by Katie Ashley
Megan followed behind Kristi as she went to poke her head in to the registration area. “Hey Janet, could you not call anyone else back? We’re getting swamped.”
Janet shook her head. “It’s just as crazy out in the waiting room. Like we’re almost overflowing.”
Kristi rolled her eyes. “Fabulous. It’s probably another full moon, which makes things absolutely insane.” She turned back to Megan. “Listen, since we’re so swamped, can you take the man in exam B?”
Megan couldn’t help her eyes from widening. “Really? On my own?”
Kristi smiled before patting Megan’s hand. “I’ve seen you in action the last week. I have faith in you.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
“I’m positive.”
Megan couldn’t contain her smile. “Thank you.”
Taking her iPad, she flipped open the registration details on the patient awaiting her. When she pushed open the door, she eyed the man on the examining table. “Good evening Mr. Robertson, I’m Megan. What—” Before she could even get out the standard “What seems to be the problem?” question, the man started shaking his head furiously. “No, no. I won’t let you examine me. I want a doctor. A male doctor. You understand?”
“Sir, I understand, but I have to follow protocol, which is to ascertain your issues before the doctor comes in. I see on the chart that you’re experiencing some abdominal swelling?”
He refused to meet her eye. Instead, he gazed over at the wall before holding up one finger to her. “I meant what I said. I demand to see a male doctor.”
“Yes, but we’re very backed up this afternoon. I’m not sure how long it will be before you are able to see a doctor, least of all a male doctor.” When it appeared the man’s resolve was fading a little, Megan took a tentative step forward. “Please, if you would just let me take a look at your abdomen.”
“It isn’t my stomach,” he mumbled.
“Then what is it?” When he didn’t respond, she sighed with frustration. “Mr. Robertson, you cannot ignore abdominal swelling. It can stem from many issues and have many repercussions.”
He shifted uncomfortably on the table. Just when she thought she was making headway with him, he threw his head back and began screaming at the top of his lungs. “GET ME A MALE DOCTOR!”
Megan rolled her eyes. The first time she had the chance to see a patient on her own, and he had to be a stark raving lunatic. Refusing to give into him or accept defeat, she stalked over to him. She was going to exam his sexist ass if it was the last thing she did. “Keep screaming, and I’ll call security,” she warned before snatching the sheet off him.
His screams cut off to a shriek as he clawed for the sheet, but the damage was done. She had seen more than enough.
“Oh. My. God,” she murmured. She gazed wide-eyed and open-mouthed at what had to be the poster child picture to go along with the warning labels on Viagra and Cialis for four-hour erections. “That’s going to have to be aspirated.”
“Excuse me?” he demanded.
She cocked her head at him. “The excessive blood in your penis?” He nodded. “It’s not just going to go away on its own. It has to be aspirated, which means drained out.”
Mr. Robertson swallowed hard. “Like with a needle?”
“Yes, with a very large needle.” When he started to protest, she brought her hand up. “Lucky for you, I cannot do the procedure—it is to be handled strictly by a doctor.”
“A male?”
“If it came to your penis exploding from the pressure by waiting for a male doctor, would you seriously be that picky?” His blue eyes widened in horror. “Yeah, I thought so. I’ll be back.”
When she whirled out of the room, she ran right into the last person she wanted to have to deal with at the moment.
“I’m so sorry. Are you all right?” Pesh asked.
“I’m fine.”
He smiled down at her. “Doing some patient evaluations on your own? That’s wonderful.”
“Um, well, yes and no.”
His brows knitted in concern. “What’s wrong?”
She couldn’t imagine telling Pesh about Mr. Robertson’s condition. The last thing she was going to do was refer the case to him. Draining an engorged penis should be left to the interns, not an attending physician. “Oh, it’s nothing. He’s just a little demanding.”
At that moment, the door to the exam room flew open. Mr. Robertson stood hunched over, his legs an almost painful distance apart. He took one look at Pesh and his white coat, and he lunged at him. “Help me. Please!”
