by T. R. Hamby
They laid down by the fire, Mel slipping an arm around her waist.
“I knew all this time that I didn’t have to do what he expected of me,” Lilith whispered. “But it was out of reach...I couldn’t quite grasp it.”
Mel considered this. “The fruit freed you,” he replied.
“No,” she said firmly, squeezing his hand. “You did, Mel. You rescued me.”
He smiled. He was so happy...he had never been this happy before. And it was all her.
“Go to sleep, love,” he murmured, and she settled in his arms.
Mel
“Mel,” Lilith’s voice whispered.
He bolted upright, his heart racing, only to remember where he was. He let out a breath and lied back down. He was in his house in Farver, lying on the couch. He had had another nightmare earlier, and had gone to the couch to sleep, so as not to disturb Nora.
When would it end. It was getting to the point that he was waking up every hour, another horrible memory tormenting his sleep. He heard her voice when he woke...saw her face as he dreamed…
He heard the bedroom door open upstairs and sat up, frowning. He listened to Nora’s footsteps, padding down the hall, and then down the stairs, until she emerged in the living room. Her hair was rumpled, and she was only wearing his sweatshirt and her underwear. He tried to ignore this.
“Hey,” she said gently, coming to stand beside him. “Are you okay? I heard you talking.”
He sighed. “Shit. I’m sorry.”
“More bad dreams?”
He looked at his hands, nodding. He felt embarrassed, waking her up in the middle of the night like this.
But she sat beside him. She was a little cautious, but there was a sort of determined look on her face, too.
“Please come back to bed,” she murmured, taking his hand and squeezing.
He was taken aback by her plea. “I didn’t want to wake you.”
“I don’t care--I keep thinking about that man shooting you. I had a dream that he killed you.”
He felt a pang, and he cupped her face in his hand, looking into her eyes.
“You know now, diletta. He couldn’t kill me,” he murmured soothingly. “No one can.”
She nodded jerkily. “Still...I need you with me.”
He followed her back to bed, and they lied down facing each other, Mel slipping an arm around her waist. It was dim, but he could just make out her face, her eyes. And for a moment he was taken aback, and he wasn’t sure why. Was it her beauty? Or was it, perhaps, being so close to her...holding her…
No. He couldn’t think like that.
She brushed at his hair. “Will you be able to sleep?”
“Probably not,” he replied honestly.
“Me either.”
She was quiet a moment, then looked at him and said, “Tell me everything.”
“Everything?”
“Yes. Everything...since your first memory.”
He studied her. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” She nodded firmly. “I have to know.”
It was what Lilith had said all over again. Mel ignored the pang and thought. Then he looked at her, and began.
“The first time I opened my eyes,” he said, “I was lying on the ground. It was gentle...I don’t even remember my first breath. I was at the foot of a mountain...the ground was rocky, and there wasn’t any green. I got up, and God spoke to me. He wasn’t God then--just Father.
“He told me my name, and that I was his son, and that I must listen to him. Then he told me where I could find my brother. So I met my brother at the foot of the mountain...and we were friends from that very moment--though I was jealous of him. He was stronger than me, and I resented it.
“We came to a valley with a lake in it, and we built houses out of clay on the bank. And for a few days it was just him and I. We swam in the lake, sparred...learned how to build a fire. And we wondered why we were there.
“Then my sisters were Created--Judith and Agatha. Judith was wise, always so wise, and she loved me best. Agatha was playful, strong, and looked up to Michael. We cared for each other…
“Others came, and my brother and sisters found mates, had children. I didn’t...I was...I don’t know. Unimpressed, I guess. I didn’t want to be a father. I made friends instead.
“I started traveling north, to the mountains there, mined precious stones. I made them into jewelry for my sisters and my friends...adorned my floors and walls with jewels. They called me the King of Stones.
