by Shayla Black
sending you a list of names. Share it with Everly. They’re friends and neighbors of Lara’s. I need to know if any of them has cause to want to hurt her. Now tell me how to get her back.”
Dax was smooth with women. Oh, he was an idiot who’d lost the only one he’d ever really cared about, but the man knew how to handle females. With his good looks and the Spencer charm, there wasn’t a bar he went home from alone if he didn’t want to. “First, you have to apologize and you have to make it good.”
“I don’t know that she’s going to accept a simple ‘I’m sorry.’”
“Tell her you’re so used to dealing with people who lie that it’s hard for you to believe when they’re being honest.”
That was definitely part of the truth. “Okay. I can go with that.”
“And then take it a step further. Tell her you don’t know how to deal with a woman like her, one you know would never give you the time of day and that hurt, so you took it out on her. Tell her you want her but you know you can’t have her.”
And there was the rest of the truth. Dax had always seen right through him. Had he met Dax Spencer as an adult he would have pushed the guy away as fast as he could. But he hadn’t and childhood had bonded them so tightly. Now he couldn’t shove the fucker out of his life, even if he’d wanted to. “All right. Call me when you get in.”
“Will do. And good luck, brother.”
Connor hung up. He looked to the back of the apartment, where Lara was likely cursing his name. Honesty. He had to throw her a little. He had to get her to trust him or nothing would work.
Luck? Yeah, he was going to need a lot of that.
FIVE
Lara sniffled as she pulled out her overnight bag. She kept some clothes at her parents’ place. Still, she had no idea how long she would be there. Maybe she should pack for a couple of weeks. She’d have to call the vet and find a place to board Lincoln since her dad was allergic. Or maybe someone in the building could watch her little guy while she was away.
Damn it. Why had Connor turned out to be so horrible? She couldn’t work the way she needed to at her parents’ house. And how the hell was she going to meet her informant on Saturday? Her condo was only a couple of miles from the Lincoln memorial. If she stayed with her father, the distance to her meet point would be more than double. She would have to drive in or take the Metro. Sneaking past the new bodyguards her father was hiring might be a challenge, especially if Connor had recommended them. And her informant had been very specific. She had to come alone.
Everything was falling apart, including her composure.
“Hey.”
She didn’t turn around. The last thing she wanted was for Connor to see her crying again. Over another damn man. That was the worst part. She looked like a fool because she’d believed that men she didn’t know well in the first place were good guys. She let herself care when she shouldn’t. She’d been right to bury herself in work. It didn’t break her heart.
“I’ll be ready to go in a few minutes. Are you going to take me to Arlington or should I call my father to pick me up?”
“I wish you wouldn’t go at all.” His deep voice washed over her. He wasn’t using his military, rapid-fire, brooked-no-disobedience voice now. He’d switched to the same lazy drawl he’d used the night before when he’d put her in bed.
Of course he didn’t want her to go. He needed the paycheck. She was certain her father’s generous per diem only lasted as long as he was actually protecting her. God, she hoped the next bodyguard was unattractive and polite. She would keep her interaction with the next one strictly professional. “Well, it’s for the best. Maybe this will all settle down if I spend some time out of town.”
“Arlington isn’t really out of town.”
“Fine. We’ll call it lying low, then.” The last thing she was going to do was get into another argument with him. She’d learned she couldn’t win.
“It’s also the first place I would look if I was the kind of predator who wanted to kill you. If you’re going to run, it’s a safe bet that you would run home.”
“Well, I’ll shut down all my social media sites and I’ll figure out a place no one will look.” She fisted her hands in frustration. It was a useless emotion, but Connor seemed to incite it with ease. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not your problem anymore.”
“I’m sorry, Lara. I had no right to interrogate you in that manner.”
But it was his nature, and he’d flat-out told her that she couldn’t change his. She’d gotten sucked in by his beauty and the tenderness he’d shown her when he had held her as she cried. She’d been duped by how good it felt when he’d covered her body with his. He’d been doing his job and she’d been crushing, like some teenaged girl on a pop star. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not.” He was right behind her, and her stupid body reacted. It was as if every sense she had went on high alert the minute he walked into a room. “I was mean and I was wrong and my only excuse is that I acted out because I was jealous.”
He couldn’t have said a single thing that surprised her more. She turned around, nearly colliding with him. She had to look up to see his face. “Jealous of what?”
“I didn’t like Freddy in your kitchen this morning. I didn’t like those college boys around you last night, and I definitely don’t like the thought that Tom feels as if he has any right to your time or attention. I want those things for myself.”
What kind of game was he playing? “You don’t even like me. You’ve said it.”
