by Brondos, Pam
Viv was still curled into a ball on her bed when Nat returned from her run around campus and into town. She kicked the leg of the bunk, and Viv groaned.
“I’m going to breakfast, want to join me?” Nat pulled on a pair of rumpled jeans and ducked, avoiding Viv’s pillow.
“I have a headache, leave me alone.”
“I told you to steer clear of Butler’s punch. It lit on fire when I dropped a match in it.”
“Stop making noise and go away,” Viv said, her muffled voice rising from under the comforter. “Wait,” she called out just as Nat put her hand on the doorknob. She emerged from under the covers, her hair sticking up in every direction. “Did Dermot ask you out last night?” She yawned.
“Why do you ask?” Nat crossed her arms.
“No reason. He just . . .”
“You put him up to it, didn’t you?” Nat glared at her roommate. Viv slunk a little deeper under her covers.
“You need a life,” she said indignantly. “Besides, he’s wanted to ask you out for ages.”
“The last thing I need right now is a boyfriend, especially one that needs encouragement from both my roommate and a drink.” Nat glanced at the worn carpet. “He’s not really my type, anyway.”
“Type? You don’t have a type.” Viv tossed the comforter to the side and clambered out of bed.
“I do, too, and it’s definitely not Dermot,” she said, thinking of Soris’ green eyes.
“Then who? The foreign guy from your theater class last semester, Estos? What about him?” Viv clutched the loft post and rubbed her forehead.
“Estos? No, he’s just a friend, and I think he took the semester off, anyway.” She grabbed her backpack, wanting to end the conversation. “I’ll see you this evening, I’ve got class all morning and lab in the afternoon. I want to squeeze in—”
“Another run. I know.” Viv waved her arm at Nat. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were trying to avoid me.”
“You could always run with me,” Nat offered.
Viv hefted a book from her bedside table and threw it just as Nat ducked out the door. The book landed with a thud.
Nat dropped her backpack by the empty cafeteria table. The ache in her shoulder was worse. Maybe it’s time to see campus health again, she thought as she slid her tray onto the circular top with her left hand and sat down.
A few students wandered along the buffet, filling bowls with cereal and grabbing fruit. She stared out the dining-room windows, past the dormitories to the bleak snow-encrusted fields. Clouds hung heavy in the morning sky. She played with her oatmeal, her thoughts straying to Soris and his broad smile. She tossed her spoon into her bowl and pushed the tray away. I miss you, Soris. Maybe it would be better if I could just forget you, forget Fourline.
But she couldn’t, and Annin wasn’t around to wipe her memories. Annin would be back in Fourline with the rest of the former rebels-in-exile by now, anyway. Nat had seen Sister Barba and Professor Gate from a distance a few times since her return, but no one else. Besides, she told herself, I don’t really want to see any of them except Soris.
She cleared her tray and wandered out of the cafeteria. Students threaded their way past her, and she stepped cautiously to the side to avoid bumping her shoulder. From a distance, she saw Signe’s tall figure pass through the Science Center doors. Nat hurried down the path. If she caught up with her, they could work through their lab notes before class. Her phone vibrated as she jumped over a pile of slushy snow. She pulled the phone from her back pocket and checked the number.
“Hey, Mom.” She grimaced from the sharp ache in her shoulder and shifted the phone to her left hand.
“Nat.” Her mom sounded surprised. “I wasn’t expecting you to answer.”
“It’s your lucky morning,” she said through the pain.
“Really? Doesn’t sound like it. What’s going on?”
“Nothing, just a busy week, that’s all.”
“Hmm. You’ve been pretty busy since January, as far as I can tell. Which brings me to the point of my call. I am officially giving you three weeks’ notice so you can free up some time.”
“For what?” Nat passed the library and skipped onto the path leading to the Science Center.
“Cal’s decided. She’ll be attending school with you next year.” Her mom’s voice rang with pleasure. “She has an appointment with the dance department the third week of April to meet with more faculty.”
