He pulled the bedroom door mostly closed and went outside, filling his lungs with the brisk morning air. The sun had barely breached the horizon, spreading ribbons of orange and red over the mountains and reminding Ben of the early hour. He debated waiting to call, but he wanted to speak to his father without having to juggle B or leave the room when Aurelia was awake.
“Ben?” his father answered groggily. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes. Sorry to call so early. I’m sorry to wake you guys. I just need to talk.” This is what being a father is, taking your son’s call at the break of dawn and immediately worrying about him.
“It’s all right. Hold on.” Ben heard his father tell his mother everything was fine and that he’d be right back. He pictured his father stepping from the bed wearing his standard nighttime attire—striped pajama pants and a white T-shirt—his salt-and-pepper hair standing on end.
He heard a door open and close, and then his father said, “Okay, Ben. What’s going on?”
He’d spent a lifetime trying to be the honest, thoughtful man his father was. He’d screwed up many times, as people did, but he wanted to make his father proud. He felt the most astonishing mix of pride, for being that amazing baby girl’s father, and disappointment in himself, for having to admit that the beautiful baby girl sleeping in the other room hadn’t been planned. Those emotions slayed him.
“I . . . um . . .” He closed his eyes, debating not telling his father until he saw him Sunday, but he recalled something his father had told him when he was a teenager. Even the ugliest truth is prettier than the most beautiful lie. Hoping he wouldn’t disappoint him too badly, he said, “I just found out that I have a daughter.”
Silence stretched over the line.
“Dad?”
“Yeah, I’m here. Sorry. I thought you said you just found out you have a daughter.”
“I did. I do.” Ben explained how they’d found the baby and what had transpired since.
An incredulous laugh came through the phone. “I thought we dodged that bullet when our girls became adults.”
“Thanks, Dad.” Ben shook his head. “Just what I needed to hear. I know I fucked up.”
“No, Ben. You fucked, obviously, but you didn’t fuck up. It’s a baby, not a disease, and in our family babies are always a good thing.”
Tears stung Ben’s eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose and said, “Thanks, Dad. I needed to hear you say that.” He looked up, blinking away the tears.
“Son, life is full of surprises. This one is unexpected, unsettling for you and Aurelia, I’m sure, but it sounds like you’ve already realized the beauty of the situation. And thank God Aurelia was there to help. She’s a good friend, Ben, and I know you appreciate her. Life throws a lot of crap at us, and I hope you’ll take a moment to soak in the goodness of this little miracle.”
Great. More fucking tears.
“You said Bodhi’s friend is going to track down the mother?” his father asked.
“That’s the plan.” He cleared his throat and wiped his eyes, regaining control of his emotions. “I’m going to see him Monday.”
“And how are you holding up, son?”
“I’m okay. The first day or two was crazy, but then I got my head out of my ass.”
His father chuckled. “And Aurelia? How’s she doing?”
“She’s exhausted, but we’re closer than we’ve ever been. Really close, Dad. We’re together, as a couple.”
“About frigging time,” his father said with a laugh. “Boy, if I’d have known all it would take was a kid, I’d have had someone drop one off on your doorstep two years ago. Watching you lust after Aurelia has been damn painful.”
Ben laughed. “Thanks for the commentary, but I really need some advice.”
“I gave you this talk when you were a teenager. Condoms, Ben. Don’t leave home without them.”
“Dad,” Ben said sternly, earning another chuckle from his father.
“Sorry, but come on, Ben. If we don’t find humor in times like these, we’d all lose our minds. Wait until your mother finds out her love potions finally worked.”
“Christ,” he said under his breath. “Dad, listen, I have two problems. The first is that I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing with Aurelia. She doesn’t need this type of responsibility in her life. She just bought the bookstore, and she’s—”
“Stop right there,” his father said. “For a guy who waited a long time to be with the woman he loves, you’re giving yourself way too much credit. You can’t make decisions like that for her. Aurelia’s a bright girl. She’ll do what she wants regardless of what you think is fair. You know she loves you. She has for a long time, son.”
