by Lesley Jones
A lone tear runs down my cheek and he licks, yes licks it from my face. “Shall we go home so you can show me your tits?” he asks with a grin.
“You’re such a charmer Maca.” He gives me his full on, rock star on the front cover of a magazine, smoulder.
“Yeah, you think, am I good enough to get into your knickers later?”
“Erm babe, you did that about an hour ago, over my brother’s desk.”
He looks horrified. “Aw shit, was that you? Sorry, I thought that was some random bird, throwing herself at me.”
I stop dancing and put my hands on my hips. “That’s not funny.”
“I’m joking, I’m joking, come on, say goodbye to your mates and let’s get out of here.”
“Mine or yours?” I ask.
“Well I’m assuming Marley won’t be leaving without Ash so let’s go to yours.”
We say our goodbyes and leave the club by the back doors as apparently there are number of reporters waiting out the front. Milo walks us out and jumps into the front of Sean’s Land Rover that’s waiting outside for us. I’m introduced to Dave our driver and we’re driven through the night back to my flat, me trying to keep Sean’s hands from sliding into my knickers all the way there.
CHAPTER 21
My Dad had this lame saying that he used to quote to my brothers; it was usually when my Mum asked who had made the mess in her kitchen. De Nile is not just a river in Egypt, it never failed to make us groan but I had had that saying going around in my head for two weeks now and I was unsure why. Well I wasn’t, not really, I knew why and if De Nile was just a river in Egypt, I was drowning in it, I had drowned in it, for two weeks, I had felt like I had stones tied around my neck and I was firmly weighed down and on the very bottom of that river and the reason being was the guilt I felt over Cam. Not for what I had done, not for the way things ended but for the fact that I missed him so much. I loved Sean; I love Sean with a passion that defies logic. We have spent every spare moment together this past two weeks and he’s been in my bed every single night, we’ve woken up together every single morning, we’ve talked and talked and talked, we’ve decided not to waste time, we’re already looking for our own place. The press haven’t worked out where I live yet but they know who I am. Last weekend one of the Sunday tabloids run a front page and a whole double spread inside about mine and Sean’s ‘Great Love Story’. How we were childhood sweethearts and how we were ripped apart by his fame, they didn’t mention the rape incident because the accusation was withdrawn, charges dropped and the press threatened with legal action if they ever mentioned the incident, without making it perfectly clear that it was a fabricated story so it was just never mentioned but because the press knew who I was. They had camped out at the gates of my parents drive and the house had been bombarded with phone calls and post for me, lots of the calls were abusive from fans, lots of the mail were hate filled threats for me to back off. Sean was theirs and I needed to stay away. Some letters were actually really sweet, telling us that what we had was something special and wishing us well. Some were just plain weird, pictures of blokes’ dicks, with notes telling me I was beautiful and that they bet Sean wasn’t as well-endowed as they were. In the end, everything sent for me to my parent house was put in sacks and sent to Sean’s personal assistant Andrea. She siphoned through it and only sent us the things she thought we would like to read, which wasn’t much. All of the publicity had done wonders for trade at the shops, lots of new customers coming in, buying something small, just to see if I was there but I had stayed away.
My Mum and I had met for lunch on the Tuesday after Sean and I got back together, we talked through everything and I told her I forgave her. I’m not entirely sure that I did but I did understand her motives, I had said then, that I would carry on with work as normal but now, two weeks into my relationship with Sean, it was becoming apparent that this was going to be impossible so after a meeting yesterday. We had promoted Ashley as area manager and put a new full time manager in all six stores that we now had, and we had taken on an admin team consisting of a personal manager, staff in charge of accounts and orders and two new buying assistants, basically, my Mum and I, were part of the business in name only.
