She looked down at his fingers. “Um. What was the question again?”
He laughed a throaty laugh as he spoke with a deepened voice. “I was telling you the best part of living together.” He kissed her newly bare chest. “Living together means we get to make love”—he kissed her collarbone—“all the time.”
She stifled a laugh. “All the time? Really!”
He looked up at her. “Well, okay, maybe not all the time, but a minimum of twice a day is required,” he teased. “You know, before we go to sleep every night and when we wake up in the morning.” Lowering a bra strap off her shoulder, he added, “But generally speaking, more like three or four times a day.” Pressing his lips to her bare shoulder, he reached around to unhook her bra and slide it off her. As he caressed her soft breasts, he added, “Ideally, five or six times on a really good day.”
“Mmmm, a really good day.” Her mind started to drift to that far-off place where it always went when her other senses took over. “We’ll barely have time for our studies. Don’t you…don’t you think you might…get tired of it? Kind of like overdoing a good thing?”
Flicking her nipple with his tongue, he glanced up at her face. “Tell you what,” he said between licks, “I vote for giving it a try to see how long it takes us to get tired of sex. Do you have a problem with that, baby?”
With her eyes closed, she gripped Philip’s shoulder. “None that I can think of,” she answered, slightly breathless. “Then again, I can’t really think…about anything…right now.”
Philip wrapped his arm around Sara and flipped her onto her back. He climbed over her and kissed her lips as she threaded her fingers through a tuft of his hair. Drawing both hands downward over his chest, she fingered his waistband before unbuttoning and unzipping his shorts. Sliding her hand inside his pants, she gently squeezed. “I think I’m going to like living here with you.”
“Oh, mama. I am…gonna love having you…here.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Sara leaned against the door jamb to the bathroom, watching Philip shave in the mirror after getting out of the shower. He had kept a scruff after he got injured, and this was the first time she ever saw him completely clean-shaven, except in pictures. Everything felt different today, and not just because he shaved. There was a different feeling in the air, unlike anything she’d experienced since she and Philip got together. “You nervous?”
“Nope,” he answered quickly.
“Liar,” she challenged. Even though they’d been living together for only a few days and had been a couple for only about three weeks, it had been an intense few weeks. They were together twenty-four seven during that time, and she’d already experienced many of Philip’s moods, but this one was new. He seemed to be trying not to show any emotion at all.
“Seriously, I’m not.” He secured a towel around his waist as he walked out of the bathroom. She followed him into the bedroom, and it seemed to Sara that he was making a conscious effort not to limp. “I’m too excited to be nervous,” he explained in an even tone of voice. “I haven’t been out on the field in months and the season is over except for the bowl games. Time is running out, Sara. Today’s just a team practice for me, but if I can make a comeback, it could mean everything. It could change my whole future.”
“Yeah, you’ll be filthy rich,” Sara teased, but she knew this wasn’t about the money.
He shot her a look that told her she was way off base. “I’ll be able to play again, Sara. You know what that means to me.”
Sara knew very well what it meant to him, what it meant to the both of them. Being able to play again wouldn’t only change his future; it would change both of theirs. Sara looked blankly at Philip and nodded, but he had already turned away. She could see he was preoccupied, serious, apprehensive, as he dropped his towel and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. She, too, was experiencing a mixture of feelings today, and it was making her uneasy.
After Philip fell outside the dorms, Carter had pulled Sara aside. They both wondered how he’d be able to play again if he couldn’t even run without his knee giving out. Over the past week, Philip had worked harder than ever to get into playing shape. He claimed to feel great, strong, prepared. But Sara had her doubts. She hadn’t known Philip all that long, but she knew he was a man with a lot of pride, and she wasn’t sure he’d admit it if he was in pain. She’d seen him wince more than once when he thought she wasn’t watching. He politely asked her to back off when she asked once too often if he was really okay.
Then it hit her like a ton of bricks. The other day, while she was waiting to drive Philip home from the doctor’s office, she realized that everything was about to change. This little bubble she was living in was about to burst, and the Philip she fell in love with would soon disappear.
As much as she wanted Philip to succeed and be able to do what he loved best, there was a part of her that dreaded his return to the field. Back in the spotlight, he’d be a different man with a different life. It wasn’t a choice, and it wasn’t her insecurities talking. It was a fact.
Football was all-consuming, that much she knew. But she only knew Philip Mason off the field. She’d never seen him with his game face on, except when she had watched those videos. She’d never been around him on game day. She didn’t know what he was like after a win—or after a loss.
Not only that, but once he was back in the game, he’d be thrust into stardom, and Sara…well, she was the girl most likely to get left behind. She probably wouldn’t be part of his future.
All the sports pundits had long hailed Philip as a first- or second-round draft choice. Sports editors speculated that even with his knee injury, team owners and coaches had enough faith in his talent that they would be willing to take the chance he’d be healthy before long. Later this year, he’d get drafted, and he’d end up playing in another city, another state. The local media already worshipped him. With his looks and charm, he’d soon become a national celebrity, a media darling who’d be written about in the gossip rags. His name would be linked to starlets, he’d become the spokesperson for credit cards and insurance companies and pizza chains, and she’d lose him. She’d lose him for good.
