by Aaron Oster
In all honesty, he’d been expecting to face a horrible monster and have the fight of his life to try and rescue this kingdom. Instead, he was greeted by a tired woman who was in this for profit and literally nothing else.
“I’m packing up my bags and going back home!” Borgana snapped, turning to look at the drooling king in disgust. “My mother and sisters will tease me to no end, but I’m sick and tired of staying here.”
“Wait, you’re just going to leave, after all you’ve done?” Emma demanded.
“I haven’t done anything!” Borgana snapped. “All I wanted to do was take over a kingdom for a few months and steal some tax money. I haven’t left the palace since I got here. Sure, the people will have some hard times, but I’m sure this moron and his moronic head knight will take care of them just fine. I, for one, am getting out before this gets any more complicated.”
“Wait, hold on!” Sam said. “None of what you’re saying is making any sense! What about the imprisoned knights, the soldiers burning down towns, and dead adventurers? What about the shutting down of the portal system and the kidnapping of the princess? Don’t you think of any of those things as ‘doing something wrong’?!”
The banshee shrugged. “A girl’s gotta eat, right?”
When neither Sam nor Emma looked convinced, she let out a long sigh.
“Look, I really don’t like fighting. How about you just let me go?”
“I thought you weren’t just going to leave,” Emma said.
“Yeah, well, I changed my mind,” Borgana said, walking behind the throne and dragging a heavy-looking sack out from behind. “I’m sick and tired of this place, and I just wanna go home.”
“Yeah, we can’t let you do that,” Sam said. “We have a quest to kill you.”
Much as he hated himself for saying so, he knew that they had little choice.
“So?” Borgana asked, shoving the massive sack into a bag the size of a standard purse back on Earth. “Just lie and say you killed me. I won’t be here.”
“But if you ever come back, we’ll have an entire kingdom out for our heads. Not to mention the guild,” Emma said.
Borgana let out a long sigh, then said in a bored voice, “I swear in the name of the Supreme Overlord to never step foot in the Four Kingdoms again. There. Are you happy?”
“Um…no?” Sam said, not really sure what had just happened.
“The banshee has made an oath in the name of our Illustrious Overlord,” Gordon said, choosing that moment to cut in. “That means that should she break her oath, an Inquirer will appear and obliterate her on the spot.”
“Oh…um…okay, then,” Sam said. “I guess you can…go?”
The enchantress relaxed at that, letting out a long sigh.
“Great. Everyone’s enchantments will wear off in about ten minutes. Everyone under my spell will have no recollection of what occurred in the time since I took over. The princess is locked in the highest room of the tallest tower. Now, if you will excuse me, I hope to never see your kind again.”
There was a flash of bright light, and Borgana was simply gone.
44
“What the actual fuck just happened?” Sam asked, staring at the empty spot once occupied by the greatest threat the East Kingdom had ever seen.
“No fucking clue,” Emma replied, sitting down on the lowest step of the dais. “Are you sure it was a good idea to let her go?”
“Why not?” Sam replied, sitting down next to her. “It’s not like we owe any of them anything. The enchantress left of her own free will and promised never to come back here. In my book, that’s as good as we’ll get.”
“But what about all the people she hurt, or the morality of the situation?”
“Fuck morality. We’re stuck in a trope-filled fantasy world that’s been trying to kill us since day one. I’ll look out for myself, and if there’s an easy way to end a major conflict, I’ll take it.”
Emma stayed silent at that, and Sam leaned back, looking to the still drooling and dumbstruck king. It shouldn’t be long until he snapped out of it, so Sam took the opportunity to give the king a once-over.
HUMAN
Name: Ahr Thurr Pendrackon
Gender: Male
Class: King-Steel-Rampant-Warrior
Level: 65 - HP: 6,100/6,100 - MP: 5,100/5,100 - STA: 5,800/5,800
Status: Enchanted
Greatest Threat: Unknown
Highest Attribute: ???
“Holy shit!” Sam exclaimed as he closed his status.
“What?” Emma asked.
“The king! He’s a fucking beast!”
Emma examined the stupefied man and balked.
“I can’t read anything other than his name and Class. How powerful could he be?!”
“He’s level 65, and all his main attributes are well over 500!”
“Indeed,” Gordon said. “The ruler of any country must be able to protect his people. So, that is about average for a ruler.”
“Makes you wonder how Borgana was able to get the jump on someone like that,” Emma muttered.
“One of the great mysteries of our world,” Gordon said with a sigh.
“Not much of a mystery if you ask me,” Sam replied. “Last I checked, Borgana was a banshee and her description stated that her race specialized in enchanting. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that she was able to twist so many powerful people to her will.”
“No, it does not make sense,” Gordon replied with a huff. “Enchantress or not, one would need an extremely powerful artifact to gain such control over so many high-level individuals.”
“A problem for another time, then,” Sam said as he waved off the dog’s concern.
“Excuse me, who are you, and what are you doing in my throne room?”
They all turned as a deep voice, tinged with confusion, called to them from above. It seemed the king was finally awake. Before they could answer, there was a massive boom from outside, and the doors crashed open. Spearlittle marched in, his head held high.
