“Amber?” His voice called softly. I shuffled closer to the edge of the bed before standing. He reached over with his left hand, and it closed over my wrist. I couldn’t look at him, shame burned through me as I realised just how much I wanted him, and how much of a mistake it would have been.
“You were having a nightmare, Mason. I just wanted to wake you up.” My voice came out small and I shivered as I felt his breath on the back of my neck. I hadn’t even realised he’d moved.
“I know. I remember,” he whispered in a small voice. I made to stand up and he moved closer to the edge of the bed. His small voice spoke again and my heart broke for the pain in his words. “Please, wait a moment.” I nodded my assent, but I still couldn’t look at him.
“Amber, look at me please?” He was worried, I could hear it in his tone. I shook my head, unable to look at him for fear it would destroy me. I still wanted him and I knew he didn’t want me. There was nothing more soul destroying than seeing pity reflected in someone’s eyes when they told you they didn’t want you.
His fingers stroked the back of my neck and I almost moaned again. He continued to speak while running his hand up and down my neck. “I’m so sorry for attacking you,” he paused, taking a deep breath before speaking again, “but do you think…? I mean, can you…? Fuck. What’s wrong with me? I never get like this.” He swallowed and blew out a breath, causing me to shiver as I fought against the urge to turn around.
“Amber, will you spend the night here with me? I don’t want to sleep alone and you are the only person in this house who isn’t related to me. Please.” His voice was smaller, and loaded with emotion. I turned around, met his eyes and acquiesced. There was no way I could say no to him when he pleaded with me like that. I nodded and he laid back down on his back, staring up at the ceiling. I could see his pulse racing in his neck and when he spoke, his voice was laced with pain.
“I was dreaming that I was back in the office today and the guy who shot me went after everyone I love. He shot my band mates, my mom and Helena, the kids and Cassie. I couldn’t wake up and then you were there and I was finally awake.” Tears leaked from his eyes and I crawled over to him. I wrapped my arm over him, careful to avoid the bandages that I could see, even in the darkness. “I felt so helpless and I couldn’t move as he shot them. I could see the blood and the terror in their eyes and I couldn’t do a fucking thing. I’m so fucking weak.”
“Mason, you aren’t weak. You are an amazing, strong man. It’s no wonder you’re having nightmares. You were shot today.” I laced my fingers with his and he looked down at my subtle show of support. He lifted our joined hands and brought my palm to his lips, placing a soft kiss there, before bringing our joined hands to rest over his heart.
“It hurts. It fucking hurts so badly. I miss my best friend. Seeing him shoot her, even if it was only a nightmare, brought it back to me. She’s really dead and there’s nothing I can do to bring her back.” He choked and swallowed again as he looked over at me, tears streaming from his eyes. I turned on my side and wiped them away, but more kept coming. He spoke again and the real source of his pain was revealed. “Why the fuck didn’t she tell me? Why did she leave me her son? God, she should’ve known I can’t do this without her. Amber, how the fuck do I raise this little boy, when I’m so angry that his mom left him? I know she didn’t have a choice, but she could have fought it or done something when she found out.” His words were laced with pain, causing tears to spring to my own eyes. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him close and asking him the question he hadn’t answered, because I knew he needed to get it out.
“What should she have done differently?” I asked slowly, watching as he pulled back from me and glared at me.
“I don’t know. I don’t fucking know and it’s killing me that I don’t have any answers. One day that little boy is going to ask me about his mom. What the fuck do I tell him? How do I make him understand that I don’t know why she didn’t deliver at thirty five weeks and start chemo? Or why she didn’t tell anyone that she was sick? Why didn’t she share the burden with me? I could’ve helped her.” He laid on my chest again and broke down completely.
