Maybe those words—the things I chose to believe about myself and the things I aspired to be—could be the space I carved for myself in this world, a place I could come back to over and over again, and it would always be there because it was inside me.
I say none of this out loud, and Luke and I are back to eating silently. When we’re done, we walk back out to his car. He looks like he’s deep in thought, and when we climb in, he doesn’t start the car.
He runs his hand through his hair. “I’m going to be really bad at this,” he says. “Seeing you, then going back to pretending not to know that you’re here.”
“I’ll keep my distance,” I promise, but he shakes his head.
“That’s not what I mean,” he says. “Or, rather, I don’t know what I mean, but I don’t want us to be strangers.”
I blink at him. “Let’s not be, then.”
“I’m not promising I can be your friend.” He doesn’t look at me as he speaks—as if he’s just made an awful confession.
I’m confused. Does he want me to change schools? Because that’s kind of ridiculous. It’s not like I followed him here. This is the best school in our state.
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” I say now.
“Maybe let’s not say anything,” he says. “No promises, but no bullshitting either.”
I frown. “I don’t get—”
“I want to know you,” he says. “But not as Mel’s son or Ro’s brother or an ex or a coworker.”
“That’s pretty much all the titles.”
He gives me a crooked smile. “So let’s figure out what’s left,” he says.
I think about saying no.
For all the usual excuses.
We don’t work.
We made mistakes.
I fucked everything up.
I don’t deserve to be happy.
But I stop myself and recite the words I got inked on my skin just for moments like this. For moments that matter.
Mel’s words, which would have been with me forever even if I hadn’t gotten the tattoo.
Happy, grateful, well-dressed, brave. Alive.
I am all those things, and I don’t know if there’s room for Luke Cohen somewhere in there, but I’m willing to find out.
“Okay,” I say.
He grins, starts the car, and looks over at me.
Before I know it, one hand is on my cheek, gently brushing hair off my face.
“Where’s home, J.J.?” he asks me.
“I’ll show you.”
Acknowledgments
Thank you to my wonderful editor, Emilia Rhodes, for making this book shine. Working with you has been such a pleasure!
Thank you to my amazing agent, Suzie Townsend, for championing each and every one of my books. Your passion and insight are unmatched.
Thank you to everyone at HMH who has had a hand in making this into a real live book, especially Mary Claire Cruz, who designed my beautiful cover, Helen Seachrist, Elizabeth Agyemang, Nadia Almahdi, and John Sellers. Thank you also to everyone at Team New Leaf, especially Dani Segelbaum and Pouya Shahbazian.
Thank you to my family and my friends who are family. Ruthie, for reading every draft and loving all my characters as much as I do. Esther and Grace, thank you for wanting to shout from the rooftops. Bek, for always remembering the length of forever. Cassie, thank you for teaching me to find my light! I’m still quite bad at it, but oh well! Infinite thanks to the “dream team”: Josh Woods, Karen Ng, Lydia Adebiyi, Nora Van Beek, Devin Bouchard, and Ife Hunter.
And last but not least, thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, or shared my books. I am beyond grateful!
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About the Author
Author photo by Cassandra Williams
SARAH EVERETT is the author of No One Here Is Lonely and Everyone We’ve Been. She remembers growing up in enchanted forests, on desert islands, and inside a magical wardrobe. She would only ever erase her memory of past karaoke performances and certain fashion choices. She lives in Alberta, Canada.
saraheverettbooks.com
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