I went into my closet and picked up my suitcase. I didn't have a choice. They deserved to be happy, and more than that, Blayne deserved to show his family what an amazing man he was. The only way any of that could happen was if I let them be. They couldn't keep going like they were. Someone would find out. They needed to be free. Which meant I had to go.
I began to fold and pack my clothes, my movements methodical even as my thoughts kept going, planning. If I had a plan, it meant I had something to follow, something that would keep me from thinking about the pain that was coming.
I would go to a hotel first, give Katka and Blayne the chance to decide what they wanted to do. I would talk to her before I moved back, make sure she understood that I would keep my end of the bargain and make sure no one knew that I'd left Blayne. I would wait the three years to file for divorce and would maintain appearances whenever he wanted me to. The rest of the time, if they were smart, Katka would just pretend to be me. It wouldn't be the first time.
The more I thought about it, the more I thought it could work. I could just stay in and do my work, maybe even get my own place in New York. Katka could wear my designs while she pretended to be me, continue to make the connections I needed. Everyone would win.
I closed the suitcase and took out another one. I didn't have many personal things, but what I did have, I wanted to take with me. I glanced at the clock. I still had time before Blayne got home, and I definitely wanted to be out of here before then. I didn't like the idea of sneaking out after he went to bed, like I was doing something wrong instead of something right.
I was tempted to leave without an explanation. Just shut my bedroom door and see how long it took him to realize I was gone. I wondered if he'd even notice before I called Katka to tell her what I'd done. Behaving in such a manner, however, would be petty, and I refused to be that way. I would handle this with poise and dignity. I would also make sure neither my sister nor my husband had a hint of my true feelings.
No, I needed to let Blayne know that I was gone. I owed him that much.
But there was no way I was doing it to his face.
Once I'd packed my things, I took out a sheet of paper and tried to figure out what to write. A thousand things were going through my head, some of them cold and brisk, others more sentimental than I ever admitted to being. I had to choose my words carefully, convey exactly what I wanted him to know rather than what I felt. With English as my second language, it was sometimes difficult to know which words to use, and these were extremely important.
By the time I was finally satisfied, the trash was full of the mistakes I'd made and I didn't have much time left before Blayne got home. I picked up my things and left the note on my bed. He'd find it the next time he came in to talk to me.
I took a deep breath and walked towards the door. I could feel the doubts there, threatening to creep up and make me second guess myself, but I did what I always did and pushed them aside. I knew what I had to do and I wasn't about to let everyone down because I was too weak.
I had a plan I was going to follow, and that was enough.
It had to be enough, because it was all I had.
Chapter 6
Blayne
I hadn't been able to stop thinking about Katka all day. We'd barely spoken this week and even our texts had been abrupt. Something was up and I was determined to find out what. There was a problem though. Whenever I thought about seeing Katka again, thoughts immediately turned physical. I'd started going over what I'd say to get her to start talking, but it always ended up being some sort of blow-off statement and then the two of us would start kissing and...well, nakedness would ensue.
I closed my eyes as I stepped under the hot spray. A shower had been in order as soon as I'd gotten home. Just before I'd entered my building, a cab had gone right through a puddle, showering me with dirty slush. I wasn't sure if I was going to see Katka tonight or tomorrow, but I didn't want to spend the rest of the night covered in that shit, so into the shower I'd gone.
As I soaped my hair, I tried to get my thoughts back on track. I'd call Katka while I made myself something to eat. I didn't want to have a serious conversation over the phone, so I'd see if she wanted me to come to her place or meet at a hotel. Most of the really nice ones in the city were off limits because of Dad's spies, but there were still a couple where I could get some privacy. Her apartment was risky since I knew my father probably was aware of Livie's old address, but if he had anyone watching, I supposed I could find a lie that would work, like I was getting something for my wife. Livie was, after all, still paying for the place.
I'd been a little surprised when Katka had told me that, since I'd gotten the impression from Livie that she valued self-reliance. I hadn't asked about it though. It may have been my money but it wasn't my business. And it really wasn't my money. To avoid my father finding out I was actually paying Livie to be my wife, we'd set up a joint bank account where I'd deposited the first portion of the money I'd promised her, with some extra I'd use from time to time to keep up appearances. To Dad, it would look like I was just being smart and keeping Livie from having access to everything. Hopefully, it would look like that to the INS too. With my inheritance being my primary concern, I sometimes forgot that Livie and I were technically under government scrutiny as well.
I rinsed my hair and then reached for the washcloth. I hadn't thought about the green card situation in a while. I knew Livie had applied for hers, but I wondered what Katka's status was. I couldn't see Livie risking her sister's future, so there would have to be things in place to take care of Kat no matter what happened with Livie. It was one of the reasons I wanted to tell Livie the truth. I knew that her sister's happiness was her top priority. And Katka was happy with me.
My Kat. The image of her danced in front of my face. I missed her. My hand ran the washcloth across my chest, the spicy scent of my body wash filling the bathroom. I could almost imagine her here with me, her beautiful body glistening as the water cascaded down it. I could see the individual drops as they ran from her collarbone down the slope of her breast to the tip of one hardened nipple.
