by JoAnn Durgin
Caleb dropped the baseball and propped both elbows on the desk. “It was foolish of me to think a change in scenery would make a difference.” He leveled his gaze on her. “Did she feel the same way in the Dallas house?”
“I think she started to feel that way in the last couple of years after you stopped allowing her to go to normal activities like birthday parties, sleepovers, school events—”
“Point taken,” he snapped, his tone unnecessarily harsh. “I’m sorry, Lettie.” The woman possessed the patience of a saint and didn’t deserve his anger.
“The move to Houston made sense in a number of ways,” she said. “The Dallas house had too many reminders of Helena.”
Lettie spoke quietly but with respect. Lettie had gotten along well enough with Helena, but the two women had never been as close as he’d hoped. His wife had never shared the bond he did with Lettie. Helena had never embraced relationships with those in their employ, and she’d treated them like servants, a fact that had never set well with him.
“As important as Helena was to you and Lauren, it’s difficult to move on with your lives when you’re surrounded by constant memories,” Lettie said.
Unexpected emotion clogged Caleb’s throat. “I hope I haven’t pushed Lauren so far away that she’ll hate me.”
“I seriously doubt she hates you, Caleb. Tell me what you’re thinking?”
That’s one of the aspects he loved most about Lettie’s character. She allowed him to talk it out. “Lauren threatened to leave the other day. Can you believe that?” He snorted. “As if she’d even know where to go.”
“And that’s what scares you?”
“That’s one of the things, but I don’t think she’d leave voluntarily.” He pinched his nose between two fingers. “I’m scared of one of those nut jobs out there who-knows-where making good on their kidnapping threats.” He leaned forward and met Lettie’s gaze. “That’s a nightmare I hadn’t even considered, and it’s got me wondering if this entire move to Houston was a mistake. Who’s to say that in Lauren’s shoes, I might feel the same way? I uprooted her and yanked her away from her friends in Dallas, not to mention her grandmothers. I understand she might be angry with me, but I hope in time she’ll understand it was best course of action for both of us. It wasn’t just the house, it was…everything. I can’t lose my daughter. I’ll do everything in my power to prevent that from happening.”
“You won’t lose her.”
Silence passed between them for a long moment. “I told Lauren about the kidnapping threats,” he said finally. “When she talked about leaving, I felt as though I had no other choice.”
Lettie gasped although she attempted to deflect it by coughing.
“If Lauren knows there are people out there who want to kidnap her, then it might make her stop and think before she’s tempted to run off without making sure she’s adequately protected.”
Lettie gave him the motherly look she’d perfected the past thirteen years. “I think you should work on the reasons why she’d want to run away in the first place.”
“Am I such an ogre, Lettie? Such an overbearing parent?”
“Of course not. You know that.”
“You should have seen Lauren today as we drove away from the academy. She was happy and carefree. Almost as though she were a different kid and more like she used to be. A girl Lauren’s age shouldn’t be burdened with the problems of adults.”
“I agree, but no amount of protection in the world will make up for your lack of trust, Caleb.”
He snapped his gaze to hers. “Trust in what?”
“You are the most capable man I know, but when it comes to your daughter, you wear blinders.”
Caleb could only stare at her, slack-jawed. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that in trying to protect her, you’re pushing her farther away. Lauren’s not the only one who feels like she’s in a prison.”
“You?” he barked. “Do you feel that way, too?”
“No, of course not.” Lettie shook her head. The sadness radiating from his dear friend pierced his soul as deeply as Lauren’s tears.
“It’s time to let go of your fear. You can build higher walls, install more security, and hire guards. I’m not saying not to protect her. That’s your responsibility as her father. I’m suggesting you do what you can to keep her safe, but place your trust—and surrender Lauren—to a higher power and then trust she’ll be okay.”
“I believe in God. I gave my heart to Jesus a long time ago. Please don’t start with me.” Raking one hand through his hair, Caleb frowned. “I’m trying to figure it all out. Part of that is coming back to the Lord and giving Him total control. I realize that. It’s the only way I can get through this thing unscathed. You know me well enough to know that’s something I find difficult to do.”
