“No, he doesn’t, and that’s part of what I’ve come to understand this week. Everything I thought Travis would do or become didn’t happen due to other circumstances I’ll let him talk with you about. I considered telling him about my pregnancy at least a dozen times that summer and fall, but always convinced myself I was doing the noble and right thing—”
“He had a right to know about me.”
Her heart squeezed tighter. “Yes, he did. But I didn’t want to interrupt his life or make him give up his dreams. He worked hard for everything he achieved, so when the opportunity came up to pursue them, I couldn’t hold him back.”
“Who were you to decide for him? For me, even? You should have told him and let him make the decision himself.”
“I know now that would have been the best thing. Back then, though, I didn’t see it the same way. Hindsight is twenty-twenty. It wasn’t until I talked with Travis this week that I figured all this out.”
Chelsea narrowed her eyes. “I think you were afraid of something. What did you think would happen?”
So many things.
Kate took a deep breath. “That the day would come when he’d resent me and choose to leave us.” Or, worse yet, take you away from me. “I didn’t want you to go through the pain of losing a parent after getting close to them.”
“Like your mom did to you?”
Kate nodded, her throat constricting. She’d told Chelsea the truth about her mother long ago, but they hadn’t really talked about her much since.
“Not everyone does that, Mom. Most kids know both their parents, and even if they divorce, they still see both their mom and their dad.”
Leave it to Chelsea to bring a pesky thing like logic into this. She had always been excellent at debate and emotionally smarter than Kate had been—at that age or even now. “I wasn’t thinking with my head, sweetie. Only my heart. You have to believe me when I say that, at the time, I thought I was doing what was best.”
“Best for who? Not for me!” Chelsea bolted up again and resumed her pacing before facing Kate again. “Maybe not for Travis—my dad—either. I had every right to know my father.”
“Yes, you did,” Kate whispered.
“Mom, I still don’t get why you did this.”
As hard as it was to admit, she only had one response. “I’m sorry. I made a mistake. If I could go back and fix this, I would. I was wrong about everything. I never should have cheated him out of watching you grow up or you out of having a father in your life. I’ll have to live with that bad decision for the rest of my life, but I can’t change what’s already done. All I can do is work to help the two of you build a relationship together.” She drew a deep breath, feeling defeated. “Just don’t take out your anger at me on Travis. Give him a chance. He’s not to blame at all for what happened.”
“No, you are.”
Too drained to try and apologize or explain further, Kate nodded.
“Do you hate him?”
“Of course not! I could never hate him.” Kate stood and closed the gap to cup Chelsea’s cheek, relieved when she didn’t pull away. “He gave me you. And it was because I loved him so much that I kept the pregnancy a secret.”
“Love? That’s not how love works, Mom!”
What did Chelsea know about love? Okay, that wasn’t fair. She’d never known anything but love and support from Kate. “You don’t know the pain of losing—”
Chelsea jumped up from the bed again. “You don’t know that pain I’ve felt, Mom. I didn’t let you know how much it hurt because I didn’t want you to feel bad, but…I missed having a dad there to teach me how to pitch—”
“I taught you that.”
“True, but what about my fifth-grade father-daughter dance? I didn’t get to go because my dad wasn’t a part of my life. Because you didn’t want him to be my dad.” Chelsea turned toward the door then back at Kate. “How could you do this to me?”
“Sweetie, I’ve always tried my best to be both mother and father to you—”
“But you’re my mom. You can’t be both. Not for everything, anyway. You should have let him be my dad.” Kate tried to move closer to hug Chelsea and perhaps get her to forgive her, but the girl pushed her away. “I hate you for this!”
Even though Kate knew the words had been spoken out of anger and hurt, Kate felt them as a solid punch to the solar plexus. She’d been on the receiving end of her daughter’s ire for going on a year now, but that had been nothing compared to the vehemence in Chelsea’s voice now.
