“Stop it!” Biz snapped the picture out of Doreen’s hand and slammed it onto the desk. She took her cousin by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. Was the old Doreen in there somewhere? Surely she hadn’t completely evaporated. “You have to stop this. Right now.” She pulled Doreen over to an empty part of the room and pushed her down to her knees. She collapsed beside her on the concrete floor, and gripping both of Doreen’s hands with her own, she bowed her head.
“What are you doing? Let go of me!”
“Uh, hello? Um, God? This is . . .” Biz had never prayed in her life. She was an intellectual, she believed in science and logic. But there was nothing logical or scientific about what had happened to Doreen. And they had to appeal to whoever was in charge. It was their only hope. “Elizabeth Gibbons-Brown. And this is my cousin, Doreen Gray. She’s sorry. She’s so, so sorry.”
“Let go of me, I said!” Doreen pushed Biz away as hard as she could, knocking her to the ground, and stood up. She wiped the grit off her bare knees. “Ugh! I should never have told you. This was a mistake. How could I have been so stupid! Let go!” Biz had launched herself over to Doreen and held her by the ankles. Doreen kicked her away with her rubber boot.
“Dorie!” Biz hunched on the floor, sobbing. “Please! PLEASE! We have to save you! We have to put an end to this.” Biz grasped her hands together and looked up. “She’s a good person. She’s had a hard life. Please, forgive her! Doreen, ask. Ask for forgiveness.”
“No!”
“Ask! Ask and you shall receive, right?”
“Receive what? My old life back? No, thank you. I had nothing—NOTHING! Hardship. Vicious bullies, poverty. You don’t know what I’ve endured. Indiana? That was a life for suckers! I want this life! I want this glorious, perfect, delectable life—the life reserved for beautiful people. I don’t care what happens to that damned picture.”
“But it’s not the picture that’s damned, Doreen. It’s you!”
Biz prayed fast and hard, her hands gripped together, her eyes closed tightly, eyeliner streaming down her face.
“And now you’re going to tell everyone. I should never have brought you down here. I should have just ignored you. Oh, what difference would it have made? Damn. Damn!”
“She didn’t mean any of it, you see? She’s not a monster. She’s kind. She’s sweet. She loves classical music and dancing and making gardens in the backyard.”
“Oh, shut up, won’t you? I’m trying to think!”
“She loves making mosaics out of pieces of broken china.”
“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”
“She’s a good person on the inside. She’s just lost her way a little bit.”
“Quiet!” Doreen picked up the heavy flashlight and hurled it at Biz. It hit her hard on the head and she collapsed. Silence.
“Biz?” Doreen breathed hard. The body on the floor did not move. “Bizzy?” She crept over to her cousin and turned her onto her back. She put her two fingers to her neck, feeling for a pulse. Calmly, she stood up. Her mind was whirring, working out an idea. Everything would be okay! It would all work out in the end.
Well, not for Biz.
“Serves you right!” Doreen left Biz on the floor of the janitor’s office and ran toward the stairwell and then—thinking again—came back and snatched the photo from the desk. Then she ran and ran and ran until she got to her room. She kicked off the rubber boots. She picked through the mess on the floor, finding an ugly, old flowered nightgown, a gift from her grandmother. Discarding the satin robe, the sexy underwear, she pulled the nightgown over her head. Her phone was on her bedside table. She worked up some tears before dialing.
She watched her face in the mirror. Innocent, frightened Doreen Gray. A damsel in distress. She played the part perfectly.
“Daddy? Are you awake? Daddy? Something terrible’s happened. Can you come? I need you to come to my room right away. You’re going to have to call Dean Crotchett. Daddy, I’m scared!”
The photo was there, on her bed. She slipped it into a drawer in her nightstand. She waited for the men to come save her.
Heidi awoke with a jolt. Today was the day she would tell her secret! Doreen and Peter and Biz, too (why not?)—everyone would come find out the full story of her life and she could stop hiding behind lies and half-truths. She jumped out of bed. She heard birds. Birds! Could it be spring? When had spring happened? Racing over to the window, she saw a sky that twinkled with possibility.
