by S. L. Horne
When Caspian fell unconscious, they lifted him onto the waves that carried his body to the shore and waited for him to return to the water.
Time had been eating away at the black rock and the sea stretched out its grasp once again, washing heavy over the sands and stone. Trees washed away and only the ones protected by the courtyard of the lighthouse remained. They grew nourished by the small stream, guided smartly by stones and into a basin for drinking and washing. Years and storms passed, climbing higher and higher up the lighthouse, threatening to claim its only occupant. Caspian willed on, standing watch in his lighthouse every day and every night. Waiting for the brother lost to him, and yet so close.
Erasmus grew weary, seeing his brother stare from the lone window. Every day and every night, Erasmus looked up the climbing height of the tower, the water slowly bringing him closer to his brother. The weather had long ago taken the small craft from the island, abandoning Caspian to his solitude. Erasmus waited for Caspian to join with the sea again, his brother who is lost from him, and yet so close.
The final stroke of the brush finishes the last of tiny details and the finely textured canvas begins to dry.
Chapter 2
The following day comes quickly, but that evening takes forever to arrive. Excitement makes the hours seem to drag on as Calista gets ready for the night's events. Locking her apartment door behind her, the crisp air of fall surrounds her, autumn leaves lay scattered on the ground of the yard and gravel parking lot. She runs down the weathered stairs and climbs into her compact car. The heat of the sun warms the inside, and she rolls down the windows to feel the chill air hit her skin as she pulls onto the road. The drive is long, but she looks forward to it as she has always felt more comfortable in solitude, more at ease and less awkward.
Calista pulls the visor down to look in the mirror, her plain eyes staring back at her, and her forever messy hair falling in whichever direction it pleases. The light brings out a red tinge to her hair when shining on her head, parts of the strands spiraling loosely, others wavy or straight. Almost to her destination now, she checks her reflection one last time and bops to the music coming from the speakers.
The traffic slows as concert workers with bright vests usher vehicles into lots with available space. People walk from their cars in cowboy boots and ridiculously fringed jackets toward a field already booming with the voice of an announcer. The bass hits awkwardly with the echo from one side of the arena to the other.
Putting her car in Park, she steps out and scans the scene for signs of where to enter. People form lines hoping to purchase last minute tickets. The atmosphere is full of excitement and tinged with alcohol. Braving her social anxiety, she chooses a line to wait in.
“Hey!” A stocky, almost short young man steps away from the line before her and looks Calista up and down. Smiling, she makes polite conversation with the handsome stranger. “You waitin’ for someone?” he asks. Calista looks at her feet and shakes her head in answer. “Well, in that case, want to join us? We have a party bus here and the more, the merrier!” She looks around hesitantly before accepting his invitation with a nod and ducking under the ropes partitioning the line.
“My name is Danny.” Placing his hand on the small of her back, he introduces her to his friends as if he knows who she is. “Robert, this is my friend…” he begins, looking at her to finish his introduction and smiles charmingly, his square chin showing a dimple in the middle.
“Calista,” she chimes in with an awkward pause. Introductions continue around the small group and they get acquainted in the line while waiting for their turn to purchase tickets.
Finally, they walk through the last set of ropes and enter the concert area where a large crop field has been mowed short and tents set up all around. A huge stage sits prominently with more than a thousand people gathered in front. Lines of still more people zigzag around food tents and makeshift beer gardens breaking up the scattering of people awaiting the music. An announcer says something, and the crowd breaks out with hoots and hollers, lifting their cups in the air or clapping their hands.
As the sun goes down, tall poles holding enormous light fixtures illuminate the stage and the main attraction finally steps up to more cheers and excitement. Calista is fresh out of an off again, on again relationship, and is still heartbroken from it. She can’t believe how much Danny reminds her of her ex. His face and voice run shivers up her spine when he sings along and grabs her hands to dance.
“Rock you strong in these arms of mine.” Drunk, Danny slurs his words but sings at the top of his lungs and for a few moments, she’s back in her ex-lover’s arms. “But tonight, I’m gonna love you like there’s no tomorrow.” Knowing better but taking the moment for what she wants it to be, she closes her eyes and lets him turn her around. He wraps his arms around her waist and together they sway to the music.
Heat fills her body, and she sings with him, dancing to the beat with a handsome man. The last song threatens to end the night and Danny reaches into Calista’s back pocket. She smiles without protest as he thumbs his number into her phone. He shifts his weight on his feet, moving his hips jokingly while he waits for her phone to finish dialing his. Laughing, he hands it back to her and winks. “Now I have your number, too.”
The confidence Danny possesses is attractive, and as Calista says goodnight to the party bus group, she decides to message him when she returns home. The night leaves a permanent smile on her face the entire drive and her own confidence is through the roof. Pulling up to her home, she climbs the long, uncovered stairs outside the house that lead to her attic apartment. Leaning against the rail, Calista swings her leg over the edge. Instead of going inside, she climbs onto the roof that covers the first story patio. Her hands grip the paint chipped wooden railing as she scoots the rest of the way onto the roof. The shingles are slightly damp, but she doesn’t mind. She pulls her hair around from her back and lies down flat. Staring up at the stars, she takes a deep breath and pulls out her phone to send a short text.
