at her words, which forced me from my seat. “This isn’t all about money, you know? There’s a life at stake here. My child’s life.” I held my stomach, really wanting to protect the little growth that was in there. “I don’t want Terrance to know so he’ll pay me. This is... It’s...” I couldn’t finish my sentence because I was getting unexpectedly upset.
“Alright, you don’t have to be so over sensitive.” She chuckled mirthlessly. “I’m just having a joke with you. You know I’m not being a bitch, I just... I want you to think practically.”
I collapsed back into my seat gasping loudly. Her explanation was fair. After all, one of us needed to be thinking straight. I was just annoyed that it wasn’t me. It had to be the pregnancy hormones tearing through my body.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.” I shook my head a little too hard. “I guess I’m just worried that’s what he’s going to think. That’s part of why I keep putting this off. For the moment, it’s my little secret, but when I tell Terrance, it becomes real. And, so does his reaction, you know?”
Nickie wrapped her arms tightly around my shoulders and held me close. “Don’t you worry about what he says. As long as you tell him, that’s your duty done, okay?”
“Yeah, you’re right.” I nodded into her warm and comforting chest. “Thank you.”
“You know that you didn’t go after him for this to happen, this is the last way you wanted this to happen, so it doesn’t really matter what Terrance thinks.” She pulled back to look at me, gripping tightly onto my shoulders as she spoke. “If he’s as nice a guy as you currently assume he is, then everything will be fine.”
“But, I don’t know how much I really know him,” I moaned, popping out my bottom lip. “That’s probably why I’m so freaked and putting it off.”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t know you either, not fully, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that aspect of things. Just remember that he has a right to know, that’s all.”
“It’s all I’ve been thinking about,” I replied with a wryness to my voice. “I just don’t know how to start that conversation.”
“Okay, then let’s do some role playing.”
Much as I hated that idea, I had to admit that it might just work...
***
Nickie’s words stuck with me all day long, right into the evening as I climbed into bed. She was right. I needed to take emotion out of the equation and just tell him. I’d do my best to ignore the sizzling chemistry I felt flowing between us while I said it. It was fairly easy working out the words with my best friend because I didn’t like the pants off of her, but at least now I had some guid
elines to work from.
“Terrance, there’s something I need to talk to you about,” I practiced in a whisper, all while staring at the ceiling above me. “That night we had in the club led to some unexpected consequences. I’m having your baby.”
Wait, was that right? It didn’t sound quite the same as it did in the work break room. It felt a little harsh.
“Terrance, the crazy moment we had in the cupboard at Lights Out has left me pregnant.”
Urgh, no that was even worse!
“Terrance, I’m sorry that I haven’t told you sooner, but I’ve been trying to adjust myself. I’m having your baby.”
I rubbed my hands over my belly, wondering what the life was like growing inside of there, and as I did a rush of warm love washed over me. Would it be a girl, or a boy? Which one of us would he or she look like? Who would he or she act more like? I guess I wouldn’t know too much of that unless I got the chance to know Terrance better, but still...
I was actually kind of excited.
I smiled as I turned onto my side and glanced at my reflection in the full-length mirror I had sitting at the end of my bed. You couldn’t really tell yet, there was no obvious bump, but I could see a difference. I could tell that there was a roundness there that I didn’t have before. And without all the rest of the world putting pressure on me, with just me and my little bump, I felt truly happy.
I already fiercely loved my unborn child.
Chapter Twenty-One
Terrance
Saturday
I paced up and down my apartment, thoughts tearing through my mind. I really wanted to be around Morgan – it was all I could really think about – but I couldn’t stop panicking that her coming here was a terrible idea. After all, I had people watching me, wanting to harm me, and it was safe to assume that they knew exactly where I lived.
What we should’ve done is gone to her place, at least there we both could’ve been safe.
I grabbed hold of my phone, wondering whether or not I should call her to cancel, but it felt a bit too late now. She could be here at any moment, and I didn’t want to be a dick. At least, I knew that Braxton was downstairs with Emily; with him so close, we couldn’t get into too much trouble.
It’ll be fine, I tried my best to convince my brain that everything would be okay. Morgan and I will simply have a nice night, and that will be it. Nothing to worry about, at all. The only problem was the more I tried to convince myself, the more I got all tied up in knots.
Knock, knock.
I glanced at the clock, chewing on my fingernails with utter anxiety as I realized she was here. I wanted to enjoy the excitement of the moment, to just be able to enjoy her here, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about that horrible man’s face and the implicated threat within his gaze.
“Coming,” I called out, trying to shake all negative those thoughts from my mind.
I swung the door open and was momentarily blindsided by the beauty standing before me. Morgan had on figure-hugging jeans and a flowing red top with no make up on and her hair hanging down her back. The look of Morgan so natural and casual literally took my breath away. I wasn’t sure how she managed to look even more beautiful every time I saw her.
“Are you okay?” It took me a little too long to recognize that she had a worried expression on her face. I felt like there was something behind it, and I wanted to know what. “You look a little...” Upset didn’t quite seem right, nor did stressed.
“No, no, I’m okay,” she shook her head a bit too hard. “Just...a little off.”
“Did you want to cancel tonight?” Maybe, as awful as it was, this would be the solution to my problems. If I could get Morgan out of here, then at least she’d be safe. “Do it again when you’re feeling a little better?”
