“Where would you like to start?”
“From the beginning.”
“I probably have eight full albums.”
“If we have to stop and take care of the horses, we can. I’m happy to sit and go through them by myself if you have other things to do. But I’d love to hear your commentary. To hear you tell Chelsea’s life story as we go.”
Katie sighed, but nodded. “Have a seat on the couch.” She went to the bookshelf to pick up two huge albums and brought them over to where he waited. He’d left her plenty of space on the couch, but she sat much closer than he’d expected. Close enough to smell her scent. Nothing manufactured. Just Katie. A mix of soap, lemongrass, and leather.
Don’t be thinking about leather in that way with sweet little Katie.
He fought back a grin, but at least the carnal thought had lightened his mood enough to begin this journey into a life he hadn’t been a part of. His own flesh and blood had been front and center in most of the photos, none of which included him.
You can’t undo the past.
He nodded at Danny’s words. His buddy had said that to him the first time he’d visited after he’d rejoined his friend stateside while Danny lay in a VA hospital bed with his leg amputated. He’d been much more accepting of his condition than Travis had been at first. If only…
When Katie balanced the album between their laps and opened to the first page, his thoughts returned to the moment. The first photo showed an extremely pregnant Katie smiling at the camera, hands folded below her belly to show off her baby-swollen abdomen. He detected a touch of worry in her gaze. The photo had been taken in this very room, near the fireplace, which was blazing. Christmas decorations were still on the mantel.
Other photos on this page included sonogram shots of what he supposed was Chelsea in the womb. “Is she sucking her thumb?”
Katie laughed. “She was. I’m surprised you can make that out.”
“Well, that’s what it looks like, but I didn’t know babies did that even before they were born.”
“Oh, they have all kinds of tricks in there. Somersaults were her favorites. And kickboxing.”
What would it have felt like for him to be touching Katie’s belly when Chelsea kicked his hand? He tamped down his regrets and turned the page. He was bombarded with images of the tiniest baby he’d ever seen. Okay, so he hadn’t seen many.
“She was born in Lexington on the 21st of January. It actually snowed seven inches a few days before. Daddy and I were worried we wouldn’t be able to make it there if the roads weren’t cleared. Thankfully, most of the snow melted by the time my contractions started. You know how it is on backroads when there’s a heavy snow.”
I should have been the one taking you to the hospital.
Most of the photos showed Chelsea bundled up tightly with only her little face sticking out. One of her having a bath surrounded by bubbles.
I should have been there to hold you, baby girl.
Would he have his guts ripped out with each turn of the page? Could he do this? The walls started to close in on him. When Katie reached to turn another page, he placed his hand over hers.
“I need some air.”
Travis shifted the album to her lap, stood, and walked out the front door. He wasn’t sure if he needed to run or to puke his guts out. He decided to try running first and broke out in a jog then an all-out run. The sun was lower in the sky, but still an hour or more from setting. He started down the lane. His eyesight blurred, but he veered to the left and onto the road. The heat of the day hadn’t waned much, and sweat soon trickled down his neck.
“Why?” The sound of his scream made him realize he’d stopped before the word had been ripped from his chest. Why had Katie done this to him? How was he going to ever make up for what he and Chelsea had lost? Of course he never could.
A vehicle approached him from behind, and he stepped into the grass on the side of the narrow road to let it pass, but the damned thing slowed down instead. “Hey, can I give you a ride somewhere?”
He stared at the woman, but couldn’t see her face because the sun was behind her. He shook his head.
“Travis Cooper. I heard you were back.”
Who the hell would know him from Adam around here? Her Hispanic accent sounded familiar, though. “I’m sorry. Do we know each other?”
“I’m Lidia Brodie. Well, you might remember me as Lidia Mercado. I was Kate’s roommate at UK.” Her head turned toward the steering wheel momentarily before returning to his direction. “In college, you and my husband, Jason Brodie, used to shoot hoops together.”
His mind wasn’t thinking clearly at the moment, and he was in no mood for a stroll down memory lane. “Sure. I remember you,” he lied. “Listen, Lidia, I appreciate the offer, but I need to finish my run and head back to Katie’s.”
Her grin told him she read more into those words than was based in reality. “No problem. I know how hard it is to get healthy around here when everyone stops to offer you a ride. I’m glad you came back.” He remembered Katie mentioning Lidia when they’d been locked in the springhouse. Had she filled her in on this week, or did Lidia mean back as in since he and Katie had broken up? “We own the Chambourcin Winery down the road on Jason’s old family farm. I know he’d love to catch up on old times with you if you ever want to stop by.”
Travis nodded. “Thanks. I hope to be around for a while. If so, I’ll do that.”
She looked like she was about to say something else, but seemed to check herself before putting the SUV back into gear. “Have a nice evening. Tell Kate I said hi.”
After saying goodbye, he watched her drive away slowly. Almost immediately, his brain locked in on a memory of the four of them having pizza while watching the Final Four. Jason Brodie. He hadn’t been in classes with either of them, but they’d been friends of Katie’s. Still were, apparently.
