by Pepper Pace
He placed his hand on her knee. “He doesn’t, he’s just pissed is all. He’ll get over it. He always does.” She wiped her eyes and looked up. “I’m sorry, Jason. Really.”
He took her hand. “It’s okay.” She gave him a shaky smile. There was a sudden trilling of musical notes as Amberly’s cell phone began ringing. He wheeled away but listened. It was Patty telling her that she and Link had gone off drinking.
“See.” Jason responded when she replaced her phone. “I told you Link would be okay. We’ll get together, make some music. I have some ideas for the next video.”
Amberly was already shaking her head. “No.”
“What?”
“I don’t want to join back up with WOS.”
“Amberly-”
“You heard Link. He doesn’t want us. And frankly, I’m not pressed. People aren’t cheering for me and Patty; it’s you and him. So…”
He struggled for something to say. “I…I don’t want to lose our friendship-”
She rose from the couch and limped over to him, reaching for his hand which he gave to her readily. “We were friends before Wheels of Steel; we’ll be friends after.” She absently brushed her dark hair back behind her ears.
“You promise?”
She sat on his lap and placed her hands around his neck, than she leaned her forehead to touch his. Jason’s hands went comfortably around her narrow hips. “I promise.” She whispered. They sat quietly like that for a while.
“Jason?”
“Hmmm?” He murmured comfortably. Touch was something he valued and didn’t get as often as he liked. His mother touched him, his physical therapist, of course, but beyond that no one; except Amberly, because her Cerebral Palsy made her skin just as sensitive to touch as his. “What?” He asked.
“Am I…ugly?”
“What?!” He straightened quickly. “Did someone call you ugly?” He would run them over with his chair, leaving skid marks on his back!
“No…I just wondered how others saw me.”
He gave her a serious look. “Amberly, you’re the one that taught me that I was normal and not some charity case.” He reached up and placed his hand on her cheek. “You remind me of a poem I heard in a movie called Cooley High. It went like…” He wrecked his mind until he had it all. It had touched him so deeply that he had rooted around on the internet until he had found it.
“Were I Pygmalion or god, I would make you exactly as you are…in all dimensions; from your warm hair to your intimate toes would you be wholly in your own image. I would change nothing; add or take away. That’s what I think of you Amberly…and that’s the way I want people to think of me.”
Amberly stared at him for a long time before her brow gathered and she quickly stood and walked away several steps. “Why…why do you think we never got together?”
Jason froze, surprised at the question, surprised at the thought. He rubbed his hands together, suddenly uncomfortable. Had she taken the poem and the show of affection in the wrong way? He wasn’t trying to hit on her. He gave her a serious look, unsure of how to proceed without hurting her feelings.
“I guess I think of you as a sister. And plus, you’re like…old.” He laughed. She did too. She was a full two years older than him and so would know that he was only being playful.
“Do you think it’s bad that I’m only attracted to ‘normal’ people?” She asked with a worried look.
“I don’t think so.” For some reason he thought fleetingly of Robin. “Attraction is subjective and no one should judge you based on that.”
“Yeah.” She said tightly. “That darned ‘attraction’. The guys I like don’t look twice at me! They are too busy with the girls that walk straight, talk like their voices have bells on their tongues-”
“Jesus Amberly,” he hated when this usually upbeat girl was anything but that.
“I don’t want to be a virgin forever!” His eyes got wide. She chuckled. “Don’t worry, I ain’t trying to hit on you. I told you I like average guys.” He relaxed and something came to mind.
“Amberly…do people try to…touch you?”
“Touch me?”
He blushed. “Yeah. Well, seems like girls always want to touch my…you know; my junk. Do people try to touch you?”
“I wish.” She said seriously. She sat on the couch again and had a thoughtful look on her face. “I made a play for my massage therapist once. He was like…forty and he didn’t look at me twice.”
“Hmmm.” Jason explained about his massage therapist back when he was a teen.
“Maybe she felt sorry for you?”
“I don’t know.” Then he explained as discreetly as he could about the party last week and the rendezvous in the bathroom.
“God, you’re getting play. I’m not getting anything!” She said in frustration.
“But…” How did he explain that it was empty? Oh he liked it and all. But it was almost like masturbation. He decided to just keep that thought to himself.
