by Teresa Roman
I hated leaving the comfort of the attic. Perhaps it wasn’t the attic itself but the magic I was practicing in it that took away the hopeless feeling that seemed to follow me everywhere. I doubted Delilah would understand, so I didn’t bother explaining. Instead, I followed her downstairs. Almost as soon as I stepped out of the attic, I wanted to return.
Delilah had cooked some sort of Asian-style chicken-and-bok-choy dish that Lisa kept complimenting her on. Delilah smiled humbly. The two of them seemed so content in each other’s company. It made me think of Nicolai and the hours we’d spent wandering around the castle together. I ached to go back to those days and hear Nicolai’s voice or feel his hand as he laced his fingers through mine. The wound opened again. A gaping gash that wouldn’t stop bleeding.
“Is everything all right?” Delilah asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. I’m just a little tired.”
I could feel Lisa’s eyes on me as she glanced at me out of the corner of her eyes. We ate quietly for a few minutes until Lisa finally broke the silence by saying, “So, tell me a bit about yourself, Willow. Dee tells me you’re an accountant.”
I wasn’t sure what else she already knew from Delilah. “There’s not much to tell,” I said. “I am an accountant. But I haven’t been back to work since my dad died.”
“Delilah told me that he’d recently passed. I’m very sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you.”
Several more awkward moments of silence passed until Delilah asked Lisa about her work, and the two of them got into a discussion about one of Lisa’s problem students—a freshman who hardly ever showed up for class yet wondered why he was barely passing.
While they talked, my mind wandered. My urge to run back upstairs and into the attic hadn’t gone anywhere. If anything, it seemed to grow by the minute.
“Willow. Earth to Willow.”
I looked up. “Yes?”
“Is that all you’re going to eat?”
The dinner on my plate was mostly untouched. “I’m sorry, Delilah. The truth is I’m not very hungry. I think I’m just going to go back upstairs.”
A look of concern crossed her face, but I pretended not to notice. “Willow, you need to eat.”
“I will. I promise. Just not right now.”
I got up from the table and walked away.
“I’m really worried about her,” I heard Delilah say.
“I can see why,” Lisa replied. “It’s pretty obvious she’s not in a good place right now.”
I hurried to the stairs before I could hear the rest of their conversation. Lisa was right. I wasn’t in a good place, but I didn’t intend to stay that way. Nicolai and I were over, and I had no other choice but to figure out a way to stop hurting. Somewhere in that attic lay the answer, a way out of the trap I found myself in.
Safe in the attic again, I opened the book with the broken heart spell and read the words on the pages in front of me. If only I knew another witch beside my aunt. There was Maria but reaching out to her wasn’t an option. We’d become friends, but her loyalty lay with the Korzhas. I wasn’t supposed to be able to cast the spell on myself, but I figured the worst that could happen if I tried was that it just wouldn’t work. I’d have to change the words slightly. I’ll instead of you’ll, my instead of your.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. An image of Nicolai filled my mind as I began to speak.
Broken heart, broken mind,
peace inside is what I’ll find.
A broken heart that cannot mend,
now is the time for my pain to end.
On the morrow, I will no longer feel sorrow.
Just as I finished chanting the words of the spell, the sound of glass breaking echoed in my ears. Shards of it peppered my skin. I opened my eyes to find that the potions I’d made earlier now lay in puddles. The bottles that held them had shattered. I felt something warm and liquid trickle down my cheek and wiped at it with my hand. Blood. I had a few more scrapes on my arms. How had this happened?
Before I could really process how the spell had gone awry, my aunt called my name from behind the door. When I didn’t answer, she pounded on it. I’d forgotten that I’d locked it behind me.
“Willow. Open up, now.”
I wouldn’t be able to keep her from seeing the mess the attic was in. Hesitantly, I walked over to the door and opened it. Delilah pushed her way into the room.
“What in the world happened in here?”
“I … I don’t really know.”
She surveyed the room. “They’re all shattered, every damn bottle I had in this room. What did you do?”
“I tried casting a spell,” I said. “Looks like I didn’t get it right.”
Delilah walked over to the table and glanced down at the spell book. “You can’t cast this spell on yourself, but you tried to anyway. Didn’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Willow—”
“I’m sorry about the mess. I’ll clean it up. I promise. And I’ll replace everything that got broken.”
Delilah put her hands on her hips. “It’s not the mess I’m worried about. It’s why it happened in the first place.”
I just stared at her with a blank look on my face.
“This isn’t healthy,” Delilah said. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re trying to do. You’re letting yourself become consumed with magic in the hopes that it will make you forget Nicolai. Perhaps it will, but at a cost. Balance is important, especially for witches.”
“Well, maybe I’m willing to pay the price.”
“Don’t do this to yourself.”
“You asked me to stay so that I could learn more about magic. That’s all I’m trying to do.”
“Then consider this your first lesson. Magic can consume your life if you let it.”
“Maybe I’m okay with that.”
“Well, I’m not.” Delilah gripped my wrists. I looked into her eyes. “I’m sorry you’re hurting, but you can’t magic your way out of this. Do you hear me?”