“Bizzy! Look out at the quad! It’s gorgeous out.” But her roommate was not in her bed. It must be later than she thought, what time was it? Oh, what did it matter? All was new! Soon she would be free!
With Biz gone, Peter would have to be first. That was better, anyway. After all, Peter had gotten her started on her path toward truth. She had revealed her real self to him and he loved her for it. How beautiful life could be when one lived it honestly! Roland created her persona and made her worship it like an idol. Then Peter came along with a baseball bat and shattered it into a million pieces. Peter would love her no matter what. The conversation with Doreen would be more complicated, but she would think of that later. She picked up her phone.
“Hello?”
“Peter! Hi! Did I wake you?”
“Oh . . . Look, Heidi, you’re going to be fine, okay?”
“Of course I am! Never better.” A robin hopped up the stairs to the library. “And I wanted to talk to you about something. I’ve, you know, there’s some stuff in my past—ugly stuff that has been holding me back. Wow, this is harder than I thought. Hm. Can we talk in person? I know you were just here, but would you mind? It’s really important. And I promise to make it worth your while.”
“Wait. Hold on, just wait a second. So Biz didn’t tell you?”
“Biz? Tell me what? I—she’s not here. I haven’t seen her.” Something in his tone made her heart slow down and sink toward her middle.
“Shit, okay. Well, let’s do this now. Heidi, it’s over. We’re done. There. Okay? The end.”
“Wait. What?”
“You and me. We’re finished. I’m with Doreen now.”
“You’re with . . . Doreen Gray? But that’s not possible.”
“Yes. It started a while ago, when she was here in Boston. I came to keep her company—as a favor to you, actually. But then, I don’t know, we have a special kind of connection. I know you fancy yourself . . . well, anyway, it’s over. And that’s all there is to it.”
“No. No, that’s not, Doreen wouldn’t—”
“Good-bye, Heidi. Lose this number, okay?”
“No! I . . . Hello? Hello? Peter?”
The silence in the room rang like a scream in Heidi’s ears. So that was what she’d sensed before. She thought she was keeping a secret from Doreen, but it had been the other way around. And Heidi knew it, too. Hadn’t she felt it ever since she got back from Boston? She was sure Roland had ratted her out, but it was Doreen’s guilt about Peter that made her cagey. They had lied to her. Lied! Heidi thought they were her friends, that they would help her live a new, honest life.
But now she was alone. She had no Peter, no Doreen. She didn’t even have her position at the top of the Chandler food chain. Doreen had taken that, too. She took Chandler and Roland and Peter and left her to rot. How could she let this happen? Why did she make herself so vulnerable? She thought she could have it all. So naïve! As if she was somebody instead of nobody with nothing nothing nothing nothing.
Heidi broke down into sobs. She cried for everything she’d lost. Never in her life had she felt so empty. There was only one person in the world she could trust, and that was Biz. She hoped she would get home soon. She would tell it all to Biz, who was so good and righteous and supportive.
Keys scraped in the door.
“Biz? Oh, thank god!” She threw the door wide, but it wasn’t Biz. It was
Mumzy, Gloria Gibbons-Brown. Perfectly coiffed and made up, she looked haggard nonetheless, like she’d been up all night.
“No. It’s not, I’m afraid it’s not Elizabeth, no. I—I’ve come for her things.”
“Her things?”
Mumzy crossed the common room and entered the bedroom.
Wiping her face on the edge of her tank top, Heidi followed close behind. “What is going on?”
“Luggage? Under the bed, right?” In her heels and skirt Gloria got down on her knees and pulled out a duffel bag and a wheeled trunk. Using the bed to hoist herself up, she turned to the closet. “I suppose I’ll start with the clothes.” She passed her fingers along the dresses, blouses, skirts. “Lovely, aren’t they?” Mumzy pulled out a bloodred, dip-dyed silk scarf. She wrapped it around her neck.