“What are you guys doing after the bus drops you off?” The moon is full and lights her face while waiting for a reply. A response comes quick and she abandons her perch to clean up inside. She sends her address and one last message. "Tell everyone BYOB.”
She paces the apartment, her social insecurities coming to the surface once again, then returns to her spot on the roof. She lays down on the slanted surface and traces the outline of constellations with her fingers to pass the time. Her mind stops racing and focuses on the moment in the sky. A shingle next to her vibrates once and the screen of her phone lights up with a message. “Here.” Smiling at the car she sees has just parked in the gravel lot next to the house, she looks down from her point of view.
A pair of boots step out from the driver's side and the man wearing them turns to lock the door. The lights of the vehicle shut off, and Calista picks up her phone to hop down onto the stairs.
“Hey. Sorry, the others totally bailed.” Danny’s teeth show in his smile and she forgets everything. “Is that all right?”
She remembers herself and stutters a response. They walk up the old wooden steps and she opens the door to go inside.
“I had a great time tonight,” Danny says. “I know you were expecting everyone else to come, too, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Would you feel better going for a walk instead?”
“I’m not uncomfortable,” she lies and looks down at the floor. “But I wouldn’t turn down a walk. It’s beautiful outside.” Relief floods her and she quickly turns to lock the door behind them.
They make their way to the local school and he gestures openly to the swing set. “Ladies first.”
“Oh, in that case, then you must.” She grabs the swing and holds it for him to sit in.
“So, you’ve got jokes!”
They swing slowly, talking deep into the night. Snow falls gently on their faces and melts as quickly as it appears. “You look like you’re about to freeze solid.�
� He shrugs off his coat and places it over her shoulders despite her protests. She can feel a blush cover her cheeks and imagines it is the only color on her frozen face.
“You’ve lived in this town your whole life?” he asks, resuming their conversation. They make their way back to her apartment. In the snowfall, the house seems suddenly far away.
“Yeah, born and raised. Not much of a town, though. I’ve been thinking about moving, but I haven’t figured out to where or why ya know?” With the heat of guilt stinging her cheeks, Calista looks over at Danny who’s wearing a simple white t-shirt and jeans. “Aren’t you cold?” she asks.
“Nah, I’m good. You gonna go to college?” He sticks his hands in his pockets and walks nonchalantly against the now bitter wind.
“I thought about it, but couldn’t get the financial aid. Maybe one day. I just need to get out of this town. I feel stuck…if that makes any sense.”
“It does, it definitely makes sense.” He holds her gaze a moment too long and she stops walking. Reaching for her face, he leans in for a kiss. Her heart flutters, realizing what is happening. Her lips, numb from the night, quiver from the heat of his. The moment ends quicker than she wants and she pulls the coat tighter, now thoughtful of everything about herself. They walk the rest of the way back to her apartment in silence, exchanging smiles and glances until they reach the door.
Unsure of what to say, but still not wanting the night to end, she gestures him to join her inside. Looking around the apartment, she knows the makeshift patio furniture in her living room will not be the most comfortable of arrangements.
“Um, I don’t have cable, but if you’re willing to watch from my laptop in the other room, we can sit on the futon instead of these?” She finds the remote on the coffee table and moves it to one of the pieces of lawn furniture. “We can take this in there and it can hold the laptop.” Danny agrees and takes the table from her hands, asking her where she wants him to set it down.
Calista takes two pillows from her bed, finds the cord to the computer, and joins him in the sparsely furnished room with the futon. She sets everything up and offers him a drink.
He responds, “Oh, that’s right, I brought beer, it’s in the car. You mind?”
“Of course not, I did say BYOB.” She slides over to let him pass and he returns to his car to fetch the alcohol. Plugging in the laptop, she finds a DVD to watch while he’s outside, and searches a closet for a blanket to lie under in the unheated room. Before the application finishes loading, Danny returns to the room and pops open his drink. Declining the offer to join him, Calista finds herself a pop from her fridge and huddles up under the blanket watching the movie start its credits.
Hinting at the start of a new day, an orange-yellow tint glows around the edges of the window in the room and through the slits of the blinds. Exhaustion overcomes her and Danny stirs. He takes his arm from behind her and lays down, patting the couch space in front of him. With the movie playing, she folds her body into his and he pulls her closer. They lay together enjoying each other’s company and sharing body heat.
A slow part of the movie drags on, and Calista feels Danny’s hand move down her side and onto her leg. She rolls to her back to look up at him and he loops his thumb into her waistband. Calista shakes her head and tries to sit up, sure she does not wish this to go any further than it has. Surprise and fear flood her world as she’s pulled back down onto the couch with force.
