“You’re right. I was afraid of you. Afraid that maybe you were right and that maybe I should be with you. But I’m with Nic.”
“Do you trust him?”
“I . . . well . . .”
“Does he know about your mother?” Julian’s voice was harsh in its pain.
“No, but . . .”
“Then you don’t trust him. How can you love someone you can’t even trust?”
I reached out to him, caressing his cheek, wishing to take the hurt look off his face. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
I kept my hand on his cheek, locking my eyes with his. For a flickering moment, I wondered if what he said was true.
Mom had said to follow my heart. And if Nic was my heart, why did it ache to see Julian hurt?
“Oh, hey, Nic!”
At the sound of Kristie’s voice, gravity took hold and I crashed to the ground.
My head turned at a snail’s pace, picking up every single thing around me: the rustling of each leaf as the wind blew, the splashing water as kids jumped into the river, the crackle of ice in fizzing soda, and the rapid beat of my heart. My eyes drifted to my mom’s sympathetic expression and then to Kristie’s blue eyes, which were wide with shock and surprise.
Then I stopped.
Don’t move.
Don’t breathe.
I braced for the moment, that inevitable moment that I’d fought so long to avoid.
Nic.
I focused on the little alligator on his polo shirt. I couldn’t look up. I couldn’t bear to see his face.
I closed my eyes, searching deep within me for the strength to face him. And when I opened them, my heart shattered at the look on his face.
Nic was crushed.
chapter 25
Nic
I’m losing her.
Beer bottles toppled from the hood of the Porsche as I reached out, searching for one that wasn’t empty. Stupid frat guys and their stupid parties. And where in the hell was Steve? It was his idea to come to the party. He drank all my beer. I know he did.
Through bleary eyes, I scanned the crowd for Steve and Kristie. Music boomed from the party at the frat house. Everywhere I looked there were cheerful faces, all laughing and having a good time. I didn’t want to be here. I shouldn’t have given in. I should’ve insisted Mandi let me stay with her and help her watch over Miguelito and Selina when she said she couldn’t make it because her father had picked up an extra shift at the factory and her mother was doing some office cleaning at night.
But with Kristie batting her eyes, pleading that I go, and with Steve doing the same, I caved.
Finally, I found a half-filled bottle. Was this mine? I couldn’t remember. I shrugged, quickly emptying its contents, desperate to numb the painful knowledge that I was, in fact, an idiot.
I was losing Mandi, and it was all my fault.
The moment I’d seen her with Julian at the park, it was like a hammer had slammed into my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. Everything I had worked for, everything that made sense in my life was suddenly failing apart right in front of me. And all I could do was smile as Mandi walked up to me with a guilty expression on her face. She’d given me some excuse about talking to Julian about Juan.
And what did I do?
I had brushed it off, ignoring the way her hand touched his cheek and how much I wanted to rip that smug expression off Julian’s face. I pretended that I didn’t see how she gazed into his eyes and how much I wanted to ask her why she didn’t look at me like that anymore. Instead, I asked if she had remembered to bring the guacamole.
Guacamole!
I heard a familiar laugh and saw Steve getting into a car with a couple of other guys. He waved at me, looking way too happy.
“Where’s Kristie?” I yelled out to him.
“I don’t know. She’s around here somewhere. Don’t wait up!” he said before he took off.
I checked my watch. A few more minutes and I was going to hunt Kristie down and take her home. This place was a mess.
A guy with fake dreadlocks and a rainbow colored knitted hat stumbled, landing on me.
“Hey, man. Got a light?” Foul breath washed over my face.
“No.” I shoved him off of me. “Check inside, man.”
“Right. I’ll see you in there.” He winked and staggered up the steps to the frat house.
Okay, time’s up. I need to get out of here.
“Kristie!” I stumbled across the lawn toward a loud crowd of frat guys. They were in a circle, yelling at something they were watching. Knowing my luck, Kristie was probably in the middle of it.
