by Montana Ash
“Anyway,” he cleared his throat, silently promising to steal the baby for some major cuddles later on. “I have an idea to address all the main concerns head-on.”
Darius straightened from where he had been cooing at Maxwell over Cali’s shoulder, looking interested. “Really?”
Beyden nodded, “Really. I think it’s time for Max to be seen.”
Ryker’s frown was immediate, “What do you mean, ‘be seen’?”
“I mean, the people need to know Max is back. They need to see her, speak with her.” He had given it a lot of thought and it was the only solution he could find.
“No way,” Ryker growled. “Max still isn’t herself and there’s no hiding that fact. Anyone who knew her before is sure to notice. What do you think all the opposers would do if they learned Max wasn’t, well, Max?”
Beyden ran his hands through his hair, wincing when his fingers brushed over the shorter strands rather than running through them. “I know that, Ry. And I know the remaining members of the local and international council are doing their best to piece society back together. As are we. But it’s not enough. These people fought for Max, fought with Max on the battlefield. They bled and gave up their lives for Max. They need reassurance about what they were fighting for. They need hope. They need their custodian,” Beyden finished.
Silence reigned and Beyden wondered if he was going to have a fight on his hands. They may not be connected to Max via the Order link anymore – a fact which was a daily hurt. But they were all still just as dedicated to keeping her safe and healthy. Taking Max out in public had the potential to be very dangerous, he knew that. But he also believed it was the right thing to do. Glancing at the others, Bey noted similar frowns on the faces of Darius and Cali, but Axel and Ivy seemed more open. He hoped one of them would back him up.
“Beyden is right.”
The words Beyden was hoping for didn’t come from them though, they came from Mordecai, the warden having entered silently through the French doors that opened directly into Lark’s garden. Mordecai had somehow become a permanent fixture in the household. Any lingering doubts or feelings of animosity toward Max’s biological father were now non-existent. Those few weeks when they had all believed Max was dead and gone, Mordecai had quite literally saved them all from drowning in depression. His gift and burden of the element of Death made him especially equipped to deal with the fallout from such traumatic events. It can’t have been easy, Beyden knew. The toll a warden took from upholding their element was immense. And the job of levelling Ryker’s emotions alone must have been a monstrous task, let alone assisting the rest of the household. But Mordecai and his paladins had stepped up and effectively stepped in to their makeshift family. The man was intense for sure but was also as solid and dependable as they came. Beyden no longer held any doubts as to the genuine regret the man must have felt knowing his daughter was lost to him over the years.
“In fact, Blu and I were just discussing the same thing,” Mordecai continued.
“Blu is here?” Ryker asked, peering around Mordecai’s large frame.
Mordecai shook his head, “On the phone. He rarely leaves the Lodge these days. He is one of the only authority figures left now. The IDC is practically non-existent but thankfully Blu and I are still being recognised as leaders. If it weren’t for the rangers stepping up and taking on more responsibility, I think we’d be in even more trouble by now.”
Beyden nodded at that. Where once the rangers were regarded as the boogeymen of their society – hunters and executioners – they were now suddenly more heavily involved in the day to day governing of their society. Almost like human police, Beyden figured. People were still leery of them and a healthy dose of fear remained, but it was balanced with respect and appreciation for everything they had done to aid with the chades in the past. As well as the chadens in the present. Nikolai in particular had taken on a bigger role and Beyden had heard only good things about him and his Ranger Unit. It was the same unit his sister was in, though she had been sticking close to home due to his injury, Max’s amnesia, and the fact that there was a precious newborn baby in the house. But he knew she would be recalled soon to resume her normal duties.
“What are you getting at, Mordecai?” Ryker demanded, arms crossing over his thick chest.
“Like I said; your man here is right. How are we supposed to get a government up and running when the figurehead is in hiding?”
“She’s not hiding,” Diana was quick to respond, taking exception to the words. “She’s in protection. She’s recovering.”
