by Tia Lewis
“Really?” Harris looked up at me a little.
“Yeah, really. I never threatened to kill his old lady, but he didn’t have an old lady.” I grinned, and he sounded surprised when he laughed a little.
“Would you have?”
“Probably not, but Jack never hurt me. I get that I hurt you—hell, if I knew Hawk had a kid, maybe things would be different. I don’t know.”
“Probably not. He never really cared about me. I know that.” He shrugged. “Mom always tried to tell me he did, and I wanted to believe it, but he didn’t.”
“Well. I hate to say it, but I care about you, kid. I really do. Everybody does. And if you still wanna be in the club, you can be in the club. This can stay with me, Creed, Ace, and Diesel. It doesn’t have to go any further than that. But if you ever—”
“It will never happen again. I swear.” He interrupted.
“Good.”
Harris looked at me with big, round eyes. “So, you mean that?” he whispered.
“What?”
“That I can stay in the club?”
“I don’t say things I don’t mean,” I replied. “You’ve gotta get used to me, kid.”
“I guess I do.” He looked so relieved, it kind of broke my heart a little. He just wanted to belong somewhere. I remembered that feeling. It was still fresh sometimes.
“Finish working on your bike, then come in and wash up when you’re done. The girls are cooking dinner tonight.” I patted him on the shoulder before turning to walk away, then had another thought. “Oh, and by the way? I want you to be extra nice to my woman from now on. Understand?”
“Got it. She’s nice.” He grinned, happiness and relief practically pouring off him.
I grinned back. “Yeah, she is.”
23
Nicole
When we got home together that night, I could hardly believe my happiness. Home, with Drake. It felt like a dream come true. The night made of the past two weeks had finally ended, and just in time. I didn’t want to know what might have happened if I had left him alone in the clutches of that redheaded monster, no matter how many times he swore up and down that he would never have touched her.
We cuddled in front of the TV for a while, catching up on our favorite shows. I’d let them sit on the DVR, unable to watch without him. We didn’t talk much. There was no need to. It was enough, just being together. Just seeing the smile that seemed to never leave his face.
And the sex! It was magic, just like the first time all over again. After a marathon session which left us both panting and groaning and wishing we never had to leave bed again, I draped myself over Drake’s outstretched body.
“You’ve been saving yourself up for me, haven’t you?” I asked with a giggle.
“We have two weeks to make up for,” he said, grinning with his eyes closed.
“Well, I’m always up for it, as long as you are.” I cleared my throat. He chuckled.
“Give him a minute to rest. I’m not a machine, you know.”
I giggled again. “Fine, fine. Let it never be said I’m not a generous lover.” I rested the side of my face against his damp chest, not even caring how sweaty he was. It was all part of him, and I had missed him so much. I’d honestly thought for a little while that we would never be together again. How could I have been so stupid?
“There’s something I’ve been thinking about telling you for a while now,” he murmured, stroking my hair.
“What is it now? I knew there had to be something.” I lifted my head, looking down at him.
“No, no, it’s nothing like that. Jesus, you need to be a little more trusting.”
“Okay, fine. What is it, then?”
He opened his eyes, sitting up a little. I moved to give him room. It had to be serious if he was getting up to talk about it. He ran his hands through his hair, sticking up in all directions after I’d run my fingers through it. “Before we had the fight, there was something going on that I didn’t wanna tell you about. I didn’t want you to be freaked out over it.”
“Okay …” I wrapped the sheet around me, feeling like I might need protection from whatever it was he was about to say.
“And it went on for a little while, but it stopped. Everything’s okay now.” He told me about Harris, then, and how misguided and confused he had been. His mother had really twisted him up to the point where he had no idea what was what.
“He didn’t ever mean to hurt you. I believe that. If he had, I wouldn’t let him step foot in the clubhouse again. Actually, I would have probably killed the kid If I’m being perfectly honest.”
“Drake …”
“What? Anyway, I think he was just all screwed up inside. He didn’t know what to do … only that he felt he should do something, you know?”
“Yeah, I guess I understand that.” I didn’t understand anything, not a single thing, but it was starting to come together in my head. Hawk’s son. And he’d wanted revenge … what did he think he was going to do?
“So what happened?” I asked. “What finally made you decide to let him stay?”
Drake shrugged, looking down at the sheets. After all our time together, he still had difficulty sharing what was in his heart sometimes—and I knew better than to push him. I waited for him to find the right words.
“He needs a father figure in his life. He needs a good example. I’m not trying to say I’m the best—I know I’m not. There’s gotta be a lot better men than me in the world. But he has to start someplace. Who knows who he’ll get mixed up with if I don’t help him?”
I nodded. Drake was right. And he had the instincts I knew he did. He wanted to be a father figure, I just knew it. “And he’s okay with that? He wants to stick around?”
“Oh, shit, yeah. His mom’s in prison for who knows how long. He has nobody in his life. He needs us.”
“He needs you.” I took his hand, rubbing my thumb over the backs of his knuckles. “You don’t have to be shy to say it in front of me. The kid needs you. He looks up to you.”
