Dixie cringed inside. The way Izzy said it made it sound like what they had was crass and meaningless, when in reality it had felt real and right, unbelievably big, loud, intense, and beautiful, even if only temporary. She shouldn’t cringe or hold anything back, considering she and Izzy always talked like that.
But she did.
And it wasn’t just Izzy’s remark that had Dixie holding back. She felt protective of her time with Jace in a way she never had about anything before. What they’d shared felt private and special, and the details of it were wonderful secrets they’d carry to their graves. She’d thought Jace might text at some point, but her phone had been quiet as a church mouse—and she’d checked the volume twice.
She looked down at her new tattoo, filling up with as much happiness as sadness. Three days, she reminded herself. She knew today would be the worst of it, or at least she hoped so.
“I’m just exhausted,” Dixie lied. “The whole thing was incredible. The shoot, spending time with Jace, seeing the city.” She told her all about the photo shoot. “I swear, Iz, I didn’t recognize myself in the pictures.”
“I can’t wait to see them.”
“Thanks. They’re so good. And the clothes? Oh my gosh, Jilly and Jace make an incredible design team. The outfits were chic and edgy, and they really classed up the shots. And the Legacy bikes are freaking phenomenal. It’s amazing how different it felt sitting on a bike built for a woman.” It struck her that she hadn’t told Jace how much she’d loved the bikes. She thought about calling or texting, but she quickly nixed that idea. Hearing his voice would only make the next three days that much harder.
Day one is hell. Deal with it.
“Well, Jace did design them,” Izzy said, distracting her from her thoughts. “I’m sure that man did plenty of hands-on research to make sure the bikes have just the right curves to fit a woman’s body.”
Dixie glowered at her.
“What? It’s not like you’re giving me anything to go on here,” Izzy said. “Did things go bad since we texted?”
“No. I really did have a great time with Jace and everything else, but now it’s over and I have to go back to work tomorrow. There’s not much else to tell.”
“There’s always more to tell. He looks like he’d be an animal in bed, all take this and give me that. Please don’t tell me it’s all an act.”
“Let’s just say he was everything I thought he’d be and much more.” She looked out the window as they drove toward the harbor. Izzy must have taken the hint, because she turned up the music and didn’t push for more details.
When they pulled into Dixie’s neighborhood, Izzy said, “I made brownies last night. Do you want to come over after you unpack?”
“As much as I love brownies, I think I need to crawl into my bed and sleep or I’ll never make it into work tomorrow.”
Izzy parked in front of Dixie’s house and they got out to get the luggage from the trunk. Izzy looked curiously at her and said, “Are you sure you’re just tired?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“You’d tell me if Jace did something wrong, right?”
She loved Izzy so much. She knew her friend would do anything for her, just as she’d do anything for Izzy. But this was a private battle Dixie had to conquer on her own.
“Yes. He didn’t. He was a perfect gentleman.”
Izzy wrinkled her nose. “Is that what’s wrong? Was he really a disappointment and you don’t want to admit it?”
Dixie laughed softly. “Jace Stone is as far from a disappointment as a man can get. He’s forthright and honest, and trust me, he’s as talented in the bedroom as he is a designer. I’m just tired, and you know how it is after a really intense hookup. You need time to process. I just want to revel in it a little longer, go to sleep, dream about it…”
“Okay, that I understand.” Izzy hugged her and said, “But if you need drinks and brownies, I’m your girl.”
“I know. Thanks, Iz.”
Dixie went inside and dropped her bags by the door. She’d loved her cozy three-bedroom home from the moment she’d seen it, even though it had been in awful shape after years of renters. The previous owners had stopped paying the mortgage, and she’d gotten a steal on it from the bank. Her brothers and several of the Dark Knights had helped her fix it up, repairing the wide front porch that wrapped around the left side of the house, refinishing the wood floors, and replacing nearly all of the drywall, windows, and plumbing. She’d saved every penny she’d earned to buy it, and she was proud to have purchased it on her own. But the usual comfort of coming home was missing. She felt like the walls were closing in around her.
She grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and a bag of chips from the pantry and shoved them in her leather backpack, along with her phone and wallet. She snagged her keys and helmet on her way out the door. Just the sight of her motorcycle brought a modicum of relief. As she put on her helmet and straddled the bike, memories of riding on the back of Jace’s bike assaulted her, bringing waves of emotions she didn’t want to deal with. She refused to give in to them as she drove away from her house.
The vibrations of the engine, the wind on her skin, and the call of the open road brought more hope of the relief she sought. She cruised out of her neighborhood and sped down the main drag, passing the auto shop and the bar, and cranked her speed as she drove over the bridge and out of the town limits. She drove aimlessly until the knots in her chest loosened and the sun dipped from its high afternoon perch in the sky, but Jace remained front and center in her thoughts. She finally gave up trying to outrun him and turned back toward home. As if her bike had a mind of its own, she found herself driving the narrow winding mountain roads she’d frequented when she was younger. When she came to her favorite trail, she followed it to her secret spot. Or what had been her secret spot before she’d realized Jace had discovered it.
