"Just so he's put away, and I get my car back. What is he up to, Trooper, claiming he stole my car in some other state and saying some hitchhiker put him up to it? Is he hoping for an insanity defense?"
"I think what Wilcox mostly has is a stupidity defense, sir," Trooper Hemblatt said. "But let me go over the rest of it, if I may."
"There's more?"
"We want to be sure there's nothing missing from the vehicle, sir. Your garage door opener and cell phone and medicated cushion are all there, and the chess pieces are still in the trunk."
"The what?"
"Chess pieces, sir, a full chess set, but without the board. They're pretty heavy, they could be made of cement." This rural part of northern New Hampshire was too remote to know or care about some stolen chess set way down in New York City.
"I don't have a chess set." The doctor, on the other hand, was too self-centered to pay much attention to the news.
"It's in the vehicle, sir, in the trunk. Red pieces and black pieces."
"I don't even play chess."
"Well, sir, the pieces are there."
"I don't want them. They're not mine, I don't want them."
"I don't think we're gonna get a straight answer from Wilcox, sir. If he says the pieces came from the estate it won't help because he claims he doesn't know where the estate is, and the woman claims never to have been there."
"Trooper, I really don't want that chess set."
Trooper Hemblatt considered. "I tell you what," he said. "If you don't want the set, do you mind if we give it away? There's an old age home in town here, run by the Little Sisters of Eternal Misery. They could probably make a board out of a piece of plywood or something, put some pleasure in the old folks' lives."
"That's very thoughtful of you, Trooper," the doctor said. "You do that."
"I will, sir."
"I'll let you know when I've arranged for the tow."
"Yes, sir. Sorry for all this trouble, sir."
"Oh, well," said the doctor. "All's well that ends well."
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What's So Funny? d-14 Page 28