“I understand you’re feeling hurt right now, but please know that I’ve done my best to raise you to be the wonderful girl you are, and I’ll never stop loving you. But tonight isn’t about our relationship. Travis is waiting downstairs.”
Her eyes opened wide in horror. “I can’t go down there, Mom.” Chelsea’s gaze drifted to the door before she looked at Kate again, pleading with her eyes. “How can you be sure he’ll…love me?”
Kate smiled. “Because he already does and always will. What’s not to love? You’re a beautiful person inside and out, and he thinks so, too.”
“How would he know? He just met me tonight.”
“Because he’s already asked me a million questions and looked over all the albums of you growing up. He stayed up most of last night looking at them.” Her daughter cringed. “Don’t worry. He loved each and every one. Now, he’s dying to talk with you face to face to get to know you even better.”
“I don’t know what to say to him,” she whispered. Tears that had been welling in her eyes spilled down her cheeks, breaking Kate’s heart.
She opened her arms, hoping Chelsea would seek comfort there this time, but not wanting to invade her space again. Perhaps Kate hoped to gain a little comfort herself. At long last, Chelsea walked into Kate’s embrace, and the two hugged as tears poured from her eyes now, too.
“Shh,” she said, stroking Chelsea’s hair. “You’ve had no trouble talking with him earlier.”
“But he wasn’t my dad then.”
Kate chuckled. “Yes, he was. You just weren’t aware of it yet.”
“I did think it was kinda strange when he offered to pick me and my friends up after the movie and pizza.”
“You’ll see he’s going to be a terrific dad. He’s already been a great uncle to some kids in his life. Just be yourself. Let things progress naturally. He’s very good at keeping a conversation going. And there’s no need to rush things or try to say everything tonight. He’s going to be here for a few days, and after that, we’ll make sure the two of you get together as often as we can.”
“But he lives in another state. What if I need him and he’s not around?”
“He’s only about four hours away by car.” Kate had already mapped out online how long it would take to drive to Nolensville. She intended to go with Chelsea the first time she went down for a visit. The thought of sending her off without knowing where he lived or to be unable to picture her there while they were separated was unfathomable, so that first trip would definitely include Kate, whether Travis liked it or not. At least long enough for Kate to check out the house and make sure it was suitable for a tween. He’d been a bachelor a long time.
“And he has a phone—with text messaging. I’m sure you two are going to be able to find any number of ways to communicate.”
Chelsea drew a ragged breath. “Oh, Mom, I’m so scared. What if he doesn’t like me after he gets to know me? I can be…moody. It takes too much energy to be nice all the time.”
Kate grinned. That she’d raised a daughter so self-aware made her proud. “He already likes you and will just grow to love you more over time. Why, look at me. Have I stopped loving you because sometimes you’re a little…moody?”
Chelsea smiled, warming Kate’s heart. “No.”
Kate hugged her again, stroking Chelsea’s back in long sweeping motions. “The two of you are going to get along great. And now you’ll finally have the one thing I couldn’t give you.
” Well, I could have, but chose not to. Guilt washed over her. Would Chelsea continue to resent her for keeping Travis away all these years? “Now, tell me what you need from me before going downstairs.”
Chelsea pulled away and met her gaze. Kate wiped the tear smudges from her daughter’s cheeks. “I don’t want to go down there alone. It’s not that I’m afraid of him. I like him a lot, but…well, would you stay with me?”
“Of course, sweetie. But if you decide you’d rather just the two of you talk, just wave me away. Now, why don’t we go in the bathroom and wash our faces before we go down to see your daddy?” Kate especially didn’t want Travis to see her own tear streaks.
Chelsea nodded, a tremulous smile on her lips, and they went into the bathroom across the hall to repair the damage. Neither was wearing makeup, thank goodness.
In a few minutes, she’d deliver her daughter into the arms of her father—twelve and a half years late. Chelsea appeared to be hopeful. Father and daughter needed to bond without Kate being in the picture, because in all likelihood, once Travis returned home, Chelsea’s visits with Travis would be in Nolensville.
