by Rachel Del
“Why not?”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m just glad to see you, man.”
They were silent the rest of the drive to the bus station. When they arrived Manny turned to his brother in the driver’s seat. “Thanks for the ride, and tell mom not to worry. I’ll call as soon as I can.”
They stepped out of the car, retrieving their packs in heavy silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts as they wandered off in search of their bus.
Tanner smiled, toying with the feeling that his life was only truly now beginning.
Present Day
August 4, 2015: 5:05pm
She tells me that she’s addicted to the feeling of being somewhere new. That there is a unique sense of discovery that comes with removing yourself from your “normal” life. She jokes that her favorite places are the ones she hasn’t been to yet.
I worry that I could never keep up with her if I tried.
- TY
__
“Have you told Leah about your book yet?”
Tanner shook his head slowly, avoiding eye contact with Dr. Schultz. “I can’t. I just can’t.”
“Have you considered that there are alternatives to her walking away? She could very well be angry, but be able to look past it.”
“I really don’t think that’s the case here.”
“And what makes you so sure?”
“Leah is the kind of girl who doesn’t need a man to make her life great. She does what she wants, when she wants, and she sure as hell isn’t afraid to walk away from something that isn’t working.” He looked down at his hands before continuing. “She’s in New York now. She’s been gone for a week and she’ll be gone for another few days. While I’m here and at home thinking about her, I can almost guarantee that I have barely crossed her mind. She hasn’t texted, called or emailed.”
“It was my understanding that the two of you weren’t serious.”
“Right. That was her call.”
“So maybe she sees no reason to be in touch with you while she’s away.”
Or maybe she’s already on her way to forgetting about me, he thought.
__
There was something about New York City that always intrigued Leah. She’d been through every nook and cranny, eaten at all the best restaurants and stayed in all the nicest hotels, but there was always something new to see and do. Each time she returned from the city she felt she was a slightly different person than when she had arrived.
Leah knew she was there to work and kept herself busy for six days before she gave in, picking up her phone and dialing the familiar number.
“As if you’ve kept the same number all these years,” she said upon hearing the voice on the other end of the line. “Let’s eat.”
Leah could count on one hand how many times she had been this nervous, and it usually involved some kind of exam or job interview. What it didn’t usually involve was the reappearance of someone from her past.
Not just someone… the someone. The one that got away.
“Leah Foster.” She heard him before she saw him, but it was enough to remind her just how much she had missed him. She turned slowly, wanting the moment to last forever, her gaze directed towards the pavement until she lifted her chin and locked in on his ocean blue eyes.
With startling clarity she remembered sitting on his dorm room floor helping him study. She remembered their shared love for late-night junk food binging. She remembered him telling her that he had met someone new and maybe she was the one. She remembered running to him for comfort after each and every break up.
But most of all she remembered the feeling that he had always given her: the feeling that as long as he was around, nothing in the past mattered. There was always hope for the future.
“Sam,” she responded, allowing his name to roll of her tongue. She had always loved the way that it sounded. He reached down and enveloped her in his arms.
“God it’s so good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too,” he said, smiling. How long had it been since she had seen that smile in person? How long had it even been since they had spoken?
“It’s been far too long,” he said, as if he could read her mind. Then again, she wasn’t surprised. He had always been that way.
Leah stole glances at Sam as he studied the menu on the red, ornate metal table in between them, trying to recall just what it was that she had found so attractive about him back in College. His beautiful head of curly hair had thinned and receded some, and the wrinkles beside his eyes made him look much older than thirty-one. His body had filled out a little but he was still handsome.
“I’m glad to see you’re still travelling for work,” he said suddenly. Or maybe it had only felt that way because she had been so lost in her thoughts. “It brought you out here to me.”
Leah pushed past the faint flutter of butterflies in her stomach. “Are you still in advertising?” she asked, noticing that he was dressed awfully casual for a Thursday morning.
“Actually I gave up that gig about eight months ago and opened up a coffee shop out in Brooklyn with a good friend.”
“That’s amazing,” she said. “I can’t picture you in a suit and tie. This—” she said, waving her finger in the direction of his clothing – “seems much more fitting,”
“The casual attire was definitely the biggest selling point.”
Though she shouldn’t have been, Leah was surprised by how easily the conversation flowed from there. It was as if they had never spent any time apart. The nerves that she had originally felt upon laying eyes on him had been replaced with a sense of calm.
“How come you never made a move in College, Leah?” The question caught her off guard and she choked on her iced tea.
“Sorry,” Sam said. “I’ve just always wondered.”
She didn’t have an answer for him. Not one. Not one that she was willing to voice out loud anyways. “Why didn’t you make a move?”
“Do you want to know the truth?”
“As long as it’s not going to make me feel bad, then yes.” She smiled meekly.
