She didn’t seem to be listening to him at all, her head down. “She was in charge of the replenisher compound I was in, your mother was. My best friend, Ams, she helped this Zoriner kid who went over the fence to save his sister, Ella, who was a slave there, only he was so broken, he couldn’t likely save anybody then…. Anyway, my friend found him and she took him up to this loft nobody used much and kept him there. She was afraid of him at first, you know? Because of all the things they told us about them and our implants … but this boy, the way he was with her, he seemed decent.”
She smiled, as if thinking back on it, and then the smile was gone, her face drawing in on itself, hardening.
“When Ams went up there to check on him the first night, she saw all these scars on his back. They were bleeding bad, and she ended up having to stitch him up. Your mother, she did that to him…. I remember thinking when Ams told me that, what sort of a monster would do something like that to a kid, you know? And I hated her for it. And then later when I got to know him, Riley, and what happened with Brody’s girl happened, the way your mother did that, we all assumed she only did it to him back then because she didn’t think of him as quite human or a kid. It’s the only thing that made any kind of sense. But I never once thought that she could have done it to her own child. That anybody could.” She got up, looking at him with those impossibly blue eyes.
“I’m sorry I scared you. I’m usually much better about it. I sleep with my shirt on, is what I’m saying. I got too comfortable…. It won’t happen again,” he said quietly, embarrassed. He leaned back and pulled the blanket up to his chin, waiting for her to go.
“She wasn’t a dragon, Brandon. She was just a monster. I always thought I’d wake up one day and feel awful for having done it, for having killed her like that but I never did, not once, and I thought there was something wrong with me for not feeling bad about it. I don’t feel that anymore. I am glad I killed her,” she said and surprised him by leaning in and kissing him on the forehead.
She went to the door, then stopped and looked at him strangely. “Whatever she’s done … it’s not your burden to carry and it’s not on you to make it right. I can see it on you that you think it is. Don’t. We don’t choose who we are born to, not any of us.” And she let him be after that, closing the door softly behind her.
She was right, of course, but he was their best shot at ending it for good. He just had to find a way to convince them of it. He didn’t choose it, not any of it, but he was the last of them, and he needed to make it count for something; needed to do it for himself.
He closed his eyes and finally slept, dreamlessly, without nightmares or guilt. He slept as if he were a little kid who had something important to do the next day, a kid exhausted from playing, not pain.
17
Words Among Men
Brody, July 10, 2244, the River Outside of Reston.
Stan seemed as confused as the rest of them after he ran every test he could think of, and Brandon appeared to be clean.
Brandon was still staying at his house and he and Laurel struck up a strange friendship. He’d help her cook and clean, but mostly, he liked tending to the things she tried to grow out back, pulling out weeds and watering the sagging stalks of random flowers Laurel planted and forgot about. He didn’t talk much but he was a great listener. He knew Laurel desperately missed talking to Ams, needed to talk to somebody, and he was glad she had him now….
Brody tried to include Brandon in all the important meetings, so he felt like he belonged here and so he knew what they were planning to do, but mostly, because he wanted him to know that he trusted him, even if Drake and Max didn’t. He could tell Riley was okay with him, could see it in the way he looked at him, and he thought that if people he hurt the most could get over it, Max and Drake would come around soon enough.
Loren finally narrowed down all the potential places the Eagles’ underground compound could be to seven. That seemed manageable. They had enough people to be able to monitor each of the locations for any traffic. They sent off small groups to each and waited. It wouldn’t take long now, but the rest of the plan still needed to be solidified. Brandon kept insisting that they let him go in there to blow it up, telling them that militarily, it made the most sense to do that, since it would cost them the least, but Brody knew they would never let him do that. He made sure of it by making everybody on the council swear that they wouldn’t let him sacrifice himself in that way.