“When did I say that? Did I say that when I kissed you? When I picked you up and carried you to bed? When I tricked my way into sleeping beside you?” His head shook in a sharp, definitive no. “I’m a man, Lara. I’m a one hundred percent testosterone-laden Neanderthal. You can’t judge us on our words. We’re not good with those. You have to look at our actions.”
“Your actions are those of a man doing his job. And you can’t put that on me. You said hurtful things to me and now you’re telling me I misinterpreted them? It’s my fault?” She wasn’t going to get caught up in that. She’d had enough of that crap with Tom. Besides their lack of heat in the bedroom, Tom had a bad habit of never taking responsibility for anything.
He didn’t give her any space to breathe, just kept looming over her with dark eyes. “You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”
“I’m not making you do anything, Connor.”
“I want you.”
She rolled her eyes. Yeah, that wasn’t going to work on her. His “confession” was enough to break the spell. He’d said the words in a cold, almost hostile way, as though he resented it. She wasn’t going to be resented. She walked to her closet and selected a couple of pairs of comfortable jeans. “Let me spare you the dissatisfaction, Mr. Connor.”
“Just Connor, and I’m screwing up again. Tell me what I did wrong. I don’t understand.”
“Fine, Just Connor. You picked the wrong subject to come at me with. You should have tried to tempt me with something a little more academic like your friend, Niall. Now there was an asshole who knew how to manipulate a woman. I’m not some sex kitten who’s going to go crazy the minute you touch me. Others have pointed out that I’m a little frigid.”
And maybe that was okay. That’s what she told herself every night she went to sleep alone. It was all right to not need sex the way everyone else seemed to. She had other gifts. As far as she could see, sex really only got a girl in trouble anyway. She’d had a high school boyfriend and Tom. Neither had praised her as a lover.
“Did Tom tell you that?”
He might have screamed it at her when they’d broken up. He might have written it in a couple of letters, but she understood he’d been hurt. “That’s none of your business.”
“So let me get this straight. The sex wasn’t great between you and Tom, and that little fucker made you feel like it was your fault. It’s not. You’re just as sexual as the next woman. What you two lack is chemistry.�
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“Chemistry? I loved Tom.” She did love him. She just hadn’t been in love with him.
“Love has nothing to do with it. It’s hard to explain but sometimes two people just click and every touch between them is electric. I’m not saying it doesn’t lead somewhere else, but that spark is all about sexual compatibility. We’ve got chemistry, Lara. That’s the whole problem. That’s why your nipples are hard right now.”
“Could you please stop talking about my nipples?” It was embarrassing, but she did understand what he meant by spark. She’d felt them flying through her system since the moment she’d laid eyes on him. Was it true? Did they have some kind of chemistry that only came along once in a while?
“Do you think this happens to me all the time? Let me tell you, prin—” He paused. “Lara, it doesn’t. It’s very rare that I meet a woman and want her like I want my next breath. And it’s never happened this hard and fast. It’s thrown me for a loop and I have no idea how to handle it. That’s why I’m doing such a terrible job of dealing with you. I need you to be a little patient with me.”
Her patience got her in all kinds of trouble. It was why he was here in the first place. Of course it was also likely the only reason she’d survived yesterday’s attack. “We’re kind of opposites. I know they attract and all but they rarely work out in the end.”
“Does everything have to end in marriage? Were you thinking about the long term with Niall? Don’t answer that. I know what you’re going to say.”
This was not how she’d expected the conversation to go. She’d been waiting for some protest on his part, but in a professional manner. She certainly hadn’t expected him to initiate any kind of intimate dialogue. Was she, like he’d suggested, reading too much into his words and not enough into his actions? He’d been tender with her the night before. She would bet he wasn’t tender very often.
“Yes,” she admitted. “A couple of days into talking with Niall, I was thinking about a future. It’s what I do. I know I shouldn’t. Kiki thinks I need a few flings to loosen me up.”
“And now I kind of hate Kiki, too.”
“Why?”
He threw his hands in the air. “I have no idea. I am utterly irrational when it comes to you. I’m being honest with you, Lara. Why was I mean? Because I want you and I don’t think I can have you. Because I’m a jealous, possessive prick who doesn’t deserve you any more than Niall did.”
She shook her head. “It wouldn’t work. We just met and we’ve already argued.”
“Because I’m fighting this. Because I don’t want to be vulnerable to you or anyone. It’s totally against my nature. I don’t like the feeling. But I also know that I don’t want you to walk away. I can’t give up the responsibility of watching out for you. If anything happens to you, I won’t be able to live with myself.”
“Why? I have trouble believing that you’re feeling too much for me or whatever. You just met me.”