The band were touring the states next year and Sean had asked me to go with him, because of Len and Jimmie’s wedding they had taken the whole of June off and were only committed to a few television appearances over the rest of the summer. They were back in the studio in August to start recording their new album, due to be released in March as the U S tour kicked off. Sean and Marley had written a few new songs for the album but they would start getting together more regularly in July so that they were prepared to start laying down tacks by about September. All of this meant lots of free time for Sean and I to spend together but when he got a song in his head, he was gone, off with Marley to do their thing and as I was too scared to go out because of the press. I stayed home and had too much time to think and to feel guilty that I was missing Cam and that’s exactly what I was doing on this Friday lunch time, almost two weeks after I had last seen Cam. I’d just finished talking on the phone to Jimmie, her hens do was in a week’s time, twenty six women, all off to Marbella in Spain for five nights, friends, Mums, sisters, cousins, ranging in age from eighteen to sixty five and I couldn’t wait. Hopefully Marbella was going to mean anonymity for me, five whole days of nobody knowing who I was, I had only experienced two weeks of this fame game and already I was over it.
My buzzer on the intercom went and my belly went over, I was worried all the time that the press were going to find out about our little love nest. They had besieged Sean and Marley’s place and were totally confused about Sean’s whereabouts as he hadn’t been back there, he’s had Milo bring his clothes and toiletries and guitar here and here we had hidden away for two weeks, waiting for the ridiculous amount of interest they had in me to die down, which so far, had failed to happen. My palms were instantly sweaty as I stood up on the intercoms second buzz.
“Hello,” I said nervously.
“Georgia?”
“Who’s that?”
“Georgia Darlin’, it’s Benny, Cam’s Benny, dya think I could come in and have a chat babe.”
What on earth did Benny want? I was suddenly nervous, had Cam sent him to kill me, would Cam kill me, did he despise me that much?
“What’s wrong Ben, why do you need to chat with me?”
“Georgia, look Darlin’, its Cam, I don’t wanna do this over the intercom love, I just need five minutes.” I thought about it for a few seconds. Dave had been assigned to look after me when Sean wasn’t around and was sitting outside in a big Toyota four wheel drive when I looked this morning.
“I’ll come out,” I said to Benny.
“Sweet.” I heard him reply.
I looked out of the window onto the parking space below, Dave was out of his car and was obviously watching Benny and looked a little bit unsure of what to do. I went out and opened the door to Ben and stepped outside, I put my hand up to Dave to let him know that everything was okay and then turned to talk to Cam’s minder. “What’s up Ben, what can I do for ya?”
“Georgia, look this is a bit embarrassing, I know you’re with that pop star an’ everything now an’ I’m sorry an’ all that but the boss is a mess an’ I don’t know what to do. His bruvers an’ his sister av bin an’ tried to sort ‘im out but he ain’t ‘avin none of it, ‘is hittin the bottle and he could keep an army marchin’ for a month on the Charlie ‘is snortin an’ it’s all since you left ‘im.”
He looks at me pleadingly. “I’m scared love, I’m really scared ‘is gonna neck ‘imself.”
Shit, I really don’t know what to do. I know what I want to do but Sean will go mad. I could, not tell him, shit. “Ben, if he’s in this mess because of me, then I’m probably the last person he wants to see.”
“Na, ah fink he wants to see ya, I fink he just needs to see ya, he won’t listen to no one else, you need to tell ‘im
to sort ‘is shit out, else they’re gonna put ‘im in rehab again.”
“Again, Cam’s been in rehab before?”
“Yeah, yeah he has, twice before, when he was younger and then again after he lost Chantelle. He was a mess for a long time after that, then ‘is brothers took charge and he ended up in rehab for nearly six months. He hated it, nearly killed ‘im and that’s what they’re talkin’ about doin’ now, they’re givin’ ‘im a week to sort ‘imself out, then they’re gonna lock ‘im up, they got a court order before, he ‘ad no choice, he ‘ad to stay.”
Jesus, what a mess.
“Where is he?” I can’t believe I’m even considering this.
“Up the flat above the wine bar.” I nod, I owe him this much, he saved me from myself, now I need to see if I can return the favour.