Chapter 3
She continues to open cupboards and empty their contents into boxes. Packing tape rips loudly from its roll as she tapes down yet another box. Marker fumes fill the room as she sits on the floor labeling her things. Her apartment is a repurposed attic and the stairs loom up at her with challenge. She carefully takes each box down to her car loading it up for carting everything to a storage unit. Calista has a friend who helps her with the futon and her bed. They work together to pack boxes into her car and the larger furniture into his truck for transportation.
She thinks about where she has grown up and made so many mistakes to scar her image. People do not forget in such a small place your shortcomings and disappointments. Rumors grow in a mill, and the phone game plays to everyone’s disadvantage. During adolescence where most of a person’s mistakes consume them, she is looking forward to a fresh start. They finish up her packing as the evening’s light fades away.
Her hands ache from the day's labors, yet she gains a sadistic satisfaction from the soreness. Knowing she can accomplish so much fills her with pride, in a sense. The lingering pain afterward lets her know she did a good job. A look back into her place sets it apart from the scattered belongings she’ll be traveling with. It even echoes when she speaks. Impersonal now, it no longer feels like her home. Five more days until she departs, and she has no bed.
Resolved, she grabs the empty and still flat cardboard boxes that adorn the spare bedroom. She piles them up neatly and evenly across the floor, the same width and length of her sleeping bag. After gathering the bag and a blanket from her car, she realizes she’s packed all her sleepwear. She folds the blanket into the shape of a pillow and slides herself into the makeshift bed. Soft music fills the void of an otherwise empty room.
She pulls the portable heater closer and her eyebrows furrow as she looks around the room, feeling like a small child camping for the first time. It’s different and strange, discomforting somehow. It’s times like this that she curses her habits of solitude. Times like this that she craves the company of another person the most; staring a long night in the face that’s so distant and merciless. Everything around her seems to drip with a raw goodbye.
It’s easy to put on a happy face and smile about the move, in many ways, she’s not faking. In others, she is shaking in her boots. Scared, uncertain, and worried about the unknown. She tries not to make excuses like her age, but the truth is: she’s nineteen and leaving her waitressing job she’s been at for almost six years now. Her apartment, her town, her home state, and her family. She’s leaving everything she knows to be familiar for a town where she knows no one. But she has never truly felt at peace in this town that raised her. She feels an urgency deep inside to find that place where she really belongs.
She shifts around uneasily on the spread out boxes, unable to get comfortable. The corrugation of the cardboard supplies little support and her sleeping bag not much cushion. Sleep comes hesitantly and she spends most of the night imprinting the outline of the ceiling in her mind. Thinking of the people she will leave behind proves a short list, and those she aspires to be like, an even shorter one. With no idea where to go next, just knowing this is not where she wants to be, the quiet inspires a new beginning.
Chapter 4
She looks in her rearview mirror, back on her town, watching the memories being swallowed up by the road. Yellow lines skip onto the mirror and out of her vision once more. The incessant whir of tires slapping the road and situationally appropriate raindrops falling to rest on her windshield fill a sad space of time in her life attended by the melodramatic stereotypical rainy night. The feeling differs from her expectations as nothing has really changed and the world keeps spinning. Few people cried when she left, not even herself, and she was proud of that. Watching her father’s eyes well up in tears did hurt, though, and hearing her mother tell her she didn’t want her to go hit deep.
A moment she had been so eagerly waiting for had finally arrived. Yet as silly as it sounds, she had expected more. Everything happened so nonchalantly.
A child’s song entertains her thoughts during the drive. It speaks to her on so many levels. The world keeps spinning round and round, round and round.
Gripping the wheel, she tries to focus on her drive. Adrenaline rushes through her body and her mind returns to an older time. Another moment in history she had shoved into a box and hidden away. She turns up the music to distract herself. Her thoughts drift away, though, no longer in her car or on the ride home, but back to her old apartment she is leaving behind.
Her face burns against the rough fabric of the futon. She stretches her mouth open to breathe but the material only allows her to gasp and struggle for air. Her limbs fight to lift her body from the couch, but he’s too heavy and leaves her breathless, her muscles burning.
Hands grip around her neck and she claws at them, her vision blurring with shocks of white and no sound comes from her throat. He removes a hand and she realizes it’s made a new purpose taking off her pants. He shifts his weight and finally, she’s able to turn her head enough to breathe.
As she tries to scream, his hand grips tighter around her neck and she feels pressure in her head throbbing and threatening to burst her skin. She feels trapped under his weight, but also in her own body, unable to escape, wanting nothing more than to slip away from reality.
“Shh. You know you want this.” His lips appear next to her ear and he talks smoothly, calmly. Sputtering sounds escape hers in response.
“Calista. It’s all right. I’m gonna take care of you, Calista.” His hand loosens around her neck and she startles when her pants rip away from her body. “Oh, Calista!” he exclaims, his voice filled with excitement.