With the wind out of his sails and his courage back up, he turned and walked back to the house. He’d better get his shit together before Chelsea came home. He hadn’t asked if he could stay the night at Katie’s place, but he had a lot of albums to work his way through by tomorrow afternoon.
What if Chelsea didn’t want him to be part of her life? The nagging thought wouldn’t be resolved until they met and he could gauge her interest in having a father in her life. Still, he was beginning to feel like he knew her. To feel a connection to her that was heart deep, which sounded strange given the fact they’d never met.
Tomorrow. And then he’d either go home empty-hearted, or they’d find a way to mesh the rest of their lives together in a way that would work for all three of them.
Chapter Seventeen
Kate stared out the picture window and down the lane long after Travis ran out of sight. Why had his emotional response to the photos been so surprising? She’d cheated the man out of twelve and a half years of Chelsea’s life. Over the last half hour, she’d come down off her high horse and started to see this situation from Travis’s perspective.
Suddenly, she wanted to do whatever it took to make this work between them. It was inevitable that Chelsea would want to get to know Travis better. Chelsea had longed for a dad for years, even to the point of trying not so subtly to talk Kate into dating the divorced father of one of her riding students a few years ago. Perhaps not so coincidentally, that had been about the time she’d stopped asking about her own dad.
Raising Chelsea, Kate had had little time to think about bringing a man into their lives. Her sole focus had been on raising her daughter and running this farm. But like it or not, Travis was going to become a part of their lives. And honestly, she’d never forgotten him. Every time she looked at Chelsea, she remembered…
How could she make this easier on them both? She had no clue how to even introduce the two of them to one another. “Chelsea, I’d like you to meet your father,” she’d practiced. Hardly. But it sure beat pretending he was a new hired hand or, worse, a man she’d begun dating in the last week and
invited to stay here. No, she needed to tell Chelsea the truth from the start. She’d told too many lies already.
The thought of Chelsea’s reaction and response almost made her sick to her stomach.
Travis entered the lane, walking rather than running. As he came closer to the house, the resolute look on his face made one thing clear. He’d come to a decision, too.
She walked out onto the front porch and waited for him. Hoping to head him off at the pass, she said, “You’re welcome to spend the night inside. And I’ll answer any questions you have.”
His eyes opened wider for a second before he schooled his expression. “Thanks. I’ll take you up on both offers. I’ll probably be up all night going through the rest of the albums.” He squared his shoulders. “If you don’t mind, Katie, I need to do that alone.”
Why did it feel as though he was already shutting her out of his and Chelsea’s world? “I understand.” She wasn’t sure how to say this so she might as well just do it. “Travis, tell me what you need in order to be ready for tomorrow.”
He squinted at her. “I haven’t a clue.”
“Well, just ask. Anything. Anytime. I’m sorry I’ve been treating you like the enemy. This must rank high on your list of the most difficult situations you’ve been forced to deal with outside combat.”
His body relaxed. “That it does.”
“I want to make it better for you both. Would seeing her room help? If so, I’ll take you up there now.”
He shook his head. “No, you were right. I don’t want to invade her privacy. But I would like to see every last photo. You have enough captions that I’ll be able to figure out what’s what.”
She nodded and waved him onto the porch, but didn’t lead him into the house immediately. “The important thing is that she doesn’t feel she has to choose between us.” Please, no, because I would lose.
“We both want what’s best for Chelsea. But I do have some questions.” Travis indicated the swing. “Have a seat.” As an afterthought, he threw in, “Please.”
He joined her, and Katie moved as close to the armrest as possible, too aware of his body next to hers to be able to concentrate fully. He spent the next half hour grilling her for more information about Chelsea. Hobbies other than horses and softball. Childhood illnesses and injuries. Favorite foods, colors, TV shows, movies. The list went on and on until he asked, “Does she have a boyfriend?”
“She’s only twelve and a half! Of course not!”
“Good, because I’d probably break the arms of any boy who tried to touch her.”
Kate couldn’t contain her grin, but turned away so he wouldn’t see it. “You sound like Daddy.”
“I have a newfound respect for your father’s overprotectiveness.”
Had Hell frozen over? Or had she been transported to some alternate universe?
“She does have a crush on one of the counselors at camp this week but he’s in college and no doubt will have been thoroughly trained in how to handle preteen and teen crushes before being hired.”
“Damn straight.”
That they’d found common ground on something warmed Kate’s heart. Chelsea might not be happy to hear she’d now have two protective parents making sure she stayed out of trouble, but having someone else play the bad guy for a change might cut Kate a little slack in that department.
Travis gently moved the swing back and forth with his foot as the silence dragged out. Was he running out of questions? Then he asked, “What position does she play in softball?”
“Pitcher.”
“Good for her. When does the season end?”
“Already has. But she plays in the church league throughout the rest of the summer. Local games only.”
This time several more minutes passed before he said, “I think I’m ready to start in on the albums again.”
She nodded and started to stand when he gently grabbed her arm. The now-familiar electricity bolted through her body. “Katie?”