I elbowed my way to the center. There were a couple of guys with water hoses, soaking down the grass, which was now a mud pit. The crowd hooted and hollered at a couple of girls wrestling in the mud, wearing nothing but thongs.
Relieved that it wasn’t Kristie, I made my way out of the crowd, my mind still on Mandi.
We didn’t talk about what had happened with Julian. I didn’t want to know, and I convinced myself that I must have seen things wrong at the picnic. But deep inside, I knew something was wrong.
Rehearsals were different now. Now I saw everything that I’d missed all these months. My heart slammed into my chest when I remembered each time they touched, how his arms wrapped around her, how his leg slid between hers as their hips moved together to the Latin beat, and how his lips would come dangerously close to hers.
I whirled around, throwing my bottle at a tree. It smashed, sending shards of glass flying through the air.
I had let him get close to her. I thought he was a friend. I thought Mandi was just uncomfortable dancing on stage. She had told me she didn’t want to do the show. She had been fighting against Julian, and I had basically pushed her toward him.
“Come on, sweetheart. It’ll be fun. It’s just a little mud.”
“No, I need to find my friend, Nic.”
I looked back at the mud pit. A big frat guy with a mullet that was way too long had a thick arm around Kristie. She was giggling as he slowly moved her toward the pit.
“Here, have another drink.” Mullet-head took what appeared to be an empty cup from her hand and replaced it with another.
“Your so . . . so . . .” She hiccupped. “Sweet. Bobby.”
“Robby,” he said as he fingered the top buttons of her blouse. “Aren’t you warm? Let me help you cool off a bit.”
“What are you doing, Bobby?” She giggled. “I mean, Robby. Bobby. Robby. Nice and blobby. Ooh, I made a rhyme.”
“Just trying to cool you off, sugar.”
“No. I want to keep my shirt on. Stop it!”
“Aww, come on. Stop being such a freshman. The other girls are having fun. Don’t you want to have some fun?”
“The lady said hands off,” I growled, shoving his hands off Kristie.
“Nic! Here’s my friend. Nic. He’s quick and has a big stick. At least I think he does. I think Mandi’s seen his stick. She has, hasn’t she, stick? I mean, Nic.”
“Get in the car, Kristie.”
“Now wait a minute.” Mullet-head placed himself in front me, his gray eyes narrowed. “She’s with me.”
He jerked Kristie back to him, and she lost her footing, falling into the mud.
That’s when everything happened all at once. I swung, aiming for his face. He caught my punch and, in one swift movement, twisted my arm behind me.
Kristie leaped up, covered with mud.
“Leave him alone!”
He laughed at her as she swatted his arm, her fingers leaving mud smears. With a flick of his hand, he shoved her back to the ground.
Cursing, I swung around and sucker punched him. Tackling him to the ground, I pummeled my fist into his ribs.
I barely noticed the crowd around us as I threw everything I had in into this asshole. People yelled in the background, encouraging me to go on. Among them was Kristie’s high-pitched voice cheering me on.
When he final
ly stopped moving, I grabbed hold of his muddied shirt and brought him close to me. His face was inches from mine. Dark eyes replaced his gray ones.
Julian.
“She’s mine! Leave her alone!” I roared before throwing him one final blow.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to the emergency room?” Kristie’s voice came from the other side of the bathroom door.
“No,” I called out from the shower, wincing as the water hit against the open cuts on my hands and face. “I’m fine.”
“I’m so sorry for barfing on you . . . and your carpet. Are you—”
“I said I’m fine, Kristie!”
There was a small whimper and then silence.
I groaned. Tonight was a fucking disaster, and I was making it worse by taking it out on Kristie. None of this was her fault.
It was miracle we made it back to campus in one piece. I shouldn’t have driven, but I didn’t want to risk leaving the Porsche at the frat house, especially since I basically knocked out one of the frat brothers. The fact that it was almost three in the morning and the streets were pretty empty helped. I vowed never do that again.