I held onto him and let him sob. Watching the pain roll through this incredible man made my chest hurt. He was amazing and he loved his family with all his heart. I kissed his shoulder. He turned to me with tears in his eyes and he kissed me softly again. It was just a soft peck, but it said so much more than our passionate kisses from earlier. He was scared and hurt and damaged, but so was I. If all he needed was a friend then that’s what I would be to him. I’d be his employee and his friend and I wouldn’t say a word, ever, about what he’d shared with me. He rolled over onto his back and took a deep breath. “Thank you, Amber,” he whispered in a husky voice.
He lay on his back for a moment and then came back towards me, slipping his hand under my neck and wrapping his other arm around me. We lay like that for a moment and I enjoyed the closeness of him beside me. He kissed my shoulder softly before falling asleep. It melted me. I knew he appreciated what had happened, but I was nervous about the morning. I couldn’t move though because he’d trapped me on my back, with one of his arms above me and one below me. His left leg also crept into the space between my legs. After a while I finally nodded off, feeling safe for the first time in the longest time as I laid in Mason’s arms.
Mase
I woke up the next morning because I was too hot. I tried to move and my left arm was numb, but not just numb, there was something on it. I opened my eyes and found Amber curled on her side, sleeping against my arm.
Images from the night before came rushing back and I suddenly had a rush of nausea. She stirred slightly. For a moment I paused and took a moment to appreciate just how perfect she was. Her tight ass was pressing against my crotch. My morning wood was harder than normal as I took in the perfection of this beauty sleeping in my bed.
Her skin was flawless. Her perfect tits and curves fit nicely beside me, but she couldn’t be here. She shouldn’t be here. This was all wrong. I couldn’t have her in my bed. I’d decided that last night. So how the fuck had she ended up here? I vaguely remembered my nightmare. My family getting shot, and seeing Cass die again had torn me up inside.
I couldn’t cope with her. She wriggled back a little and my boner touched her, just where I wanted it to, but it couldn’t happen. I had to get the fuck up out of this bed, before I grabbed those little shorts and ripped them apart. I gradually moved backwards and rolled onto my left side. “Son of a bitch,” I muttered under my breath. I heard her quiet giggle as she watched me.
“Mason, you don’t need to skulk out of your bed. Nothing happened with us.” She sat up and rubbed her sleepy eyes. My eyes drifted to her tits and my cock tightened. “Not because we didn’t want it to.” I muttered and stood up, unprepared for the rush of dizziness that would hit. Damn I guess drinking on those fuckers wasn’t such a good idea after all.
As the dizziness overwhelmed me, I laid my head on the edge of the bed, glad that I had a four poster.
Amber sat up and scurried towards me. "Mason are you okay?" She asked, worry colouring her tone as she placed a hand on my arm.
I shrugged her off, muttering, "I'm fine." I focused on breathing, in through my nose and out through my mouth.
"Are you sure?" She asked in a smaller voice.
My temper flared to life. "Of course I'm fucking sure. Can you leave now please? I don't want you in here."
Her sharp intake of breath made me feel slightly guilty. The sight of her ass as she walked away from me made my dick quiver, but I was relieved when she walked out without looking back. Part of me did want to call her back. I slumped onto the bed, giving myself a moment to compose myself before I tried to stand up again. The door to my room flew open and a furious Helena stood in the doorway.
"Mason?" She hissed. "What the fuck was she doing in your room at six thirty in the fucking morning?"
I groaned and put my head in
to my hands. "Hels, not now okay?" I just wanted her to leave. Her voice was grating on me, as high pitched and shrill as it was.
Her tone was ice as she watched me. "Mason for crying out loud, she was in your fucking bed and you don't want to talk about it?”
"Hels, I said not fucking now!" I groaned and put my head in my hands as I waited for the dizziness to pass. I groaned as the room tilted from side to side and I flopped back on the bed, my stomach rolling like waves in the ocean. I retched and nothing came up.
I rolled onto my stomach with my eyes clenched shut. Within a few minutes I drifted back to sleep again. I didn't know how long I slept for, but I woke a while later with a door slamming. Noises came from the nursery and I could hear Amber and my mom having a conversation softly in the next room. As soon as I thought about Amber, I wondered if I'd dreamt the previous night? Her lingering scent on my sheets told me I didn't.