She parked and pulled off her helmet as she strode through the woods, feeling Jace’s presence all around her. She reached for the branches separating her from the clearing and felt a hopeful flutter in her chest, thinking Jace might actually be there.
She burst through the bushes, her heart beating frantically, but the clearing was empty. What was happening to her? She’d never been this person before, hanging on to her sanity by a thread because of a man. She shrugged off her backpack and dug around for her phone. Maybe that hopeful flutter was caused by a missed text or phone call from him. She snagged her phone, but she had no messages or missed calls. Disappointment turned that hopeful flutter into a dull ache. She wondered what Jace was doing right now. Had he delivered the gift she’d left for Thane? Had he gone to work? Or out for a ride? A drink? She shoved her phone into her backpack and plunked herself down on a boulder with a heavy sigh, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.
This is how it happens. How strong women become sad and pathetic.
She let go of her legs, astonished that she was talking about herself.
This was not who she was, and she was not going to let it consume her.
She was a Whiskey: strong and capable. There was nothing she couldn’t do if she put her mind to it. She’d chosen to sleep with Jace knowing she was in it for only a few days and nothing more. Now she just had to choose to turn off her feelings for him. She dumped her backpack on the rock and tore open the chips, stuffing a handful in her mouth as she tried to come up with a plan. She was usually the one talking others down from the ledge, but her go-to advice sounded pat, not to mention unattainable—Just stop thinking of him. The best way to get over a man is to get under another. It wasn’t like she had an on/off switch, and she definitely didn’t want to sleep with another man.
How could she have ever given that advice to her girlfriends?
There had to be another way.
Jace had said he’d turned to work when that teacher had broken his heart. That seemed like a reasonable plan. She could take extra shifts at the bar to fill the hours, f
all into bed at night too exhausted to move. Next week she’d leave for the Cape, and then she’d be distracted by Justin and her cousins. She convinced herself she could do this. By the time she came back from the Cape, the pain would lessen, and Jace would be a wonderful and distant memory.
I’ve got this.
Pleased with her plan, she grabbed another handful of chips. Work, work, work. She loved work. It really was the perfect way to get her mind off Jace. Her mind off him. It would be easier if she started distancing herself from him in every way, and not thinking about his name was a start. She gazed out at the setting sun as she finished the bag of chips. Then she lay down on her back, thinking about how smart she was to have come up with a plan so quickly. Maybe she should go into work early, too. That way she’d definitely be exhausted by the time she got home at night.
Her phone rang and she bolted upright. Jace! Her foolish heart nearly leapt out of her chest as she fumbled for her phone. Bones flashed on the screen with his phone number, and a crushing sensation started in her chest and spread to her limbs.
She pressed her hand over her heart, trying to keep her tears from falling as she answered the phone. “Hi, Bones.”
“Hey, Dix. How was your trip?”
“Great,” she choked out. “A lot of fun.”
“You sound funny. You okay?”
No. She wiped away a tear slipping down her cheek and said, “Mm-hm.”
“I’m glad to hear it. Listen, I know you just got back into town, but I was wondering if you might be willing to babysit tomorrow night. I want to take Sarah someplace special, just the two of us.”
“Sure,” she said softly. Was it too much to ask to fall in love with a man who would want to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him? More tears spilled from her eyes. “What time?”
“Great, thanks. How about six?”
“I’ll be there. I have gifts for the kids, so that’s perfect.” Memories of shopping with Jace slammed into her. She saw him picking up stuffed animals and wiggling them with the smile she’d never seen until they’d gotten close, and laughing when she put on a plastic tiara. She remembered the way he’d looked at her when she was dancing with the children on the big piano keys, driving the pain and longing even deeper.
As Bones relayed a cute story about Bradley, she thought of the gardens Jace had taken her to see and the way he’d gazed into her eyes as the raindrops had fallen. She’d never forget how they’d climbed into the cab soaking wet, laughing and kissing, or the way his face had morphed to a mask of concentration while he tattooed her wrist.
Tears flooded her eyes, and she interrupted Bones. “Sorry. I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She ended the call and dropped her phone to wipe her eyes. Stopitstopitstopit. She looked up at the sky, willing her tears to abate, but she saw Jace’s face in every cloud. She closed her eyes, trying desperately to shift her thoughts, but his voice invaded her mind. I’ll hit you up next time I’m in Peaceful Harbor.
She closed her eyes tighter, but it only turned up the volume.
You can’t get rid of me that easily. You’ve signed on for appearances over the next few months, remember?
How had he gone back to business so easily? Swiping at the unstoppable tears, she thought about asking Bones if he needed a babysitter right now because she sure as hell needed a distraction.
This isn’t just it, Dix. This was everything.
The pain in her chest brought a sorrowful groan. Forget babysitting. Maybe she’d just climb into bed and never get out.
Chapter Fourteen
DIXIE SAT BEHIND her desk Thursday afternoon staring at the text Jace had sent last night, picking it apart for the millionth time.
Hope you got home safe.