Mordecai raised his eyebrows, “Really? Protection from what? There are no longer any chades and the few radicals still out there are easily dealt with or are squirreled away licking their wounds. I have no doubt we’ll have some trouble from those quarters in the future, but for now those threats are contained. And recovering from what? Max is perfectly healthy. In fact, she’s outside right now playing a weird but endearing game of hide and seek with my paladins, Zombie, and that odd little slater bug.”
The room was quiet for a moment, no doubt picturing their kooky little liege trying to find a bug the size of her pinky fingernail in the endless bush and beach surrounding the house. But once that moment passed, the room suddenly became louder as voices were raised and Beyden felt his own temper flare as his headache let itself be known once more. He wished like hell he’d never made the suggestion in the first place. Even as he thought it, he shook his head. No, his argument was solid. Max was needed. These mood swings of his were playing havoc with his self-confidence. Sometimes he swore he could even hear a second voice in his mind urging him down a darker path. Shaking off the ridiculous notion, he raised his voice to be heard over the cacophony; “Why don’t we ask Max what she thinks?” he suggested, trying to sound reasonable.
“Because we all know she would say yes but she has no idea what she’d be agreeing to,” Ryker yelled.
“Oh, of course. Heaven forbid you actually treated me like a real person with real thoughts and feelings rather than a shadow of the person you used to love and still want desperately to return.”
Every person in the room cringed, the words causing an immediate flare of pain and shame. Turning, Beyden saw Max in the doorway, Diana, Lark, and Jasminka standing just behind her.
EIGHT
Max was pissed. About a week ago, she had been pleasantly surprised to enter the kitchen after her chat with Mordecai to find the constant oppressive atmosphere of guilt, depression, hope, and pain had all but lifted. She wasn’t sure what had brought on the change, but the relief had been immense. In the days since, she had found it easier to breathe around the numerous bodies in the house. Not that it had been easy. For some reason, the men had started to parade around the house in a constant state of undress. It was like a smorgasbord for the senses. Everywhere she looked there was tanned, smooth skin, stretched tightly over muscled biceps and abs. Muscles flexed and moved in the most appealing ways even for the most mundane of tasks.
Just yesterday, she had wandered into the kitchen to find Axel and Beyden both shirtless, preparing coffee. The way Axel’s back had looked as he stretched for a coffee mug ... Max sighed in remembrance. She knew they were taunting her for some reason, she just had no idea what the motivation could possibly be. The wicked wink he threw her over his leanly muscled shoulder was proof that the fire paladin knew exactly what he was doing. Why would the men suddenly feel the need to show off their assets? Deciding to play along and get a better feel for the situation, the day before Max had pasted on her best sultry look and responded to Axel’s seemingly innocent offer of a hot chocolate by saying;
“Yes, please. And don’t forget the sugar. The only problem is that I can’t decide if I want white sugar,” she let her eyes rove over Axel before turning to Beyden. “Or brown.”
It had been most gratifying to see the wide-eyed looks of surprise on their faces, followed by immediate and fearful looks over her shoulder. She knew they wer
e looking to see if a certain scarred paladin had overheard her comment, and that had provided her with a few early ideas as to their motivations. It was all kind of fun but all that aside, they still treated her like spun glass and she felt like they were holding their breath, waiting for the ghost of the old Max to suddenly return in a rainbow of sparkles – or some such bullshit. Walking in and hearing them all make arbitrary decisions on her behalf caused her understanding and patience to snap.
“I want you all to listen to me. This person you all speak of? I don’t know her. She’s as much of a stranger to me as you all are. I’m sorry. I know that hurts you. But it is what it is. I know you miss her. I know you love her. But I’m not her. I’m not that Max. I can’t be anything other than who I am. This, right here, right now? This is me. Past me? Future me? They don’t exist. Not yet and maybe never again. You need to stop judging me based on what my reactions would have been in the past.” Max took a deep breath, fortifying herself for her next question; “Is that enough for all of you?” She turned to Ryker, found herself drowning in his deep, brown eyes, “Am I enough for you?”