He was thinking about all of it on his way home from teaching a few youngsters to shoot stunners. They flat out refused to point the damn things at him, never mind pulling the trigger, and he didn’t push them too hard. Didn’t want a repeat of what happened with Laurel when he did that to her years ago. Laurel wasn’t at the door when he got there the way she usually was. He finally found her sitting in the dirt in the back garden, hands full of blooms, and a huge smile on her face. He stood at the window and watched. Brandon was expertly clipping multi-colored blooms from their stalks and handing them to her, and Laurel was making a show of accepting these little gifts as if they were the most amazing things she’d ever seen, praising each one and blowing Brandon kisses.
He finally walked out to them and bowed to Laurel, keeping up this little game they were playing, and then turned to Brandon. “Would it be all right if I steal this beautiful maiden from you for a brief moment, kind sir?”
Brandon grinned at him and nodded, then stood and offered Laurel his hand, lifting her up.
Brody took Laurel into the house, wrapped his arms around her as soon as they were inside, and kissed her, hard, making sure Brandon saw him do it.
Laurel giggled at him softly, sweetly, and then smacked him on the head. “I know what you’re thinking, and you’d be very wrong to think that. I like him. He is kind and decent and I like him, but you’ve got nothing at all to worry about with him. Because you I love, and if you didn’t suddenly turn into a teenager you’d know that. Don’t make it harder on him to be here than it already is. He plays well at happy, but I think he still means to do something stupid, something that would get him killed. I can see it on him when he’s not paying attention,” she said, somber now, and walked back outside calling to Brandon to come in and help her make dinner.
Riley had given him a bunch of fish he’d caught, already filleted, heads and tails in a separate bag for soup. Brody didn’t mind Riley doing this for him, but he wished not for the first time he didn’t stupidly volunteer his right hand like that. Ella said it would take a few months for his hand to heal fully. It felt like an interminably long time to wait, but it was what it was. He sprinkled some salt, pepper and dried dill on the fillets and went to take a shower and change.
The table was set when he came back, Brandon looking serious again, no smiles on his face. They ate the fish and potatoes in silence for a while, and then Laurel looked straight at Brody and said that she would very much like to have a kid if he thought he could manage not to get himself killed trying to wipe out the Eagles. She said it so bluntly, he almost choked. They hadn’t once spoken about it, and it shocked him that she’d bring it up like that in front of this other man.
He closed his eyes thinking of what the hell he was supposed to say to something like that, and when he opened them again she was staring at him with a hurt look in her eyes.
“All right then. We can find us a puppy or a stray cat maybe. Good night,” she said, her voice clipped, and she got up abruptly and stalked out of the room and he knew by the way she did it that he shouldn’t follow her. That she didn’t want him to.
“Shit,” Brandon said very quietly when she was gone, “sorry, Brody. It’s my fault, I think. I asked her today if she wanted kids … we were just talking, but she seemed sad afterward.” He shook his head, looking very sorry indeed.
“What did she say? When you asked her that?”
Brandon looked at him, wincing. “She didn’t. She just did that thing she does with her face when nothing on it smiles anymor
e. I thought maybe something was wrong and she couldn’t have kids, you know, but that wouldn’t make any sense with her being a Replenisher. I felt bad enough for asking. Didn’t want to push it after that.”
“I was six when my parents were gone. Riley was just a few years older when he lost everybody. Everyone I know, damn near everyone I’ve ever known was missing somebody they loved their whole lives or never knew them to begin with. I can’t do that to a little kid. Not with our lives the way they are. I didn’t know she wanted to, until today, but I can’t. I wouldn’t know how to be a father now….” Brody shut his eyes for a moment, ran a shaky hand through his hair, then stood. “I need a bloody drink.” He darted into the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets looking for that bottle of clear liquor Drake left him months ago.
He poured two large glasses of it and dropped some lemon peel in them to cut the smell. Brandon was at the window when he walked back into the room. “I don’t talk when I drink, and I won’t pry either. I just need to tonight, and I don’t drink alone.” He handed Brandon a glass.