“Okay, I think I’m ready, Mom.”
That makes one of us.
Chapter Twenty-One
Travis heard the angry shouts coming from Chelsea upstairs, and then things grew quiet. He glanced at the enormous unicorn straddling the armrest of the couch. Maybe he ought to put it back in the truck and head home tomorrow. It didn’t sound like she wanted to have anything to do with him, although from what he could tell, most of her rage was aimed at Katie.
Several times, he stood and started to pick up the stuffed animal then came to his senses and sat back down only to jump up again to pace the floor. He felt like an expectant dad waiting for the news he’d just become a father in an old-time movie.
A door opened, and he turned to look toward the top of the stairs, anticipating that they would come down at any moment, but instead, it sounded as though they went into the bathroom.
Travis plunked down on the couch again and buried his head in his hands. He still had no clue what he was going to say to her. Could he find the right—
“Travis, I’d like you to meet your daughter, Chelsea Michaels Cooper.”
His head jerked up as his gaze focused on the stairs. All he could do was stare wordlessly at his beautiful daughter. He hadn’t heard them come down the stairs and still hadn’t found the right words, so he simply stood and opened his arms for her, hoping the gesture would convey what he couldn’t speak at the moment. Seemed like a lifetime passed by—but it might have only been seconds—before she timidly crossed the room and walked into his arms. His heart nearly burst as he wrapped her in the tightest hug he’d ever given anyone, except maybe her mother. Chelsea’s body trembled, and he squeezed her even tighter.
“I didn’t think I’d ever meet you,” she said in a thick voice he felt vibrate against his chest.
“Baby girl, I didn’t know my heart was missing such a huge chunk until I found out about you a couple days ago.” She might not be a baby anymore, but she’d always be his little girl, so the endearment his own dad still used with Travis’s three sisters rolled off his tongue naturally.
“I’m twelve,” she giggled but didn’t ask him not to use that name for her.
He glanced across the room at Katie, whose chin trembled. He wished he could convince her he had no intention of stealing Chelsea away from her. He only wanted to share.
While addressing Chelsea, he tried to offer Katie a reassuring smile. “Indulge me a little. I’ll try not to embarrass you in front of your friends, though.”
“It’s okay. I kinda like it. My best friend’s daddy calls her that.”
Call me Daddy.
She wiggled out of his embrace, and he released her with reluctance. When she glanced up at him, her eyelashes were wet and clumped, but he was lost in those beautiful green eyes that reminded him of Mom’s. “What should I call you now, Travis?”
Anything but Travis.
“Whatever you’d like.”
She averted her gaze a moment then met his again with a tentative smile. “I know I’m probably too old, but whenever I talked to you my whole life, I always called you…”
She’d talked to him? How sad was it that he hadn’t been around to hear her? His eyes stung with unshed tears, and he blinked rapidly.
“Um, would it be too weird if I called you…Daddy?”
His heart filled with so much love in that instant that it almost exploded. “I’d love for you to call me Daddy.”
Her face erupted in the biggest smile he’d seen on her yet, and he drew her into his arms again. After a moment, she asked, “Can I ask you some questions?”
Travis separated but kept his arm around her back. “Absolutely. Why don’t we sit down and talk? Nothing’s off limits. You just ask away.”
He took his place on the couch with his back to the hallway. “Is this for me?” She’d spotted the stuffed animal he’d forgotten all about.
“Sure is. Hope you like unicorns.”
She pointed to the dragon on her T-shirt. “I love all mythical creatures!” He couldn’t help but wonder if she’d thought of him as being a myth as well. She picked up the unicorn that was nearly as big as she and hugged it, burying her face in its mane.
“Glad you like it.”
“Like? I totally love her! I’m going to call her Xena.”
“From Xena: Warrior Princess?” It had been one of Katie’s favorite shows growing up, she’d told him once.
“Mom and I have watched the series on DVD a million times. It’s over there if you want to watch it sometime.”
Ah, that explains it. “Only if you watch it with me.”