“I know that. And she loves B.”
“Bea? That’s my granddaughter’s name? I love that.”
“Dad, focus, please. I really need your help here.” He had a fleeting thought about B needing a real name, but it was gone as quickly as it had come as more pressing worries hammered him. “What happens if this ends up being too much for her and she doesn’t tell me because she’s too attached to the baby? And not just that. I need advice on how to raise B. I’m making a list.”
“A list?” His father chuckled again. “Ben, you can’t raise a child by a list.”
“I’m not. I’m just making sure I’ve got the main things down, so I don’t screw her up.”
“Oh, Ben. You’ve spent your entire life strategizing. You did it as a kid in every endeavor, from baseball to freaking Halloween. I remember you mapping out the streets, figuring out the quickest routes to cover the most houses and make sure you didn’t miss the ones that gave out the best candy. You can’t strategize fatherhood any better than you can strategize love. All you can do is be the best man you are capable of being—as a father and a significant other. Be honest, Ben, and love unconditionally. Never make promises you can’t keep, and always give the other person space to make her own mistakes. That goes for kids and lovers. And maybe more important, give them a physical space of their own. Kids and adults both need a place to be alone with their own thoughts, to make their own decisions, and figure out how they feel about things.”
“But B’s just a baby. She doesn’t need space.”
“Trust me, Ben. Baby monitors are the best invention known to man. Get them. Use them. Your little girl needs to learn to sleep in her own room, or every time you and your big girl make a little noise, you’ll wake her up.”
“Right,” he ground out. “You and I will never talk about me and my big girl in the bedroom again.”
His father laughed. “It isn’t exactly high on my list of priorities either, son.”
“So you don’t think I’m a selfish prick for asking Aurelia to be my girlfriend in the midst of my baby surprise?”
“Nah. The best unions are made under duress. Just ask your mother. I asked her to marry me in the middle of a fight.”
“I’ve never heard that story.”
“And you’re not going to now. It’s way too early for that. Listen, son. You’re going to Willow and Zane’s Sunday for dinner? Bringing our new grandbaby?”
“Yes. We’ll come early so you can meet her before everyone else gets there.”
“You know I have to tell your mom, right?”
“Yeah, I know. I’ll send a picture, but everyone here is sleeping, so tell her not to call for a while. Babies are exhausting.”
“Wait until she’s a teenager.”
“Oh God . . . don’t remind me.”
“I’d say you have years to prepare, but there is no preparing for teenage daughters. You always told it like it was. You were pissed off, happy, or somewhere in between, but you left no room for guessing. The girls were all”—he raised his voice an octave and said—“‘I’m not mad!’” He lowered his voice and said, “Then they’d slam their bedroom door, and if I didn’t go make sure they were okay, I’d have a cryfest on my hands. Your sisters would go all”—he spoke in a higher pitch—“‘You don’t
love me! If you loved me, you’d want to know what was wrong.’” He lowered his voice again and said, “And when I did try to find out what was wrong, I got the old”—his voice arced up again—“‘Nothing! I’m fine! Leave me alone!’”
Ben laughed. “My daughter will not do that shit. We’ll have an open, honest relationship.”
“Said every new father on earth.” His father sighed and said, “Good luck with that, son. I’ll have a bottle of tequila on hand for those nights.”
“My daughter isn’t going to drive me to drink, Dad.”
“Oh, the tequila’s not for you. When your daughter is a teenager, your mother and I are going to camp out in your living room and watch the show.” He snickered and said, “I love you, Benny. Give Aurelia a hug for me, and just in case you have any doubt, know that we love you, and we’re here for you through anything. Okay?”
“Yeah, Dad. Thanks.”
After he ended the call, he went quietly inside and finished making his list.
Be honest.
Only make promises I can keep.
Give her space to make mistakes.
Give her a space to call her own.
Aurelia padded out of the bedroom carrying B, both of them yawning. “Everything okay?”