How was she supposed to interpret that? He was obviously thinking about her, or at least worrying about her welfare. It wasn’t like he’d asked a question, which meant he didn’t expect a reply. Or want one. She must have typed out dozens of responses from a curt I did to a friendly text asking how his dinner with his parents went, and finally, to a needy-sounding message asking if he missed her as much as she missed him. In the end she hadn’t replied at all. At least she’d found out he’d delivered the gift to Thane. Jayla had texted to thank her for it and said she hoped they could get together next time Dixie was in New York. If the tables were turned and Dixie were Jace, she would have texted him to say she’d dropped off the gift and that they’d loved it. She also would have thanked him for thinking of her nephew. And then I would tell you how much I miss you, how I used to love my life but now everything feels off, like something is missing. And it’s all my fault because I thought I could handle a few days with you and move on with memories I would cherish. But I can’t.
Being a girl blows…
A knock on her open door drew her attention, but the doorway was empty. Jed and Truman were working until seven. She assumed she must have heard one of them banging around, but then a hand appeared from behind the wall, waving a white rag.
Quincy peered around the doorframe and said, “Is it safe to come in? Tru said you’ve been snappy and even got into it with a customer.”
Dixie rolled her eyes. “He was a jerk arguing about labor costs.”
“I remember a certain someone schooling me about proper customer service etiquette before I applied for a job at the bookstore,” he said as he walked into her office. “If I recall correctly, you told me never to argue with customers no matter how right I was.”
“Yeah, well, the guy caught me on a bad day.” She shoved her phone in her pocket and began shutting down her computer. She had to babysit in half an hour. She’d reworked the waitressing schedule for the bar and was working Friday and Saturday nights. She planned to work late and close up the shop Saturday evening and then go straight to the bar. She’d spend a few hours doing the books and inventory at the bar Sunday, and then she would go on a long motorcycle ride. Her time was pretty well sewn up, at least through the weekend. She was on day two of trying to get Jace out of her head. So far day two was no easier than day one. She’d gone from brokenhearted to brokenhearted and angry at herself for not being able to turn off her feelings. And the worst part was that she didn’t think she ever would.
Quincy tapped his finger on her desk and said, “Did you have a good trip?”
“Yes. It was amazing, and I really appreciate you handling things while I was gone.”
“No worries. I left a few notes that you’ll see Sunday when you do the books for the bar.”
“Great. Any trouble?”
“No. The bookstore just started using a new inventory system, and I thought you might want to check out the company that makes the software. They have a program for restaurants. You’ll see. I left all the details.”
“Thanks. I wanted to ask you about helping me out a little more.” She gathered her papers and said, “Jace reminded me that I have obligations to Silver-Stone to do some in-person appearances for marketing purposes. I don’t have a schedule yet, although according to the contract I should have it by July first. The launch is in early fall, and it’s going to be a lot of time at first, six events during a twelve-week period when they launch the Legacy and Leather and Lace lines and then six appearances each year for three years. If scheduling works out, would you consider handling things for me during those times? If not, no worries. I can have my mom or Bear do it.”
“I could use the money, so count me in. If you get the schedule in July, I should have time to work it out with my schedule at the bookstore.”
She pushed to her feet and grabbed her bag. “That’s great. Bear will have his hands full with their baby by then, and Mom just cut herself loose from working at the bar. I really didn’t want to lean on her.”
“Dix, I’ll do whatever I can to help you out. This is an exciting new adventure for you. You’re going to be famous in the biker world. You know that, right?” He pushed a hand into the front pocket of his jeans and said, “Then I’ll say I
knew you when…”
She laughed as they walked out of her office. “I don’t think calendar chicks get famous, but thanks. Where are you headed now? Did you get things worked out for your date with Roni yet?”
“Not yet, but I’ve got that pretty little fish on the line. I’ve got to grab something from my apartment, and then I’m going down to Penny’s to help her out at the ice cream shop.”
Truman walked up behind Quincy and put his hand on his shoulder. “That means my baby brother is going to eat ice cream and flirt.”
Quincy winked. “Damn right, bro.”
“I thought that ship already sailed for you two,” Dixie said curiously.
“You never know when it might come back into port.” Quincy waggled his brows and headed for the door that led to his apartment above the shop.
Had everyone’s personal life gone topsy-turvy?
“Your brother cracks me up sometimes,” Dixie said.
“Yeah, he’s a great guy. Hey, are you sure you don’t want to swing by and give Kennedy and Linc the presents you bought them?” Truman asked. “Gemma will be home with them by six.”
“She probably has a date,” Jed said as he walked around the truck he was working on, wiping his hands on a rag.
“Hardly.” The only man she wanted wasn’t the dating type. “I’m babysitting for Bones tonight. Can you take pictures of the kids opening the gifts and send them to me?”
“Sure,” they both said.
“Thanks. I can’t wait to see them. I’ll see you guys in the morning.”
She headed outside and climbed into her Jeep, wishing she had been able to ride her bike to work, but she’d had too many presents to carry. As she drove away, her mind traveled back to Jace. She wondered how his meeting had gone about the space in Boston and what he was doing tonight. For the millionth time, his voice whispered through her mind. I don’t answer to anyone, and I can’t give you forever. Hell, I can’t give you next week.
Taming My Whiskey Page 21