“All right,” Brandon said and emptied the whole thing as if it were water.
Brody took a swallow from his glass, choking on the liquid, took a deep breath and let it all out so he wouldn’t smell it, and then downed the rest. He felt the fire in the pit of his stomach, the harsh taste lingering on his tongue, but he wasn’t feeling any kind of drunk from it yet.
He took Brandon’s empty glass and went into the kitchen, refilling them both. Brandon looked at him strangely when he came back but he didn’t protest or say anything, draining this glass as he did the first, and Brody found it much easier now to do the same. He felt his mind go blurry around the edges, a pleasant dullness settling over him.
“We’re going fishing or crabbing or whatever we can get.” He picked up his rod and a bag with the nets in it on the way out, and softly closed the front door behind them, noting that their bedroom light was out. He felt steady enough on his feet, but that would change soon enough. The night was clear, and when they got away from all the lights of the city, he could see all the stars in the sky blinking at him. He sped up, Brandon trailing him without a word.
They made it to the spot on the river he liked and he took a blanket out of the bag and spread it, asking Brandon to get a small fire going to keep the bugs away. Brody dropped the nets in, and sprawled out, listening to the light crackle of a fledgling fire behind him. It felt good being out here in the middle of this lousy night and after a little while, he felt calm, and it seemed like years since he'd felt that.
“I have to tell you something, Brody, and I’m not sure how you’ll take it.” He heard Brandon’s voice and opened his eyes. Brandon sat by him, his face much too sober for what he downed. He nodded, grinning, and then doing his best not to the way the other man was looking at him.
“I’m not sure how to say it right so I’m just going to spill it…. If you feel you need to hit me afterward, and you might, you should know that I can’t swim so try not to make me fall into the river.” Brandon smiled a small, uncomfortable smile.
Whatever it was that Brandon had to tell him was making him uneasy. Brody sat up so his face was level with the other man’s, making it easier to look at him the right side up, and nodded.
“Shit…. All right … I think Laurel is the most beautiful girl I’d ever met but there’d be no chance of anything happening there, even if she wasn’t with you. Even if she wasn’t with anyone. I can look at her all day and it doesn’t make me want to kiss her or hug her or anything. No girl ever made me want to do that, is what I’m trying to say,” Brandon said quickly, in a rush, and dropped his eyes.
Brody didn’t know what to do with it. Never met anyone like that before, and everything he’d ever heard about them made them out to be broken, dangerous somehow. The Alliance didn’t tolerate such perversions. As far as he knew, they killed them, any that they found to be like that. He was pretty sure Zoriners did, too. He suddenly felt more sober than he wanted to be and wished he’d brought the rest of that damn bottle with them. Brandon was still sitting on the blanket in front of him, his head down, hands in fists at his sides as if he expected him to hit him. He looked so tense and miserable Brody wanted to grab him and hug him, but he didn’t know if he’d be okay with it now; if he’d let him.
And there was something else. He needed to know if that was in part why he couldn’t shoot him. If he liked him in that way and spared his life because of it.
“I’m not going to hit you so stop bracing and look at me.”
He did, his jaw clenched.
“Did you … ?” He sighed, shook his head. ”When you couldn’t pull the trigger on me—”
Brandon laughed, a croaky, no lightness in it kind of laugh. “It’s not what you think. I already told you why I couldn’t shoot you and I meant it. Trust me, Brody, I did my best to try to talk myself into pulling that trigger on you. But no, I couldn’t shoot you because of how you were, not because of how I am.” Brandon looked at him, shook his head. “I didn’t spare your life because I secretly wanted to kiss you instead of killing you. It doesn’t work that way. I’m not exactly sure how it works but you’d have to be like me in that way for me to ever like you, if it makes any sense.” Brandon stood and walked away from him to the fire.
Brody stood too, feeling almost entirely sober, and checked on his nets.
