Chapter Thirteen
Amelia and I weren’t talking for the moment. She was pissed at me for how I treated Jason at Italian Garden. To escape her icy glares, I went to the mall. Families buzzed by, talking amongst themselves. Teens walked hand-in-hand, flirting and being too lovey-dovey. There were a few wannabe punks in sagging Tripp pants with chains.
A girl with bright pink braids walked past me with a pretzel. It made my mouth water just smelling it. I hadn’t had one of those pepperoni pretzels in over a year. It was time to indulge. The restaurant that made them was on the other side of the mall. I window-shopped as I walked over there. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw someone I knew.
He was tall, toned, and...
Holy shit, the guy was Jason!
My pace quickened. I needed to leave. My body felt exposed. At any moment, he could look up from his cell phone and see me. What I needed to do was duck into a store for a few minutes and put space between us.
The first shop to my left was a baby store. I wasn’t going to waste time in there. I raced to the store before it, Veronica’s Secret. In my dash to hide, I almost mauled a guy wearing a baseball cap. He was probably waiting for his wife. I apologized and quickly went inside.
Countless sweet scents from perfumes and lotions bombarded my nose. A display case with pink roses held the newest fragrance. I walked over to try it on. A sales lady pounced on me as I sprayed it on my wrist. She had fire red hair and smiled her professional smile.
“May I help you find something?”
“Just looking,” I said, avoiding eye contact and placing the perfume back. If you ignore them, salespeople usually wander away.
“Okay, let me know if you need anything.” She disappeared, ready to help anyone who asked or didn’t.
I drifted toward the bra section, looking for my size. It never hurt to have a new bra and a sexy lace one was all the better. My hand rested on a blood red bra. It was tasteful, yet I wasn’t sure if I wanted something that bold. What shirt would I wear it with?
As I went back and forth in my head, someone touched my shoulder. I thought it was the saleswoman again and was about to say, I’m doing fine, but I may need a dressing room soon, but the words died when I saw who the hand belonged to. Jason stood next to me. My stomach dropped to the floor.
“Why are you avoiding me?” he asked. His face was screwed up in frustration. Damn Jason was hot when he was upset.
I bit my lip and turned back to the rack of bras. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I saw you see me and dash into this store like your life depended on it.”
“They are having a sale and it’s so hard to find my bra size.” I lifted the red bra in my hand to make a point.
He looked at the bra before shaking his head. “Nice try, but I wasn’t born yesterday.”
My mind raced for something to say, anything to make him leave me alone. “Why are you here?”
Jason slipped his hands into his back pockets. “Like I said, I know you are avoiding me, and I want to know why.”
“So you decided to stalk me? Not the best move.”
“It’s not stalking. I wanted to talk to you.”
“So talk. I’m going to shop.”
A morbid idea came to me. I’d make him uncomfortable. After all, I was in Veronica’s Secret and guys rarely entered its doors. They liked to linger outside.
“Can you hold this?” I asked, holding the scarlet bra against his chest.
He grabbed it with both hands. “Umm…sure?”
I went back to browsing. To torment Jason more, I kept handing bras in various colors and styles. He kept taking them and following me like it was no big deal. It looked like I had to up the stakes.
He held the bras like they were any other clothing item, nothing to be embarrassed about. “I know you’re trying to get rid of me, but I’m not someone you can ditch when the sun comes back up. And you do remember our best friends are going out, right?”
A summer boy who wants more? That’s interesting.
I walked to a circular table and leafed through the brightly colored thongs. “So you think we should hang out because of our friends?”
Jason leaned against the powder pink wall and nodded. “I’m saying you can’t avoid me like some one-night stand. I want to talk about—”
“I need to try these on,” I replied in a rush. He said enough. I didn’t want to talk about us. There was no us. I grabbed two pairs of laced thongs and turned away.
The saleswoman who spoke to me earlier stopped me before I reached the dressing rooms. “Just a friendly reminder. Your friend needs to stay outside the room.” She gave Jason a quick once over before throwing her smile back on for another customer.
A small smirk curled my lips when I took in Jason’s expression. He was completely red and staring at the floor. I took my bras from him and he motioned toward a wall that stood between the dressing rooms and the rest of the store. I nodded him along and locked myself into the small room.
“What have you gotten yourself into?” I muttered under my breath as I stared at my reflection. I waited for her to give me some helpful advice. But alas, all she did was stare at me with her blank blue eyes.
After slipping my shirt and bra off, I tried on the bras first. The red one was too itchy. I traded it in for a silk black one that fit like a glove. Made my breasts perky yet didn’t form them into pointed mountains on my chest. It was hard to find a supportive and sexy 34 DD bra.
I wanted to take my time and hoped Jason would knock and tell me he had somewhere to go and would talk later. I had no such luck. After trying on a pink bra with white polka dots, which was too much like a Madonna cone bra, I snuck a peek at Jason through a crack between the door and the wall of the dressing room. He stood straight, looking down at his hands, making sure not to look at women in the eye or anywhere else for that matter. He looked innocent and kind of cute. What was wrong with me? I was hiding, wishing he’d get bored and want to play with some other girl.