Silence met her little speech and Max held her breath, locking down her shields so as not to feel the swirling emotions in the air. She was too terrified of what they would reveal. A sudden lunge from Ryker had her stiffening in alarm until she felt the gentle way he gathered her into his arms.
“You’re enough. No matter the guise you are in, no matter the body, or the mind. You’ll always be enough,” Ryker whispered.
Max choked back a sob and found herself relaxing into the big man’s embrace for the first time in memory. It felt amazing. He felt amazing. He was warm and comforting – and hard and muscly and sexy and ... Down girl! Max chided herself. They were having a moment – a big moment of acceptance and peace. Her loins had no place chiming in. Max oompfed as a second set of strong, warm arms enveloped her from behind.
“Group hug!” Axel yelled.
Max found herself laughing even as she was squished in the middle of seven modern-day knights. “This is more like it,” she said, grinning as they set her free. “Now, what were you all talking about?”
“We were talking about our biggest regrets if we were to suddenly lose our memory like you,” Axel volunteered.
Max stiffened at first. She knew that was not what they had been talking about but then he bopped her on the nose, his blue eyes filled with merriment, and Max found herself relaxing under his cool gaze. The paladin wanted to play.
“That’s not what –” Darius, the pathological rule-follower began.
But Max was just so happy to be treated like a normal person, she didn’t mind the fire paladin’s attempt to keep things relaxed and playful for a few more minutes. Max would get to the bottom of what had them all so concerned. In fact, she had a particular person in mind to ask. But for now, she willingly went along with Axel;
“Oh really. And what would your greatest regret be?” she asked.
Axel grinned, “I’d worry about not permanently deleting my browser history,” he confessed.
The room burst into laughter and Max found herself joining in. The happiness and humour seemed to soak into her very pores and she felt lighter than she had in memory. She sighed in relief, her shoulders losing their permanent rigidness. She saw Ryker take note, a small smile tilting his lips as he turned and nodded once to Axel in thanks.
“Speaking of ...” Cali handed Maxwell off to Dex and then the leggy blonde started edging slowly out of the room. “I do believe your computer is in Ry’s study.”
Max became rigid, eyes narrowing. “You wouldn’t.”
Cali grinned, “Oh, I would.”
Max found herself cursing and sprinting after the water paladin, a chorus of chuckles, scraping chairs, and stampeding feet behind her. She didn’t know why she bothered. It wasn’t as if her puny legs had any chance against the Amazon’s in the house. By the time she made it to the masculine home office, Cali had scooped up the compact, black and bronze laptop from the larger of the two tables in the room. Max hadn’t spent any time in the room since her reappearance. The dark, depressive emotions wafting from it practically brought her to her knees whenever she walked past it. She hadn’t dared enter. The tortured emotions were still present, clearly belonging to Ryker, but she was able to push them aside due to the levity of all those pushing their way into the room.
Looking over, Max saw Cali lifting the lid on the laptop. “Is that really mine? Give me that!” she demanded,
“Oh, it’s yours all right. And no, I don’t think I will,” Cali’s wink softened the denial and Max knew the other woman was only playing with her.
Max made a grab for the electronic device, only to stumble and be brought up short by a pair of strong arms around her. She didn’t need to look up to know the arms belonged to Ryker and she was somehow in his embrace for the second time in as many minutes. Her mind might not remember the man but her body had no such issue. It heated immediately, pulse accelerating as she tried not to be obvious about leaning into his embrace. She felt his arms tighten for a fraction of a second, as if he couldn’t help himself, before he cleared his throat and placed her gently aside. Max snuck a peek at his face. It was flushed but no less handsome for it, despite the way the redness highlighted the dreadful scar on his face. She felt her fingers twitch and realised she felt the need to place her hand over the evidence of his pain. It was almost a compulsion.
The clearing of a throat snapped her out of her trance and she spun, seeing the entire Order watching her. Not awkward at all, Max thought silently. Clearing her own throat, she said simply, “Gimme.”