Right or wrong, at times he questioned God’s motives. He’d never blamed God for taking Helena. More likely, it was more a matter of questioning his own ability to parent Lauren, keep up with the corporation, and somehow manage to be a halfway decent man. He’d learned the lesson long ago that trying to be all things to all people was an impossible challenge.
Not that he hadn’t tried.
“You know, I founded Belac on a solid biblical foundation. I’m beginning to feel as though I’ve tossed those principles aside.”
“I don’t believe that’s true,” she said. “I think it’s more that you’ve neglected them. You’re also too strong of a man to allow personal tragedy to define you.”
He jutted his chin and narrowed his eyes. “Is that what you think I’ve done?”
“Yes,” she said. Her voice, calm as always, held firm conviction. “I’ve witnessed how strong you can be, but I’ve also seen you retreat into a shell because you feel that somehow you failed Helena. God gave her life, and in His time, He took her home. You were by her side the entire time, and she died with dignity and grace.”
“I don’t want Lauren to be defined by her mother’s death.” Caleb lowered his gaze. “You and I both know life wasn’t always easy with Helena. Then again, I’m not the easiest man to be around. I want my daughter to remember the good about her mother. To understand Helena, to know she did the best she could for her, and to know that it was more than enough.”
“Lauren knows those things, and the cancer wing at the hospital in Dallas is something you’ll always have as a living memorial to her memory. As far as Lauren, you’ve invested yourself in that child. Many men in your position would have sent her off to boarding school or hired someone full-time to take care of her every need.”
The phrase men in your position had always amused him, and he’d heard it enough. “I’ve always thought that’s why I was paying you.”
She harrumphed. “You’re a father to that child, and you always have been, even when you thought you weren’t.” Lettie’s confidence flowed over him, giving him comfort.
After a lengthy pause, she spoke again. “Trying circumstances can bring someone closer to God. At other times, it brings about the opposite response. For some, it simply requires the passage of time. I think you’re ready to move forward with your life, professionally and personally.”
She was right. Lettie usually was. Caleb blew out his sigh, prompted by frustration but also a sadness he couldn’t seem to shake. He was tired of that, too.
It was time to reclaim his life. Remember what was most important and get on with living instead of dwelling on past regrets. An image of Caty popped into his head, but Caleb pushed it aside. Lauren needed to be uppermost in his mind now.
Maybe Caty is the way to move on for both you and Lauren. Perhaps, but he’d think about that later. Where had that thought come from? It was too early to know. He’d only just met Caty although he’d been observing her from a distance for a few years, strictly in a professional sense. Now that he’d met her, shared conversation with her, grown to like being around her, he found himself thinking about her more than he should. That co
nfounded him yet, at the same time, knowing Caty gave him hope he could find his way out of that confining, narrow tunnel where he currently lived.
“Giving your heart to the Lord and living for Him can be two different things.” Lettie’s words brought him out of his musing. She knew exactly what tone to use when he was at his moody best.
Caleb grunted. “I’ve always thought those things go hand-in-hand.”
“Ideally, they do. There are people who claim Jesus owns their heart, but they don’t look to Him for the most important decisions. I’m not saying that’s what you’ve done, Caleb. But the Lord demands your obedience and a full-time commitment. Walking with Him isn’t a part-time option. I think you’ve lost sight of the fact that no one man can do everything on his own. That’s not your job.”
Caleb’s gaze fell on the framed verse on the wall. When he’d moved into the new house, he’d given instructions for it to hang on the wall opposite his desk where he couldn’t miss it. The same verse he’d established for Belac, Inc. all those years ago.
For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return. ~Luke 6:38
“One of the hazards of being a business owner, I fear. I’ll tell you one thing.” He reached for her hand. “You are a blessing in my life, and in Lauren’s life. We couldn’t have done these last few years on our own without you, Lettie, and it’s to my regret that I don’t tell you enough.”
