by Mia Ford
“Sir, I’m going to have to insist that you get to the back of the queue.”
“Fuck the queue!” I explode. I turn on my heels to look at the few bored looking people waiting in line. “Look, my son has been in a car crash today, my young boy. Do any of you mind if I just the fucking queue so I can find out what room he’s in from this jobs worth here?” None of them answer me right away, they all just look at me shocked, but eventually a woman nods and the others all follow on like sheep. “See? None of them mind now will you tell me where my son is?”
“Evan?” Before I can get my answer, I hear the sad voice of Nancy calling out from behind me. “Oh thank goodness, you’re here. You’re here. Do you want to go to the room?”
I can’t help myself, I’m so freaking wound up I could explode so I flip the bitch woman off as I stalk off. I’m just so pissed that she tried to keep me away from my boy. What sort of person does that? What sort of person sits so high on their horse that they keep a father away from their child?
“I’m so sorry, Evan,” Nancy weeps as we walk. “I was taking him to the play park, Liam was whining that he wanted to go out, and I didn’t hear the car flying across the intersection, I guess it ran a red light or something, I just… I feel so damn horrible, it hurts.”
“Nancy, it’s fine. Honestly, I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt my son.” I can’t really deal with her emotional baggage right now. I don’t think she’s to blame or anything, I just need to focus on Liam and his recovery. “I don’t think it’s your fault, so you can stop worrying.”
She takes me to the room and as soon as I get outside the door I pause for a second. I’ve rushed all this way, but now I don’t know if I’m ready for the sight that’s undoubtedly waiting for me in there. My son, my baby, he’s hurt and I wasn’t there to protect him. This is all my fault if anyone’s and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for being so distant, I should have been a better father in every way.
“The doctor is in there now,” Nancy whispers to me. “I think you need to speak to him.”
I nod slowly and push the door, forcing myself to be brave. Liam needs me to be the father right now that I haven’t always been. I need to push my bullshit aside and look after him. But still it scares the living hell out of me when I see him. My boy looks tiny under the sheets, the hospital bed devours him. I hate it, all I want to do is rip him from the bed to hold him in my arms. I don’t want to be so separate from him anymore. I hate this.
“Oh, you’re here.” A lady in a white coat says from behind me. “And you are the boy’s father, I presume?” I nod rapidly. “Okay great. There are some things that I need to discuss with you.”
“Is my boy going to be okay?” I ask her desperately. “Is Liam going to… to…” I can’t vocalize the end of that sentence because it’s just too hard to say. I can’t say the one word that will tear my chest apart. I can’t even think about losing Liam, it’s just an impossible thought.
“We do need to take him into surgery, which is unfortunate, but it’s the only thing we can do right now to save his life. He must have a blood transfusion.”
“Oh my goodness, take my blood,” I gush instantly. “Take all my blood, whatever he needs just please make him okay again.” I life up my shirt and push my veins out towards her as if that’s going to speed up the process somehow. “Just save him, please…”
“Doctor Smith,” she fills in that last part for me. “And that’s great, but are you the same blood type? What we really need right now is some A plus, that’s what your son is. I have someone scanning the system, but at the moment it doesn’t look like we have any in.”
“Fuck, no I’m O negative. It was my wife that shared the same blood type.” I tug my fingers through my hair which has now turned greasy and tangled because of all the stress that I’ve put on it today. “She’s dead now. She died in a car crash years ago.”
The doctor turns a funny ashen shade as if she doesn’t know what to say to that. It’s fair enough, no one ever does. It’s an awkward topic to discuss, especially now with everything else that’s happening. “I see, well I am sure that we’ll be able to find some at another hospital and we’ll be able to get some driven over. It might take a bit more time, but we’ll do what we can.”
“Will that affect Liam’s chances?” I gasp desperately. “Will he… you know?” The fact that she doesn’t answer me is worrying, I don’t like it at all. “Okay, well I’ll ask Nancy, she might be…”
“The girl that came in with the boy? No, we’ve already checked with her.” The nurse smiles at me in a way that I’m sure is supposed to be reassuring, but it doesn’t work at all. I feel all messed up inside. “I will make it my top priority to sort this out, just sit with your son and try not to worry.”
I watch her as she leaves the room, parting my lips as I scan my brain frantically to find some words to make her stay. I don’t know how comfortable I feel being left in the room on my own with my sick son. I need someone who will be able to care for him if things get crazy… but I don’t say anything quickly enough and soon I’m left by myself.
I turn my head towards Liam with my heart pounding in my mouth. He looks so frail and fragile there, it makes me want to weep. The tears are there behind my eyes but they aren’t coming out just yet. It’s like the tap is stuck and it won’t turn on. I slowly move my feet towards the bed, feeling like I’m floating on air as I move. None of this feels real, it has a real nightmarish quality to it. I blink my eyes a few times, wishing I could wake up, but all of this is so very real.