“I always knew you had a thing for me and the feeling was mutual, but I always kind of thought that you were way out my league.”
Leah absentmindedly wiped at the condensation on her glass. “For the record: that wasn’t the case. But it didn’t matter anyways. We never could get our timing right.”
Sam became suddenly serious and, Leah noticed, nervous. “And what about now? Is the timing still bad?”
__
“Can we please talk about something else?” Screw avoidance, Tanner couldn’t bear to talk about Leah anymore.
Dr. Schultz wasted no time. “Tell me about Manny.”
He spoke slowly and deliberately, as though he were carefully choosing each word.
“We met in the tenth grade. He was a cool kid, the kind that you would see around and instantly want to be friends with. He had this great sense of humor and an incredible sense of adventure, and that was enough for me know I had to be his friend. It was easy because we’re guys. I walked up to him one day, said ‘hey, what’s up?’ and that was it. We were pretty much inseparable from there.
“He was a very perceptible kind of guy; you couldn’t get anything past him. All he needed was to spend thirty minutes with you and he’d have you pegged. He was the first person to tell me that I didn’t come off as cool as I thought I did.”
Tanner chuckled to himself and smiled at Anna before continuing.
“Imagine how I felt when he told me that everyone thought I was this hostile, impulsive guy. And I wasn’t nearly as smooth with the ladies as I thought I was. He said that deep down I wasn’t that guy at all; I was shy and reserved. I was shocked because of course he was right.”
“It sounds like he was the kind of guy you’d like to keep around,” Dr. Schultz interjected.
“You could say that again. He helped me get laid for the first time.”
Dr. Schultz cou
ldn’t help but laugh. “So he definitely came in handy.”
“Oh yeah. She was one of the popular girls too. Cristy Talbott. God, I don’t know why I still remember her name.”
“Our memories work in strange ways,” she said and Tanner couldn’t help but nod in agreement.
“Anyways, he really got to me. When you start to realize who you are in the eyes of the world, you see a different person in the mirror. You see what they see, not necessarily who you are.”
That moment had begun to shape Tanner in a way that only he could perceive.
Their friendship had continued strong throughout high school, and only grew stronger when they left for New York together. There, in the city that never sleeps, they partied like young men would tend to party: sludging through their work days during the week so that they could explode into the weekend. In the summer months it was typical for them to spend their weekends in upstate New York, sleeping five to a room in whatever cottage they could scramble together. There, they would drink, get stoned, and try their damn hardest to get laid. There was no shortage of product available for everyone and when you are young and surrounded by excesses you take advantage of the opportunity.
But one particular weekend had been different.
It had started like any other, but by nightfall on Sunday, Tanner knew he would never be the same carefree person he had once been.
He should have known better. They all should have.
Chapter 8
Fifteen Years Ago
“We could do it at your place?” Manny slammed his locker shut and pulled on his dirty baseball cap.
“Not if my mom’s home. You know what she’s like – we won’t get a second to ourselves without her interrupting.”
Manny straddled the metal bench, impatiently drumming his fingers on his knees. “Can we go now? I hate spending a second longer here than we need to.”
The two friends turned co-workers exited the change room and maneuvered through the cold, cement lined halls and stepped out into the hot summer heat. At three in the afternoon in the middle of July the heat exhaustion hit them almost immediately. They unchained their bikes and headed towards Tanner’s place.
“Ready?” Tanner questioned as they dumped their bikes on the driveway and headed for the front door. They were barely through the doorway when Tanner’s mother asked if they want something to eat. He muttered a nearly inaudible reply and the two boys scrambled up the stairs and into the privacy of his bedroom. Without delay Manny tore open his backpack and removed a battered coil notebook and a slew of brochures.
“Wait” Tanner whispered, and he was at his door before Manny barely even had time to register the warning. With his ear pressed against the door Tanner listened for the inevitable footsteps. With an annoyed sideways glance at Manny, he opened his door wide, revealing his mother with a plate of cookies balanced in her right hand, her left arm raised, poised to knock. Manny eased effortlessly into character.
“Mrs. Young…” he cooed. “You spoil us so much. I don’t know what we ever did to deserve you.” Tanner’s mother absorbed the compliments like a sponge, blushing.
“Oh Manny. You always were such a good kid.”
“I’m still a good kid, Mrs. Y.”
“I know.” She stared at the wall between the two boys, her eyes appearing suddenly glazed over and then just as quickly as it had occurred, she shook her head and returned her focus to Manny. “I’ll just leave these cookies for you boys and if there is anything else you need just let me know.”
“Thanks Mom.”
“Yeah, thanks Mrs. Y.”
Just as she was about to exit the room she turned back. “Oh, Tanner. I washed a pair of your work pants, so if you were wondering where they were they’re outside on the line. I’ll bring them in for you tonight so you have them for tomorrow morning.”