“We bought this in Paris. Roland bought it, I think.” In the mirror, she looked at herself, then pulled the scarf off and rubbed the silk against her cheek. “Of course, Biz never gave a hoot about any of this. All she wanted was books and art stuff. Cameras and drawing pads. Well, never mind. Do you want this stuff? It’s yours. Take it if you want it.” She let the scarf drop to the floor.
“I don’t understand. Where is Bi—Elizabeth? Is she all right? Did something happen?”
“She’s in the hospital. With a concussion.”
“Oh my god.”
“Oh, she’ll be fine. She is awake now, doing better. She thinks so, anyway. I haven’t the heart to tell her.” Mumzy sat on Biz’s bed. She stroked one of Biz’s pillows with her hand, then moved her hand to her lap, and for a second Heidi could see a resemblance to her daughter. “Anyway. She’s been expelled. So that’s that.”
“Expelled?” Heidi followed Mumzy into the common room. “Sorry? No. There’s been some kind of mistake. Expelled? That can’t be right. Biz Gibbons-Brown is the valedictorian!”
“She is also a sexual predator, at least according to Doreen Gray. What can I do with this?” She stood in front of Biz’s desk. “I’ll have to send someone. Should I just leave it all? Do you have a box or something?”
“No, no! I’m afraid I’m going to be sick.” Heidi bent over and grabbed her knees, trying to find her breath.
Mumzy went into the bedroom and came back with the wheeled trunk. She slowly filled it with books. “Last night my niece called her father. She was distraught. She said that Biz had come on to her, that she’d threatened her with violence. My daughter apparently forced Doreen into a dodgy basement, and Doreen hit her in the head with a flashlight. She said she’d been defending herself.”
“But this is completely ridiculous! Doreen is Biz’s cousin.”
“Yes, well. That’s what makes it so depraved. At least, in my brother’s eyes. And the dean’s.”
“She’s lying!”
Mumzy picked up Biz’s camera. She turned it over and over in her hands. “Is there a case for this? Oh, here it is. It’s useless to argue. My brother is Doreen’s staunch defender. Apparently fourteen minutes of unestrangement make him an expert on his daughter’s moral character. And Dean Crotchett is his old chum, you know, school days and all that. His response is to lecture me about Chandler’s strict no-tolerance policy on sexual misconduct. They won’t stand for victim-blaming, he told me. You know, I’m obviously a horrible mother to have raised such a demon.”
“No. No. This isn’t right. You have to do something! After all your family has done for the school.”
Mumzy turned to Heidi. She looked careworn, overwhelmed, but also, for the first time since she’d met her, like someone’s mother. “She was this close to getting everything she wanted. The poor thing, my daughter.” Her voice caught. She hugged herself, her neck collapsed as if her head was suddenly too heavy to hold up.
“Isn’t there something we can do?”
“No.” Mumzy straightened up and swatted it all away with a jewel-heavy hand. She sucked in her breath and resumed packing. “She’ll be fine. We have resources. Crotchett has agreed to keep the thing mum. Better for the school to do so. Better for the students. But for Elizabeth, who can say? Maybe she will end up a society maven after all.” She picked up a Rubik’s Cube from Biz’s bookshelf. “I was really very proud of her. I know it may sound strange, we often locked horns. But I admired her commitment to making something for herself. She was fearless. Don’t you think?” She dropped the toy into the suitcase and turned to Heidi. “I know who you are, you know.”
“Yes. We’ve met many times.” Heidi paced around the suite, trying to land on a way to save her friend.
“But the first time was out at the beach, no? I suppose you were my brother’s date. To that party in Bridgehampton. I lent you my gown.”
So Gloria had known all along. “Nothing ever happened between us. I hope you know that.”
“Unless you count blackmail. And exploitation. Right? I know he makes fun of me, but Roland tells me all about his little intrigues. You weaseled your way into my brother’s bank account, then when that wasn’t enough, into my son’s pants and my daughter’s dorm room. Ruining everything in the process. Yes. It seems to me that all was fine and dandy before you came into our lives. You and your obsession with our family.” Gloria’s face was twisted with contempt.