“Oh, Liam,” I gasp as I fall into the seat next to his bed. “I’m so sorry that this happened to you.” Of course, he doesn’t answer me, he’s blacked out on the bed but I hope he can hear me. I’ve heard that people in comas can still hear their loved ones as they talk, and I hope this is a similar situation. “I’m sorry, I just… I know that I haven’t been the best father in the world, but I want to be better.” I grab his hand and stare at his lifeless body, hating myself even more. “I have been planning for a while to change things around once this court case thing was done anyway, but now I realize more than ever how badly I need to change. I need to be there more for you.”
My head slumps forward and finally a tear falls out. This situation reminds me so much of that dreaded day when I lost all the other people in my family and that memory claws violently at my chest.
“You know, your mom would be really proud of the way that you’ve turned out.” I turn to the one subject that I never discuss with Liam because it’s so damn painful, which is something else that I need to change. I thought that I was doing him a favor by keeping him away from the hurtful topic, but now I can see that I was being selfish. I was doing what I needed. Now I know that’s something else I need to change. I need to keep Victoria’s memory alive within her. “She loved you so much, more than any other mother that I’ve ever known. She doted on you like you were a little china doll or something.” I chuckle awkwardly to myself as I remember Victoria’s bond with Liam. “She would love you now. So damn much. She would be so… so…” The tears come hard and fast. “So…”
I can’t speak anymore, I’m a complete and utter sobbing mess. Yes, Victoria would be proud of Liam but I don’t think she would be me. I don’t think she’d be happy to see me all about work and nothing else. She’s probably haunting me right now, screaming in my ear that I need to be a better person, and I’ve been ignoring her. Carrying on in my own bullshit way.
Please, I beg in my mind, trying everything in the damn pathetic hope that someone might be haunting me. Please, Victoria, let Liam live. Help him. Do whatever the hell you can. Don’t take my boy away from me, please God, I need him. He’s perfect, he deserves to live.
I don’t really believe in ghosts or praying or whatever, but today, with Liam in a bed and tubes everywhere, with his life in the hands of other people, I’m willing to try anything. As the tears stream violently down my cheeks, I lose all control of
myself and I lay my weeping head on my son’s body. I need someone to find some A positive blood and quickly. I don’t know how much more of this I can take…
Chapter Twenty Two – Katy
I breathe a deep sigh and collapse against the wall as soon as I leave the meeting room behind me, having come to some sort of agreement. I definitely don’t think that was my best work since I didn’t have Evan with me and my head wasn’t fully in the game, but I’m content with what I’ve achieved. I think it’s the best thing I can get for the time being and I have more time to work on things.
I take the moment with my eyes closed to adjust from ‘meeting mode’ back to reality. I’ve fought so hard, all on my own, and now it’s time to bring myself back down. I know that I need to speak to Evan right away to let him know what’s going on, but I just need time to cool down first. I don’t want to speak to him all frantic and worried when he’s already going through so much.
God, I really hope that Liam is okay, I think as it all comes flooding back. That’s the most important thing here. All of this is nothing compared to that panic.
After a few moments, I collect myself together and I make my way outside. The cool air brushes past my skin and whips my hair around, waking me up a little bit. I wish I had a car since I have all this paper work with me, but I suppose a cab will have to do. I can’t complain that Evan drove me and he had to leave, that just is what it is. Can’t be helped.
I drop what I can to the ground by the side of the building and I tug my cell phone out of my pocket. I hit dial on the first number in my recent call list, which is Evan. It seems that I’ve been calling him a lot recently. I tap my foot on the ground as it rings, internally begging him to pick up. I know he said to leave him a voice mail, but I don’t know how I’ll handle not being able not knowing what’s going on. I need to know what’s happening with Liam, I can’t hack it.
“Hello?” As his stressed voice answers the phone, a little bit of me feels relieved. I don’t know what I would think if he didn’t answer the phone. “Katy?”
“Hi, Evan, I erm… I just wanted to talk to you about the meeting.” I shake my head. What’s the point of talking about that now when there’s so much else to worry about? “It went well, I’ll tell you the details later on. How are things with Liam? Is he okay?”
I bite down on my nail as I wait for him to answer, massively freaking out as I do. He seems to be taking far too long to answer which is horrible, it can only spell bad news. My brain flickers up the most horrific images it can find, almost as if I’m trying to prepare me for what might happen. It makes me sick and anxious, I can barely handle it at all.
Please don’t let this be anything, I beg silently inside my brain. Please let everything be okay.
“He needs a blood transfusion, Katy, and I’m scared,” he finally tells me. “He needs A positive blood and I don’t have that. They can’t seem to find any in the system either. The doctor told me that they might bring some over from another hospital, but it feels like that might take much too long.”
My heart pounds, this sounds serious, but it’s also something that I can help with. “I’m A positive,” I gasp. “I can donate some of my blood. Can I do that? Will they let me? Oh, my God, I need to call a cab right now…” I’m flapping, I can hear myself but I can’t seem to stop. The words are flooding out of my mouth at a million miles an hour. “I need to get to you.”
“Katy, I can’t ask you to do that,” Evan insists, but I can hear a tremor in his voice that means he needs this. “I mean the offer is amazing, but you can’t do this. It won’t be good for you.”