“What? Cal’s not coming here.” A flock of pigeons scattered at the sound of Nat’s voice. “You can’t afford the tuition to send her here.” She regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth.
“Your new scholarships freed us up to help her, and the dance department gave her the Shiffer Scholarship. She would be a fool to turn it down,” her mother said stiffly.
“I didn’t go through everything I did to get those scholarships so Cal could leech off you.” Nat’s voice seethed with anger. The money for her tuition wasn’t from a scholarship. Estos had originally agreed to cover her tuition in exchange for her traveling to Fourline to help him. The fact that she no longer had to worry about her tuition only served as a reminder that she’d ruined Soris’ life.
“Leeching off us!” her mom yelled through the phone. “I can’t believe you said that. Natalie, I stayed silent when you chose not to come home during your breaks, I even bit my tongue when I saw that absurd tattoo on your arm over Christmas, but I won’t keep quiet while you insult your sister. Cal is not perfect, but neither are you. She is as deserving of the chances and opportunities you’ve been given. If you opened your eyes and saw how talented she is instead of cutting her down, you’d know what I’m talking about. I thought with time you two would grow close again like when you were younger. But after that comment . . .” Her mom’s voice broke off. Nat’s ears rang with the echo of her anger. She listened as her mom took several deep breaths. “Your sister will be there in three weeks, and you will treat her with respect, do you understand me?”
“Yes, Mom,” Nat said, feeling lower than a worm. Her mom disconnected the call. Nat shoved her phone into her pocket and dropped her chin. She stormed down the path to the Science Center and brushed against someone in her haste.
“Natalie!”
Nat looked up to see Sister Barba tripping off the path. She reached for the Sister’s elbow to steady her.
“You’re in a rush,” Barba said as she stepped back onto the path. Nat dropped her hand. The breeze lifted Barba’s red hair in every direction.
“I’m sorry, Sister,” Nat mumbled as she shifted from one foot to another.
“Not a problem. I was hoping to run into you. Maybe not so literally, but I did want to see you. How are you, Natalie?”
“Fine, I’m fine, Sister. Just a little distracted today.”
“Hmm. I suppose you are wondering about Soris?” Nat’s head shot up when Barba said his name. The lines around Barba’s eyes deepened. “Ethet took him back to Fourline shortly after you returned. He is in good hands, Natalie,” she said reassuringly. But Nat felt anything but reassured. She wanted to run as far from the Sister as she could.
“I need to get to class.” A knot formed in Nat’s throat. “It’s . . . it’s good to see you,” she lied and pressed past Barba.
“You, too, Natalie,” Barba said. Her eyes lingered on Nat’s wrist when she opened the Science Center door. Nat glanced down at the edge of the vine-and-spear pattern, then at Barba. “There is a reason your markings never faded, Natalie. Please find me if you’d ever like to learn why.” The Sister gave her a sad smile and walked away, leaving Nat so rattled her hand shook as she let go of the door.
CHAPTER THREE
Nat stared at the campus health clinic posters lining the exam-room walls.
“I don’t see the necrosis normally associated with a serious spider bite. But there is an open sore,” the doctor said. Nat looked over her shoulder and clenched her fists as the doctor gently pressed her l
ong brown fingers around the wound.
“Like I said, I’m not sure what caused it. I was just guessing maybe a bite,” Nat lied, knowing she’d been wounded by the Nala’s hand cutting into her skin. She swallowed sharply, feeling her gut twist.
“When did you notice the discoloration of the skin?” The doctor sat down in a swivel chair and pulled a rolling tray holding a laptop closer to her. She peered at the screen before looking over her glasses at Nat.
She looks like Sister Ethet, Nat thought, instinctively glancing at the woman’s arm for the sun markings that covered the forearm of every Healing Sister. Ethet would have an idea why Nat’s shoulder hadn’t healed after her fight with the Nala. But Ethet was gone. Barba had said as much during their brief encounter three weeks ago.
“When did you notice the discoloration?” the doctor repeated.
