by Rachel Del
After two hours spent staring at a blinking cursor – which was becoming a bad habit – Tanner gave up and slammed his laptop shut. Despite the slight shaking in his hands from his two espressos, he found himself standing in line for a third drink.
“Tanner?” A hand lightly touched his shoulder and he turned around to see Nathan Trainor in line behind him.
“Hey, I thought that was you.”
“Hey Nate, how’s it going man? Is Lily with you?”
“She isn’t.” Nathan watched Tanner’s reaction closely before continuing. “What the hell happened with you guys anyways? All of sudden she’s pushing off a lot of your work onto me.”
“Your guess is as good as mine,” Tanner began, pausing to order his coffee. “She just flipped out on me one day and I haven’t really heard from her since.”
In truth, it had taken him a few beats, but he had come to understand why Lily had been so angry with him after Santa Barbara. His own opinions of marriage and children aside, he should never have opened his mouth. And had he known how Nate felt about Lily, he certainly wouldn’t have ever bad-mouthed her. It was, he believed, the first crack in the façade that he had spent years perfecting.
“That doesn’t sound like her.”
“What can I say, man? That’s what happened.”
“Well,” Nathan said, after placing his order, “since I’ve got you here, any word on the work in progress?”
It was the question that Tanner had been dreading from the moment Nathan spotted him.
“It’s coming a little slower than the others, but I’m confident I can have something to within the next couple months.” The words didn’t feel like a lie as they shot from his mouth, but afterwards a knot settled in his stomach.
“Is there anything that we – I – can help you with?”
“At the moment, no. But I will let you know if that changes.”
“Oh,” Nathan said, practically shouting. “Lily will kill me if she finds out I saw you and didn’t ask about the blog. We were hoping you’d start blogging soon. Maybe it will help get the writing going.”
“Right, the blog. I’ll see what I can do,” Tanner responded, catching sight of a beautiful woman walking through the door. “If you’ll excuse me for a second, something’s caught my eye.”
Nathan swiveled on his heels to watch him. The woman had his back to Nathan, but he noticed that the two of them were speaking adamantly, like they had known each other for a while.
Releasing a deep breath Nathan shoved his hand deep into his pocket and sipped his coffee. He had barely put a dent in his drink when Tanner returned.
“Sorry man, I’ve got to jet.”
Nathan peeked over at the woman waiting at the door for him. She was looking down at her phone, her long, black hair covering half of her sunglass covered face.
“Who’s the girl?”
“Ah,” Tanner said, smiling. “That’s Leah, my girl.”
“Your girl?”
“Surprised, huh? Yeah, me too.”
“What happened to your theory that life’s too short to tie yourself down to one woman?”
“I’ll let you in on a secret, Nate.” Tanner inched closer to him. “That’s what all guys say until they meet their game changer. She, my friend, is my game changer.”
“How long have you two been seeing each other?”
“A little over three weeks now. I met her the weekend right before I signed with you guys; the weekend that Lily chewed me out at Sapphire.” He thought for a moment. “Hmm, now that I think about it, that woman sure does like to rag on me.”
“What is it they always say? Something about how women love to find men who are works in progress so that they can shape them into the kind of guy they want them to be?”
“Nah man, it’s like I said: that’s the kind of shit we say until we find– ”
“The game changer, right.”
“Speaking of which,” Tanner said, smirking. “Where’s Lily this fine morning?”
Nathan sat in the coffee shop long after Tanner had left, silently fumbling through his thoughts. Two weeks earlier he would surely have admitted that Lily was a game changer. Hell, after their incredible night together in Santa Barbara Nathan had been ready to confess that she was the woman he’d spent his life waiting for.
But then he’d walked in on her kissing her soon to be ex-husband and how he felt about her – and maybe even how she felt about him – became so muddled that neither of them had known how to communicate and move forward. And so they didn’t. And now they were trapped in some strange form of limbo where everything not work related was strictly off the table.
Maybe that was working for Lily but it sure as hell wasn’t working for him.
How was it possible that someone like Tanner Young had found himself in a healthy relationship while Nathan struggled? It was common knowledge that the guy jumped into bed with anything that looked his way and that he was basically emotionally crippled.
Nathan sighed inwardly, doing his best to push the jealous thoughts from his mind, knowing they would do no good. You could be the moon and still be jealous of the stars.
Chapter 4
July 11, 2015: 8:04 AM
As someone who writes for a living it may be a surprise to you that this is the first blog post I have ever written (and because transparency is important to me, let it be known that I’m only doing this because my editors think it’s a good idea).
I haven’t got all the answers. I can’t even tell you what I’ll talk about each week, but I will be here. I will show up. I will spout off whatever nonsense pops into my head. Like: every summer I spend here in Las Vegas, I wonder why I chose to live somewhere that is so god damn hot. If you’ve been here during the summer months you know what I mean. If you haven’t, lucky you. If you happen to live here then you’re probably as crazy as I am for staying.