Sara knew herself, and she knew her limitations. She wasn’t the kind of girl who would enjoy following a guy around from city to city shouting “yay team” from the sidelines, no matter how much she loved the guy. She wasn’t cut out to be a groupie. Besides, that’s not what she wanted out of life. She wanted a stable home life, like she never had growing up. She wanted a quiet life where she’d teach and help people with learning challenges to lead full, productive lives. Then she’d come home each night to her own full life, where she’d cook meals and sit with the man she loved and talk about their day, and make plans for tomorrow and the next day and the one after that.
Philip finished dressing and was ready to head out. She looked away from him, afraid he could read her mind and see how selfish she really was. He touched her chin. “Hey, you okay?”
Forcing a smile, she nodded. “Even if you’re not nervous, I’m nervous for you,” she covered.
“Well don’t be.” He wrapped her in his arms and hugged her tight. “Have I told you lately how amazing I think you are?” She feared he wouldn’t think she was so amazing if he knew what was really inside her head.
“You’re the amazing one.” She nestled into his strong arms and held on for dear life, blown away by the realization that these were probably the best days of her life. Life wasn’t going to get any better than this and this was bound to end in the blink of an eye.
Chapter Twenty-Six
The stands were filled with Barracudas fans who might not ordinarily come out just to watch a practice game. It wasn’t the usual crowd of ten thousand people who would be here for a regular game—but there were hundreds, and Sara was among them. There were two main reasons why students had come out to cheer for their team. One, the Barracudas had made it to the post-season. Two, word had leaked out that Phili
p was going to be practicing with the team, and EFU students wanted to give their favorite quarterback their support.
The cheers and applause in the stands were almost deafening. Students were waving banners that said WELCOME BACK PHIL, MASON FOR PRESIDENT! and PHILIP IS FEARLESS, with homemade artwork and photographs of Philip pasted onto the signs. Sara had chills seeing all the adulation up close and personal. Everyone here was rooting for Philip. Everyone here loved him, but Sara was certain beyond a shadow of a doubt, that no one else loved him as much as she did.
Sara shivered with anticipation when Philip stepped into view. Her heart was beating a mile a minute watching him wave at the crowd as he jogged onto the field, giving rise to another round of cheers.
She felt so scared for him. He had worked so hard at his physical therapy and he wanted this so much, but was he strong enough? Less than a week ago, he’d been writhing in pain on the ground when he tried to run after her. If he couldn’t handle that, how on earth could he handle game conditions? Sara had done her best to hide her fear from Philip this morning. He needed encouragement, not a nagging girlfriend. She said a silent prayer while she watched him secure the chin strap on his helmet.
As she surveyed the scene on the field, she tested her knowledge of the game, challenging herself to remember the terminology Philip had taught her. Philip took his position behind the line of scrimmage and shouted a series of plays. The intensity on his face said it all. This was his game face. He was in his element. He was where he belonged.
When he yelled “hike,” the center snapped the football to him. Searching the field for a receiver to pass the ball to, he already looked like a multimillion-dollar quarterback. He took a few steps backward in preparation to throw a pass, but he couldn’t find an open man, so he pressed the ball to his chest and went for a running play. He was about to slam into the defensive line, so he made a quick pivot to avoid getting tackled. That’s when his knee gave way, and he collapsed onto the grass.
Sara instantly rose to her feet, along with nearly everyone else in the stands. Except for a collective gasp, the stands fell silent while everyone watched the team doctor rush onto the field, along with a couple of the coaches. It was as if time was standing still.
She clasped her hand over her mouth and held her breath, watching the scene unfold. Philip was sitting up with his legs stretched out in front of him. He was holding his knee. From her vantage point, Sara thought she could see him grimacing with pain. She wanted to help him. She wanted to do something.
A cart appeared on the field, and Philip was hoisted onto it and driven off. As soon as the cart was out of sight, Sara flew out of her row and ran down the stadium steps, through the corridors, and toward the locker rooms. She wasn’t even sure where they would take Philip, but she had to see him. She needed to be with him.
Drawing nearer, she saw a lot of frantic men darting to and fro, while she tried to wind her way through the crowded hallways. Some of them were giving her strange looks. That’s when she realized she was crying, sobbing actually. She needed to pull herself together before she saw Philip.
“You can’t go in there, Miss,” a security guard called out as he blocked her path to the locker room.
“But, I need to see Philip.”
“Me too,” a girl’s voice called from behind her. A crowd had formed and a lot of people were rubbernecking, trying to see beyond the entranceway into the locker room. Reporters from the school paper and local TV stations were also trying to push their way through.
“Not a chance. Now back off, all of you,” the security guard barked.
“You don’t understand,” Sara told the guard. “I’m his girlfriend.”
“Yeah well, so are half the women here. Now leave the area before I physically carry you out,” the guard bellowed, towering over Sara and appearing quite threatening.