Although it was strictly against the nursing code, she would have loved nothing more than to have throttled Mr. Robertson right then and there. Pesh grasped Mr. Robertson’s hands on his coat and pulled them down. “Sir, you need to get back inside. As unsteady as you are, you certainly do not need to be on your feet.”
As Pesh led Mr. Robertson back to the examining table, Megan reluctantly followed them inside the room and closed the door.
“What seems to be the problem?”
Mr. Robertson glanced from Pesh to Megan and then back to Pesh. With a sheepish expression, he replied. “Um, I seem to be having some lower abdominal swelling.”
Megan had to fight from rolling her eyes. She stepped between Pesh and Mr. Robertson and looked Pesh full on in the eye. “While the patient refuses to acknowledge his condition, it appears after examination that he has an extreme priapism.”
At the word, color flooded into Pesh’s tan cheeks, and he broke eye contact to momentarily stare down at the floor. His reaction was exactly what Megan had feared she would experience in the moment. She had hardly imagined his level of professionalism would allow him to be embarrassed about a medical condition. But of course, their past interactions made anything of the sexual kind a little more mortifying than if she was dealing with one of the male interns.
It took Pesh only a few seconds to recover, and then he immediately turned his attention to Mr. Robertson. “Did you take any erectile dysfunction medication in the last four to six hours?” When Mr. Robertson started to look at Megan, Pesh shook his head. “My nurse will stay with me through the duration of your care. So I will repeat once again, did you take any medication?”
“Cialis.”
“How many milligrams?” When Mr. Robertson shrugged, Pesh demanded, “Are you being purposefully evasive, or do you not know?”
“I don’t know, okay? I got it off a buddy of mine.”
“Do you normally take medication that isn’t prescribed to you?”
“I just wanted to try it out.”
Pesh glanced over at Megan. “I’m going to ask for a full blood work-up. Who knows what else he might’ve taken.”
Megan nodded and punched in the code on the electronic chart to get a member of the Phlebotomy team up to draw the blood. After going over to the dispenser, Pesh slid a pair of rubber gloves on. “I’m going to have to examine you now.”
With a resigned huff, Mr. Robertson threw the sheet back. Megan bit down on her lip to keep from laughing at the expression on Pesh’s face. She was pretty sure he hadn’t had to deal with a lot of penises that resembled enormous eggplants in his career. Of course, her amusement quickly faded when she realized how awkward it was being in the room with him while he held another man’s penis in his hand.
She tried busying herself with the electronic chart in front of her. She wanted to do anything but look at the scene unfolding before her. Once Pesh finished that part of the exam, Mr. Robertson eased back down on the examining table, and Pesh once again eyed the eggplant-colored penis.
“Precisely how long have you had the erection?”
“Five and a half hours.”
“There doesn’t appear to be any artery rupture, so we won’t need to perform surgery. I think the quickest form of treatment, as well as the least invasive, would be to try an injection to narrow the veins and reduce the blood flow to your penis. That should reduce the swelling.”
“In the penis, of course.”
With a gulp, Mr. Robertson replied, “Fine. Do it.”
Pesh nodded. “Can you grab a syringe of alpha-agonist please?”
“Sure,” Megan replied. She gladly retreated from the room to head to the medicine closet. After checking the syringe dosage, she reluctantly returned to Mr. Robertson’s room.
“Thank you,” Pesh said, as he took the medication from her. She watched with mild disgust, as well as fascination, as he took Mr. Robertson’s penis in his hand. “Take a deep breath,” he instructed.
The moment the needle pricked the skin, Mr. Robertson howled uncontrollably. Megan couldn’t help rolling her eyes at what a complete pansy he was being about the pain. Once Pesh finished, he dropped the empty syringe in the biohazard container and then glanced back at Mr. Robertson. “If the swelling hasn’t begun to dissipate in the next ten to fifteen minutes, we’re going to have to take another course of action.”