She sucked in a deep breath of air and smiled brightly. “No, I’m good. I’ve been looking forward to this since your text.”
That was enough to have my heart melting. There was something so different about this woman. How could I resist now that she’d said this? Surely it would be okay, I was just being paranoid. I stepped to one side, and indicated for her to come inside. “Would you like a glass of wine?”
There was no hiding the way her face screwed up at the idea of alcohol. “No, a soda or juice would be lovely, thank you.”
I stepped into the kitchen and poured some juice into a glass before stirring the pot of whatever Braxton had started cooking for me. I wasn’t totally sure what it was, cooking definitely wasn’t my strong point, but it smelled absolutely delicious.
“What are you making?” Morgan asked curiously as she was lured in by the smell. “It smells absolutely lovely.”
“Oh, thanks.” I could feel my face heating up as I was about to exposed for the non-chef that I was. “Erm, it’s chicken and... Erm...” Morgan tinkled laughter through the room, which I found utterly infectious. “Okay, I’ll admit it, I don’t know. I got help, and now I’m very embarrassed because you’re looking at me like I’m very foolish.”
She tutted loudly and took the wooden spoon from me. “Didn’t your mother ever teach you to cook?”
My heart sunk and my stomach went topsy turvy. I wasn’t really ready to talk about my family, but if I didn’t say anything then I’d be very aloof and it’d potentially put Morgan off. For the first time in my entire life, I didn’t want to push the woman I was with away from me. I wanted to keep her close. “I don’t know my mom.” I announced flatly. “She left when I was a child. I was raised by my dad.”
Instead of giving me that awful sympathetic look that I was so used to, Morgan nodded in an understanding way. “I get that, I grew up without a father.”
We shared a look, and in that moment, I felt really close to her. I felt like we had an affinity, a connection that ran even deeper than we first realized. Something about that look compelled me to continue into the depths of my life story that I never liked to share with anyone.
“Actually, I don’t have my dad anymore, either.” I spoke in a monotone, a little robotic. It was hard enough to just get this out to someone who didn’t know, I couldn’t make that worse by adding emotion into the mix. “He had a heart attack five years ago.”
She touched my hand and looked up at me under her eyelashes, and the word vomit just continued. “Then three years ago, my brother died, too.” I wasn’t sure why, but felt inclined to leave out the finer details of that.
“Oh wow, that’s terrible.” She pulled me in for a hug, and I fell happily into her embrace. She felt so warm and her body was so comforting, that I wanted to lose myself in her forever. Explaining my story to her didn’t feel like a burden, more like a lifting of the weight off my shoulders. I felt lighter, freer, which weirdly made me smile after sharing the most tragic thing that had ever happened to me.
Eventually, Morgan pulled away, but that was only because the food was bubbling over. “You’re a good cook,” I chuckled at her. “Your mom must have taught you well.”
She didn’t answer, in fact her expression darkened for a second, but she ignored the comment about her mom. “I love to cook, but with my nursing job, it’s hard to find the time. Usually, I’m so exhausted at the end of the day that I just don’t have the energy. Plus, you know what it’s like cooking for one... It’s barely worth the effort.”
I stood behind her and wrapped my arms around her back as she continued to fiddle about with the food, doing magical things to bring it alive. It was lucky that she could cook, really, or this night might’ve been a disaster.
“Maybe that’s why I never bothered to learn,” I muttered without paying much attention to myself. “I’m always by myself.”
“Okay, take a seat.” Morgan spun around and placed one light kiss onto my lips. “I will plate this up, then the dinner that you’re cooking for me will be served.”
I loved the way she teased me; it made me laugh more than anyone else did. I was used to being built up, people kissing my ass, doing what they coul
d to make me feel special, especially when it came to women. Actually, taking the piss out of me made me feel more special than anything else.
I fixed my gaze on Morgan’s rounded, incredible butt as she set about sorting out the food, my heart hammering in my chest. She had a wonderful body to go with her personality, and I got the impression that she didn’t even know how gorgeous she was. She wasn’t even aware that she had the sort of look that most women would die for, and that made her even more attractive.
“Here.” She placed the dinner down in front of me with a triumphant grin. “Let me know what you think.”
I slide my eyes shut as she brought the fork to my mouth, really embracing all the sensations that I assumed would be inflicted on me. As she slid the fork between my lips, I felt an explosion of flavors in my mouth: sweet, slightly spicy, fruity... It was delicious.
“Oh, wow.” I opened my eyes and grinned at her. “Now that tastes wonderful.”
Morgan sat down opposite me with sheer happiness on her expression. “Good, I’m glad you like it.”
“You’re a woman of many talents.” She might not have started the meal, but she had definitely finished it, and she did a damn fine job.
As we ate, we kept sharing intense looks. Nothing needed to be said for us both to understand what was going on here – that passionate desire was flowing between us, we both wanted one another, and it had my whole body stirring. My brain became thick with lust, making it challenging to even think straight. I hadn’t drunk any wine because Morgan wasn’t drinking, but I felt drunk regardless.
“I’m glad you came,” I managed to say to her through the thick lust once we’d both finished eating. “But I’m afraid dessert isn’t much. I didn’t really think about it until just now.”
“Oh, it’s okay...” she started to reply, but I wasn’t going to leave it there.