“So you’re still a virgin?” She asked surprised.
“Yeah. I’ve never even kissed a girl before.”
“Wow. Jason…you’re really attractive. Girls like you.”
He cleared his throat and scratched. “Yeah…well, they don’t like me enough.” He went to the kitchen and she followed. He got them both soda. He opened hers for her because her hands couldn’t twist things as easily.
“So.” She said after taking a drink. “You know what I think?”
“What?” He asked while taking a swig.
“I think you and I should do it.”
He choked. He choked so bad that she had to actually thump his back and Coca Cola came spraying out of his mouth. He got a dish towel and cleaned up. He peeked at her and her mouth was pulled down sadly.
“Wow…” he finally said. “Are you serious?”
“Never mind-” she walked away quickly.
“Wait! I didn’t say no. I’m just making sure that you’re serious.” He took a few moments to wash his hands and gather his thoughts.
“It will…just be sex. No big deal, right?” She spoke hesitantly.
“I think of you as my sister…”
“Never mind-”
“Will you stop saying never mind!” He pat his lap. “Sit here.” She came over and sat on his lap. He placed his hands around her waist in the familiar way that he had done a hundred times before. But this time he looked deeply into her eyes.
“Kiss me,” he said. Amberly took a deep breath. She leaned forward and placed her lips on his. Jason closed his eyes and thought about the movies when the superstars kissed passionately. He parted his lips and tentatively touched hers with his tongue. He was very away of her hands moving up to his hair and the way she sighed. He mimicked the way the actor’s lips parted and the way their tongues seemed to dart in and out of the other’s mouth. He kissed her passionately, tenderly and last…brotherly.
She pulled back and looked at him closely. “It…wasn’t right, was it?”
He could have lied but he didn’t. “No. It didn’t feel right. You’re my best friend, Amberly. I don’t think I can do that with you, not like this anyway.” She moved to stand up but he held her in place. “But…maybe we can make a pact.”
“A pact?”
“Yeah. If you haven’t lost your virginity by this day next year. I’ll…make love to you.” He smiled. “I may still be a virgin myself. But you’re not going to die a virgin on my watch.” She smiled slowly and reached out her hand for his to shake.
“You got a deal, Top.”
Chapter 15
Robin felt like kicking herself for agreeing to work this last shift. She was dog tired when she dragged into the restaurant, dressed in her polyester uniform that had grown loose over the last few months. The spare was in a plastic grocery bag and she marched right into the manager’s office and placed on the neat desk.
Bailey, the night manager gave her a wide-eyed look. “Robin, I hear you’re
quitting.” She nodded.
“Yeah, that’s my uniform. I’ll leave this one when the shift ends.” She was wearing athletic shorts and a t-shirt beneath the uniform so that she could make a quick change.
Bailey sighed and her back straightened, hoping that this didn’t turn into something ugly and confrontational. She was just too tired to cope with something like that.
“Robin. I wish you would reconsider.” He said carefully. She was already shaking her head.
“I can’t make it work, I’ve tried. This job doesn’t pay me enough-”
“I’ve been authorized to offer you a raise.”
Robin hesitated. “How much?”
“Fifty cents-”
Fifty-freaking-cents?! “I’m sorry but the answer will have to be no.” She resisted the urge to rub her hands together in anxiety.
Bailey stared at her. “Robin…you’re perfect manager material. The head office is really interested in making you a manager.”
She frowned. If that was true then why did he just offer her fifty cents on the hour to remain in her previous position before offering her the manager’s position?
“Well…they should have offered me the opportunity back when they first found out that I had to find another job in order to make ends meet. Now, I need to get back out on the floor. Do you have a check for me?”
He gave her a surprised look. The Robin of a few months ago would have listened quietly and agreed with everything that was said. But she was frankly too tired to continue playing these games. If they really wanted her then they should have told her. Now it was too late.
“Check?”
Shit. They were trying to pull a Pinnacle on her.
“It’s fine.” She said with a slight smile. “I was frankly too tired to work tonight anyway.” She turned to walk out the door. “I’ll pick it up tomorrow when I return this uniform.”
“Robin, wait!” He opened a drawer and suddenly located a check. “Ah, here it is.” She went back to the desk and held out her hand for it. She examined it.
“This is short.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s for four days not five.”
