by MJ Haag
“Someone told me they saw Benella,” he said as he pulled back from me. A smile lined his mouth, but his eyes looked sadder than usual.
“But your work. Shouldn’t you—”
“My employer has a fond spot for Benella and granted me time to spend with her this afternoon.” Father dropped his arms from around me. “Benella, walk with me. Bryn, we will return for lunch.” He turned and walked out the door.
When I looked at Bryn, I saw tears in her eyes.
“It’ll be okay, Bryn. I’ll be back later and want to hear what names you’ve picked so far for the baby.” Her eyes widened, but then she offered me a small, sad smile.
I caught up with Father and wrapped my hand around his arm.
“Why are you angry with Bryn?” I asked.
“Her dalliance will cost her, robbing her of a marriage to a decent man.”
Pulling back on his arm slightly, I stopped us in the street and turned him to look at me.
“Her dalliance will rob her of nothing because a decent man will look at her and see her worth and welcome the child she carries. The ones who won’t see her worth or shun her because of the baby are not decent.”
Father shook his head, but smiled at me indulgently.
“If only she had your sense of responsibility,” he said.
“Father, how can you say that? Bryn has been responsible for all of us since Mother died. She’s taken on so much responsibility so early it’s a wonder her shoulders aren’t curved from it. Despite that responsibility, she’s still young and prone to a young woman’s fancy. Tennen looked at her sweetly and played on her hopes. Don’t fault her for her naivety of a man’s character.”
During my speech, my father’s mouth dropped a bit. I probably sounded pompous.
“And don’t hold me in too harsh a light when I make my own naïve mistakes.”
“Wise beyond your years,” he muttered, and we started walking again. “So what would you have me do?”
“Can’t you see how frightened she is? She’s probably wondering where she will be by the time the babe is born. Reassure her that you still love her and care. Ask about baby names or see if Blye has given her any tiny garments. I will try to find some way to help, too, the next time I return.”
“You are not here to stay?”
I shook my head.
“He will allow me to visit you once a week. But I must have care to return before my allotted time.”
He sighed and looked at me with concern.
“Just take care of yourself.” We neared the Sister’s back door. “I will want details when we eat lunch together.”
I nodded and followed him in. He frowned at me slightly but made no comment when Ila waited with a cup of tea for me.
Ila remained quiet until Father walked away.
“We’ve missed you. Your father wouldn’t say where you’d gone, even though Aryana pestered him constantly.”
She led the way to the bathing chambers where Aryana lounged in one of the tubs.
“Benella,” she spoke in soft delight. “I’m so happy to see you. Tell us where you’ve been.”
I smiled as she stepped from the water and followed us to the back room. It felt like a ritual to bathe as soon as I came to the Sisters’ house, and I wondered if this is how the men felt when they arrived.
“Employed,” I said vaguely as Gen left the room. “Father came here because of me, so I wanted to repay his care of me. I’m granted one day in seven to return to visit.” I let them undress me as I continued in a concerned whisper. “How has he been?”
“Distracted,” Aryana answered as she set my clothes aside. She turned back to me and tilted her head in study. “You look like you gained some weight back.”
I felt a blush creep into my skin, and she laughed huskily.
“Tell me about your new master,” she said. “Does he treat you well?”
“He’s confusing,” I admitted. “And prickly. I think he’s so used to everyone bending to his will, he doesn’t know how to react when I start questioning him.”
Ila poured water over me, and Aryana gave a small smile as she picked up the soap.
“Why do you question him?” she asked.
I laughed.
“Why does anyone question? To learn. All my life I have lived under the roof of a man I knew and understood. Now I find myself guessing and stumbling around in the dark. It’s uncomfortable not being able to anticipate the direction of his thoughts. I’ve spent the last several days focused on his library. It’s a lovely, large room filled with so many books. When I’d started, it had been a mess. Does he think I restored the room properly? Are the books in the correct order? Should I clean the adjoining room next or move to another wing entirely? When I start asking questions, I get irritable replies as if I’m bothering him.”
I realized I’d started to raise my voice, so I took a calming breath again.
Aryana’s hands soothed the muscles in my back while I tried to ignore Ila’s hands washing my front. Ila’s smirk told me she knew it, too.
“I am grateful that I’m no longer a burden on Father, but do wonder why my employer even wanted me there if he can’t be bothered to give me direction.”
“You are on the right path,” Aryana murmured. “Ask questions; study him. You will learn.”
Ila handed me the soap so I could finish washing as she fetched the rinse water. Rinsed of the soap, I followed them to the tubs, again noting how they walked with such ease.
“I’m curious,” I said hesitantly.
“Of course you are,” Ila laughed. “If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be in this house.”
Smiling, I nodded in agreement.
“How do you walk about with such confidence and no clothes?” I asked as we each settled into a tub.
“What about clothes gives you confidence?” Aryana asked.
“A sound question,” I said as I thought it over. “I suppose it hides our faults.”
Aryana stood suddenly and held out her arms.
“Do you see faults?”