“Mom, you probably won’t let us watch without you, will you?”
They both turned to Kate who stood in the doorway hugging herself, her face stained with tears.
“I think it would be a great thing to do together,” she said.
He didn’t remember how many seasons of the show there were, but bring it.
“I’m okay, Mom.”
Katie nodded. “I have some things to do in the kitchen.”
That she trusted him with her daughter—their daughter—meant a lot to him, but he had to wonder what was going through her head right now. He’d seek her out to talk later, but first, he needed to get to know his little girl better.
Chelsea sat at the opposite end and faced him with her feet tucked yoga style and the unicorn across her legs. At first, she played with the unicorn’s mane without meeting his gaze. She’d grown cautious and shy again. There was no need to rush. They had a lifetime to talk.
Without looking up, she asked in a barely audible voice, “Do you love me?”
How could she ask that? He wanted to wrap her in his arms again, but wasn’t sure if she needed closeness or more space. “Look at me, Chelsea.”
She raised her head and waited expectantly.
“Baby girl, I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in this world.” Oddly enough, even more than he did his parents and siblings. More than Danny. Even more than Katie, but they’d only known an immature love. What he felt for his daughter was so much deeper. She was a part of him. Hell, he couldn’t explain it, but tried to say something meaningful. “I fell in love with the idea of you almost the minute I heard about you. Then I went through every single one of those photo albums over there”—he pointed to the stacks of albums on the shelf across the room—“and fell deeper in love. Your mom did an amazing job chronicling your life.”
Not the same as me being here watching you grow up, though.
Chelsea buried her face in her hands. He thought she was going to burst into tears until she let out a dramatic groan. “Mom told me, but please tell me you didn’t see the one of me with spaghetti sauce all over my face.”
Travis chuckled, relaxing again. The girl had his emotions on a careening roller-coaster ride. “That was one of my all-time fav
orites. Absolutely adorable. But don’t worry. I won’t use it as blackmail with future boyfriends or anything. My mom has a similar picture in an album showing me at about eighteen-months-old on a vacation in Gatlinburg where I had the same spaghetti-plastered face, grinning like a nearly toothless Cheshire cat with my hand in the bowl to grab some more.”
Chelsea sobered, leaning closer. “Is your mom still…” She glanced down at her hands a second before meeting his gaze again. “Will I be able to meet her?”
“Sure. My dad, too. They’d disown me if you don’t get up to Louisville to meet them soon. That’s where I grew up, by the way.”
Chelsea somehow managed to bounce in place as she squealed. “Oh my gosh! I have grandparents, too?! This is way better than any Christmas present ever!”
He grinned at her enthusiasm. “You also have four aunts, an uncle, and two cousins.”
Her jaw dropped as her eyes grew wider at the news. When she regained her composure, she asked, “Do they know about me?”
“Not yet. I’ve only known about you a short while myself, and I wanted to see how you felt about me being in your life before I got their hopes up. But they are going to be impatient to meet you once I tell them. I take it you’d like to meet them.”
“Would I?! I don’t remember my grandpa, and my grandma was gone before I was born.” Had Katie told her the truth about her grandma or let her draw her own conclusion? “Mom’s an only child, so I don’t have any real aunts or uncles, just fake ones, like Aunt Lidia and Uncle Jason.”
“Hey, nothing fake about them. They were there for you while you were growing up. I’m Uncle Travis to the kids of a number of coworkers and others, and I take that role as seriously as I do with my brother Clint’s kids who are blood related.”
At his stern rebuke—man, did he ever feel like a dad now—she sat up straighter. “Oh, I didn’t mean fake in a bad way. I love them both to death. I just meant we’re not related by blood.” Her eyes grew wider again. “Tell me more about my cousins?”
“Yeah. Your uncle, Clint, and Aunt Susan have two kids—a four-year-old boy and an eighteen-month-old girl, Erik and Olivia.”
Kate's Secret (Bluegrass Spirits Book 2) Page 24