“Let me get some shoes on.” I run back inside and slide my feet into a pair of flip flops, grab my keys and head back out. I follow Ben down the stairs, run over to where Dave is leaning on his car and tell him I’m just popping out to see a sick friend, that I won’t be long and that I don’t need him with me. I jump into the Jag and five minutes later, Ben is unlocking the front door to Cam’s flat.
Music is blaring and I hesitate in the doorway, Ben juts his chin forward. “You go in, I’ll wait here, he ain’t gonna be ‘appy ‘bout this but I dint know what else to do.” I must look nervous as Benny adds. “I’ll be right here, I won’t go anywhere.”
He nods as if to reassure me, I walk down the hallway, the place is lit up like Christmas, and every light appears to be on. As I enter the open plan living and kitchen area, I’m struck by the mess. There are bottles everywhere, whiskey, wine, beer; the coffee table is covered in them, along with lots of little empty bags that coke was obviously once in. There’s a tray on the floor with two lines ready to go on it, along with a rolled up fifty pound note. The place smells awful, stale alcohol and vomit mainly and a hint of cigar smoke. The song that’s been playing has just started to play again, its Fake, by Alexander O’Neal, he has a couple of his CD’s that he plays in the car. I look over to the kitchen; there are a couple of plates with mouldy food on them, a pizza box and more bottles.
I head toward Cam’s bedroom and can hear the shower running; I head into the bathroom quietly. The door to the shower cubicle is open and Cam is sitting inside on the floor, the water is bouncing off of him and out of the open door, making the floor wet. There is a pile of vomit on the tiled floor beside the shower and another beside the toilet. I throw a towel over each pile, he doesn’t notice because his eyes are closed, his legs are out in front of him, arms slumped at his sides, his head is hanging forward and he’s completely naked. He looks… small, which is ridiculous as he’s six foot four and a big strong man but right at this moment he looks small and frail and I feel so bad that I have caused this. I stand and stare for a few moments, my hand covering my mouth as I try to control my sobs, I go back out to the front door and tell Ben to grab some bags and to start clearing away some of the bottles. I go back to the bathroom and shut the door; I go over to the shower and turn off the water. Cam mumbles something and lifts his arm in front of him and reaches for something… someone, me? I straddle his lap and dry his hair and his face. He almost has a full beard growing, it’s dark but with a few flecks of grey. I raise my hand and gently touch his face, his eyes flutter open but he can’t focus, he sucks on his own cheeks, probably trying to moisten his mouth, then he opens his eyes again and tilts his head to the side and gives me a little smile.
“Kitten,” he whispers, very, very softly. “I love you.”
I let out a sob, I can’t help it, I hold on to each side of his face. “Oh Tiger, what have you done to yourself?”
“I love you,” he whispers again, he grabs a handful of my hair, not roughly, just enough to tilt my head and make me look at him, he nods his head and says it again, “I love you.”
I don’t know what to say, my heart is telling me to tell him that I love him too but my head is telling me not to be so fucking stupid. He shivers and I realise I need to get him out of the shower and into bed. I move his shoulders off of the wall and drape a dry towel around them; I’m afraid that he will slide over and hit his head so I call out for Benny. The music goes quiet and I can hear talking, I call Benny again. Cam whispers, “No, no Benny, just you, just you Kitten.”
The door that separates the bathroom from the bedroom opens and Cam’s absolute double is standing there. “I… I’m sorry, I’m Georgia, I was… he’s cold, I don’t know how long he’s been in here. I can’t lift him.”
Cam’s double is wearing a suit; he takes the jacket off and throws it behind him onto the bed. “Mind out the way. Benny, get your arse in here.”
I step out of the way of who I’m assuming is Cam’s older brother but that’s just a guess as he hasn’t introduced himself. Benny comes through the door, just, his huge frame fills it; he must’ve been working hard at cleaning up as he’s sweating and his bald head is shining. “Mind the spew Ben,” I say as I walk out of the bathroom, there’s not enough room for all of us and I don’t feel particularly welcome anyway.