Sara took a step backward into the crowd of people waiting for word on Philip. By this point, several other guards had positioned themselves at the entrance to the lockers to help with crowd control. There were at least fifty other people there who had varying reasons for being interested in the Barracudas quarterback, but Sara was sure that none of their motives for needing to see Philip were as compelling as hers. How could the guards not see how important it was for Sara to be back there with Philip? He needed her!
Sara had never felt so helpless—or so guilty. She never consciously wished that anything like this would happen, but maybe somewhere in her subconscious she hoped things wouldn’t work out for Philip, because she didn’t want to lose him. If his dream came true, her dream of a future with him would die.
A wave of heat washed over her. Her anxiety level was rising, and the walls were starting to close in around her. At the same time, she worried that if she passed out, she might get trampled, so she fanned herself with her hand and took several deep breaths of stale air.
Maybe she should just go back to the dorm and wait for Philip to come home, or at least let the crowds thin out. She started to turn and walk away when she felt someone grip her forearm tightly. Her first thought was that the guard had decided to make good on his threat to carry her out, maybe because she was walking away too slowly. But it wasn’t the guard.
When she looked up from the hand that held her arm, she was stunned to see Carter. He pulled her by the arm and led her inside the locker room. “She’s with me,” Carter told the guard, without waiting to hear how it was against the rules to bring a civilian into the locker room. Holding his helmet in one hand while pulling Sara along with the other, Carter led the way through the locker room to the examining room where players were taken when they needed medical attention.
They stood near the open door and watched as the team doctor spoke to Philip and two of the coaches. “You have a lot of swelling around your knee,” the doctor said as he placed an ice pack on it. “Why the hell didn’t you say you were in pain before you took the field?”
Philip was lying on an examining table, so Sara couldn’t see his face from where she stood, only the top of his head. “I can handle pain,” Philip said, his voice sounding high and scratchy. “I wanted to play dammit!”
The doctor shook his head in disbelief. “Well, now you might never play again, young man. We’ll run some tests but my guess is, your knee hasn’t healed properly and you’re gonna need another surgery. And after that, between rest and physical therapy, you’re probably gonna miss what’s left of your senior year.”
Philip leaned his head backward until it was nearly upside down. When he caught sight of Sara and Carter in the doorway, he jerked his head back up and twisted his body so he could look over his shoulder.
“Do you know her?” the doctor asked.
Philip didn’t answer as he turned back around. Instead, he asked, “Are we done here?”
“For now,” he said, nodding. “I’ll call you when I get you an appointment to see the surgeon,” the doctor said.
“We’ll have someone take you home,” one of the coaches told Philip.
After the men passed them in the doorway, Carter pressed his hand against Sara’s back, urging her farther into the room. Sara stood on one side of the examining table while Carter stood on the other. Her heart sank as soon as she saw Philip’s face. His expression was grim, like someone died.
Sara had no idea what to do or say. “You okay?”
Philip glared at her. “Do I look okay?” he snapped. She blinked, feeling like she’d been slapped across the face.
“Hey,” Carter interjected. “We heard the doctor say you might need another surgery.”
“Yeah, I don’t know,” Philip said, speaking in a more even tone to Carter than the tone he had used when he spoke to Sara. “Doesn’t seem like there’s a point to it if I’m not gonna be able to—” His words trailed off.
“Philip, you have to have the surgery,” Sara insisted.
Philip looked at her but didn’t say anything. Then he turned his head toward Carter. “Can you get me
out of here, man? I just want to go home.” Then he looked back at Sara with an icy glare. “I want to be alone.”
»»•««
Sara left the examining room after Philip made it clear he didn’t want her there. She wandered around campus fairly aimlessly, not sure where to go or what to do. Should she call his parents and tell them what happened? No, that was for him to do when he was up to it. He needed to deal with this personal tragedy in his own way.
She tried not to feel hurt by Philip’s reaction earlier, but it was hard. His words were sharp, and his tone was ice cold. But this wasn’t about her, she reminded herself, it was about him. It wasn’t really her he was angry at, it was the situation, and the people you love are always an easy target. She rationalized Philip’s anger was borne out of fear and frustration, and who could blame him? The life he’d been planning and preparing for was slipping away from him. That would be a hard pill for anyone to swallow.
Still, his angry words kept ringing in her ears. Do I look okay? What a stupid question to ask him. It was only because she didn’t know what else to say. No, he didn’t look okay, he looked awful, so she could understand his need to be alone. He’d just gotten some devastating news, and he needed to process it. He didn’t need her hovering or telling him what to do. It wasn’t even her place to tell him to have the surgery, he was right about that, but it killed her to think this was the end for him, the end of his promising football career. This was going to be a long and torturous road for him, with or without surgery.
God, she wanted to be there for him, to comfort him and tell him that his life was going to be fine, with or without football. But right now, he just couldn’t hear it.
She sat down on the steps of the library building and leaned her head against the column alongside the steps. Then she closed her eyes and said a silent prayer for him to heal quickly and another prayer for him to be back to one hundred percent. She thought about how life was filled with ironies. She didn’t want him to go off and play football all over the country and leave her behind. But now that he probably wouldn’t be leaving, he didn’t want her around.
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