by Pepper Pace
“Okay. I…” The words froze in her throat as she suddenly clammed up.
“What?” He prompted patiently.
“I don’t have any friends. I mean, I know people, but…” He nodded. “I get nervous easy.” She whispered the last.
“Shy?”
“Maybe a little more than that.”
He smiled. “It’s fine.” He didn’t really think of her as the nervous type, though she did retreat easily. But having no friends? That seemed strange considering how sweet and open she was. Yet, if she did have crippling shyness, he guessed that would be the result. “Shall we go?” Robin nodded in relief. It had been a revealing but uncomfortable conversation.
The drive to school was surprisingly comfortable even though Robin was too shy to start up a conversation and despite the unease that had existed between them just a short while before. She sipped her coffee because she had hurried to the kitchen and made herself a travel cup before leaving. As they drove in comfortable silence, she wondered again how to deal with Sweetheart. Maybe she should just…slowly disappear. Yes, that would probably be for the best.
Jason felt a weight fall of his shoulders. It was a new concept; to open up again and allow an Assistant to get close…especially in her case since he had to admit to himself that he was a bit attracted to her.
Chapter 18
During class he watched Robin more then he listened to his lecture. Sometimes she caught him doing it and she’d smile and he’d blush furiously. He learned new things about her, like the fact that she leaned forward when she was interested in what the Professor was talking about. And when she was confused, she would lean back in her chair and her hooded eyes would dart around the room to see if anyone else was as confused as she. When she got bored she would cross her arms over her chest and her chin would slowly begin to rest on her chest. She wasn’t falling asleep, just tuning out.
Sometimes she’d glance at him to see how he was reacting. He wanted to teach her what she didn’t understand; explaining it so that she wouldn’t be confused. But he knew that was stupid. She wasn’t here to learn, but to assist him.
Then as his business class was letting out he had a seizure. She had just placed his laptop into its case and had asked him if he wanted to build web pages for hire. Then came the sensation that he needed to stretch and yawn. He turned to Robin who was preoccupied with zipping the case, and that was the last that Jason remembered.
When he opened his eyes again it was to the sound of his own laughter. He was stretched out, legs no longer resting on the foot rest but on the floor and he was twisted half out of his seat. Robin’s brown face had paled and her eyes were wide. One of her hands rested on his chest, the other on his neck. He closed his eyes, tired, yet the chuckles continued; not loud, never loud. When he finally felt able to think clearly, he pulled himself up and straightened himself in the chair, grimacing.
“That was not funny.” She said solemnly. She sounded scared
“I know. It’s involuntary.”
“Are you serious? It’s like…laughing turrets or something?”
He nodded squirming a bit in his seat. He was pulling at his pants.
“What’s wrong?” She asked frowning. “Did you bite your tongue?” His face was bright red beneath the brown of his freckles.
“No--OW!”
She looked down and saw that there was something big in his pocket and he was trying to move it—OMG! It wasn’t in his pocket and she knew what it was…
“Um…are you okay?”
His face was beet red. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry. But I need to adjust…” Robin was looking away discreetly. The room was empty as the seizure had begun at the end of class. Even the Professor had left; most probably so that he wouldn’t be called to assist.
“What are you doing?” Why was he fumbling down there?!
“My freaking hands won’t cooperate.” He was trying to unbutton his pants. “And I need to adjust.”
Robin moved anxiously from one foot to the other, then she looked down at his lap where his erect penis was straining against his pants. She quickly brushed his hands away and undid the button. Then she briskly unzipped him hoping nothing would pop out and no one would walk in.
“I swear, “ he said solemnly. “This is not a part of your job description; releasing patients erection.” Sweat beats had sprouted on her forehead but when he said that she burst out laughing; an explosive stress reliever. But then she saw him quickly reach into is pants and her eyes darted away. However, not before she caught a brief glimpse of the swollen tip of his penis peeking out above the waistband of his boxers as he pulled his penis flush against his body. Her face turned red hot and she knew that her cheeks were bright red, even through the brown of her skin.
“Button me! Hurry!”
Robin jumped and reached out to close and button his pants. His penis wasn’t visible but the evidence of his erection was unmistakable as it tried to tent out his shorts. It was so big! How had it gone from that wormy piece of flesh that she had held with two fingers to this huge snake-thing that he had to press across his pelvis?! Her hands moved at lightning speed to get him closed and zipped.