“But that’s not what it was. I mean, I can understand why you would think that.”
“What did you expect him to do, hm? Marry you? Adopt you?” Gloria faced Heidi, her jaw tight. “He paid a little attention to you for a couple of weeks and then he got bored. Boo-hoo. It seems to me that a first-class education more than made up for any kind of slight you must have felt. I told him he was a fool for doing it. Let her tell who she wants to tell, I said. But the money didn’t matter to him, and I think he was curious about what would become of you. As if you would just politely disappear. But I knew better. And I was right, of course.”
Gloria slammed her hand on the desk. The sound of it felt like a slap on the face.
“This is not my fault.”
“No? Isn’t it? Then why are you here? Why are you always here?”
“I don’t know.” Heidi sunk down onto the carpet and buried her head in her knees. Gloria was right. Roland didn’t owe Heidi anything. Was it his fault that she couldn’t bear to call home? Was he really to blame for how ashamed she’d become of her family, and how ashamed she was of herself because of it? It was easier to hate him than it was to hate herself, but the fact was that the only one responsible for what she’d become was Heidi Whelan.
“I don’t know what happened,” said Heidi. “I got in over my head.”
“Yes, well, pardon me for not caring.” Gloria turned back toward Biz’s desk.
“Biz is different,” Heidi said. “She matters to me.”
“How wonderful for her.”
“No. Listen, this was Doreen. Okay? She’s the one who did this. And I’m not going to let her get away with it. I’m going to make this right. I’m going to fix it. I can be good, too. You just have to trust me, I’m different now.” Heidi changed into running shorts and a sports bra. She tied on her sneakers.
“Where are you going? To exercise?”
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes, Gloria. But I’m going to make this better for Biz. She doesn’t deserve this. I’ll do anything. I’ll make this all go away somehow.”
“I feel sorry for you. Don’t you know by now that Roland always wins?”
“Not this time,” Heidi said. She ran out the door.
Heidi ran as fast as she could through the quiet campus. She sped past the library and the science building, tripped down the steps behind Sherman Theater, curved around the field house. The office of the dean was there near the pond. Heidi slammed through the door. She bolted up the stairs, down the hall, past Miss Jenkins. She pushed into the dean’s office.
“She’s lying!” Heidi panted. The blood rushed to her face.
>
“Why, Miss Whelan!” said the dean, “You’re certainly looking, ahem, casual.”
“Doreen Gray is lying. Biz never touched her, do you understand? I’m her roommate, okay? I know these things. Doreen is a manipulative liar. You have to believe me. I . . .” I created her, Heidi thought. “Doreen . . . she’s not, she’s . . .”
The dean remained perfectly calm with a patronizing smile plastered on his face.
“You’re ruining Biz’s life. Listen, you can’t, this isn’t . . .”
Why couldn’t she make her point more clearly? There was so much evidence, it was so obvious. But the dean just sat placidly with his fat cheeks and squinty eyes. He sat in his affected double-breasted suit and tie and waited for Heidi to finish, as if she was having some sort of embarrassing paroxysm that needed to be waited out. “She’s lying! Do you understand? Why aren’t you saying anything?”
“What would you have me say, my dear? You’ve stated your case. It’s your right, after all. Everyone should have their day in court, so to speak.”
“Right, yeah. That’s it exactly.” The idea appealed to Heidi. She imagined a courtroom. She’d be there, power suit, briefcase. Doreen would arrive in her most proper headband, trying to eyelash-bat her way out. But Heidi would get her. She had the goods on Doreen Gray. “Great idea. A jury of Biz’s peers. Yes. I’ll show them, I’ll tell them everything.” Maybe she didn’t need Peter to live honestly. Maybe she could do it all on her own. “A hearing. That’s the thing.” A thrill beat deep in Heidi’s chest. She would tell them, for Biz. “A hearing.”
Doreen Page 23