“Sorry, um, end of January. Something happened to it during J-term. I can’t pinpoint anything specific, that’s why I wondered if it was a bite,” Nat said. The doctor would send her off to a behavioral-health clinic if she told her the truth.
“I have the write-up from your visit at the end of January.” The doctor read the chart notes on her laptop. “The pain is constant?”
“Yes,” Nat answered.
The doctor typed as Nat responded to each question.
“Same amount of pain as in January, or different?”
“A little different.” Nat wasn’t sure how to respond. Each morning when she awoke after her nightmares, the ache was sharp and deep, then it receded as the day wore on.
“How?”
“It’s intense in the morning. I must be sleeping in the wrong position.” She rubbed her forehead, feeling the creeping fingers of a headache.
The doctor nodded. “The PA’s notes from January indicate you were suffering from exhaustion and dehydration as well as the wound to your shoulder.” She pushed the laptop away and crossed her arms. “How much sleep would you estimate you get each night?”
“Enough,” Nat didn’t like where this was heading. “Enough for a college student.”
“Hmm. You’ve lost several pounds since January, so I won’t bother to ask how much you eat, because it is clearly not enough.” She grabbed a notepad and began scribbling. Nat clutched her paper gown and cursed herself for coming here. The doctor ripped two pages from the tablet and handed them to Nat.
“I want to run a blood test and do a biopsy of the skin.”
Nat looked out the window to avoid making eye contact. The April day was coming to an end, and a warm orange light shone through the windowpane. She bit her fingernail and looked away from the glow.
“You can come back tomorrow for the tests.”
“I can’t tomorrow,” Nat protested, finally meeting the doctor’s insistent eyes. She’d promised the biology department head she’d help him with a research project, and Cal was due to arrive soon for her three-day campus visit.
“Monday, then,” the doctor said definitively. “This is the contact information for the counseling center.” She pointed to a phone number on the second page. “I’ve seen enough students to know where you’re heading, Natalie. Please call the center, they really can help you.”
Nat’s eyes wandered from the scribbled handwriting on the tablet paper to the dingy linoleum floor.
“Call them,” the doctor said and left the room.
Nat sat on the exam table and stared at a poster listing the side effects of overprescribing antibiotics. After a few minutes, she crumpled the papers in her hand and slid off the table. None of these people can help me, she thought as she gingerly pulled on her long-sleeve shirt. She was a fool to think they could.
She signed out at the reception desk in the empty waiting room and exited the clinic. What would counseling do? She didn’t need to talk to anyone except Soris and maybe Ethet, and that would never happen.
A bus pulled in front of her and parked by the Student Center. I’ll get through this on my own, she thought. She didn’t have a choice. Her shoulder would eventually heal. It had to.
Nat groaned inwardly when she recognized Cal’s long figure alighting from the bus. Her shoulder hurt worse than ever, her head felt like it was about to explode, and her stomach churned with the nausea she’d had all afternoon. She needed at least a few minutes to herself before she had to deal with her sister.
Cal set a duffel bag on the sidewalk. She glanced around, a look of uncertainty on her face. No such luck, Nat thought when Cal caught sight of her and strode down the sidewalk, bag in hand.
“Hey.” Cal fidgeted with the handle of her duffel.
“Hi,” Nat replied. Cal’s eyes darted from Nat to the sidewalk. Is she nervous? Nat wondered. She studied her sister for a second before her thoughts strayed to the conversation with the doctor.
“Are you waiting for someone?” Cal looked around.
“Huh? No, I’m just preoccupied. Let’s drop your bag in my room. I’ve got class in forty-five minutes and won’t be home until late, but Viv’s around.” Nat walked in the direction of her dorm.
“Suits me,” Cal said, matching Nat’s quick stride. “I don’t need a babysitter.”
“Good, because I wasn’t offering.” The familiar sense of irritation with her sister flared up inside her.
“Are you mad at me because I’m coming to school here?”