A flashback of kissing her hit me. I groaned at how much I wanted her under me again. I clenched my eyes shut as my cock throbbed almost painfully in desire. The image of her face as I sucked on her lip shot through me, and damn if I didn't want to taste her again. Fuck. I was fucking screwed.
I sat up more slowly and managed to get my feet without the dizziness of last time. I walked to the bathroom with my boner standing proud. Just hearing her voice made me harder. I wondered how we were going to survive without any buffers when my mom and Helena left later today? I knew I needed to stay the fuck away from her. For her sanity and mine. But it was going to be fucking difficult when she made me feel like she was all I needed. And I wanted her. I wanted her so fucking badly, but I didn’t know how to stop the feelings. That scared the shit outa me.
I moved towards the dresser. I grabbed slacks and a button down from the drawers. Glancing at myself in the mirror, I took in my chest and arm, where the bullet had grazed me. My tattoo was on the other side. The skull on my left peck had a dragon wrapped around it. The wings from the dragon came out the side. Underneath, in gothic script, was Black Mercy. On my back I had another tattoo, this one of Sophia with the symbol for wisdom, a circle. Ten lines came off of it and a line was across the centre.
I pulled my clothes on and moved towards the door, hearing more voices downstairs. I headed towards the stairs, trying to avoid Amber if I could. She was standing chatting with my mom and my stony faced father. I couldn’t bear to look at my father. He hadn’t even bothered to come see me while I’d been in the hospital.
As I glanced around the entryway, I saw flowers everywhere. I made my way downstairs and had to stop and take a breath. Amber was standing in ray of sunlight, holding Lucca in her arms as he slept. Her skin looked creamier than last night. Her eyes shone as she spoke to my dad. I couldn’t move for a moment, even if I’d wanted to. She left me completely breathless.
There was a loud bang which propelled me forwards. When I got to the stairs I saw the band were there, along with Lexa. She was standing, surprisingly, beside Quinn. Two dates wasn’t like him. AsI walked towards him I saw him lift his eyebrows, daring me to say something to him.
“Hey guys, what are you all doing here?” I asked them lightly as I moved towards them. I was still barefoot, but had my socks tucked into my back pocket. I was planning on asking my mom if she’d mind helping me out, even though I didn’t want to. I could tell putting socks on was going to hurt more than I could handle.
“Well fuckface, we’re here to see you again. Since some bastard shot you, we figured you might need our support today while ‘resting at home’.” It was Harris who spoke. He winked at me and glanced back at my dad and Amber with a small frown on his face.
“Gee, thanks so much, but I’m all out of fucks today. Don’t you guys have something better to do than annoy the life outa me?” I smiled as I said it, grateful more than I could express that they were here. Amber walked by me, towards the family room. As she brushed past, forced closer because of the boys taking up the hallway, a zap of desire passed through me.
Her eyes met mine, and her cheeks turned pink. I knew I wanted to surrender to her, but I knew what it would cost me, so I turned my face into a scowl. When she looked back at me, I was glaring at her.
Lewis leaned close to me, muttering in my ear as she moved into the family room, “what the fuck was that Mason? Do you have feelings for her?”
I laughed at his words, shaking my head and saying, “no, no fucking way. Have you seen her?” I stared at Lewis, challenging him with my expression.
He shrugged. “What? She’s fucking hot. If she was working for me, I’d bang her.”
The thought of him anywhere near her twisted my stomach and I glared at him. “Well she doesn’t work for you. She works for me and I certainly don’t think she’s hot.” In my head I used words like beautiful and gorgeous, but not hot. Lewis watched me. He smirked as he saw something over my shoulder.
I followed his gaze and my stomach dropped through the floor. I saw Amber standing there. Her eyes radiated hurt, but her face was pinched tight, not giving anything away. She pushed past us and went to the kitchen. I watched her walk away with guilt knotting at my insides. I had to speak to her, to set her right, but not while these fuckers were here.