“Loving you and Lauren is the easy part.” When he glimpsed the tears in Lettie’s eyes, his heart jumped.
Caleb released her hand. “So, any advice on how to go about relinquishing control of the reins?”
A smile curved her lips. “You could start by showing up at the dinner table.”
“I can do that.”
Chapter 18
Caty startled when a hard knock sounded on her front door. Who could that be? No one had called to say they were coming over. She peered through the peephole on the front door and spied Carson. Someone else was with him, but she couldn’t tell who it was—only that it was another guy, a little taller, dressed similarly to Carson in jeans and a Dallas Cowboys cap pulled low on his forehead.
She swung the door wide. “To what do I owe the honor of this visit? You could have called—” She gasped. “Will!” She lifted the baseball cap. “What are you doing?”
“Apparently failing in my attempt to go incognito.” Will brushed past her. “Sorry to drop in unannounced.” Grabbing Carson by the arm, he tugged him inside and then shoved the door closed with his free hand.
“Hello to you, too.” She couldn’t help her laughter. “I’m sorry, Will, but you look ridiculous. For you, I mean. I don’t think I’ve seen you in jeans”—Caty darted a glance at his feet—“tennis shoes, and a baseball cap since you were like…ten.”
These days, Will’s customary wardrobe consisted of a NASA jumpsuit or khaki slacks and a white or light blue work shirt with his name embroidered on the right pocket. Will had never cared two licks about what he wore, so Mom used to spot check him before he left the house. She checked them all, but more likely than not, Will had been the one sent back to change.
“This is what a science geek looks like in civilian clothes. Carson shopped for me.” As if an afterthought, Will gave her an awkward hug. Just as quickly, he released her.
“Love you, too,” she murmured.
“We had photogs chasing us.” Carson walked over to her front window and pulled the drapes closed. “I think we finally lost them.”
“Photogs?” Caty’s brows lifted.
Will laughed, a welcome sound, and he nodded to Carson. “Now he’s talking the press lingo.”
“Photographers?” Crossing her arms, Caty grinned. “Well, now, that’s pretty exciting, Mr. Affirmative. Time to face the facts. You’re a rock star in the scientific world. Budding scientists everywhere admire and emulate you. Not to mention you’re America’s Sexiest Astronaut. Ever.” Caty crossed her eyes at her older brother.
She loved teasing all her brothers, but Will was the easiest target. Women were attracted to the strong, silent, handsome type. Will was introspective, cerebral, and he couldn’t talk to a woman to save his life. For some reason, that made him more irresistible to the opposite sex. Half the single women in the large pipeline of Lewis family friends would drop everything for the opportunity to date bachelor Will. Not that they hadn’t tried. The fact that he didn’t date only increased his appeal.
Will scowled. “I’m guessing you saw or heard about that so-called piece of yellow journalism?”
“Yellow journalism? Wow, I haven’t heard that term in forever. I saw a lady reading the magazine in a deli downtown at lunch today and bought a copy on my way home. You can rest easy that it was a flattering article, and you looked absolutely amazing,” Caty drawled like a fawning female fan. “I wondered how they got you to smile like that.”
“They caught me at an aeronautical convention.” Will pumped his fist in the air. “Geeks, Freaks, and Nerds United.” He lowered his arm. “I had no idea they’d use that particular angle for their misguided article.”
Caty smiled. “I hope these people chasing you tonight are at least cute and female.”
“Sadly, they are not,” Carson answered for him. “They were burly with lots of facial hair.” Whipping off his hat, he smoothed one hand over his hair.
Of all her siblings, Carson looked the most like Mom with his blond hair and brown eyes. He jokingly referred to himself as the male runt of the family since he was the shortest at just shy of six feet tall. Caty always told Carson that God compensated by giving him those charming, deep dimples.