“Michael and I...drifted. Everyone idolized him...called him the First Son. The Favored Son, because Father spoke to him. His friends were always around, and they thought I was strange, with my stones. He didn’t bother to correct them. I felt shunned, and I was bitter. I tried not to show it. But Michael and I started bickering anyway.
“Then Father chose us to go down to his new Creation. He had made Earth, and would soon make the first Man and the first Woman. He continued to speak to Michael--only to Michael--and my resentment grew. But I was at least given the chance to prove myself to Father. Maybe if I did, he would speak to me too--help me understand why I was the way I was.
“We were told to guard the Tree from the humans. It was like any other tree, but there was something enticing about it. Even I wanted to eat its fruit. It was a simple request, though I questioned why the Tree was there in the first place…
“And then...I saw her. Lilith. And I knew I could never fulfill my task...I could never be what Father wanted me to be. I was lost to her.”
His breath hitched as he remembered seeing her for the first time, talking to Adam, trying to get him to play a game. He had stood in the treeline and watched as she beamed and laughed, and he had known then that all hope was lost for him.
He sat up, resting his arms on his knees, his necklace heavy on his chest. Nora sat up with him, wrapped soothing arms around him. This comforted him a little, and he continued,
“I tried to ignore what was happening. I stayed at the Tree every day, but I could still hear her voice carrying over the stream. Sometimes...I couldn’t help myself, and I would go to the clearing and watch her. The Man, I would find out, mostly ignored her. He found her annoying, and I could see this hurt her. She was alone.
“Michael would guard the Tree at night, and I would return Home. Everyone would ask me what it was like down there, but I wasn’t up for questions…
“You have to understand--Angels don’t fall in love. We have mates, but there’s no romance involved. Love is only familial or friendly. So I had no idea what I was experiencing...this ache for her, this obsession. I thought Father was testing me, for some unknown reason.
“Judith and Michael were worried. I was changing, and they could sense it. None of us had changed like that before. I was quiet, brooding...Michael was concerned with what his friends thought. He was like a hero, and I was ruining his image.
“And then Lilith and I finally spoke...I stopped her from plucking a fruit from the Tree. She was just as troubled as I was, just as confused and questioning. So I talked to her, answered some questions…
“We couldn’t be apart. I didn’t even try. There wasn’t a bad bone in her body...she was so kind, so eager to please, so curious. I had never met anyone so incredible as her.”
He was quiet for a moment, remembering how she had kissed him in the clearing, how her body had felt underneath him, her hands on him….
He studied his hands. “She was the one who taught me what I was feeling. I’m assuming she knew because she loved me too. I tried to keep things...fuck, platonic, I guess. It was half-hearted; I couldn’t stay away from her, and we finally slept together. And it was…”
He trailed off, and Nora squeezed him, pulling him back to the present.
“You don’t have to,” she whispered soothingly. “That’s enough--you don’t have to continue.”
But he shook his head. “You need to know everything,” he said firmly. He wasn’t exactly sure why, but he r
ealized it was important to him that she knew everything that had happened to him.
Perhaps because he knew she cared.
He went on, “We ran away. It was...the best time of my life. But I was also terrified. I didn’t know what Michael would do when he found us. And I knew he would find us.
“Lilith ate the fruit while we hid. It was a mistake...I shouldn’t have let her do it…”
His breath hitched again, and he whispered, “It helped Michael find us, somehow. He sent Judith to talk sense into me...to convince me to come back freely. In exchange my punishment would be light. But she couldn’t make any promises for Lilith, so I refused. Judith couldn’t understand what I was feeling...I had to explain it to her, and she was amazed. And it was the first time she questioned God’s choices.
“Michael gave me two days to change my mind, but he came and took us after just one.”
Mel closed his eyes. He could hear Lilith’s screams; he remembered speaking to her, trying to calm her. It’ll be all right...don’t be afraid...
Time seemed to move in reverse. He was back in the clearing, Michael having just arrested them. One Angel held Lilith while she sobbed, and two others held Mel. Michael stared at Mel, his dark eyes gleaming, a horrible anger on his face. He nodded, and the two Angels let Mel go, and he stumbled slightly.