Lewis smiled at the look on my face and nodded towards the door. “Trouble in paradise already? Fuck I didn’t think she’d last long, but even by your standards, one day is ridiculously short.” It hit me then what he’d done. He still hadn’t forgiven me for the Juliette thing so he wanted to screw with me. Getting me to dismiss Amber was a little bit of payback.
Shrugging at him, I turned to Quinn and Harris, who were speaking to my parents. As I turned to join their conversation, my dad stepped away from us. Amber walked back into the room with Lucca’s formula. My eyes shot to hers. She was completely ignoring me. That burned a little.
I moved away into the sitting room, putting my head into my hands as I tried to figure out the right move. How did I tell her what I meant without hurting her? It wasn’t going to be easy, but I had to do it. Now was as good a time as any.
As casually as I could, I strolled into the family room and saw Helena feeding Lucca, Sophia playing on the floor, but no Amber. I glanced around and saw her and Lewis speaking in the entryway. He stroked her cheek and she smiled up at him, before he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. They were hidden from view of everyone else. He pulled back, whispering something in her ear. She laughed at him, actually laughed at him. My knees shuddered and I strolled back to the couch, covering my face and rubbing my hands over my eyes.
It stung like a bitch that she’d kissed him and he’d made her laugh. I couldn’t figure out how I felt about her, but I had no right to make her feel less than perfect. It was a dick move on my part. As she walked back into the sitting room, her fingers danced across my neck gently. My eyes shot open. I watched her walk around the sofa to sit beside me. As she sat down, I turned to tell her that I was sorry, when everyone else thundered into the room.
Helena glared at Amber, then stood and moved towards me with Lucca, but Harris intercepted her. He scooped the baby up and carried him over to the seat Helena had vacated, sitting down and singing softly to him. His words carried to me and I watched. I had tears in my eyes as he sang to the baby who should have been his.
Cassie and him had dicked about for years. They were on a yearlong break when she fell pregnant. They’d been on a break because Cass turned down his proposal and had told him she didn’t want strings. When she told him she was pregnant, he offered to take her back, but she refused, saying she’d need to learn to stand on her own. If he was still single by the time her baby was one, then she’d marry him.
He sung softly.
If I break today
Piece me back tomorrow
If I lose it all
Help me up in another day
I can live with heartache
But not without you at my side
And if the world ends
I want it to end at y
our side
Because I love you
It’s always been you and me
And losing you would fracture my heart
Would tear me apart….
He’d written that track for her. Every eye was wet as we sat there. My dad cleared his throat from the entryway, nodding to my mom and Helena, who was staring daggers at Lewis. Quinn had his arms wrapped around Lexa and my mom was holding Sophia.
My dad huffed in the doorway and everyone started moving. Helena and my mom rushed towards him, meeting Pops as he arrived from the kitchen. Harris stood and held Lucca close for a second before passing him to Amber. Lewis stood and walked out of the room beside Harris.
I shuffled forwards. Amber linked her fingers with my own, squeezing for a moment. My whole body spun towards her. She smiled sadly at me. She nodded once and let my hand go, moving to stroke Lucca’s head. As I stood up, Quinn caught my eye and raised an eyebrow at me, but I ignored him and walked out into the entry way. As I glanced back, Lexa was sitting beside Amber on the couch.
She was speaking to her. I saw Amber’s back stiffen as she turned towards Lexa. A horrified look on her face. Her lips tightened and I wondered what had put that look there? I’d need to find out later. Helena glared at me as I approached my mom and dad. I knew I’d have to have a conversation with her about my personal life, even though nothing was going on with us. I glanced down at my Rolex, and grimaced when I saw it was ten minutes after ten. I had to be at the funeral parlour in fifty minutes. I had to choose the music and finalise the balance.
Black Mercy (San Francisco Rock Romance Book 1) Page 13