“What’s that?” Mr. Robertson questioned, with a grimace.
“Aspirating the penis of the blood.”
Mr. Robertson paled considerably. “Oh God, she mentioned that.” He said the word she like Megan was a swarm of locust.
Pesh turned to smile at Megan. “Then she made a good call.” He then eyed his pager that was going off. “Keep an eye on him. I’ll be back in fifteen.”
“Okay, I will.”
Time ticked by agonizingly slow as she worked on charts and kept an eye on Mr. Robertson. Every few minutes, he was lifting up the sheet to eye his erection. Each time he grimaced, Megan imagined that the shot wasn’t working and the swelling hadn’t gone down. When Pesh entered the room again, he glanced from her to Mr. Robertson. “So how are we doing?”
She shook her head. “No change.”
“I see.” He went over to a drawer and searched through it before producing a very large syringe with a very thick needle. “I’m sorry, Mr. Robertson, but it looks like this is our only choice.”
Mr. Robertson seemed speechless for the first time all night. “Ms. McKenzie, can I get you to assist me?” Pesh asked.
“Of course.”
“I need you to help restrain him. I need him to be as still as possible.”
Megan fought the urge to roll her eyes at his suggestion. Mr. Robertson had to outweigh her by a hundred pounds, not to mention that when pain got your adrenaline pumping, you were even stronger. But she did as she was told.
As Pesh brought the needle to Mr. Robertson’s penis, she gripped her hands tight into his shoulders. When the needle pierced the skin, it took everything within her to keep him on the table. Gritting her teeth, she held her ground. Finally, when the last of the blood had been withdrawn, she was able to loosen her grip.
Pesh tossed the syringe into the biohazard container and then turned around. “I advise you take some Ibuprofen for both the pain and for the anti-inflammatory benefits. I would also do a round or two of using an ice pack on your crotch. It would be my strongest advice that you never take anymore erectile dysfunction medication until you actually need it.”
“Whatever,” Mr. Robertson croaked, collapsing back onto the table.
“Give him about thirty minutes, and then he needs to head on home. We’ll need the exam room,” Pesh instructed.
“Okay, I will.”
He gave her a quick smile before exiting the room. After thirty minutes, she saw Mr. Robertson to the door of the ER. As he staggered into the waiting room, she shook her head.
“Megan,” Kristi called.
“Yes?”
“Go ahead and take your dinner break now.”
“Are you sure? I mean, I can work through it since we’re so busy.”
Kristi shook her head. “We’re fine. Besides, you’re going to need all your strength. Things are probably going to get even crazier after the sun goes down.”
Megan tried not to appear horrified at the prospect. Instead, she ducked into the break room to grab her purse. When she came out, Pesh was waiting for her. “Where are you going?”
“Oh, it’s my dinner break.”
Pesh gave an impish smile. “How fortunate. It’s mine as well.”
Realizing what he was intending, she slowly shook her head back and forth. “No dates.”
After crossing his arms over his chest, Pesh asked, “And how would it be a date if we happened to go to the cafeteria at the same time and sit at the same table?”
“You’re pushing it, and you know it.”
“After what we both just endured, how can you deny me the pleasure of buying your dinner?” A teasing twinkle flashed in his dark eyes—one she wasn’t used to seeing on him. For some reason, she found it completely irresistible. “Besides, how can I possibly have romance on my mind when I just held another man’s penis in my hands?”
Her eyes widened in shock at his words. “D-Did you actually just say that?”
“Yes, I believe I did.”
She shook her head. “I can’t believe you sometimes.”
“Don’t try to pin me as one thing or the other. Just take me as I am,” Pesh suggested.
“I’ll try.” As they started to the elevator, Megan chewed her lip with unease. Turning to Pesh she asked, “What will people say if they see the two of us together?”
“That we’re two single people having dinner,” he replied.