Fuck. I should've gone for a cold shower.
I closed my eyes as I set the washcloth aside and used my hand to coat my cock with soap. It was half-hard, but a few firm strokes had me ready to go. I imagined it was Katka's hand on me, fingers expertly moving over my throbbing shaft as she lowered her head to take me into her mouth.
The water turned her hair a darker shade and the moisture on her eyelashes made those deep green depths glow like emeralds. She looked up at me as she rested her hand on my hip. The expression on her face was serious, full of a single-minded determination that was more at home on her sister's face than hers.
The fantasy shifted without my direction. The woman on her knees in front of me was no longer my Kat, with her sexy smile and easy laugh. The woman looked the same, but I could see the difference in the set of her jaw, the faint worry line between her eyes. She didn't say a word as she wrapped her lips around the head of my cock...
“Dammit!” I opened my eyes, blinking back the water.
I took a slow breath, my hand tightening almost painfully on my cock. I had to get Livie out of my mind before I continued. My balls were aching, but there was no way I was going to jerk off to the sister of the woman I loved, even if she was my wife. Damn…how fucked up was that?
“Katka.” I said her name out loud, trying to refocus. “My Kat.”
I focused my thoughts on her. The memory of her kiss, how her mouth felt under mine. Soft, willing. None of the hesitation I'd gotten from Livie on our wedding day – the only time we'd ever kissed.
“Stop thinking about Livie,” I reminded myself.
I closed my eyes, reforming the mental image of Katka's body in front of me. Her hand on my cock as her mouth moved down my chest, teeth scraping over my nipple the way I liked.
I let out a shuddering breath as I started to move my hand again. Firm, sure strokes
that I pretended were being made by Katka. Her hands were smaller than mine, but her fingers were long and strong. Like her sister's. Livie had spent years drawing and sewing, giving her fingers a strength and dexterity that had been obvious from the first time I'd taken her hand. Katka had it too, so I wondered how much of it was genetic...
What the hell?
Katka.
I sped up my hand. Time, it seemed, was against me. I wanted to come thinking about my Kat, not Livie, but I couldn't seem to hold Katka in my mind very long before Livie crept back in. It was my fault, I supposed, for being so focused on telling Livie the truth. No matter what I did, she was on my mind.
I pulled my thoughts away from Livie and tried something simpler than thinking about what I wished Katka was here to do to me. Her eyes. That was enough. The heat I saw in them when we made love. The way the pupils would widen to the point where only a thin sliver of green would be visible just before she came.
I moaned as the pressure inside me reached a critical point.
The way they would sparkle when she laughed. How they never looked at me with disappointment, like she could see something inside me that I couldn't see in myself. Faith and trust in a man she believed in.
Everything tightened and then exploded. Even as I came, the image of her eyes wavered, then solidified. Same color. Same unwavering belief. But I knew those weren't Katka's eyes.
I slapped my hand against the cool tile wall and let go of my still spurting cock. I hadn't been thinking of Livie, I told myself. It had been Katka. And just because they would sometimes get the same expression, it didn't mean I wanted Livie. I loved my Kat. Livie was just...well, my wife.
I finished washing off in a hurry, grimacing as I rubbed the washcloth over my still sensitive cock. I tried to keep things simple as I rinsed and stepped out of the shower. Concentrating on drying off, wrapping the towel around my waist. Walking to my room and finding a pair of comfortable sweatpants. Deciding what I would make for dinner.
All of my attempts to simplify my thinking so that I didn't have to acknowledge what just happened went out the window when someone knocked on the door. Running through a list of people it could be, my racing pulse said there was only one person I wanted it to be.
I wouldn't be her though. Katka and I had agreed that coming to the apartment was a bad idea. Unless...hope flared. Maybe she'd decided it was time to tell Livie. Maybe that's what she was here to help me do.
I opened the door and a smile broke across my face. “Kat.” When she didn't say anything in response, just simply stepped past me, her expression registered.
She was upset. Immediately, my smile fell away and concern pushed aside the hope and joy I'd had at seeing her.
“What's wrong?” I took a step towards her, filled with an instinctive need to protect her from whatever had her hurting.
When she held up her hand to keep me from touching her, my stomach turned to ice.
“We need to talk.”
I started to shake my head, more in denial than protest. It couldn't be what I thought it was going to be. “Katka,” I started.
“Please, Blayne.” Her voice broke on my name and broke my heart in the same moment.
I didn't need her to say it – I knew what was coming. At the same time, I needed her to say it because I didn't want to believe it.
“Do not make this any harder than it needs to be.” Her eyes filled with tears and I could see her struggling to hold them back.
I didn't know how it could be any harder. It felt like she was ripping my heart out. My entire body felt like it was made of wood, solid and unmovable. I couldn't speak, couldn't blink back or release the tears I felt burning my eyelids.
“We knew it would end like this,” she continued. The words sounded like something she'd been rehearsing. “It would be foolish of us to have thought otherwise. You are married. To my sister. This is unfair to us and to her.”
She took a shuddering breath and I wasn't sure what pained me more, her words or seeing how much those words were hurting her.