With that taken care of Jason quickly righted himself in his seat. His face was still blazing. “Thanks.” He mumbled. He was beyond embarrassed, and people were just beginning to come in.
“Sure.” She said and quickly grabbed his things while he began wheeling out of the room. When she caught up with him he offered her a shaky smile.
“Sorry about that. When I have a seizure I get a har…um an erection.”
She glanced at the passing people and hoped they couldn’t hear what they were talking about. “Yeah, I heard that sometimes happens. I took that seizure class, you know. They said sometimes you can lose your bladder or bowels, too.” She wanted to say, ‘so I brought baby wipes in case that happens.’ But felt that would be grossly inappropriate at the moment.
“I don’t really have to worry about that. I’ve learned to control my bowels long ago and I’m too hard to pee.” Robin looked at the distant spaces so that she didn’t have to look at him as he described this.
“Right.”
They moved on to the cafeteria, again she grabbed the tray and he got a grilled chicken sandwich while she got a burger and fries. The goth girl at the cash register gushed. Evidently there wasn’t always the same person at the register because this was the girl she’d seen the first day.
“Dude! That video of you having that fake seizure…oh my god that was so cool! Are you going to put that mix on cd? I’d buy it Top!”
He passed her his student credit card. “That wasn’t a fake seizure.” She just stared at him in confusion as he wheeled away.
She watched him and the solemn look on his face.
“Are you planning to pay for my lunch every day?” She joked.
“Yep.”
Her face straightened. “Are you serious?”
He was almost at the table with his friends. “Why not?” The State paid him. It wasn’t any loss to him to add her food on. And besides, she probably could use the break.
“Well…I can’t do that-”
“It ain’t my money,” he said, and then he was there with his friends who greeted him with shouts and slapped hands and they talked over each other, joked and made witty observations about each other while she sat quietly next to him trying to be invisible as she ate her lunch.
Link wheeled away from his place at the table and moved over to her. “What’s up?”
“Hi.” She said, struggling to swallow.
“Why do you keep coming back?” He joked while winking at Jason. Jason was talking to someone but paying attention to every word they spoke.
Robin smiled and shrugged. “I guess so that I can get paid.”
“Oh, darn…I was hoping it was because you wanted to see me.”
She knew that he was only joking but she began to blush furiously, especially when the big blond
e girl that looked sorta like a guy stared at her as if seeing her for the first time. She and Link exchanged brief looks and then he seemed intent on trying to ignore her.
“So what do you do for fun; when you’re not babysitting whiny cry babies like Top?” Jason absently gave him the finger.
Link leaned in and spoke quietly. “I only say things like that so that he can exercise that middle finger. We need to keep those hands of his working. Even though he had surgery his muscles can still tighten up in his hands.”
Robin glanced over at Jason’s hands and saw the thin pale lines at his wrist that indicated he’d either attempted suicide or had gotten surgery.
“He doesn’t tell much about himself, huh? Well hang with me and I’ll tell all of his secrets.”
Amberly stood and limped over to Top, barely interrupting his conversation as she suddenly sat on his lap and put her arms around his neck. Robin watched as his hand went easily around her waist as he continued talking. Amberly picked up his partially eaten chicken sandwich and took a small bite. She offered it to him and he took a bite. He paused and looked at her while he chewed.
“Thank you. Are you trying to get my attention?”
“Yes. Stop ignoring me.” She said playfully.
“Ai-ight.”
“What did you do this weekend?” She asked. And they started talking easily.
Robin looked away and saw that Link was watching her watch them.
“You never answered my question.”
“Which one?”
His blue eyes remained steadily on her. “What do you do for fun?”
“Oh. I guess I don’t have any hobbies or anything. I read a lot, well when I have the time.”
“Ah, do you have kids?”
She chuckled. “No.”
“Boyfriend?”
Robin shook her head and then met his eyes defiantly. “Do you have any kids? A girlfriend? And what do you do for fun?”
“Wow you’re nosey,” he joked. The comment made her laugh. She glanced at Jason and saw that he was looking at her. She wondered briefly if she shouldn’t be talking to people. Maybe she should just be watching him instead of talking.
“You should come out and watch me DJ sometime. I have a gig in a couple weeks and I’d love for your boy over there to come and join me.”