Manny stifled a laugh, releasing it only after Tanner’s bedroom door was securely closed. “Dude.”
“I know, I know. This is why I need to go with you.”
Maybe it was a silly thing to do: leave home because of a mom whose only fault was that she cared too much. Never mind his absentee father.
Tanner had made up his mind. In a way, it was his way of rebelling. There were kids who went out and egged houses or smoked pot because they had parents that didn’t care where they were. Others stayed at home all night and every weekend because they’re too afraid of a world outside of their family. Still there were some who, having grown up having everything they could possibly want or need handed to them on a silver platter, took off in hopes of gaining some kind of perspective on their lives. Tanner wasn’t quite sure of Manny’s motives for leaving, but he was certain of his own. And that was enough for him.
“So run me through the plan again.”
Manny shuffled through his papers until he found a black and white print out. He handed it to Tanner. “Greyhound will get us all the way to the Port Authority bus station in a little over three days. Tickets are running for around one-twenty a piece.”
“How much do you have saved up?”
“About eleven-hundred,” Manny responded. “What about you?”
“I’m a little shy of three grand.”
“I have a friend who will let us crash at his place for a few days, but we’ve got to find some work right away. Forty-one hundred isn’t going to get us too far.”
__
Tanner reached over and turned off his alarm mere seconds after it sounded. His eyes felt heavy and dry as he rubbed at them, the red numbers on his clock becoming a large blur. He slipped on an old pair of jeans, pulled a t-shirt over his head and covered his mess of hair with a baseball cap. He retrieved his pack from under his bed and after taking a final inventory of his room flipped off his light and left the room in darkness.
Having snuck out of the house many times in the past Tanner had no problem descending the dark stairwell and finding his way to the back door. He hoisted his heavy pack onto his back and secured the waist straps with a click. As he lifted his hand to the doorknob he felt something brush his leg. Even through the darkness he could make out the shape of Chester, his cat. He bent down slowly, the weight from the pack forcing him downwards, and stroked the feline, smiling as he began to purr.
“Bye buddy,” he said, feeling his first pangs of indecision. He glanced down the long, dark hallway and then turned, stepping through the doorway and running along the side of the house out to the idling car waiting three doors down.
“I didn’t think you’d actually come,” Manny said when the car door shut behind Tanner.
“Why not?”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m just glad to see you, man.”
They were silent the rest of the drive to the bus station. When they arrived Manny turned to his brother in the driver’s seat. “Thanks for the ride, and tell mom not to worry. I’ll call as soon as I can.”
They stepped out of the car, retrieving their packs in heavy silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts as they wandered off in search of their bus.
Tanner smiled, toying with the feeling that his life was only truly now beginning.
Present Day
August 4, 2015: 5:05pm
She tells me that she’s addicted to the feeling of being somewhere new. That there is a unique sense of discovery that comes with removing yourself from your “normal” life. She jokes that her favorite places are the ones she hasn’t been to yet.
I worry that I could never keep up with her if I tried.
- TY
__
“Have you told Leah about your book yet?”
Tanner shook his head slowly, avoiding eye contact with Dr. Schultz. “I can’t. I just can’t.”
“Have you considered that there are alternatives to her walking away? She could very well be angry, but be able to look past it.”
“I really don’t think that’s the case here.”
“And what makes you so sure?”
“Leah is
the kind of girl who doesn’t need a man to make her life great. She does what she wants, when she wants, and she sure as hell isn’t afraid to walk away from something that isn’t working.” He looked down at his hands before continuing. “She’s in New York now. She’s been gone for a week and she’ll be gone for another few days. While I’m here and at home thinking about her, I can almost guarantee that I have barely crossed her mind. She hasn’t texted, called or emailed.”
“It was my understanding that the two of you weren’t serious.”
“Right. That was her call.”
“So maybe she sees no reason to be in touch with you while she’s away.”
Or maybe she’s already on her way to forgetting about me, he thought.
__
There was something about New York City that always intrigued Leah. She’d been through every nook and cranny, eaten at all the best restaurants and stayed in all the nicest hotels, but there was always something new to see and do. Each time she returned from the city she felt she was a slightly different person than when she had arrived.
Leah knew she was there to work and kept herself busy for six days before she gave in, picking up her phone and dialing the familiar number.
“As if you’ve kept the same number all these years,” she said upon hearing the voice on the other end of the line. “Let’s eat.”
Leah could count on one hand how many times she had been this nervous, and it usually involved some kind of exam or job interview. What it didn’t usually involve was the reappearance of someone from her past.
Not just someone… the someone. The one that got away.
“Leah Foster.” She heard him before she saw him, but it was enough to remind her just how much she had missed him. She turned slowly, wanting the moment to last forever, her gaze directed towards the pavement until she lifted her chin and locked in on his ocean blue eyes.