“I cannot see you anymore, Blayne. What was between us is over. Do not try to contact me or visit me. Go to my sister. Be her husband.”
“She doesn't want me either.” I finally found words and I spoke them through gritted teeth.
Katka gave me a soft, sad smile. “She will. I know my sister. If she is not already in love with you, she will be.” Her voice softened until I almost couldn't hear it. “You are far easier to love than you have ever believed.”
She came towards me then, her hands cupping my face as she rose up on her toes to bring our mouths together. I hadn't realized she'd started to cry until I tasted the salt from her tears as my lips parted under hers. I started to slide my arms around her waist, wanting to keep her there, hold her tight until she promised not to leave me, but she pulled away.
“I am sorry to hurt you,” she said, her hand lingering on my cheek. “But I cannot say that I am sorry to have met you, to have loved you.” She dropped her hand. “Take care of my sister. Good-bye.”
I couldn't even find the strength to turn as she walked away. The door closed behind her and my legs couldn't hold me anymore. I slumped down onto the floor, staring in shock and seeing nothing. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. We were meant to be together. I knew it more than I knew anything else. I couldn't lose her.
But I had.
Chapter 7
Blayne
I wasn't sure how long I sat there on the living room floor, wearing only my sweatpants, my still-wet hair dripping onto my bare shoulders. It felt like forever, but when I finally managed to get to my feet, my legs were stiff, but not as bad as they would've been if hours had passed. A glance at the clock said Katka had left less than an hour ago.
Left.
She'd left me.
Pain went through me. I'd never had a woman break up with me before because I'd never actually been in a relationship. Even if I had been, I'd never thought of myself as being the one dumped. And I'd certainly never imagined what it would feel like to have my heart broken. I snorted a bitter laugh. This wasn't broken. This was shattered.
In eighth grade, my class had gone on a ski trip and I'd been showing off for some girl whose name I didn't even remember now. I'd told her that I could jump off the ski lift, turn in the air and ski back down the mountain like I was some badass Olympian. What I'd actually done was break my right leg in three places, my right arm in two and crack my collarbone. I'd scored the girl's number and lost my virginity to her on our first date a month later, so it had seemed worth it at the time, despite the pain.
What I'd felt then was nothing compared to what I was feeling now.
I had to get Katka back. There was no question about it, no doubt as to what I wanted. What I needed. I couldn't lose her. And there was one person who could help me.
I looked at the hallway that led to Livie's bedroom. This wasn't the way I'd imagined telling her. The confession should've been done with a declaration that I loved Katka and that we wanted to be together. A promise to fulfill our contract and then a rational discussion as to how this would work. There might've been some anger and some tears, but Livie's good heart would've won out in the end when she saw how much her sister and I loved each other.
Now, it would be only me telling her, begging for her forgiveness and then for her help. I could only hope that she would believe that Katka and I were meant to be together despite Katka's recent words and would decide to help me win her back.
I knew it didn't have to be that way though. There was a second option. One where I didn't tell Livie what had happened. Instead, I went to her with a broken heart over some unnamed woman and let her comfort me. Let things go where they would. I wasn't sure I believed what Katka had said about how Livie felt about me, but it could be possible. I could try, see if Livie would lower her defenses.
But that wasn't what I wanted. She wasn't who I wanted. She was so closed-off that I didn't know if I could
love her, even if I could get over Katka. Not that I wanted to get over her. No, I wanted to get my Kat back, and if that meant risking everything by telling Livie the truth, then that was what I would do.
I walked down the hall, my thoughts a mass of chaos. I had no clue how I was going to tell her what had happened, much less all that had been going on to lead up to this point. A thousand different scenarios played out in my head. Just blurting it out, spilling all the secrets at once and then letting her ask questions or make accusations as needed. Starting off with a “so, you know how I thought I'd slept with you twice?” These scenarios lasted less than a few seconds each since I knew that none of them would work. I wouldn't know what I was going to say until I saw Livie's face.
I knocked on the door and took a couple steadying breaths.
Nothing.
I knocked again and listened for the sound of her moving. Maybe she was asleep, though it was a little early for her to turn in.
Still, a minute passed, then another, and there was nothing.
Now I was getting concerned. She could be in the shower. Sometimes it was hard to hear with both doors closed. I supposed I could wait until she got out, but my gut was telling me that Livie wasn't in the shower. Something wasn't right.
I knocked a third time. “Livie, I'm coming in.”
I opened the door and stepped inside. The bathroom door was open and I couldn't hear water, so she wasn't in there. I frowned. Livie usually told me if she was going to be out so I'd know in case my father stopped by. I supposed there was a chance she'd forgotten, but that wasn't really like her. Livie didn't forget things.
The frown turned into a scowl as I noticed what I hadn't before. Livie's things were gone. She didn't have a lot of them, but what she had brought with her was gone. I walked over to the closet, the ice in my stomach twisting into an even more painful knot. There was no way this was happening. It couldn't be. Not when Katka had just left for the sole purpose of keeping Livie and me together.
Twisted Affair: The Complete Series Box Set Page 21