“Does it matter what I think? It’s your life, as you so often remind everyone,” Nat grumbled. She felt like she was going to throw up.
Cal dropped her bag and caught hold of Nat’s sleeve, pulling her to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk. “I know I gave you a hard time when you came here, about Mom and Dad having to pay a stupid amount of money for your tuition.” She dropped her head, looking almost contrite.
“They aren’t paying any part of my tuition now, Cal,” Nat interjected. She took a deep breath to try to control the negativity brewing inside her.
“I know. So I get that you’re worked up about me coming. But Nat, I got this huge scholarship, and the dance department really—”
“Would you stop?” Nat held up her hands. “I am not worked up about you. Good for you for whatever scholarship you received, but I have bigger concerns than where my little sister is going to college.”
“Fine.” Cal grasped her bag and shrugged.
Nat felt a pang of regret for biting at her, but she had no energy to deal with her sister’s center-of-the-world attitude. They walked the rest of the way to Nat’s dorm in silence.
Nat punched in the key code. The resident advisor looked up from the check-in desk, and Nat pointed to the register. Cal signed in and followed her up a flight of stairs. They passed a group of sophomores who turned and watched Cal as she ascended. She winked at one of the boys.
“Cal, these aren’t high school boys,” she said, remembering her sister’s poor choices when it came to boyfriends. Soris’ face suddenly flashed in her mind.
“You care that I wink at a guy, but you don’t care where I’m going to school. Interesting.” Cal pursed her lips.
“Forget I said anything.” Nat took the rest of the stairs by twos even though she felt like puking. When she opened the door to her room, Viv had one arm in the sleeve of a purple tweed coat.
“Hey, Cal,” Viv said.
“Finally, a friendly greeting.” Cal tossed her bag on the floor. Nat took a few short breaths. Bile filled her mouth.
“Nat, you don’t look so hot,” Viv said as she set her coat on the striped chair and then took a step toward her roommate.
“I’m fine,” Nat said, holding up her hand, wanting everyone and everything around her to disappear. “I’ll be home late. Cal, find your own way around.” She slammed the door behind her and rushed to the bathroom at the end of the hall to lock herself in a stall. She heaved into the toilet. When is this going to end? Tears slid down her face, and she made no effort to wipe them away.
CHAPTER FOUR
Nat yawned and gazed at the protective beams
of light Annin had taught her to visualize along the barrier of her dream space. They emitted a bright light, illuminating the empty darkness surrounding her. She brought the beams up each night out of habit now, even though nothing but the wisps of her nightmares tried to invade the safety of this refuge.
She yawned again and relaxed her body. She knew staying in her dream space night after night was keeping her from getting the rest she needed, but it was better than facing her recurring nightmare about Soris and the Nala. She settled back into the chair, worrying about her wound, and wondered if her recent nausea was somehow related to the injury.
She looked past the ledge to her dream landscape. A bank of thick clouds swollen with rain rolled across the horizon. Lightning crackled and raindrops hit the edge of the barrier. The sound of the storm reminded her of the crunching gravel on the banks of the river where the Nala had attacked Soris. A wave of guilt washed over her, and she quit worrying about her wound. My problems are nothing compared to his.
“I am so sorry, Soris.” She dropped her head into her hands, feeling completely alone.
“For what?”
Nat tensed at the sound of the voice. She scanned the dream space.
“Over here.” Soris hovered on the other side of the ledge. His blond hair was plastered to his forehead. Rain dripped off the tip of his broad nose. His eyes were green, and his skin was a golden color, as if he’d spent too much time in the sun. She stared at him a moment, unable to see any of the markings of a duozi. No blue skin, no disc eye.
“Soris? How can you reach me here?” She looked at him in wonderment. She knew Annin could access someone’s dream space from a great distance, but she never heard her mention it was possible to reach someone across the membrane.
“I figured out a way to find you. Let me in.” His voice sounded faint. He floated a few feet away from the bars of light. Nat cautiously crept closer to the ledge.