I was a wreck. That was what was wrong with me.
Looking at the thongs, I passed on trying them on. They weren’t my taste, just something to grab. With all my bras tried on, there was only one thing to do. Get dressed and face the music known as Jason.
A sigh escaped from my glossed lips as I snapped my bra back on. With my shirt on and hair fixed, I checked myself over in the mirror. I appeared ready and a little annoyed.
When I opened the door to the dressing room, the saleswoman was on me like flies on dirty pigs. “How did it go?”
I forced a smile. “It was all right. I like this bra.” I lifted up the black one. “The others didn’t quite work out.”
“I’m glad one worked,” she said, taking my rejects and leaving.
Jason closed the distance between us and muttered, “Are you done yet?” His eyes darted to the exit. The store was getting under his skin. That made me smile for real.
“Not yet. I need to pick out a lotion.” I patted his arm and walked to the wall with all the perfumes and lotions on display. A girl could never have too many.
He trailed behind me like a little kid. “Really? Don’t you have a lot already?” he moaned.
I spun around, wiping my hair over my shoulder. “Excuse me? How do you know what I have or don’t have?”
He raised his hands up in surrender. “I didn’t mean anything by it. Just saying, my sister and mother are always buying perfumes and lotions, even though they have a lot at home. Damn bottles are always falling on the ground because there is no more room on the bathroom sink.”
My anger eased up. He was comparing me to his family. He hadn’t snooped around my room. “Oh, for a second I thought you went through my stuff while I was asleep.”
“I’d never do that. My mama taught me to never snoop around a girl’s room or purse. She said I probably wouldn’t like what I found.”
I laughed. “That’s good advice. Your mama is smart.�
��
“Yeah,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, “she is.”
We stood before the wall of lotions paired with their signature perfume and body wash. I wasn’t a body wash fan. My goal was to sample each lotion, even though I already knew my favorites and the ones I loathed, but I didn’t feel like doing it anymore. My stomach grumbled as I inhaled the strawberry champagne lotion. I was still hungry.
“You haven’t eaten yet, have you?” Jason asked, smirking at my upset stomach.
“No.”
“Me either. We can get something after we leave here. I was kinda thinking about getting a pretzel, but we can go wherever.”
I clenched my jaw to keep it from hanging open. Ironically he was in the mood for the same type of food I craved.
“Sounds good to me.” I still held the bottle of lotion in my hand. “Let’s go.”
I made my way to the register without looking to see if he was following. Something told me he was.
Jason stood silent as I purchased my bra and lotion. Once I had a pink Veronica’s Secret bag in hand, we left the store. I saw him let out a breath. It looked like he let go of some of the tension I sensed earlier by the dressing rooms.
“What kind of pretzel do you want?” he asked as we made our way through the heart of the mall to the other side.
“Pepperoni, you?”
“I like the normal salted kind.”
“Traditional.”
He smiled, making the skin around his eyes wrinkle. “Yeah, guess I’m that kind of guy.”
“I’m more a combination fan of the pretzel and pizza, both things I love at once. Sort of saves on the calories,” I joked.
“Mmm-hmm.” He didn’t seem to think my joke was funny. I guess calorie counting wasn’t something to laugh about. Most people were too uptight about such topics, especially in California.
“I’m dying of thirst. I’m so getting the biggest cup they have,” Jason declared.
“I want my stomach to stop growling. After that’s taken care of, I’ll worry about drinking.”
“You look like a Dr. Pepper girl,” he said, eyeing me.
I turned around, walking backward. “Yeah? Why do you say that?”
His eyes reflected the sunlight threading through the glass ceiling. “You have that look. Someone with great taste, but also has many different flavors.”
Something tugged at my heart. Could he see through my charade? I stopped walking for a moment. “Didn’t know I wore that on my sleeve,” I said sarcastically.
“I can read people,” he said with a shrug.
My eyebrows met in confusion. I walked by his side again. “You can read people?”
“Yeah, it’s a rare talent. I can see a person and guess how they are. You know, their personality, history, their likes and dislikes.”
“Kind of like a therapist?”
“In a way. I’m an observer. Always have been.”
“Hmm…”
Our small talk died when we spotted the pretzel place. There were three people in line ahead of us. Not bad. I went up to order and Jason stepped in front of me. “I’ll take this one. You want a pepperoni pretzel with what drink?”
I stared at him for a heartbeat, in shock that he was being generous. “A medium Dr. Pepper.”
“See, I was right.” Those eyes were dark pools. I looked away and found a vacant metal table in front of the pretzel place.
“Lucky guess. I’m gonna grab us a table.”
I walked to the small table so he couldn’t say anything else. I sat by the railing. Below, people wandered around the first level of the mall.
I brushed off crumbs from the silver tabletop and sat my stuff on the ground by my feet as he ordered. Jason came five minutes later with beverages and food in hand. I took my pretzel and ate it like I hadn’t tasted food in days. Jason stuck the straw into his cup and took a long sip. Silence laid upon us and it felt natural. We were taking care of ourselves and, dare I say, enjoying each other’s company.
He swallowed a bite and cleared his throat. “What brought you to the mall? Looking for some—”
“If you’re going to say a guy, I’m gonna hit you,” I said, glaring at him over my pretzel.