The lines at the corners of his eyes relaxed as a slow smile spread across his lips. Her gaze rested there, and for one bizarre flash of a second, she longed to feel those lips on hers again before she looked into his eyes. Pulling herself back to reality, she asked, “Yes?” Her voice was barely audible to her ears, and she cleared her throat after the fact.
He did as well. “Thank you for choosing to have her and for keeping her rather than giving her up for adoption. I know it can’t have been easy to raise her on your own all these years.”
I will not cry in front of Travis.
She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I never considered anything else an option.”
“I’ve heard some really sad stories from my sisters about clients trying to find biological parents, and I’m glad she’s always been with one of us.” Before she could apologize again for shutting him out, he added, “I’m not going to come between you two, but I do want to carve out some time to get to know her. Just father-daughter time. Will you be okay with that?”
No mention of the three of them, but what did she expect after the way she’d locked him out of their lives all these years? She’d regret that decision for eternity.
“Absolutely. No doubt she’ll demand to have that time with you, too.”
Kate didn’t know yet what type of reception he’d receive from Chelsea, but that he was here and willing to become a part of Chelsea’s life meant a lot to her. She’d make sure Chelsea didn’t pick up any negative vibes from her toward him that might sway her opinion of her father.
A mosquito bit her, and she smacked it. “Let’s go inside before we’re eaten alive. I’ll freshen your sweet tea while you dive back into the albums. Are you okay with sleeping on the couch, or would you prefer the guest room? It’s not really made up yet and has become my storage and junk room.”
He chuckled. “The couch is fine. Closer to the photo albums. But I plan to move back to the barn tomorrow. Don’t want to give Chelsea the idea anything’s going on between us.”
Kate huffed, making light rather than letting those words seep into her soul. “Not to worry. I’m an asexual being in her eyes—a mom.”
“I hear you,” he said, smiling. “I still don’t want to think about my mom having sex with Dad—and they’re going on thirty-six years married this October with five kids.” His grin faded. “I have a lot to learn to do this half as well as they raised us.”
“It won’t be so different from how you engage with other close family members. Mutual respect. Open communication. Love. Lots of unconditional love.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“I’m not saying I’ve succeeded all the time. I’ve made plenty of mistakes.” Especially when it came to being honest with my daughter—and you.
“Hey, do you want me to go with you to pick her up tomorrow?”
Did she? No clue. “Let me think about it. Might be best for her to meet you here, or you might have a dozen teen and preteen girls drooling over you—and their mothers wondering what Kate Michaels has been up to while Chelsea was away.”
“I doubt those girls would give an almost middle-aged man like me a second glance.”
Oh, Travis, you never did see how the female set looked at you.
“But I see what you mean about wagging tongues. I don’t want to make things difficult for either of you since you have to go on living here.”
So did that mean he didn’t have plans to take Chelsea away from her?
She shrugged, trying not to show her thoughts. “I try not to care much about what people think concerning me, but don’t want Chelsea to bear the brunt of bullying or teasing.”
“I can already tell I’m probably going to be worrying about both my girls anytime you’re out of my sight.”
Both my girls? The thought that he might still have feelings for Kate after this made her tingle in places best shut down, until she realized he’d probably been talking about Chelsea and his dog, Sadie.
Of course, Kate was
the mother of his daughter, so he’d care about her in that way. But she couldn’t expect him to have romantic feelings for her any longer.
How would it go tomorrow when they told Chelsea—and where and how did they intend to do it? While he pored over more photos, she went out to the barn to take care of the horses and do some thinking.
After their talk tonight, though, she was certain now he wouldn’t run out on Chelsea. Her daughter’s security and happiness was all that mattered.
Their daughter’s. She needed to stop thinking of Chelsea as only hers.
* * *
Travis hoped he’d made some progress in getting Katie to trust that he was here for the long haul. She’d spent a lifetime in a black cave of distrust and resentment.
He sighed. It wasn’t as though he didn’t share some of that latter sentiment.
Don’t let resentment seep into your bones, too, Trav. It will only fester and rot your soul.
“Easier said than done, Danny,” he said. But damned if he intended to wallow in bitterness about the past. What’s done was done. Time to move on.
Well into the night, he scrutinized every page of photos in every album. Katie had done a phenomenal job of chronicling Chelsea’s life to date, almost as though she wanted to be able to show him someday.
Yeah, right.
He noticed the photos became fewer and fewer in the past couple of years, though. Had Katie become too busy, or was Chelsea avoiding the camera? Was Chelsea one of those girls who was self-conscious about her face and body the way his sisters had been at that age? How could she be? She was perfect in every way per the two-dimensional proof. Maybe they’d both grown too busy to chronicle her life, although there were lots from birthdays and Christmases. Winter months probably were a little less busy.
Travis recalled the one Katie had texted him where Chelsea appeared to be less than thrilled to be having her photo snapped. Tough. He wanted new ones by the thousands—and that was during the next few days or however long he would be here this time. For them, their life together would begin tomorrow evening.
Kate's Secret (Bluegrass Spirits Book 2) Page 20