“Well, I’m not a good judge,” I said. “I’ve not seen many women naked.”
Aryana sat with a laugh.
“I have, and I will tell you that the men who come here have a hard time finding flaws in limbs or torso. They only see a body and not the person associated with it. So, we wear a veil to hide the person in which they might find fault.”
I continued to think over her answer in silence. Is that how the beast wanted to see me when I wore his dresses? As a body and not a person?
Too soon, she insisted we leave the waters and dress again.
* * * *
I ran the last several yards to the estate as the sun sank below the tree line. I was cutting it close. The gate grated open for me, and I flew through the gap without slowing and collided with the beast, who had been waiting in mist clouded shadows.
“Returned as promised,” I panted as I took a step back from him and bent to rest my hands on my knees.
In response to my announcement, he turned so the tip of his tail brushed my face. With a grimace, I straightened, clasped his tail, and allowed him to lead me, even though I knew I could find my own way. The fur of his tail stood out stiffly, and I surmised my return so close to sunset had given him concern.
Though I didn’t like his threats against my father, I did feel a measure of pity for the beast. I could only imagine how lonely his life was within the walls of the estate.
My stomach began growling before we reached the kitchen.
“Change,” he ordered after we walked through the outer door.
The mist pulled back to the small area where he paced.
Sensing his barely contained mood, I slipped into the servant’s quarters and gently closed the door. The nightgown I’d removed just that morning now lay on the first bed. With a sigh, I put it on and thought again of Aryana’s logic.
I didn’t want the beast to only see me as a body. I wanted him to see me as a person, fau
lts and all. After all, we all had faults. Why put me in a position where I would disappoint him when he discovered I wasn’t what he wanted? But what did he want?
Knowing it would anger him, but unwilling to bend, I put the shirt on over the gown, wearing it unbuttoned like a wrap. When I opened the door, he growled loudly but didn’t order the shirt away.
“Sit and eat,” he said.
On the table, there was another full meal similar to the one I’d thrown at him. This time, I sat gracefully and politely consumed what was before me. I ate until my stomach stretched with pain, then used my napkin to dab my mouth. With a content sigh, I rose.
“Thank you,” I said.
“Why did you wear the shirt? I warned that you would lose it if you wore it inside,” he said, still in a poor mood.
“The gown left me feeling exposed and cold,” I said.
“Take it off.”
I walked toward him without reaching for the shirt. The rasp of his pacing silenced as he stopped to watch me.
The mist still obscured everything but his outline. Walking through it, I stopped when only an inch separated us. The mist tried gathering, but I stood too close for it to shield him. Looking into his eyes, I calmly shed the shirt and draped it over my arm. Then, I tilted my head and studied his pointed, furred ears, his very sharp teeth exposed by his pulled back lips, and his deep set blue eyes shot red with anger.
“Staring at the beast?” he asked with his clicking growl.
“Staring at the Benella?” I asked curiously.
He huffed a great breath that moved the hair loosened from my braid.
“If you want me to bare myself to you, be prepared to bare yourself to me,” I said.
He turned away, his claws scraping harshly against the stone floor of the kitchen.
“Do as you like,” he said as he tore open the door. It slammed closed behind him.
I wrapped the shirt around me again and made my way to my bedroom. Without hesitating, I opened the double doors to his room and walked to his wardrobe. There, I selected a new shirt, much larger than my own, and shed my gown. If I were to lose a shirt I wore, I’d rather that shirt be his.
Securely wrapped in a man’s fine shirt, I curled under my covers and wondered what the beast would think of the gown and shirt I’d left in his wardrobe. I drifted to sleep with a slight smile on my lips.
* * * *
After washing my face, I went to the wardrobe and saw it filled with a variety of gossamer dresses once again. I closed the doors and opted to walk about the manor in his shirt to see what he had to say about it. Though it bared my legs from just above the knee, it covered me more thoroughly than any of the dresses would.
The beast waited in the hall, as usual, when I opened the door, his thick mist protecting him.
“Good morning. What shall we do today?”
“Do as you wish,” he said softly.
His calm voice surprised me. I’d been prepared for another rant or argument.
“Do as I wish? Don’t you grow bored following me around?” I asked, making my way toward the library, listening to his soft steps behind me.
“That’s not your concern.”
“What exactly are my concerns?”
“Staying within the walls,” he said immediately.
“Unless it’s my day to leave, correct?”
“Of course,” he said, his voice rough with agitation.
I stopped walking and turned to face him. We stood in the wide hallway just outside of the library. The mist acted as a wall separating us, but I saw him pace back and forth through it, backlit by a candle that quickly winked out.
“Do you intend to hurt me? Now or eventually?”
He snorted.
“No.”
“You like watching me, no matter what I do; and after the month is up, you intend to touch me,” I said as a statement of fact. “You’ve stated you do not want me to fear you. And you’ve kept me fed and sheltered. Yet through it all, I feel you growing angrier.” I went on quickly before he could say anything. “Now, I admit, I’ve done several things—many, actually—to contribute to your ire. So I’m wondering if my presence is really providing you with any value. Undoubtedly, I am reaping more benefits than you. Why keep me?”