He kissed them both and said, “Yeah. We should hit La Love Café for breakfast, then go nursery shopping. B needs a space of her own.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
AURELIA PUSHED THE stroller down Main Street, tipping her face up toward the bright sun. They’d lucked out with a gloriously warm spring day. Harmony Pointe was nestled between Port Hudson, where Aurelia had attended college, and Sweetwater. It was just shy of an hour-and-a-half drive from New York City, and offered grand views of mountains as far as the eye could see. Cobblestone streets, brick-front eclectic shops, and old-fashioned streetlights added to the small town’s charm. While Sweetwater was known for Sugar Lake, Harmony Pointe’s Chiffon Park was the main attraction, with a large duck pond and a massive gazebo, which hosted lectures and musical events throughout the year. When Aurelia had heard about the events at the gazebo, it had felt like one more sign and clinched the deal for her purchasing the bookstore. She hoped to eventually do readings there, too.
“After my girls,” Ben said as he pulled open the door to La Love Café & Gift Shop, which was owned by Everly’s family and run by her sister Heaven and her brother, Echo.
His arm circled Aurelia’s waist as he followed them in. She loved the newness of their intimacy, being a couple out in public. She’d thought about what it would be like, but nothing compared to the secret lustful looks he gave her or the feel of him pulling her closer, as he was now, like even a few inches between them was too much.
It might be her imagination, but since finding out he was B’s father, he seemed to be carrying himself differently, more proudly. Earlier, she’d spotted a list on the dining room table with things like Start a college fund on it. Knowing he was taking fatherhood, and B’s future, seriously made her fall even more in love with him. He’d spent twenty minutes organizing diapers, wipes, formula, and extra outfits into a backpack, which he now carried over one shoulder, and despite the warm weather, he’d stuffed extra blankets in the stroller. Aurelia shouldn’t be surprised by his behavior, because she’d been just as bad, double-checking the backpack and gazing into the stroller every few seconds to make sure B was okay. It was strange not seeing her in the arms of one of them.
La Love was bustling with customers. Music played in the background as Heaven helped customers and Echo called out orders. Colorful lights hung over dark orange tables surrounded by brown chairs. As they made their way to the line, Aurelia admired Echo’s abstract paintings hanging on the mustard-colored walls. Each piece of art was for sale. The jewelry Heaven made was also for sale, displayed in glass cabinets and hung from decorative trees at both ends of the counter.
“What are you hungry for?” Aurelia asked Ben, eyeing the bagels, pastries, and other delicious treats behind the glass.
A coy smile crept across his handsome face as he leaned closer and said, “You, Rels. Always you.”
Heat flared inside her, and the air between them sizzled with desire. It was crazy how hot he could make her with just a look or a few simple words.
“Oh my goodness! Ben? Aurelia? And baby makes three?” Heaven exclaimed as she came around the counter despite the line of people Echo was dealing with.
Heaven was a pretty brunette with amber eyes. She wore a pair of purple batik pants, a lavender shirt that stopped two inches above her navel, and leather, beaded sandals. She was petite but curvy, like Aurelia.
“I thought Everly was kidding!” Heaven bent over the stroller, agog with instant adoration. “Isn’t she just the sweetest thing?”
“Thank you,” Ben said, holding Aurelia a little tighter and beaming like the proud papa he was.
Heaven’s eyes moved between Aurelia and Ben. “And you two are an item now, huh?” She smiled and gave a happy little shrug-wiggle as she said, “It’s about time!”
Ben laughed and pressed a kiss to Aurelia’s temple. Oh, how she loved when he did that! As if he just couldn’t hold back.
“I can’t believe someone left this darling little baby on your doorstep,” Heaven said. “That’s like something out of a mystery novel. People are nuts! But she’s a lucky girl, Ben. I know you’ll take good care of her. What’s her name?”
“B,” he and Aurelia said at once.
“Baby Bea. Talk about adorable,” Heaven exclaimed.
“Hey, sis,” Echo called over the counter. “These orders aren’t going to fill themselves.”