He smiled at the pair of flailing baitfish in the one and four blue crabs in the other. He baited the nets and his rod and fished out the crabs. These were large enough to make for a decent supper for the two of them. Brandon cringed when he saw what he was carrying.
“These taste like the angels made them, but you have to cook them when they are still alive or you’ll get sick. So, if it’s too much for you, turn away, but we’re eating these suckers in about five minutes and you’ll be thankful for each delicious bite.”
Brody sharpened two sticks and threaded the crabs onto them, balancing them over the embers, and watched as the creatures squirmed and changed colors, the fire making hissing sounds around them. When he knew they were just right, he pulled them out and dropped them on the grass, letting them cool just enough to get the meat out of them, Brandon watching him intently through all of it.
“I taught survival tac for years. We practically lived in the woods, relying only on things we could find. Some of the stuff we ate was atrocious but occasionally, we’d get lucky and pull up a few of these or oysters or a nice fat trout. It’s been years since I’ve seen a blue crab though.”
He took his knife out and cleaned out the largest of the crabs for Brandon, handing him a handful of glistening white flesh. He watched him take the first tentative bite, eyeing him suspiciously, and then his eyes got large, and a surprised smile split his face. Brody cleaned the others and they ate them quickly, in silence.
“What would you have done with me if Drake and Loren didn’t show up when they did?” he asked after a while.
Brandon shook his head. “I’m not sure. I think I would have gotten to your people anyway so they could get a flier to you. Didn’t think you’d make it back on your own the way you were.”
They stayed silent for a long time after that, watching the flames.
Brandon looked at him finally, his face serious. “Are you going to turn me in? I won’t run or anything if you do … I just need to know so I can have a bit of time.”
Brody felt a familiar slow burn of anger. “Turn you into whom, Brandon? Us? You think our Council will give a shit that you like men? And even if … even if we had some kind of a rule against that—” He couldn’t find the words through all the anger in him. He got up and walked over to where Brandon was, making him stand, and grabbed him roughly by the face, staring into the too-large eyes, feeling all sorts of pissed off. “I don’t betray people for choosing to share their secrets with me! But you … you need to learn to trust people a little. That you’d even think that. What the hell is wrong with you?” He let go of h
im, feeling too angry to want to talk to him now.
Brandon was still looking at him, but his eyes were fearful, his whole body cowering somehow, something he never thought he’d see on him, and he felt a twinge of guilt for screaming at him.
He took a small step to him and said quietly, “I don’t know what’s going on with you now, but for the first time since I met you, you look afraid, and I don’t know what to do with it. I am sorry I snapped at you.”
Brandon dropped his eyes, as if he were embarrassed, and he couldn’t help it then. He reached over and pulled him into a hug and when Brandon still wouldn’t look at him, he lifted his face up by the chin, grinned at him widely, and without giving him any chance to react, kissed him full-on on the lips, watching his whole face turn red. He let go of him, still grinning, hoping he would finally stop bracing in front of him, waiting for him to look at him.
And he did, after a while, gray eyes glaring at him, full of hurt. “Please, don’t do that again. Don’t ever do that again,” Brandon whispered, and walked away from him down to the river.
He didn’t see that coming, the hurt on him. He was just trying to show him that he didn’t care. That it didn’t scare him, how he was. He thought he’d laugh maybe and that’d be the end of it.
He let him be for as long as he could stand it, tending to the fire and cleaning up the mess of the shells they made, and finally went to the water. Brandon sat on a patch of dirty sand, his knees in his hands. He looked small, fragile, and he felt for him. He couldn’t imagine keeping something like this a secret from everybody. He sat next to him and put his arm around him, not saying anything, just holding him. He felt his breathing change as if he were gearing up to run, but he didn’t move away from him.
Alliance: The Complete Series (A Dystopian YA Box Set Books 1-5): Dystopian Sci Fi Thriller Page 71