No one should judge me for playing the field. They haven’t walked in my heels. Therefore, they don’t know me.
Jason pressed his lips together until they disappeared. I shifted my weight. The comfort I felt earlier left. A cloud of uncertainty came over the table. I picked at the rest of my pretzel and said, “I don’t mean to lash out…I know what people think of when they see me.”
He grabbed his cup and motioned to me with it. “What do they see? If I may ask.”
His lips formed around the straw, sucking in the soda. My body trembled thinking of those lips on me, making me sticky and hot.
“That I’m a whore, a worthless girl who’s crazy. But what if I want to be a woman not afraid of her sexuality? Why do guys get to fuck a lot of girls and be deemed a player and a woman is thought of as scum and a slut?”
Jason swallowed too hard and pounded on his chest to stop coughing. “You have a good point. I think—”
“You don’t know what I’ve been through. There’s a reason I live this way.”
He drummed his fingers on the table and glanced at the elderly couple strolling by. When they were gone, he looked at me. “I see no good reason anyone, man or woman, should just fuck the person next to them. It should be out of care, love, and friendship. Not boredom, drugs, or some lame attempt to work out your issues.” Jason grabbed a napkin and crushed it in his fist. “If you think you can escape by using sex, then you’re in for more problems than—”
I pointed my finger at him. “Problems? I have no—”
A sick grin turned his lips. It was sarcastic in nature. “I’m not saying you’re sick, I’m just saying—”
My arms ached. All I desired at that moment was to punch Jason in the face, but that wasn’t ladylike. Instead I clasped my hands in my lap, digging my fingernails into flesh until pain overcame my anger.
“Please, I’m not sick. That would mean there’s some kind of cure out there. No, I’m insane. Just place me into the asylum and throw away the key.” I tossed my hand as if throwing a key over my shoulder.
Jason set his jaw and surveyed the area. Some people were giving us curious looks, but there wasn’t a crowd. Not yet.
“Sydney, let me explain. I didn’t mean to offend you. But when you do stuff like bringing rockers to dinner and making out with them that has to mean something.” He rubbed his forehead and looked down at the rest of his pretzel. He held it, but didn’t eat anymore. “I’m worried about you.”
I laughed. It was thick and foreign to me. “If you’re so worried, why did you storm out of the restaurant?”
He gave me a grim look, making me wish I hadn’t replied. “Really? You were all over him and I was the fifth wheel. It was uncomfortable and I know you were doing it to spite me, so I took off.”
Damn it. Jason could see through my wicked ways, but that didn’t matter. There was no getting to know my winter frozen heart.
I crumbled my wrapper and sucked on my straw until the sound of empty rang in my ears. I wanted to leave before Jason and I spilled any blood. One false move or sentence could ruin the whole balance of things.
“I better get going,” I said, getting to my feet.
“Wait,” he paused, searching for the right words, “there’s something about you, Sydney. I like you and I’m not into pursuing girls that like to brush me off, but my gut tells me there’s more to you than you let people see. You pull away from people before they can get to know you. I liked that girl who helped me bring that keg upstairs, that girl who danced with me at my uncle’s club.”
My stomach dropped. What was he saying? “I’m sorry, but you are wasting your time with someone like me. Give up now while you’re ahead.” I stood and gathered my bag and purse in my arms.
“Why are you s
elling yourself short?” he asked, reaching out for my arm.
I took a step away. “I’m no good. I’m broken. There’s no point in trying to fix something that’s shattered into millions of tiny pieces.”
I turned and raced away from him. Once I felt there was a comfortable amount of distance between us, I looked over my shoulder. He stood by the metal table with a melancholy look on his face. It wasn’t sorrow or pity, just solemn.
Never let anyone close was the code I lived by. Jason seemed to want to break that. It was like he was trying to win me back somehow, acting like it was a mistake to write him off after we slept together.
He wasn’t going to win, though. I was too set in my ways. He was in a losing battle on a sinking ship. I always pushed people away. Never would I pull someone in. That ended in heartbreak and agony. If I could avoid such feelings, I was going to. Life wasn’t meant to be taken seriously. After all, we don’t get out alive.
Chapter Fourteen
That didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. I kept repeating those words in my head while pacing the floor in my bedroom. What was wrong with Jason? I never gave him a flirtatious vibe, or had I? I slept with him, but sex was sex. Just two hot, sweaty bodies feeding their lust for skin. If that was true, then why did it seem like Jason wanted more?
If I thought about him too long, I’d drive myself mad. If only I knew the answer. That was all I wanted, an answer to my simple question. Was that so hard to ask for? I guess the universe thought so. Maybe it liked to torture me.
My cell phone buzzed, killing my thoughts. I wandered to my bed and scooped up my phone. I had a new text.
Party Alert! Be at Wicked Love at 11 tonight!
It was a mass text to people on a list. I was on a lot of lists these days. Meeting people at parties, clubs, and bars had its upside. I needed a distraction. What was better than dancing in a seedy room with neon lights and crowds of intoxicated people?
Shades of Sydney (Sydney West #1) Page 10