“It is I, your majesty, your faithful knight, Sir Spearlittle, who successfully defeated the enchantress and drove her from your kingdom!”
“Don’t listen to him, sire!” called out a voice from the other room. “He’s off his medicine again, and I fear that he may have been seeing things!”
Ahr Thurr looked around, now even more confused, as four knights with dented armor marched in and tried to restrain Spearlittle.
“Do not listen to these traitors, your majesty. Their minds were twisted by a foul enchantress. But I, the noble Sir Spearlittle, saved this kingdom! Huz…!” The man’s last word was cut off as the guards finally managed to tackle him to the ground and pin him there.
“For the love of all that is holy, stop!” Ahr Thurr yelled as Spearlittle bit one of the knight’s hands.
Everyone froze in place as the king’s voice echoed through the room. He clutched at his head, groaning in pain.
“Someone fetch me the doctor. I have a splitting headache. And someone get me my daughter, I’m sure she can clear all of this up.”
“Alas, the fair princess has been snatched by fiends! Taken by the witch, forever lost…”
“She’s in the highest room of the tallest tower,” Emma cut in.
“Whatever is she doing up there?” asked the king, sounding surprised.
“Just have her brought down here, and she’ll explain everything,” Sam replied.
“Oh, and Spearlittle, our quest is complete, right?”
Spearlittle struggled for a moment more, before finally surrendering to the strength of the four knights holding him down.
“Indeed, brave adventurers. You have completed my quest to vanquish evil! However, you will need the princess to acknowledge that as well.”
“I really hate that guy,” Sam muttered.
“Triss Tain, go check and see if Willow is indeed locked where these strangers say she is. If they are telling the truth and Spearlittle’s nonsense is to
be believed, then it seems we may be indebted to them.
“We can wait,” Sam said, sitting back against the step.
A small chime sounded in his ears, and a message popped up as soon as the king nodded.
DIVINE BOON
You have kept today’s rule and have been granted a divine boon!
Effect: Sage level Lie skill
Duration: H 1 : M 59 : S 59
It seemed that the Overlord was giving him a hand. A boon appropriate to the situation had been granted, ensuring that he and his group would come out of this alive and with all of their rewards.
Willow was brought in some twenty minutes later, looked disheveled and malnourished. As soon as the princess saw her father, she made a mad dash toward him. Ahr Thurr, seeing the state his daughter was in, stood from his throne and rushed to her. They met in the center of the throne room in a crushing embrace, the princess openly bawling as her father tried to console her.
In between shuddering gasps, she relayed her story to the king. She told him all about how she’d run away after the enchantress had shown up, reaching the West Kingdom and being rescued by a pair of adventurers, until she was kidnapped by a strange man with green skin and hauled back here to be locked up.
Spearlittle was released then and relayed his part of the story. It was, of course, riddled with contradictions and lies, but at least some of it was true. Sam and Emma then relayed their stories, Emma being careful to allow Sam to do most of the talking where being less than truthful was involved.
Finally, when the last story had been told, the king’s head dipped, and a sorrowful expression crossed his features.
“This kingdom has suffered so much at the hands of this witch, and no one even knows it. On the one hand, I mourn the fact that my subjects believe me to be such a horrible king. But on the other, I am grateful that at least their faith in my strength has not vanished. I will ask all who are in here now to keep what they know a secret.”
The princess and knights all nodded, agreeing to the king’s wishes.
“As for you,” he continued, turning to Sam’s group. “I cannot order your silence, as you are not subjects of my kingdom. I will, however, ask that you keep this to yourselves. Knowledge such as this can incite wars between nations, and something like that would be far more damaging to the people than raised taxes or burned homes.”
“All we want are our rewards,” Sam said. “After that, we’ll be on our way. Now that the enchantress is dead, the portals should be functioning as before. So, we’ll be heading back west.”
The king nodded, then turned to Spearlittle, who was no longer being held down.
“Take them to the treasury for their rewards, Sir Spearlittle, them return here for further orders.”
The knight saluted, looking very proud and pompous, but when he began strutting towards the door, the group didn’t follow him.
“We need the princess to confirm that the quest has been completed,” Sam said.
“Ah, of course,” Willow said, extricating herself from her father’s embrace.
She curtsied as best she could, dipping as low as she could manage.
“You have adequately met the requirements of the quest, and I consider it completed.”
QUEST COMPLETE
Congratulations! You have completed the quest: Enchanted Kingdom
Rewards: 150,000 XP, 1 Soul-Forged Item, 1 Master Spell Scroll, 20 Electrum coins, 1 1LB Bar of Orichalcum
Sam nearly staggered at the massive amount of XP that he’d gained in that single moment. It wasn’t enough to push him to the next level, but it got him very close! As soon as the princess thanked them, she turned back to her father and promptly ignored them. Sam would have been annoyed at their lack of gratitude, but he was too excited about the coming loot to be angry.
“Well, I can’t say it’s been a pleasure,” Sam said as he rose to follow Spearlittle.
“It has been quite the experience, though. Would you not say?” Gordon said as he trotted alongside Sam.