Kristie was a sobbing, muddy mess by the time I got her into the car. I didn’t want to leave her alone, so I brought her back to my dorm room.
“I’m sorry, Kristie. I didn’t mean to yell at you. Don’t worry about the barfing. It’ll wash out.”
“I didn’t mean to get you into a fight. It’s all my fault.”
“It’s not your fault. The guy was a jerk.”
“Are you sure I can’t do anything? Oh, I know. I’ll put your clothes in the washer with mine. Okay?”
“Yeah, sure.” For once I was glad that Mother was a control freak. She had insisted on buying me one of those compact all in one-washer and dryer machines.
The bathroom door squeaked open. “I promise not to look. Where are your clothes?”
I opened the shower curtain. Kristie stood in the middle of the bathroom; eyes squeezed shut. Damp wavy red hair lay on her shoulders. She looked tiny in my white oxford shirt.
“Hurry and tell me where they are, Nic. I’m getting dizzy.”
I chuckled. “You can open your eyes, Kristie. They’re at your feet.”
One lid slowly opened with the other still squeezed shut. She looked at me and sighed, opening the other lid when she saw I was safely behind the shower curtain. After scooping up my muddied clothes, she gazed at me for a moment, her face turning serious.
“Thank you, Nic. For what you did.”
“It was nothing.”
“It was everything,” she breathed, blue eyes filling with hope. I gulped.
Don’t go there, Kristie.
“Nic, I . . .”
Shit! Don’t say it.
“Uh, you know what? I could really use something to eat. Think you can whip me up some pancakes or something.” I grinned.
She stared at me for a moment, the wheels in her brain slowly churning. I knew what she was thinking. She thought what I’d yelled at Mullet-head was about her. I held my breath, hoping she’d think that I was hungry.
Slowly, her face fell as realization hit. I clenched the shower curtain, fighting the urge to tell her something that would wipe the heartbreak from her eyes. I knew exactly how she was feeling at that moment because that was how I was feeling—about Mandi.
“Yeah, okay.” She hurried out of the room.
Sighing, I placed my head back under hot water, trying to wash away the guilt I was feeling. Maybe I should explain things to her.
Just as I turned off the water, I heard doors slamming and yelling coming from the direction of my bedroom.
“Let me explain, Mandi!”
No!
Quickly, I wrapped a towel around my waist. When I opened the door, a blur of dark hair followed by a blur of red rushed by me. I ran down the hall after them.
“Mandi.”
Stopping, she whirled around, chest heaving as if trying to catch her breath. Wild eyes widened with disbelief as she took in the towel around my waist and then looked at Kristie in my white shirt, the way-too-thin-you-can-see-everything-underneath-it shirt. I groaned.
Why didn’t Kristie wear anything under my shirt?
Mandi stood fixated, nostrils flaring. She bounced on her feet as if she couldn’t make up her mind which way to go.
Then, without a word, she spun around and flew out of the room.
“Mandi!” Kristie rushed out the door after her.
Shit!
I flew into my bedroom. It looked like a tornado had hit it. The closet and drawers were all open and empty. Where the hell were my clothes?
I picked up a lone pair of boxers from the windowsill. Leaning out, I watched as Mandi ran across the parking lot, stomping over what appeared to be my entire wardrobe.
“Mandi!”
Darting out of the room, I stopped by the washer and grabbed the first thing I laid my hands on.
I wasn’t going to lose her. I don’t care what it took or who I had to fight to keep her. No one was getting in my way, not Julian, not Kristie.
No one.
chapter 26
Mandi
“Mandi! Stop! Let me explain!”
Ignoring Kristie’s cries, I flew out of the building. I ran down the front stairs, tears threatening to spill down my face.
There was nothing to explain. There was no doubt in my mind what I saw. She had on his shirt, the one shirt I’d bought Nic for Christmas. I’d special ordered it just for him. And she was wearing it and nothing else!
As I ran across the lot, a gleam of red flashed in the corner of my eye.