Cali pouted but quickly handed the computer over. Max raised her eyebrows when everyone just continued to stand there watching her. “Are you all just going to stand there?”
“Yes.”
“You bet.”
“Of course.
“Uh huh.”
Max rolled her eyes at the plethora of affirmative responses. She couldn’t deny she was now dying of curiosity. Maybe there was something on the computer that could trigger her memory? Placing the laptop on the desk, she opened it and turned it on. The request for a password was immediate. Turning to Ryker, she asked, “What’s the password?”
Ryker’s eyebrows rose, “How would I know?”
“Well, weren’t we lovers?” Max questioned.
Ryker’s scowl was instantaneous, “We’re more than that,” he practically growled. Diana promptly elbowed him in the ribs – hard – if his surprised grunt was anything to go by. Ryker tossed the curly-haired beauty a filthy look but he gave a small cough, immediately relaxing. “I mean, I don’t know it. I respected your privacy.”
“Hmm,” Max made a non-committal noise. Typing out a quick series of letters, she received a message stating the password was incorrect. She grunted.
“What did you try?” Lark asked. “It doesn’t matter if you can’t figure it out, I can easily get into it for you.”
Max was sure he could. Lark was some kind of a genius. But she found herself responding; “I tried ‘Ryker’. And no thanks. I kind of want to do it on my own.”
Ryker shook his head, “There’s no way it’s Ryker or Zombie or anything like that. You’d say that was too cliché.”
Max thought about it for a moment and decided he was right. Those were too obvious. Putting the computer down for a moment, she eyed both desks. “Why are there two desks in here?”
Ryker shrugged, pointing to the larger, dark wooden desk. “That one is yours. You’d often work on your sketches and graphic novels in here while I dealt with paperwork and crap.”
Max tilted her head, “Why is my desk bigger if this is your office?”
Ryker frowned, “You need more space than I do. I just make phone calls and fax shit. You’re an artist.”
“Oh,” Max squeaked. An artist, she thought. Ryker called her an artist. Opening the drawers she found a bunch of sketch pads and art supplies. “Is it okay if
I keep these? Look through them a little more?” She held up a particularly well-worn looking notebook. For some reason she found herself immediately drawn to it.
Ryker shook his head, “Of course it’s fine. They’re yours. We need to get organised for the day anyway. Speaking of which, we really should finish our earlier discussion. Beyden was right; I should have just asked your opinion about it.”
Max smiled gently. Ryker looked pained admitting that, but at least he was trying. “That’s okay. Thank you. Maybe dad could fill me in? He seemed to know what was going on and I’ve been wanting to talk to him again anyway.”
“Dad?!”
Ryker looked positively horrified over Max’s use of the pronoun and she barely repressed a giggle. “Uh huh, Dad,” she chirped. “We’ve decided to get to know each other, given it’s a first for both of us now. Apparently, old me was a bitchy-grudge-holder and didn’t give the guy a chance.”
Nearly everyone laughed and looked happy about the situation. Ryker still looked a little green and Darius a little suspicious. But no one said anything further as they trailed out of the room, leaving her alone with her father. Max set her drawing pad aside for the moment, caressing the cover with a loving hand, though she had no idea why. She made her way over to the large floor to ceiling window in the office, realising it was actually a sliding glass door. She unlocked it and slid it open but didn’t step outside. Instead, she simply stared off into the distance for a moment, wondering yet again why she couldn’t seem to stop feeling a pull from that direction. Time to find out.
“What’s out there?” she asked, bluntly.
Mordecai appeared puzzled as he stepped up beside her. “Out where?”
Max waved a hand to the north, “Out there. In the distance. I feel a pull; all day and all night. It’s driving me crazy.” She rubbed the centre of her chest, admitting; “It hurts. Something out there is ... crying.” Mordecai looked concerned but also resigned. As if he knew exactly what she was talking about. “You know what it is.”