“And hell,” he added, “if I can be to him what Jack was to me …”
I nodded. “I know what you mean.”
He looked up at me, finally. “So you’re okay with that?”
“With what?”
“With him still being around? Like I said, I don’t think he ever meant to hurt you. He didn’t have a plan.”
I shook my head. “It’s okay. I understand what you’re saying. I don’t hold it against him. Just don’t expect me to hug him the next time I see him.”
“That’s fair.”
“Why did you tell me this? You didn’t have to. I could have lived without knowing somebody threatened me, even if they didn’t have a plan to go through with it.”
He grinned. “I wanna be honest with you about everything from now on. And while I’m at it …”
I waited. “Yes?”
“This isn’t easy for me.” He held my hand, staring off into the distance. I didn’t know what he saw in front of him, but his eyes had a faraway look. “I was unfair back then. When you talked about kids. That wasn’t right.”
My heart leaped into my throat. I couldn’t believe my ears. It took everything I had in me to shut up and let him talk.
“It’s not that I don’t want them. I just don’t think I would be any good for them. I don’t know how to be a father. I didn’t have one. I don’t know what to do with a kid. What if I screw them up? What if I hurt them or something, like drop them or turn around for a second and they hurt themselves? What if they come to me with a problem, and I don’t know what to say about it?”
I smiled as gently as I could. “Sweetheart, everybody thinks these things. I’m willing to bet on it.”
“You think so?”
“I’m sure of it. Nobody knows what they’re doing when they go into it—I guess the people who think they know it all are the ones in for a rude awakening.” I chuckled, imagining what my aunt had gone through. She’d probably rea
d every book in existence, knowing her, and probably went around telling people what they were doing wrong with their kids and how she would never be that way with her own boys.
“I guess that’s true.”
“And as for not having a father of your own … Listen. What you just told me about Harris, and the way you handled it, tells me you are father material. I’m sure of it. You have patience and understanding. You’re empathetic. You’ve taken the things you’ve been through, and you’re able to make somebody else’s life better because of it—it would be easy for you to walk away and say well, that’s life. But you’re not. You’re taking Harris under your wing, instead. If that’s not a person who’s meant to be a parent, I don’t know who is.”
“You’re not just saying that because you wanna have kids?” he asked, cocking one eyebrow.
I had to laugh at myself. “No. If I didn’t think you would be an excellent father, I never would have brought it up in the first place. Honestly, I wouldn’t have said I would marry you. And I mean that.”
“Really?” He looked hopeful and afraid to hope all at once.
“Really.” I leaned against him, one arm over his chest. “I love you.”
“I love you. Thank you.” We fell asleep that way, in each other’s arms. I couldn’t imagine anything sweeter than believing for the first time in weeks that we had a real future together.
24
Nicole
The wedding bore down on me like a speeding freight train. A train I was glad was on its way, of course, but it left me breathless nonetheless.
How many other club members were married? I thought about it. None that I could recall. Some had old ladies, but they weren’t married, per se. Marriage was a big step, but an even bigger one in a club. And a massive one for the President.
I couldn’t shake the feeling I was bringing Drake down. I knew he’d never, ever tell me if I was. Maybe he had acted before he gave it any real thought.
The idea plagued me as I sat at the bar with my laptop, working on numbers from the previous quarter. Our association with Bobby and his club was profitable, no doubt—we were looking better than ever. I just wished it wasn’t prostitution that got us there. But that was the kind of thing I’d have to live with for the rest of my life. If I wanted to be with Drake, I had to get right with it.
“What do you think?” I asked Tamara.
“About?” She glanced up from where she was taking inventory.
I laughed at myself. “Oh, right. Sometimes I forget you’re not actually in my head.”
She laughed, too. “Yeah, that’s not possible yet. I’m sure scientists are working on it.”
I looked around to make sure we weren’t overheard. “I feel like I’m bringing Drake’s rep down. You know, with the whole marriage thing.”
She frowned. “What? You’re ridiculous.”
“Am I? And don’t talk to me as my friend. Talk to me as a member of the club. The worst thing I could do for Drake would be to give other clubs the idea he’s, I don’t know, soft or something. Like he’s lost his edge.”
I could tell she took me seriously when she put down the clipboard to give her full attention. “I see what you mean,” she said, nodding slowly.
“So you think it’s a problem?”
“I don’t. I really don’t.” She went from staring at the wall to staring at me. “I mean it, too. Listen, these guys don’t know what’s good for them. Drake’s one of the smart ones who did.” She walked around the bar to sit beside me, then leaned in. “Why do you think they have us around? And it’s not just for sex and cleaning up after them, even though they pretend it is.”
“I hear you.”
“These men need women in their lives as much as we need them. Can we survive without them? Sure. And we’d be better at it than they would be without us.” She winked. “But they do need us, without a doubt. It’s just this stupid bullshit code of theirs that gets in the way. I guess it’s the same code all men like them think they have to abide by. Like the mafia.”
“I thought there wasn’t a mafia,” I joked.