Or I might tell you that I can’t see myself getting through one of these blog posts each week without a glass of whiskey by my side.
If I’m feeling particularly crass, I might just tell you that I had what could possibly be the best sex of my life last night.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that you never really know what you’re going to get each week. But surprises are one of my favorites things about life. You’ve got to stay on your toes.
Live the Big Life.
- TY
__
Tanner had long ago perfected the art of hiding behind a smile. Somewhere in his past there stood a reason for how he had come to be the Tanner Young that everyone knew today. But like so many things he had long ago filed it away and had eventually come to believe that it was simply the way he had always been. Not even he understood that things don’t work that way.
Tanner stared at the familiar faces in front of him, a perfect, welcoming smile arranged across his face. With the pleasantries aside, they were ready to start the meeting.
“How much more time do you think you need to have something to us?” Lily asked, lifting her hand to tuck a strand of long, brown hair behind her ear. Her ring finger was notably empty this time around.
“It’s hard to say.”
“Ballpark.”
“Don’t push him, Lil, he’s a delicate genius.” Nathan couldn’t help but smirk. Tanner shot him a look.
“Hey, man! I’m on your side.”
“If you say so.”
“You know I hate being pushy, but if we don’t see something soon I’m going to have Jason breathing down my neck big time.”
“You do not hate being pushy,” Nathan stated. As little as he knew about Lily – and it was little – it was obvious that the woman liked to be in control. He’d dare say that she even needed to be the one in control.
“Be nice, Nate.”
“I’m on the cusp here guys,” Tanner said. “I can feel it.”
He wanted to believe that was true, but endless nights staring at the blank page on his computer screen conveyed not
hing but the opposite. At the very least his research was still going well. He’d been up most of the night before exploring a myriad of directions in which he could take the novel. If he could ever start the damn thing.
“We’re here to help in any way we can, so don’t hesitate to use us,” Lily said.
Tanner took a sidelong glance at her. He thought about their dealing over the past couple months and wondered if they would be able to find a way to repair what had been damaged. Lily was a great editor, and she and Nathan were quickly proving themselves to be great friends, but he just couldn’t shake the feeling that she wasn’t entirely fond of him. He knew that his confidence could border on arrogance, which threw people off sometimes. Maybe it was that. Or maybe, like the way she was looking at him at that moment, her brown eyes boring into him, she could see right through him.
__
Tanner pushed his way through the heavy double doors and stepped into the small lobby. A young woman behind a long, cedar desk asked for his name, punching a key on the phone. Tanner took a seat in an expensive looking club chair and studied the paintings on the walls as he waited. Ten minutes passed by before the door on the far wall opened and a tall, slim woman appeared.
“Tanner?” she asked, and he glanced around the empty lobby before walking past her through the open door. He sat without being told to and watched absently as she walked around his chair and sat down across from him.
"Hello Tanner, I’m Dr. Schultz.” Her voice made him anxious, or more accurately, the whole situation made him anxious. Dr. Anna Schultz, as the plaque on her office door stated, was a tiny thing with delicate features and small, elegant hands. Her fingers were adorned with gold rings and bangles rattled on her wrists when she moved. Her brown hair was pulled back into a tight bun at the nape of her neck and she wore a pair of black thick-rimmed glasses that were much too large for her slim face.
He nodded. "Doctor."
"You can call me Anna. How are you feeling today?"
"I’m well, thank you.”
She uncrossed her arms and adjusted the notepad on her lap. “Let’s dive right in, okay? Would you like to tell me why you’re here?”
“To make my sister happy,” he deadpanned.
“And why does your sister think you need to be here?”
“She thinks I’m fucked up about women.”
“And what do you think?”
“I think I’m a guy.”
She was quiet, indicating that she wasn’t going to accept that for an answer.
Tanner sighed. “I’m trying to write another book and it happens to be about women.”
“Tell me about your book.”
“You’re going to have to promise you won’t steal my idea,” he said, a wide smile on his face that faded when he saw she did not find the joke particularly funny. “I have this theory that men aren’t meant to be monogamous and settle down. It has involved a fair amount of research.”
“And this research, what does it involve?”
Tanner hesitated.
“Do you sleep with these women?” Dr. Schultz asked.
“Sometimes, yes.”
She scribbled something down on her notepad. “And if you don’t sleep with them?”
“Generally I will pursue some kind of a relationship.”
“So you’re interested in a relationship?”
“Not really, no.” He fought a smile as she scribbled on her notepad. “I guess my sister has a point.”
“Are you close with your sister?”
“I don’t think I would be here if I wasn’t.”
“What about your parents?”
“I’d say I have the typical mother-son relationship. She tries to control my life and make all my decisions for me and I try to assure her that I’m an adult and I’m doing just fine. Better than fine, actually.”
“And your father?”
Tanner’s voice quieted noticeably. “He’s mostly out of the picture these days.”
“And why is that?”
“He wasn’t really around when we were little. He was always working, and never really found a reason to concern himself with raising his own children.”