“You’re a physician, and I’m a clinical student. Couldn’t I get in trouble?”
“Doctors and nurses often have dinner together on their breaks. The cafeteria is a pretty inconspicuous place for us to be alone together. If someone came upon us in one of the medicine rooms or an empty patient room, then we might have a problem.”
“If you say so,” she mumbled, as he punched the down button on the elevator.
After they stepped on the car, Pesh eyed her. “You really are worried, aren’t you?”
She nodded. “My career means everything to me. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize it.”
“Then I’ll make sure we don’t sit by ourselves.”
“Thank you. I really appreciate that.”
As the car started its decent down, Pesh threw his head back and exhaled a long breath. “Well, that was…”
Megan grinned at him. “The good doctor seems speechless. Surely in all your years in the ER, you’ve seen crazier or more mortifying cases.”
He cocked his head, appearing thoughtful. “A screwdriver lodged in a rectum is probably the tamest.”
“The tamest?” Megan questioned incredulously, as the elevator door dinged open.
Pesh laughed. “A man high on meth walking into the ER with his penis in his hand is probably the craziest.”
Megan’s hand swept over her mouth. “He actually cut off his…” She gazed around to make sure no one was listening to their conversation.
“Is the good nurse speechless?” he teased.
She rolled her eyes at him. “So what happened?”
“We got him sedated and into surgery as soon as we could. I heard they were able to sew it back on. I’m not aware of whether or not it was ever…fully functional again.”
“That is crazy.”
“I know.”
Pesh handed her a food tray. As they surmised their choices, Megan asked, “Was that your standard line of questioning in a situation like that?”
“I think we’ve established that I haven’t been privy to many priapism cases, but yes, any time there is an issue with the penis that is not related to the urethra or bladder, you would ask those questions.” After the food service worker gave them both an odd look, Pesh looked pointedly at her. “Why do you ask?”
She shrugged. “Just to be prepared for the next time.”
He cocked his brows at her. “Do you want to practice your line of questioning? You know, show me what you’ve learned?”
“Let’s get our food fir
st, shall we?”
“Okay.”
After deciding that the grilled chicken salad was about the most appealing item in the food line, she grabbed a drink and some of the freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Just as she inched up to pay, Pesh put his tray next to hers. He had chosen some kind of stir-fry that didn’t look appetizing to Megan. When she dug in her purse for her wallet, he handed a twenty to the cashier.
As he took his change, she shot him a look. “What?” he asked.
“You buying my dinner doesn’t look very innocent,” she hissed, as they started toward the tables.
Pesh shook his head with a smile. “I highly doubt she’s keeping the gossip mill going on how Dr. Nadeen bought the lovely new clinical student a salad.”
“You never know,” Megan countered. Trailing Pesh, she watched as he made his way over to a table filled with doctors and nurses. While the bottom half was filled with people, the top was practically empty.
“Mind if we take these seats?” Pesh asked.
“Go right ahead, Nadeen,” a bushy haired doctor replied.
“We’re expecting a few more to join us,” he said, before covertly winking at Megan.
“You play a good game,” she said, softly.
“Thank you.”
She’d just finished drizzling dressing over her salad when Pesh said, “Ready to prove yourself?”
“Are we really going to talk about this while we eat?”
“You’ll learn that most lunches and dinners are spent either reviewing cases or getting input on cases.”
“Fine then.” Putting on a professional air, she asked, “Have you taken any erectile dysfunction medication?”
After swallowing a bite of stir-fry, he replied, “No, never.”
“Do you have trouble obtaining an erection?”
The twinkle returned to his eyes. “I would think you wouldn’t need to ask that question after our previous encounter.”
A shiver went down her spine as she remembered her core rubbing against the hardened ridge in his pants. “Considering it is unlikely that I would have any previous knowledge of the patient, just answer the question.”
He gave her a sly smile. “No, never.”
“Do you have trouble maintaining an erection?”