Heaven did her signature shrug-wiggle again, smiling happily, and said, “If you get a chance, check out my new bookish jewelry. I know you’ll love it! I made some really cool new charms.” She lowered her voice and said, “Did you notice all the yoga-clad women?” She nodded toward the line at a group of women dressed in yoga pants, then whispered, “They’re here every time Echo works. I swear he must put a flyer up in the yoga studio around the corner that says, Tall, dark, and single right around the corner!”
She returned to the other side of the counter, and they went back to waiting in line.
Half an hour later, after they’d finished eating, Aurelia went to check out Heaven’s new pieces. Heaven’s family owned an orchard in Sweetwater, and her father also made furniture and jewelry. He’d taught Heaven to make jewelry when she was in middle school. Heaven was a book lover, like Aurelia, and she also wrote poetry. They’d both attended Boyer University in Port Hudson, New York, and joined the Ladies Who Write sorority, a group of women who’d bonded over their love of the written word. In college, Heaven had written a weekly poetry column in the school newspaper, and Aurelia had written a column called “Book Chat,” talking up the hottest books.
As she looked over the charms of open books and quills, she thought about that column and considered trying to do something like that again. But she’d rather spend any extra time she had with Ben and B.
The baby started fussing, and Aurelia glanced at Ben, who waved her off as he put B on his shoulder and patted her back. She went to the other end of the counter to look at the necklaces, but when she got halfway there, B’s cries escalated—and Ben looked a little panicked. She hurried over, noticing other customers looking at them.
Ben hiked the backpack over his shoulder and said, “I’m going to try changing her.”
“Okay. I’ll clean off the table.” She began clearing their trash, trying to ignore the stares of the other customers, when she really wanted to say, What? She’s a baby. She cries!
In the next second Ben barged out of the men’s room and yelled across the café, “Aurelia!”
With her heart in her throat, she ran over. “What’s wrong?”
He grabbed her arm, hauling her toward the ladies’ room and speaking through gritted teeth as B’s cries escalated to piercing wails. “There’s no frigging changing table in the m
en’s room. Please make sure there’s no one in there. I’m commandeering the bathroom.”
She hurried into the ladies’ room, saw it was empty, and stuck her head out to say, “All clear.”
“What kind of place doesn’t have a changing table?” Ben seethed as they quickly changed B’s diaper, her wails softening to a whimper. “Where are fathers supposed to change their kids?” He fixed B’s clothes, picked up the backpack and the baby, and said, “Come on.”
Aurelia followed him out of the bathroom as he blazed a path to the counter. He glowered at Echo, who was about six and a half feet tall, with shaggy brown hair, and said, “Why the hell isn’t there a changing table in the men’s room?”
Aurelia tried to hide her embarrassment, but she was also proud of him for speaking up.
Amusement rose in Echo’s eyes. “Dude, this is a college town. We don’t get many single dads in here.”
“All it takes is one. One, Echo. One guy with a kid deserves a changing area.” Ben took out his wallet and slapped down a debit card. “Ring up a cookie.”
Looking bewildered, Echo said, “What kind?”
“Any damn cookie.”
Echo rang it up, and Ben shoved his card in the processor. Aurelia nearly choked as Ben added a thousand-dollar tip and said, “Put a damn changing station in the men’s room.”
Later that afternoon, with bags full of nursery decorations, Ben was still feeling guilty about yelling at Echo and embarrassing Aurelia. As great as the week had been, it had been undeniably stressful. When he’d called his attorney, he’d realized how important it was to find B’s mother. Their conversation had left him with a plethora of worries. What if she changed her mind once they found her? What if he couldn’t find her? Not only did they have medical questions, but what would he tell B when she grew up and wanted to know why her mother had left her? That particular worry made his heart ache. Just like knowing he’d embarrassed Aurelia did.
“Hold up a sec.” He guided Aurelia and the stroller out of the middle of the sidewalk, set down his bags, and gathered Aurelia in his arms. She gazed up at him with trusting eyes, looking at him like he was the best thing since peanut M&M’s, but did he deserve that? “I’m sorry for flying off the handle at Echo and for embarrassing you.”
Call Her Mine Page 13