He was breathing heavily, and his heart was racing. He could hear Lilith’s moans behind him, and they nearly sent him into a panic.
He held up his hands. “Michael...please...please listen to me.”
Michael continued to stare at him. Then, out of nowhere, he struck Mel across the face, sending him to the ground. It was painful, and it took him a moment to get his bearings.
“Michael,” Judith pleaded, but he held up a hand to silence her.
Mel took a shaky breath, and got back to his feet. He was trembling slightly. It was a marvel to know that, once upon a time, he never would have addressed his brother like this.
“Forgive me, brother,” he whispered, “I have wronged you. Whatever punishment you have for me is deserved. But please...whatever you do, please...don’t hurt her. Please, Michael, please--hurt me instead, kill me if you have to, just please let her be safe.”
Michael’s face spasmed slightly, and he looked away, his expression conflicted now. Mel had hope, and he stood silently.
Lilith gave another moan, and he looked over his shoulder at her. His heart ached--she looked so small compared to her captor.
“Lilith,” he murmured, and she looked at him, “it’s going to be all right.”
Tears were streaming down her face, and she looked so wan and helpless. But she nodded firmly.
Mel turned back to Michael, to see him watching the exchange. His face was dark, his jaw tight.
“You didn’t trust me,” he said, and his voice was almost a moan.
Mel felt a chill. “I should have,” he said quickly, “I was too proud...too arrogant…”
“You’re lying,” Michael hissed furiously.
Mel reached out and gripped his shoulders. “Michael, please. I should have trusted you...I should have done many things...but I didn’t, and I deserve to be punished. But she doesn’t. She’s innocent--”
“She ate the fruit.”
“Michael--it was my fault--I didn’t stop her--please--”
“I have to follow Father’s orders,” Michael said. There was regret in his voice.
“No--Michael--”
Michael shrugged past Mel, and Mel whirled around wildly. The other two Angels seized him, and he struggled, calling Michael’s name, watching as he approached a shaking Lilith.
“Michael--no--kill me--please--”
Michael ignored him. He gestured for Agatha, who had to be dragged over by another pair of Angels.
She shook her head wildly. “You can’t make me--”
“Agatha!” Mel pleaded, still struggling. “Agatha, please!”
He felt a sharp blow to his stomach, and for a moment he was crumpled on the ground.
When he raised his head again, Agatha was standing before Lilith. Both were crying, clutching each other’s hands, while Michael watched, looking ashen. Agatha kissed Lilith’s cheek, and Lilith nodded. Then she looked at Mel, and, despite the fear on her face, she smiled soothingly.
“NO!”
Agatha stretched out a hand, and in an instant Lilith dropped to the ground, the life gone from her. Agatha fell to her knees, sobbing.
Mel let out a scream. And another, and another. For the longest time all he was aware of were his screams, his utter despair. Lilith was dead. He would never see her again. And where she was, who knew.
Judith was beside him, an arm around his shoulders, shushing him.
He shook his head, hunched over on the ground, writhing from the pain.
“Tell Agatha to kill me,” he moaned, sobbing.
“No, Mel,” she murmured, stroking his hair. “I’m here, I’m here.”
“I can’t...I can’t do it...I need her…”
“Take deep breaths.”
“Please, Judith…”
“Shh.” Her voice trembled. “I’m here, I’m here.”
Suddenly Agatha’s voice was in front him, also sobbing. “Mel, I’m so sorry...I’m so sorry...please forgive me...I couldn’t say no…”
He looked up and gripped her arms, and the three drew close together.
“What did she say to you?” he breathed.
“I told her to forgive me,” Agatha moaned, “and she asked me to...to take care of you.”
More blinding pain. He laid his head on her shoulder, and the three held each other, weeping, for a long time.
“That’s enough,” Michael’s voice said--both harsh and emotional.