Jason gave him a surprised look.
“It’s a paying gig. We’ll split it right down the middle.”
Then everyone at the table began encouraging him and trying to find out when and where. Link told everyone that Omicron House was printing up flyers though an exact date hadn’t been set. A lot of people began coming over; almost thirty people were crowding around the table, nudging and invading Robin’s personal space.
Robin felt her heart begin to pound. It almost felt like it was slamming in her chest. She had to keep telling herself that these people were not looking at her, they were looking at Jason and Link and the other members of Wheels of Steel. She was invisible and they weren’t looking at her. And then her stomach began to flip and she worried that she would have an attack of irritable bowel.
A hand touched her wrist and she jumped.
Jason was looking at her. “Are you okay?” Amberly had moved back to her seat and was talking to the Butch girl. Jason was leaned in her direction.
“I’m okay.” She tried to give him a shaky smile but even she knew that it wasn’t very believable. He looked around suddenly; seeing things the way she saw them and then back to the look of panic on her face.
“Why don’t you go get some air? I’ll meet you in ten minutes.”
“But lunch isn’t over-”
“I’m done eating. Go. I’ll be in the hallway in front of the bathroom.” She didn’t say anything else, she would have just swallowed her unease but if he was urging her to go…she moved out of her seat and to the door, leaving her tray behind without a backwards look. Now that she was up the need to go to the restroom was urgent.
Jason stared at her as he tried to respond to his friends. Nervous…He thought he was beginning to understand just what she meant by that.
Robin headed straight for the restroom. Her watery bowels barely held. She wiped her sweating face feeling the twisting and knotting of her stomach fade as she relieved herself. When she felt that her legs were strong enough to stand she quickly flushed and washed her hands. Catching sight of herself in the mirror caused her to bend and splash cold water on her face. Why did she have to do this now?
How long had she been in here? Surely more than 10 minutes. She rushed to the hallway where Jason said he’d meet her but he wasn’t there. She ran back to the cafeteria, no longer noticing people watching her as she darted through the crowded halls. But Jason and his friends were gone.
Oh no! She chewed her lip and rubbed her hands together with its renewed sweat. She’d lost her patient. Shit shit shit…
She decided to head over to the last class of the day which was computers. But then she remembered that Jason went to the restroom after lunch. She knocked on the Men’s restroom.
“Jason?”
“Robin?” She heard him call back. Oh god, she was so relieved. She should just collapse right there on the floor.
“Yeah, I’m here. Do you need any help?”
“No. I’m almost done.”
When he came out of the bathroom he gave her a curious look. “What happened back there?”
“Oh.” She took a deep breath and thought about how to explain it. “I get…nervous when there are too many people around.”
“Nervous…”
“Yeah.”
“How did you work in a restaurant if you get nervous around crowds? Unless it’s like the worst restaurant in Cincinnati.”
“No, I worked the drive-thru window. One car load of people doesn’t bother me.” Not unless they were angry about a messed up order or something. But she made sure never to mess up orders so that she would never have confrontations like that. And for some reason the window that stood between them helped.
But if she looked out front and saw a line of people in front of the registers and they were looking at her expectantly; like she should be taking their orders, that was pretty hard. That is how she had learned to ignore people—to not always see what was right in front of her. Sometimes she would hide in the kitchen until she got another drive-thru customer. The people she worked with somewhat understood that she was anxious and they made things easy for her.
“What else makes you nervous, Robin?”
“Well…I get anxious if people get mad at me. And crowds. It’s hard for me to meet new people; I don’t say much. Just things like that, I guess.” She whispered.
He just stared at her.
“People…looking at me, makes me sort of uncomfortable.”
He sighed and moved his attention away from her. After a moment he spoke. “We better get to class.”
During computer class he couldn’t stop thinking about how hard it had been for him to transition from home schooling to the bustle of college life. His mother had wanted him to go to college as much as he wanted to go forth and get a taste of the real world. So she had found a college club that dealt with diversity and disabilities. It’s where he had met Amberly. She had taken him under her wing and had become the big sister that he’d never had. It still took him a long time not to look at people with suspicion. Then when Link returned to school after his accident, he’d come to the meeting with anger and remorse. It was Jason that had made him look at what he still had and not at what he had lost.