He growled, and I knew what he was about to say.
“I know,” I sighed. “It is not my concern. But did you consider that if you shared the purpose of my presence with me, I might not be so difficult about what you request of me? That maybe I might understand your reasons and assist you as best I can in return for all the favor you’ve given me?”
Silence greeted my logic.
I turned and walked into the library, listening to the brush of his paws against the floor.
Not in the mood for anything particular, I browsed the shelves until a gilded book upon one of the highest shelves caught my eye. Tilting my head back, I stared at it. I had no hope of reaching it.
“Step onto my hand,” the beast said from behind me.
I looked down and saw his furry paw extended forward.
“Won’t I be too heavy to lift with one hand?”
He made a noise between a grunt and a laugh. I supposed he was very strong if he could throw grown men up and over the walls of the estate. I kicked off the delicate slipper and raised my foot, holding the shelf for balance.
“The other one, too,” he said, offering his other hand.
I stood on his hands, and he easily lifted me as he shifted from the crouch in which he’d started to his full height. It brought me higher than the book. Placing a steadying hand on a shelf, I bent slightly to reach for it.
He lifted me higher, keeping the book just out of reach so I needed to bend lower. I rolled my eyes at his game and reached for the book again.
His tongue rasped the back of my thigh, and I froze.
“I changed my mind. I would like to get down.”
“Not yet,” he whispered, lifting me higher.
Still in his hands, I dropped to a squat and twisted to face him. I caught him with his tongue hanging out for the next swipe, and he licked my face instead of my thigh. We both looked at each other in surprise.
“You promised,” I reminded him. “A month. You know this is a breach in our bargain.”
“No more than the shirt.”
I couldn’t argue. He’d told me he wanted to at least see me if he couldn’t touch me.
“What guarantee do I have you won’t touch me if you do see me? I thought seeing a woman’s body caused,” I flapped a hand while my face grew warm. “Well, I thought it grew a man’s desire to touch her. Wouldn’t I just be putting myself in danger?”
“No,” he said firmly. “If I see you, I wouldn’t need to touch you. Only two days a week. The rest you could wear what you wish.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. Why the change in our deal? Were we getting closer to the real reason for my presence?
“Please set me down. I need to consider this carefully.”
He immediately set me on my own feet and followed me as I slowly moved to sit on the sofa. I remained quiet for several minutes, keeping my thoughts to myself, and he again began to pace in agitation.
Walking about without clothes might have seemed unsettling if not for my association with the Whispering Sisters. For them, it appeared completely natural and served a purpose. What purpose would my nudity serve, though, if not to entice as theirs did? I didn’t know, and I didn’t like not knowing.
There were several points in my life where I’d made decisions not based on logic or concern for my well-being, but simply based on curiosity. I knew this would be another instance. I wanted to discover his purpose. However, there were some concerns I couldn’t put aside.
“I will agree, but I have a few conditions and some questions you must answer.”
“No questions,” he said with irritation.
“Come now, you don’t even know what they are. How can you deny them? For instance, I’ve no
ticed several enchanted beings here. The wood nymphs, the crow. I’m sure there are others. I would like to know if you intend that they will see me naked.”
He growled low, the click becoming so pronounced that it seemed the growl stopped and started in bursts.
“No one will see you but me,” he said.
“See?” I smiled slightly. “Not such hard questions. May I choose the days?”
“Yes,” he growled. His pacing grew more agitated.
“I’m not convinced I will be completely safe once we start this. If I should die at the estate, I want you to provide for my family.”
He stopped pacing, and through the mist, I saw him turn toward me fully.
“You will not die.” Then he added softly, “But I agree to your terms.”
“Then one last thing,” I said, taking a calming breath. He wouldn’t like this condition, but I wouldn’t sway from it. “No more mist. I need to trust that you will not harm me. I can’t trust what you keep hidden from me.”
“If you see me, you will trust me less.”
Chewing my lip for a moment, I struggled to come up with a solution that would work for both of us.
“What if you gave me a few hours each day without the mist so I could know you better?”
He grunted his agreement, but the mist remained. I didn’t mind. Trust took time.
“Go change,” he said abruptly.
Or maybe time wasn’t something the beast wanted to acknowledge. I stood reluctantly. I’d agreed to the terms. The only concern that remained was his treatment of me. Yet, even if something happened to me as a result of my folly, my father and sisters would benefit from it.
Without comment, he followed my slow progress through the halls until we reached my door.
“Pick what you like from the wardrobe. Your own this time,” he said.
Clothes? I’d thought he’d meant me to run around naked.
I slipped into my room and rushed to pull open the wardrobe doors. Ruffled masses of pink horror filled the space. I made a face as I pulled one out. Blye would love to wear the dress I held. It laced up the front, and the layered skirt would cover all my important parts, so I couldn’t complain.
Sighing, I let my shirt fall to the floor and tugged the dress over my head, lacing up the front. After sliding my feet into the matching slippers, I opened the door and turned for his inspection.