“You know what I mean. It’s not cool to need a woman. And if you do, you’d better be damn sure nobody knows it. You can be affectionate, but only out of the eye of others. Don’t forget, I grew up with these guys. I’ve seen it over and over again. An old lady is used to letting her old man know what she thinks about things behind closed doors, but God forbid she speak her mind in public.”
“That might be a challenge,” I muttered.
Then she smiled. “But you changed all that. You really did.”
“Me?” I asked, cocking one eyebrow. “So I’m, like, the feminist hero of the MC world?”
“Yeah, totally. I can’t wait to hang your poster on my bedroom wall.” Tamara pushed me, laughing. “You know what I mean, smartass. Drake was one of those guys—or he pretended to be, either way. When an MC member thinks he needs to act a certain way, that’s how he acts whether or not he wants to. I always knew there was more to him than that, and that was why I liked him more than the others. He’s a real man. Badass as hell, but he has a good heart. And you let him show his heart.”
“He would kill you if he heard you saying these things,” I reminded her.
“He could try,” she growled.
I felt better, though not completely. There was still guilt swimming around inside me, making me second guess everything I’d done to that point when it came to Drake and me. No point in thinking about numbers, since I couldn’t think straight to begin with and didn’t need to screw up the books. I went outside instead, in the hopes of getting some fresh air.
Creed was out there, working on his bike. I sat on the back steps to watch. He noticed.
“You feel like learning something?”
“Sure. Why not?” I would never remember it, but I liked having the chance to talk to him and see what he thought about my dilemma. He was Drake’s closest friend in the club, after all, so his opinion meant a lot.
“Can I ask you something?” I handed him a wrench at his request.
“Sure.”
“Do you think other clubs might look at Drake as, I don’t know, whipped or something now that we’re getting married?”
He sighed. I didn’t like the sound of it. His eyes were on the bike as he replied. “If they do, they have a big surprise coming to them.”
“So you think it’s possible?”
“I’m gonna be honest with you right now.” He put down the wrench and looked at me, eyes narrowed. “I’ve already heard a couple of guys from other clubs running their mouths about Drake being pussy whipped now that you came along.”
“What? What did Drake say?”
“He doesn’t know, and I’m not gonna tell him.” He went back to what he was working on. “Bobby was one of them, actually. But I didn’t hear about that until after the deal went down.”
“I feel sick.”
“No need. Now that Bobby sees that Drake has a strong hand on the club and knows what he’s doing, he knows he was wrong. He underestimated Drake. And word spreads about that sort of thing just as fast as it does when a member settles down with an old lady.”
“So you think those rumors have died down?”
He shrugged. “As long as I’m being honest, I don’t know for sure. But if they haven’t, Drake’ll take care of it. Trust me. And the rest of us have his back, always.” He glanced at me. “You really worried about this?”
I shrugged. “Maybe a little, yeah.”
He scoffed. I shot him a sharp look. “I don’t mean you,” he said. “I mean anybody stupid enough to think Drake lost his edge will get a boot up their ass or a bullet to their head in no time. Maybe a slug in it, too.”
“Things have definitely calmed down since the old days, huh?”
Creed didn’t get the chance to answer before Ace and Diesel came out to check on his progress. I hoped he wouldn’t say anything to them, but I knew better.
“Hey
boys! Do you think people think Drake’s a pussy now that he’s getting married?” he asked. I winced, rolling my eyes.
“What? Who said that?” Diesel looked like he was ready to murder somebody.
“Nobody,” I cut in from my spot on the ground. “I’m just worried about it, since things have calmed down so much since I came around.”
“You only came in at the tail end of that,” Ace said. “You didn’t start it. Jack was the one who wanted us out of a lot of the shit we were in back in the old days.”
“Right,” Diesel agreed. “You mellowed Drake out. Thanks for that, by the way. He could be a real pain in the balls sometimes.”
“I don’t want anybody thinking he’s weak,” I said.
Diesel held up a hand. “Listen, if anybody did, there’d be a problem. We don’t let shit like that fly in the club. We’re the Blood Riders, remember? We would’ve already talked to him about it.”
“And maybe to you, too,” Ace added. “Sorry. Nothing personal. But we would have.”
“I get it,” I said, nodding. “I’m actually glad to hear that. I want what’s best for him, and for the club. I wouldn’t want to ruin anything.”
“Nah, you’re fine,” Ace smiled.
“Thanks boys.”
Diesel sat on an overturned crate, running a hand over his smooth head as he thought about it. “You know. I remember back when I first joined. It was nuts back then. And I loved it, since I was all screwed in the head. I wanted danger. I still like it, of course, but I like knowing I’m gonna make it home alive at night, too.”
“It’s like a drug,” Ace observed.
Creed added, “And you need more and more. It’s never enough. So you gotta get okay without it, you know? It’s not about that shit. It’s about brotherhood and living life the way you wanna live it, outside the rules.”
I knew all of them had done time, too, which I thought might have colored their feelings more than they wanted to admit. Diesel, in particular, had a reason to want to clean things up. His brother, another club member, had gone to prison years earlier and was still there.