Mel looked up. He had stopped crying; he had run out of tears, and nothing was left in him but a horrible ache. Judith and Agatha drew even closer to him, as if forming a shield against Michael.
“It’s time to go Home,” he said dully. “The two of you.” He indicated the sisters.
He looked at Mel, a hard look on his face. “Father has banished you from Home. You are to stay on Earth now. That is your punishment.”
Mel just stared, too exhausted to think of a reply.
“Then I’m banished, too,” Agatha said fiercely, clutching Mel’s arm.
Judith nodded.
Michael sighed. “Get up,” he said harshly, “and go Home. You both have children. And grandchildren. Do you want Father to take them away from you?”
They knelt there, frozen.
Mel closed his eyes. “Just go,” he whispered. “Just go Home.”
“Mel,” Judith moaned, and she wrapped her arms around him. Mel closed his eyes, savoring her closeness. Agatha was crying again, and she kissed his hair.
“I love you,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Goodbye.”
They were slow to get up. Agatha stood in front of Michael and hissed, “You’ll never get forgiveness from me.”
Then they were gone.
Mel knelt on the ground, staring at Michael’s shoes. Then, after a moment, he raised his eyes, until they were looking at each other. There was an anger in him that surpassed fury, that went beyond shaking hands and racing hearts. It was a dangerous, quiet rage. A deadly anger. At that moment, Mel wondered what it would be like to kill his brother.
Michael sensed the anger, but it didn’t affect him like it would a human. But there was emotion on his face...pain, almost. He looked away, and walked off, disappearing into the air.
And Mel was utterly alone.
There were tears on his face, and suddenly he was back in Denmark, and Nora was beside him. There was a horrid pain in his chest, and for a moment he considered leaving the room. He didn’t want Nora to see him cry. But her touch was so gentle, and she was holding him protectively, shushing him.
“It’s okay,” she murmured softly. “You can cry--I won’t think less of you.”
He managed a chuckle, and the pain lessene
d a little. “I know. But the thing is, once I start I can’t seem to stop,” he replied, tracing his fingers along her arm.
“I didn’t realize there was a time constraint.”
This time he laughed. Now he felt a little better, and he brushed at his face, taking a deep breath. Nora kept her arms around him, her warm breath on his neck.
He cleared his throat. “I already told you about the War, and how I was killed and brought back to life. That’s about it...I’ve been roaming the Earth ever since.”
Nora was quiet for a moment, laying her head on his shoulder. Then, “You saved Michael.”
He felt a pang. “Yes.”
She didn’t ask why, though the question hung in the air anyway. Mel remembered dying in his brother’s arms, Michael shouting at him. Why did you do it?
“I don’t know why,” he said slowly. “I had just been trying to kill him myself. But I saw that axe soaring towards him...and it was instinctive. Which is an odd thing to say, since Angels don’t rely on instinct like humans do.”
“You might be more human than you think,” Nora joked. “But he’s your brother. Maybe...you just couldn’t let it happen.”
“Maybe,” he said, shrugging. “In all these years, he’s never asked that question. We’ve never spoken about any of it.”
She shook her head. “How do you stand it? Working with him?”
He heaved a sigh. “Small doses.”
Then he turned, slipping his arms around her waist, studying her face. She seemed...normal, as if she hadn’t just accepted the fact that he was an Angel.
“How are you?” he murmured cautiously.
She flushed, avoiding his gaze. “I’m more worried about you.”
“I thought you would be afraid of me.”
She cast around, biting her lip. Tears welled in her eyes, and she blinked rapidly.
“I’m not afraid of you, Mel,” she sighed. “I’m afraid of what you mean. That Angels are real, that Hell is real...that God is real. All my life I thought it was just a fairytale...even when I was a little girl. But now it’s real and--and what if I go to Hell?”
“You won’t,” he said quickly, brushing a hand down her back. “Hell is only for the truly malicious...the truly evil. You don’t belong there. I promise.”