“Well you missed yesterday….and you certainly don’t expect us to cut you a check that includes wages for a day that you haven’t actually worked yet, do you?”
Robin pulled off the poofy polyester hat and tossed it on the table. She unzipped the pants and slid them down her legs stepping out of them. She draped them across the table as well. Lastly, she pulled off the shirt and placed it on top of the other items until she was standing in just shorts and a shirt.
“What are you doing?”
“Nice working with you. Have a nice day.” She opened the door and walked out of the office. Bailey came scurrying along behind her.
“Robin!” She didn’t even hesitate. “Look I can go back into the office and cut you a second check if that’s the problem. Come on, we can do that now.” She didn’t say anything as she continued to walk. “Robin, look you said you’d work so we didn’t get anybody to cover for you. You can’t leave us hanging again! That is just really terrible! That’s a terrible thing for you to do!”
She finally stopped, but her face remained passive. “I told Mike what it would take for me to work tonight. It’s not my fault that you didn’t follow through with your end. So…what you’ll need to do is pull your ass out from behind that desk that you sit at all evening and get out there and cover my shift yourself.” She turned and walked out the door with all eyes on her. Bailey just stood there too shocked to say another word.
Well she guessed she wouldn’t be getting a reference from them.
She got home and didn’t know whether to climb into bed and sleep, whether to pick up one of the many books that she’d wanted to start, or whether to get on the computer. She stood there in her apartment not believing that she actually had time that she could call her own! She laughed and ordered a pizza, and then grabbed her laptop and got caught up on her internet surfing.
She was munching on pizza when she finally navigated to YouTube. She typed in Wheels of Steel and was surprised to come with a full page of hits. The first video she pulled up was only about a minute long. It was a fast and funky techno beat that she listened to twice before moving on to the next song. Robin did this for the next two songs, before watching the popular More Love video. She was mesmerized by the images of two dancing figures that seemed to stream light and float through the universe. When it was over she realized that she had been watching and listening to it with large eyes.
It was so good that she was compelled to leave a comment. She’d never left a comment before on YouTube but wanted the group to know just how much she had been touched by both the music and the video.
~I know that a lot of people have commented and I almost didn’t, but I just had to let you know that I like this song as much as I like Moments in Love. People say stuff like that all of the time, but I mean it. And I really love the Art of Noise, Kraftwerk, Daft Punk…I put your work right up there with them. Sweetheart in HC~
Robin continued listening to the mixes, deciding to check out Jason’s page next which was linked to WOS. He didn’t have any pictures and she was a bit disappointed but he did have several sample bits of music; no videos just a black screen with the word TOP written across it. But she found that the mixes he did were totally different from Wheels of Steel. It wasn’t quite hip hop or electronic. There were violins and piano behind a funky beat.
The description that YouTube categorized the music was Lounge/chill. She supposed that was right.
She saw that he had just uploaded a new track, and instead of Top he had it posted under Jason. Curiously she listened to it. It was short but it elicited a certain emotion from her. It made her…yearn for something. She listened to the short song repeatedly; feeling very mellow at the soft moaning that created the backdrop of the sultry song entitled Jason’s Mind.
Robin kept trying to connect Jason; mean, sour faced Jason with the person that had put together this music. She wanted to see it, to actually watch him mix. Sometimes his limbs stretched and his head arched and his mouth pulled. Sometimes his breath stopped and he had to gulp the air into his lungs. Sometimes he talked, his mind moving forward while his lips and tongue fell behind. Sometimes he seemed like a man that was fighting for control of his very own body. And yet he still created these beautiful beats; he made this fantastic music.
Feeling a bit like a voyeur she hit each member of the Wheels of Steels group, starting with Amberly. She discovered that the two female members of the group were in charge of the beautiful videos. There was a childlike quality to the girl. She favored videos with anime images and Disney characters. There were videos of them making beats and she found herself rewinding them more than once in order to watch Jason, oblivious to the camera, as he and Link created the beautiful sounds.
Next she checked out Link’s page and found that he favored techno, and punk and that he was great at mixing music and creating beats. He was cute and had hundreds of friends…but that didn’t surprise her at all.
She checked out Patty and found that she had a following of goths, androgynous people. Then she went back to Wheels of Steel to favorite some of the selections and saw that there was a response to her comment.