“When I’m in here, I can make myself stop thinking about Nicolai. Don’t take that away from me.”
“You need to find another way.”
I shook my head. “You don’t understand.”
“Explain it to me then.”
I let out a deep breath, walked over to the bed, and sat. “You’ve heard about phantom pain before, haven’t you?” Delilah nodded and I continued. “Someone gets a limb amputated, but they still feel pain in that nonexistent body part. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like Nicolai became a part of me. Now that we’re not together, a part of me is missing, and it hurts. It hurts so bad.”
I couldn’t stop the tears that fell down my face.
Delilah’s shoulders slumped. She sat down beside me on the bed and put her arm around me. “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
“Nicolai isn’t the only reason I’ve been in here so much,” I said, wiping my face with the back of my hand. “All this magic stuff is new to me. I feel like I’m playing catch-up because there’s so much to know. And I want to learn as much as I can just in case I ever need to use magic again to protect myself. That’s all.”
Delilah frowned. “Do you have a reason to think you’ll need to protect yourself? If there is one, you can tell me, you know. I can help you.”
I shook my head. “It’s nothing like that. But you never know. I had no idea that my ex-boyfriend was really an incubus. If Maria hadn’t unbound my powers, I’d probably be dead now. I just want to make sure I can protect myself if I ever have to again.”
“Magic can help with that, but keep in mind that it isn’t always the answer.”
I remembered Maria telling me the same thing once. Still, it offered an advantage. The better at it I was, the safer life would be. Peter was dead, but who knew what else was out there?
“You’re safe here, Willow. And you can stay as long as you like, but I won’t let you keep yourself locked up in this room
all day and night. Giving up Nicolai was your choice. I understand why you made it, I really do, but unless you’re planning on changing your mind, it’s time to deal with the decision you’ve made. There is no easy way out, no shortcuts when it comes to grief. Magic may have its uses, but it isn’t the answer to your problem, no matter how badly you want it to be.”
“Then what is?”
“For starters, you need to eat a meal every now and then, and a conversation or two with Lisa or with me wouldn’t hurt either.” Delilah pulled me into her arms. “I know you’re in a lot of pain right now. But it will get better, I swear.”
I wasn’t ready to believe that, but my aunt was right. I’d made a decision, and looking back would get me nowhere. Before I could think of a reply, my phone buzzed. I pulled it out of my back pocket. Grace’s picture lit up the display. I glanced at my aunt.
“I should get this. It’s my friend Grace.” Delilah gave my shoulder a quick squeeze before she stood and walked away. I pressed the talk button and held the phone up to my ear. “Hello?”
“How’s everything going?” Grace asked.
“Not great, but I’m hanging in there.”
“I miss my best friend,” she said.
“I miss you too.” We hadn’t talked since the morning I’d left Beaver Falls, and I didn’t realize how much I missed her until I heard her voice.
“Any idea when you’re coming back home?”
“Actually, I don’t think I am.”
The line went silent for a moment, then Grace said, “Ever?”
“Yup.”
“Where are you now?”
“Promise me that if I tell you, you won’t breathe a word to anyone.”
“You know you can trust me,” she said.
“I’m in Ithaca, staying with my aunt Delilah.”
“Any chance you’re up for a visit?”
“From you?”
“Of course me. Who else would I be talking about?” Grace replied. “I’ve got a ton of vacation days. I can’t think of a better way to spend them than with my best friend.”
Normally, I would’ve agreed without a moment of hesitation. “I don’t know. I’m not the best company these days.”
“That’s fine. What kind of friend would I be if I only wanted to hang out when things were perfect?”
The more I thought about her offer, the better of an idea it seemed. Spending time with Grace would provide the distraction I needed. “All right. Let me ask my aunt if she’s okay with another houseguest.”
“There’s no need for that. I can just get a hotel room.”
“Are you sure?”
“Very. Just text me your aunt’s address. I’m going to go pack some clothes, and then I’ll be on my way,” she said. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”
Chapter 13
Nicolai
It took us almost three hours to drive from Syracuse to Buffalo where Owen lived. By the time we arrived, night had already fallen. Maria insisted that we find a hotel room and wait until morning to visit Willow’s brother.
“We can’t show up at his house in the middle of the night,” Maria said. “And besides, I need to rest. You have to remember I’m not as young as you are.”
I wanted to protest, but before the words left my mouth, I realized Maria was right. She needed to recuperate, and I owed her the respect of not complaining about it. Besides, Willow’s brother would probably be a lot more cooperative if he wasn’t woken up in the middle of the night by his sister’s lover. Ex-lover. The word wounded me. I didn’t want to be Willow’s ex anything.
“We’ll find her, Nicolai,” Maria said, trying to soothe my obvious desperation. “I promise.”
“I can’t shake this feeling that if we don’t get to her soon, something bad will happen.”
“We don’t know for certain that Peter’s mother had anything to do with what happened to Grace. Your brothers chased her out of the castle before you killed her son. She didn’t see what happened. Perhaps she thinks he’s still alive. Which means she’s probably looking for him. Not Willow.”