“Evan, I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for Liam. Now I have to go because I need to call a cab. I need to get to you as soon as possible.”
I hit the hang up button on the phone despite the fact that I can hear Evan still speaking to me and I search for the nearest cab number. My whole body is shaking all over, I can feel it from my head to my toes, but it feels like it’s a good thing. I want to do this, I need to help. I’m pretty sure I would feel this way no matter what, but the fact that I have such strong feelings for both Liam and Evan really amps up my need. I have the right blood type, it’s like this is after.
I book a cab rapidly and move to the edge of the sidewalk while I wait impatiently for it to arrive. I’m all on edge, but in a really good way, like I can’t wait for this to happen.
***
The nerves don’t kick in until I step out the cab door and I stare up at the hospital. That’s when it all becomes very real. I haven’t spent a lot of time in hospitals, I haven’t had to have check ups or injections, or anything like that. I was never a sickly person, and no one in my family ever was either. I guess this will be the first time that I’ve ever really had to have something serious done.
You can do this, I convince myself as I struggle to keep hold of all the papers I still need to keep. You can do this for Liam, he needs you. I have to be strong, for him.
With that I start making the brave steps towards the hospital doors. My heart still pounds so hard against my rib cage I think it might burst out at any given moment, and my mouth might be so dry I can barely breathe, but I ignore all of that and I keep on moving. I have someone who needs me.
As I get inside I can see a massive queue waiting to speak to the receptionist, but since I don’t know how urgently I’m needed, I don’t bother to stand in it. I move to the front desk and I put on my best, most apologetic smile.
“Excuse me,” I call out to the lady sitting behind a computer screen. “I’m really sorry to interrupt and also to jump the queue, but I’ve just had a call about an urgent blood transfusion that’s needed for a child, and it’s one that I share the right blood type for. I need to get to that room quickly before the doctor starts calling around to other hospitals to get the blood delivered.”
“Oh right, well that’s just wonderful.” Her face lights up. “You are saving us a lot of hard work and money here. What room is it you need?”
“The room of Liam Debroils.” She gives me a funny look as I say this, but I chose to ignore that. “Thank you so much, your help has been invaluable.”
She taps on the computer screen for a few moments. “Your room is two four one. Good luck.”
I give her a grateful nod and say goodbye before I race off down the hallway to find the right room. I drop some papers as I go and they scatter to the ground, so I have to stop and pick them back up again. No matter what’s happening, I need to keep those in my hands. There’s some really private stuff in there.
“Would you like a hand, ma’am?” A handsome doctor smiles at me as he bends down to pick some of the papers for me. He has sandy blond hair, high cheek bones, and nice blue eyes. Maybe once upon a time I would have found him attractive, but now, compared to Evan he’s just bland. Evan has ruined all other men for me! “Looks like you have some really important stuff there.”
“Oh right, yeah.” I’m too distracted to talk to him properly. I can barely think of anything aside from what’s about to happen next. “Thank you for helping me.”
“Are you okay, miss? You look like you’re shaking?” He grabs onto my arm and squeezes. “Are you sick? Do you need help?”
If I was going to be honest, I would tell him that yes, I feel dizzy and freaked out, but I don’t want to get stuck here talking to this doctor. I need to get to Liam, I need to see Evan, I need to help. I can’t get lost in fear and a slightly freaked out brain, I just need to be brave, that’s all.
“I’m fine.” I pull away from him. “Thank you. I have somewhere to be, but thank you for all your help.” I try to clutch the papers to my chest so I don’t make the same mistake again. “Bye.”
With that I turn on my heels and I continue running towards the room. As soon as I reach the door I don’t pause for even a second. I hammer my elbow against it and I push my way inside. There I see Evan slumped over a tiny little Liam stretched across a hospital bed, with his back shaki
ng because of tears. He looks like a broken man which just tears my heart to shreds.
“Evan, I’m here,” I say quietly to him as I put all the paper work on the side. “I’m here to help, let’s get the doctor in so we can do this.”
He turns slowly, and with his red rimmed eyes he looks at me with sheer terror in his eyes. “Oh my God, Katy. Thank God you’re here.” He pushes himself up from his chair and he grabs hold of me to pull me in for a deep, unexpected hug. “Thank God you’re here, Katy. I can’t do it alone. I can’t do this without you.”
As he presses my head into his chest I can hear his terrified heart beat. He’s in an even worse state of panic than me. It makes me wrap my arms tightly around him, to comfort him in any way that I can. I cling to him, I hold him, and as I do I try to keep my tears inside.
“Go and get the doctor,” I hiss to him, needing to get this started now. “I’m here, I’m ready. Let’s get this started. Let’s save Liam.”
I can tell Evan is struggling as he hears my words, but thankfully he doesn’t try to fight me on it. He knows as well as I do that this is Liam’s best shot. Sure, it might leave me shaky for a while, but that’s hardly the worst thing that could happen, is it? The much worse option would happen if I decided not to do this and the hospital couldn’t get any blood sorted.