“A bit anticlimactic for my tastes, but at least we’re alive,” he replied.
“Don’t you think the treasury will be empty?” Emma asked in an undertone. “After all, that banshee was here to steal money.”
“It’s probably fine,” Sam replied. “If she’d been able to break into this kingdom’s vault, I doubt she’d have gone through all the trouble of raising taxes and slowly draining the country of its resources.”
Spearlittle was suddenly between them, wrapping an arm around each of their shoulders.
“We have done it! The kingdom is free, the fair princess safe, and all is as it should be. Now, come! To the treasure room, we go! Huzzah!”
45
As it turned out, Sam had been correct about the difficulty of getting into the treasury. They stopped outside a massive round vault door that was practically humming with magic.
“The vault requires express permission from the king to open, though it is up to the fair guardian to decide if one is allowed entrance,” Spearlittle said as he banged on the door.
“The fuck do you want?” called out a voice from within.
“Holy shit,” Sam muttered as a transparent woman about a foot tall came floating through the door a moment later.
“Huzzah! `Tis the fair Lady of the Vault! We have come here on the king’s orders to award these intrepid heroes for their valor!”
“Fuck you! You don’t own me!” the tiny woman snapped, turning back to the vault.
“Wait!” Sam called, panicked at the sight of the guardian leaving. “We were promised rewards by the king! We completed a quest. You can’t just leave!”
“Watch me, bitch!” said the woman, blowing a raspberry.
A moment later, she vanished into the safe, leaving them all dumbfounded.
“Do we…go back to the king now?” Emma asked uncertainly.
“No need to worry,” Spearlittle said, banging on the door once again. “Come now, oh great Lady of the Vault. Do not make a liar of your king!”
“The king’s under the control of some banshee! I’m not giving you a single copper!”
“The villain has been defeated!” Spearlittle proclaimed grandly.
The small woman’s head popped out a moment later, a look of surprise on her face.
“Oh. Why didn’t you just say so?”
The door swung open without further preamble, revealing a room shining so brightly that it nearly blinded them all.
“What rewards did the king promise?” the vault lady asked Spearlittle as he walked in.
“It was that easy?” Sam wondered.
“There’s gotta be more to it,” Emma said, though she seemed uncertain as well.
“How about we just follow them in and get our shit,” Sam said, stepping over the small lip and entering the shiny vault. “We can talk about the crackpots running this kingdom when we’re gone.”
Emma shrugged, not seeming to care either way, and followed as well.
“Alright,” the small woman said, popping up right in front of them as soon as they stepped in. “The walking tower of moron just filled me in on what you’ve earned.”
There were a series of clunks as a few items materialized from thin air and fell at their feet. Looking down, Sam saw two shining bars of green metal streaked with dots of blue and orange. It was the most beautiful metal he’d ever seen. His Inspect skill wasn’t even needed to tell him that those bars were orichalcum. Next to each bar was a small cloth sack, stuffed with the shining white-gold colored coins.
“Those are the monetary rewards,” the woman said, giving them each a once over. “And here are your personalized ones.”
A scroll and an item dropped onto the ground, falling atop the orichalcum and coins.
“There, now you’ve got your shit. You can leave now!”
Sam didn’t really feel like arguing with the woman, so he stooped down, scooping up the small pile of items, and he headed right out of the room. Em
ma followed suit, though her pile was a bit bulkier. Sam hadn’t even seen the Soul-Forged item he’d been given, as it was in a dark wooden box. Whatever it was, he was sure he’d like it.
Spearlittle exited the vault with them, calling to the Lady of the Vault that he’d be back soon. In response, the door slammed shut in his face.
“Well then, intrepid adventurers, where shall we go next?”
“You are going to stay here,” Sam said, gesturing the to palace. “And we,” he continued, motioning to their group as a whole, “will never see you again.”
“A tearful farewell it is, then!” Spearlittle said, wiping away an imaginary tear. “Whatever happens, always remember the Legend of Sir Spearlittle! A hero of such renown, he singlehandedly saved the kingdom from a vile enchantress.”
“Yeah, maybe wait to tell that story until after the people who actually did it leave?” Sam said, patting the idiotic knight on the shoulder.
“You’re back!” Spearlittle said. “Oh, my friends, how I’ve missed you so!”
Sam and Emma shared an incredulous look, wondering if the knight had serious mental issues or if he was just that stupid.
“I’ve had enough of this shit to last a lifetime,” Sam said as he turned away from the moron. “I say we go find an inn and finally get some rest and relaxation.”
“I am in full agreement,” Gordon said, turning to follow Sam.
“Vacation, here we come!” Emma said, pumping her fist in the air.
“I’m still part of this group, right?” Barry asked.
“Until we meet again, my friends. May good fortune be upon thee! Huzzah!”
***
Sam sat back with a content sigh, dropping his spoon into the now-empty bowl of stew. Emma sat across from him, still eating, while their companions lounged around. Gordon was chewing on a bone, and Barry had a piece of dried mango. It was early evening and the four of them were enjoying a meal at a local inn before heading back to the city of Shtut in the West Kingdom.