Normally, I trusted Maria’s instincts, but this time I wasn’t so sure. Her theory made sense, but I couldn’t help but worry that it was wishful thinking. Grace was dead, and I had a hard time believing it was at her own hand. But that didn’t mean Maria was wrong. Maybe Peter’s mother was searching for her son. Hopefully, by the time she realized that he was dead, I would have already found Willow.
We checked into a hotel, the nicest one in Buffalo, but despite the fancy accommodations, I barely slept. It was like I’d forgotten how to fall asleep without Willow in my arms. I howled into the pillow, furious with my brothers—most of all, Frederic—and angry with myself. The more time that passed, the more doubt took hold. How could I have so enormously misjudged what I’d thought Willow and I had? Was I destined to live out the rest of my life alone? Without Willow I didn’t feel whole. She had saved me in more ways than one. And then she’d turned around and left me in such a state of torment that I couldn’t even put it into words. Every part of me ached. Consumed with thoughts of my mate, I drifted in and out of sleep.
In the morning, I met Maria downstairs for breakfast at the hotel’s restaurant.
“You look like hell,” she said as I sat down across from her.
“I don’t remember asking for your opinion,” I snapped.
“I’m sorry. It was rude of me to offer it.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m the one who should be apologizing.”
“You know, from the moment I saw Willow and you in the same room together, I knew your brothers were right about her being the one to break your curse.” Maria took a sip of coffee and made a sour face. “Why do I keep forgetting how horrid American coffee is?” She put her cup down and lifted her gaze. “You two had this connection. It was there even though you hadn’t known each other very long. That connection was the reason I insisted that Willow come to the castle for magic lessons every day. They gave me an excuse to get you two to spend more time around each other. I knew eventually you’d both give in to your feelings.”
“That connection you sensed turned out to be one-sided.”
Maria shook her head. “If Willow didn’t care for you, then she wouldn’t have sacrificed herself for you the way she did. She jumped in front of you to save your life even though she, too, could have died.”
The scene replayed in my mind. I shuddered, remembering the wound Peter’s dagger had made in her chest. “Maybe it was just reflex.”
“If that’s all it was, then you’d still be trapped in that castle of yours.”
“What are you saying?”
“That I think Frederic lied.” She leaned back in her chair, folding her hands in her lap. “He wants you to think that Willow doesn’t love you, but that’s only because he doesn’t want the two of you together. He can’t fathom a Korzha one day marrying someone who isn’t royalty. He’s more concerned with your family’s reputation than he is your feelings.”
“I don’t know. Willow left me, and I haven’t heard a word from her since. If she truly loved me, she would have realized how much this would hurt. I told her she was my mate, that there was no one else in the world for me besides her.”
“She’s been through a lot. No doubt Willow is still grieving over her father. And who knows what ideas Frederic put in her head? Perhaps he convinced her that all your promises were lies. Whatever it is he did to run her off, we’ll find out. Once we find Willow, I’m sure I can get her to talk. Willow trusts me.”
I curled my hand into a fist. “If something has happened to her, I swear I will never forgive Frederic.”
“Watch what you’re saying,” Maria scolded. “He’s still your brother.”
“Brothers aren’t supposed to betray each other.”
“Frederic doesn’t know any better. It’s up to you and Willow to show him how wrong his old-fashioned thinking is.”
“I don’t want to talk about m
y brother anymore.” I stood. “It’s a waste of time. We should be out there searching for Willow instead.”
Maria grabbed my hand. “Slow down, Nicolai. You may not need to eat, but I do.”
I let out a deep breath and sat back down. Despite my growing frustration, I managed to be patient with the waitstaff.
After breakfast, Maria and I checked out of the hotel, and I drove to Owen’s house. On the way there, Maria pulled her phone out of her purse.
“Who are you calling?”
“Alexander. I want to know if the police returned.”
Their conversation was brief. When she hung up, I asked, “Well? What did he say?”
“No word from the police or from Willow. And Frederic is furious with you.”
“What else is new?”
While I drove, my mind wandered. What was Willow doing at this very moment? Did she ever plan on returning to Beaver Falls? If not, where would she go?
Though it was still early morning by the time I parked in front of Owen’s house, there were no cars in the driveway.
“He might have left for work already,” Maria said.
“Willow could be here, though. Maybe her car is parked in the garage. I say we ring the doorbell.”
“That would be a waste of time. Something tells me Willow won’t be answering any doors.”
I knew Maria was right, but I tried the doorbell anyway. There was no response. I craned my neck to see if I could catch a glimpse through the windows, but I couldn’t see a thing through the closed blinds.
“Can I help you?”
I turned my head at the sound of a stranger’s voice. A neighbor.
“Actually, yes.” I took a few steps closer to him. “Or at least, I hope so. I’m a friend of Owen’s and his sister Willow.”
“Owen’s at work. So is his wife. As for Willow, I haven’t seen her since the Christmas before last.”
“Are you sure you haven’t seen her recently?”
The neighbor shook his head. “As beautiful as she is, I’d remember if I saw her.” He licked his lips. “Man, if I wasn’t already married, the things I’d do to her. Know what I mean?”