Thankfully Cam’s bed doesn’t look as though it’s been slept in so I don’t have to put clean sheets on it, I just throw the cushions that we bought to match the new bedding we shopped for just a month ago, onto the floor. My heart stops, starts, sidesteps, and then carries on its normal rhythm at that thought.
“They’re cushions George, we bought cushions and bedding together, we didn’t get married, get a grip girl,” I say out loud to myself. Benny and Cam’s double come into the room with an arm of Cam’s each draped around their shoulders, his feet are dragging along the floor and the way he’s being held, the way he looks, reminds me of Jesus on the cross, just for a second, just for a split second. They drop him unceremoniously onto the bed and I lift his legs and cover him with the duvet.
“You gonna stay here and look after him?” Cam’s double frowns as he looks at me. I look around the room, purely for affect, I know full well it’s me he’s talking to.
“Me?” I ask.
“Yes you! Are gonna fuckin’ stay and help put right this mess you caused.”
What? I shake my head. “Who the fuck are you and who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?”
“I’m Robbie, Cam’s brother and I’m assuming you’re Georgia and if I assume correctly, then I’m talking to you.”
“Yes, I’m Georgia, but I didn’t cause this, he’s done this to himself.” He puts his hands on his hips and nods his head in a stance and a gesture that is so much like Cam that I want to weep.
“You fucked him over Georgia, you’re the first woman since Chantelle died he’s allowed himself to get close to. You’re the first woman he has openly admitted to me that he’s in love with, he was so happy and then you fucked him over. You blew him out for your rock star and you broke him, he’s more broken now than when he lost his wife and baby and you fucking did it, so yes, you are the cause of this mess!”
I feel ashamed, I did cause this, not intentionally and I didn’t know Cam loved me. “I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t know what?”
“I didn’t know he loved me, he never said, he never told me.”
“No, because apparently you have a history of doing a runner when blokes tell ya that shit so he was waiting. He knew you was coming round to the idea, he had it all planned, he was taking you away, for two weeks in June, after your brother’s wedding. He was gonna take you away and show you, make you realise that you did love him.” He stops talking as Cam mumbles in his sleep. “Are you staying or not sweetheart, that’s all I wanna know?” He was taking me away, he knew I was falling in love with him, he knew, I didn’t, did I?
“I can stay for a couple of hours.” He didn’t acknowledge my reply so I went and sat on the bed next to Cam. “Right Ben, I’ll arrange a cleaner to come through, but for now, can you just check all the cupboards and drawers in here and in t
he bathroom, anywhere he might stash gear or booze. I’ll get someone over to put some locks on the door and we’ll work out shifts between me, Josh and Tory to watch him. He hated rehab, we haven’t left it so long this time so what I’m thinking is we get a doctor over here to check him out and if it’s okay, we do his detox and rehab from here.”
Benny nods in agreement. “Good, that’s good Rob, you‘re right, he hated rehab, it’ll kill him if he goes back there.”
“I don’t understand this, is Cam an alcoholic or a junky or both?” Robbie’s whole demeanour changes as he comes and sits down on the bed and looks down at Cam.
“Not really, I don’t know, I’m not a professional, Cam usually stays away from drugs, but he does do the odd line of Charlie and he likes a drink as much as the next bloke but he always knows when to say enough’s enough, apart from when he’s not coping. When he’s not coping he uses them to escape, he loses himself in a bottle and when that’s not enough he makes himself feel like he can deal with anything by snorting line after line of coke and that’s what he’s doing now.” His gaze turns to me and he looks me over, like he’s seeing me for the first time.
“I’m sorry alright, about what I said, he told me you had never said that you loved him, he told me you had admitted from the start that you were in love with someone else. He just didn’t expect you to get back with the other bloke.”
“Neither did I,” I say quietly. “I never wanted to hurt him, I wanted to tell him to his face about Sean, but he went to Amsterdam and I arranged to see him when he got back so that I could tell him to his face but he came home early and…” I close my eyes as I think about Cam’s words.
“Thanks Kitten, thanks a lot.” The look in his eyes when he realised who Sean was. I start to cry.