“I didn’t say it was rational. I just said it was.” He sighed. “Look, Niall is a player. He figured out very quickly what you wanted in a guy and gave it to you. I’m the opposite. I won’t pretend. I’m just the asshole who makes you feel like crap because I like you and I don’t understand why or know how to say it.”
Actually, she understood that entirely. Still, his admission stirred up a bunch of girly, fluttery emotions. She’d been very open with Niall because he’d seemed so honest with her. They’d had a lot in common. At least she’d thought so. She and Connor came from completely different worlds. But that only made him more dangerous.
She tried to shove her feelings back and focus. “I thought I wrote a rag.”
That hadn’t been the most hurtful thing he’d said, but it was the easiest to address.
“I might not believe in everything you do, but I like that you stand up for what matters to you. And I admit I don’t understand it completely. So why don’t you teach me, Lara? Let me really get to know you.”
She liked it better when he was being an ass. He was way easier to deal with. This new Connor had soulful eyes and she halfway believed what he said, even knowing it could all be a ploy to win her trust so he could keep his paycheck. “Against my better judgment, I kind of like you, too. This seems like a bad idea.”
He invaded her space again and cupped her shoulders. “Kiss me. That kiss in the elevator meant something. You know it did. It was more than just setting our cover. Just kiss me once and if you don’t want to do it again, I’ll leave. If you still think I’m only here for the money, I’ll walk out the door. But if you get even the slightest thought floating through your brain that you might enjoy being with me, then let me stay.”
Simply being close to him messed with her mind. His touch was potentially addictive. She’d slept better last night than she had in weeks because he made her feel safe. Despite every snide word he’d tossed at her earlier, despite the fact that he was a distrusting carnivore with a worldview that ran counter to her own, he tempted her like mad. All she wanted to do was put her lips on his and explore.
She’d never done anything like that with Tom or her high school boyfriend. She even shied away from playing with herself because she liked connecting with people. So there hadn’t seemed much point in masturbation. But she’d stood in that elevator with Spencer Connor and she’d wanted to wrap her arms around him, spread her legs wide, and welcome him inside her. She’d rubbed against his leg because her every instinct told her this man could make her feel.
“I don’t do flings.” That wasn’t something she could manage, at least not yet. She needed time to think things over.
He finally took a step back, placing much-needed distance between them. “Okay. I didn’t jump on you last night and I won’t now. But you won’t find another man who will protect you the way I can. You won’t find another man who will let you work the way I will. And if you want to experiment, if you want to explore this chemistry between us, I’ll let you do that, too.”
In a flash, she knew she’d regret it if she didn’t. She would always wonder if Connor was the one man who could have set her sensuality free. Why should she have to live like a nun for the rest of her life?
The things she was best at had always been things she practiced. Like the piano. She’d hated the lessons when she was a kid and now she found a deep peace in being able to sit down and play Bach or Chopin. She was a better writer for having done it over and over throughout the years. She could look at some of her early pieces and cringe, but she’d gotten better.
What if sex was like that? What if her supposed ineptitude really hadn’t been her fault and all she’d needed was some instruction and practice?
Lara shook her head. This train of thought was stupid. She wasn’t as dumb as he suspected.
Still, she had that meeting coming up and she was sure that keeping it while staying in the city would be easier than trying to rendezvous from her dad’s.
“All right. You can stay, but only as a bodyguard and you have to sleep on the couch.” She couldn’t risk physical intimacy with him, not until she’d really prepared herself.
“Lara . . .” His face had fallen and she could see him working up to argue his case.
She shook her head. She’d let him call all the shots up to this point, and that time was over. “No. If you can’t handle the couch, I’ll go to my father’s.”
It was time to take control back. He was too different, too dangerous, but he was also her best option in a bad bunch.
He stood there and she could practically see that sharp mind of his working overtime. He wasn’t slow at all. She no longer bought the “I’m a lowly sailor” routine.
Was he telling her the truth about wanting her? Did it even matter since she knew what a horrible idea sleeping with him would be?
“All right,” he relented. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”
She held out a hand. “Then we’re good.”
He took it in his own, but instead of shaking it, he cupped his o
ther hand over hers. She was surrounded by his warmth, his strength. And she definitely felt the electricity between them. “But sweetheart, we’ve already set our cover in motion. In public, you have to act like you’re in love with me.”
“Can’t we break up?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“I thought you’d say that.” He was good at saying no. She pulled her hand from his and began putting her stuff away.
“I’ll go reheat breakfast and we can start over. You need your strength. We have a lot to do today.” He was gone before she could reply.
Lara stood in her bedroom and had to wonder if she hadn’t just made a deal with the devil. A handsome, glorious devil, but the devil all the same.
* * *