The Porsche. The car he said he’d give up for me—if I wanted him to.
Yeah right, I snorted. Just like he said there was nothing between him and Kristie.
Mother Dearest bought him a car and a skank on a silver platter. Stupid me, believing him when he said all he ever wanted was me.
I looked around the parking lot, anger burning within me. I spotted a pickup truck.
“Yes!” I smiled when I spotted a tire iron lying in the truck bed.
With a determined march, I headed toward Nic’s car.
“Mandi . . . what . . . are you . . . doing?” I spun around at the sound of Kristie’s gasping voice, the tire iron high above my head. She backed up, her hands in the air, those innocent baby blue eyes of hers wide with fright.
Ha! Innocent my ass.
“Back off, bitch!”
Her pink lips quivered. “I though you were my friend.”
Was she kidding me?
“Screw you and Nic! Oh, wait. You already did.”
In one swift movement, I slammed the tire iron down on the windshield, shattering the glass into a million pieces.
Immediately, I felt a rush of relief. It felt so good that I walked to the back of the car with a smile and smashed the other window. Yeah, busting his car’s windows was a juvenile thing to do, but I didn’t give a shit. He deserved it. That bastard made me fall in love with him. I actually felt guilty about Julian, and I didn’t even do anything. And he . . . and Kristie . . . they . . .
I slammed the tire iron on the hood of the car. It crumpled with a satisfying crunch.
“Hey, Kristie. Is the party over already? Sorry I ditched you and Nic, but this cute guy—Whoa!” Steve snatched the tire iron out of my hands. “What are you doing to Nic’s car?”
“Mind your own business,” I spat. “Give it back to me.”
“Are you drunk?”
“I’m perfectly sober. Now give me back the tire iron.”
“No way! You and Kristie are coming inside with me and telling me what happened.”
“You go inside. Take that skank with you before I rip her head off.”
He took a step toward me, but stopped when he saw that I was in no mood to be messed with. I turned my attention back to the Porsche’s shattered windows, barely noticing Steve dragging away a sobbing Kristie.
&nb
sp; It wasn’t enough. The pain was still there. The image of Kristie naked in Nic’s arms went through my mind. His kisses, his touch . . . Shit! They had probably been carrying on behind my back all year, and I was the one who had invited her back into his life!
I barked out a laugh as I pulled my key across the red paint. The key scraped across the driver’s side of the car, its high-pitched squeal piercing my ears.
I wrote the only Spanish curse word I could think of. It didn’t help. My chest wanted to explode. My cheeks were wet. I couldn’t stop crying. Why was I still crying?
“Mandi!” Nic stormed out of the building.
I turned and ran as fast as I could. Stupid flip-flops were slowing me down. I didn’t want to see him or hear any of his lame excuses. My legs pumped as I dashed across campus, tears blinding me. The darkness swallowed me as ran away from him, not knowing where I was going and not caring. I had trusted him! I thought he was the one for me. And for one moment, I’d even considered telling him about my family’s secret.
I stumbled and almost fell when one of one of my flip-flops broke apart.
“Mandi, will you please stop?”
“Stay away from me!” Picking up my shoes, I threw them at him. He swatted one away and then dodged the other.
Darting barefoot across the street to Sewell Park, a couple of cars blared their horns. I took the path that ran along the San Marcos River, hoping to lose Nic in the thick brush. I pushed forward, my side aching from the exertion.
I cursed with each step I took. The rocks were biting into my feet. To make it worse, I didn’t see a tree root jutting out from the ground, and I fell face down into the dirt. Scrambling to get up, Nic’s arms were suddenly around me.
“Let go of me!” I squirmed against him.
“Not until you hear me out.”
“I don’t want to hear your lies. Go tell them to that skank, Kristie. It’s obvious you get off on busty airheads. ”
“Stop it, Mandi! You’re acting crazy. You know I love you.”
Secrets & Surrender Page 16