Girls loved her outgoing youngest brother, and he’d never had a problem finding a date. She’d never understand how he’d managed to get through four years of seminary without getting married somewhere along the way. Any number of the Baylor nurses he’d dated would probably have loved to walk down the matrimonial aisle beside him, but Carson was having too much fun being single.
Walking over to the front window, Caty lifted the corner of the curtains and peeked outside. Then she turned back to Will and parked her hands on her hips. “Seriously? I don’t see any photogs lurking about, but you might want to rethink driving a Mercedes with a Johnson Space Center frame and Pursuit plastered across the Texas license plate. Dead giveaway, Commander Lewis.”
“I’ve earned the right to drive that vehicle, Caty.”
“Of course, you have. That’s not my point. Tell me, Will. You can install a light bulb, right?” Perhaps that was unkind, but sometimes she wondered if Will’s common sense brain cells had gone missing.
Will snorted. “Should I get a girly car to throw them off my scent? Drive around in a yellow beetle bug like Winnie Grant used to have?”
“That was borderline sexist, but it’s nice to hear you have a sense of humor. I’m suggesting you rent another car until after the mission. Something nondescript like an old brown Buick. Maybe one with a few dings that backfires to throw people off your trail.” With a bright smile, Caty snapped her fingers. “I know! Have Sam resurrect the bomb.”
“No thanks. I’ll take my chances,” Will said. “It has nothing to do with pride.”
Carson plopped onto her sofa. “Of course not. We all know Will promised himself that fancy car as his reward for being named commander of the Pursuit mission.”
Caty smirked. “Like I said, I’m not disputing that.”
“You know my route is from Point A to Point B these days—condo to Johnson Space Center, and then in reverse. This whole thing will blow over soon enough when someone more interesting comes along.” Will consulted his absurdly expensive watch that performed untold functions. “That should happen any time now. T-minus 30 and counting.”
“Listen to this, Caty,” Carson said. “Some woman started to strip off her top at dinner the other night. Reputable restaurant, too.” He sounded shocked but more than a little impressed.
Will raised his hands. “I’m not saying a
word. Anytime you want to forget that incident is okay by me.”
Carson held up one hand to hold off Will’s protests. “Sorry, brother, but this is too good. She told Will he could explore her heavenly body anytime. It was pretty obvious she’d had a few cocktails.”
Caty shook her head. “Some people have no sense of decency. I hope that kind of thing doesn’t happen often.” She motioned to Carson. “Feet off the coffee table.”
“A few times, but I’ve learned to ignore it. Another reason I don’t go out that often. Leave it to the seminary student”—Will shot a glare at Carson—“to focus on that episode.”
“Promise this is the last time I’ll tell the story,” Carson said. “Sam and Lexa were there, but I’m glad Mom and Dad sat this one out.”
Caty grinned. “Are you kidding? Mom would love it. She’d chase the woman away from the table and give her a lecture. What did Sam do? Toss her a few Bible verses or a New Testament?”
Will chuckled. “Sam looked the other way while Lexa threw her sweater around the woman and escorted her from the table.”
“Yet another reason why I love that woman,” Caty said with an emphatic nod. “She always watches over our Lewis men. Listen, since you’re here, come into the kitchen and let’s hang out. It’s been a long time.”
Caty led the way, and they followed. “Want to watch a movie or play a game of Parcheesi?”
“You still have that game?” Will’s tone was incredulous. “I don’t think I’ve played Parcheesi since middle school.”
“You mean since the last time you wore jeans and tennis shoes? I’ve also got Battleship—we can give the ships names of space shuttles if you want—Monopoly, Scrabble, Clue, Life, plus some newer games. Name one, and I’ve probably got it. Are you hungry?”
“When am I not?” Carson gave her a sheepish grin. “Truth, Cates? We were feeling guilty for not helping you move in last weekend.”
“Likely story,” she scoffed. He was the only one that called her Cates on occasion. She rather liked it.
“It’s true. So to appease our shared guilty conscience, we came by to mooch.” Will ruffled her hair with one hand like he used to do eons ago. In a weird way, she liked that, too.