Again, she scribbled on her notepad. “We’re going to come back and talk about your father more, but right now I’d like to hear more about your everyday life. You’re a writer, you said.”
“A novelist… yeah. Fiction.”
“Have you managed to do well as a novelist?”
Tanner smiled. “Maybe not as well as I thought if you don’t know who I am.”
“I’m not one for fiction,” she responded, a small smile crossing her face.
Tanner was silent for a moment, watching her. Someone like her would make a fine addition to his book material. She was smart, successful and pretty in a non-obvious way. She could certainly provide a unique perspective. Tanner’s gaze bounced to the slim diamond on her ring finger.
“What are you thinking?”
Tanner collected himself. “I was thinking about the book.”
“How is the writing going?”
“Not well, to be honest.”
“And how does that make you feel?”
“Pretty fucking shitty, actually. I’m getting a lot of pressure from my editors.”
“A little pressure can be a good motivator.”
He nodded, wanting to agree with her. “I suppose you’re right. It’s just not normal for me – not being able to write – I actually don’t believe in writer’s block. I think it’s an excuse for lazy people.”
“So if it’s not writer’s block, what do you think it is that’s keeping you from writing this book?”
“If I knew the answer to that question, I would probably be back home at my computer instead of sitting here across from you.”
“I thought you were here because your sister thinks you’re messed up about women. Do you want to talk about that?”
Chapter 5
Tanner had lived with his story for over three years, quite literally. He had lived and breathed every note that he had scribbled down. As it stood no one but he and his sister knew it was even being written – or more accurately in this case not being written per se, but the bones being developed – and there was a large part of him that wished it could stay that way.
They were only doing their jobs, he knew, but as Tanner sat across from Nathan and Lily watching them devour their salads without a care in the world, he felt oddly defensive of his story.
Nathan swallowed a mouthful of greens and looked up at Tanner. “Not hungry?” He motioned to the sandwich on Tanner’s plate with merely a single bite missing.
“I suppose not.” He had been hungry when they first sat down, until Lily had asked if he might tell them about the new novel he was working on. Nate had cut in, saying the same thing he always did.
“Come on Lily, you know it’s in bad taste to talk business before food.” He had been joking of course, but Tanner had felt grateful, until he realized that he then had to suffer through forty minutes of eating before divulging his idea. It had felt like the longest forty minutes of his life.
Nate motioned to the waiter for a refill on their drinks and leaned in towards the table, clasping his hands in front of him. “So Tanner, we’re both dying to hear what this next novel is all about. As your first book with us, it’s a big deal for everyone.”
Great. More pressure, Tanner thought.
“I long ago came across a theory,” he began, taking a slow and calculated breath before continuing. “That the more women a man has had sex with, the lower the odds are that he can be sexually gratified by one woman. I’ve been exploring the possibility that men simply aren’t built to settle down and be monogamous.”
Lily’s fork paused in the air between her plate and her mouth. An uneasy feeling began to seep into her chest.
Nathan failed to make the connection between this Tanner and the one he had run into at the coffee shop.
“I’m intrigued,”
Nate said, and Lily allowed an errant thought to enter her mind. Was he interested as an editor, or as a man who had very recently entered into a relationship with she; a woman who happened to come with a kid and an ex-husband? She shot a sideways glance at him, trying to read his face. As usual, his expression revealed nothing.
“I’ve been collecting research for a while now, trying to conclude if there is anything to my theory or not. But,” he said, holding up a single finger, “I am also genuinely curious about the different way that men and women approach sex and relationships and have incorporated that into my research.”
Lily felt the unease in her chest expand. “When you say research, you mean…?”
Tanner’s neck grew warm and he absentmindedly brushed his hand across the bottom of his hairline. There was no way to answer her question without coming across as a misogynistic pig. Best just to spit it out and be done with it. “Since coming up with the idea, every encounter of mine has been recorded right down to even the smallest detail.”
It took all of Lily’s strength not to throw open her mouth in awe. Instead, she sat quietly waiting for one of the men to speak next.
“Wow.”
Tanner smiled meekly at Nathan. “It’s out there, I know.”
“It’s…” Nathan trailed off in an attempt to gather his words. “Edgy.” He left the others at the table to decide for themselves if he meant it positively or negatively.
Tanner didn’t know what to say. He had known from the very beginning stages that the idea wasn’t for everyone. In fact, he knew that in the end it would all boil down to how he wrote the novel and how he presented both himself and the women in it. It would force him to work harder than he ever had before, and hopefully become the kind of writer that he always wanted to be.
Nate began slowly. “People are either going to love you… or hate you more than they already do.” He hadn’t meant the comment to be mean, only truthful. It was common knowledge that despite his fame – or maybe because of it – there were a lot of people who worked hard to make their dislike for Tanner known. After his first novel was published Tanner quickly learned how to tune out the naysayers. They were and never would be his concern if this novel ever came to be. He had only one person’s feelings in mind. Leah’s.
