by L E May
Olivia Jones: Knowing how my body feels doesn’t change the fact I have a body I don’t want to show to anyone.
Chris Knight: Only you can change that, Liv. But hey, I am a fitness instructor so if you want any advice I’d be happy to help you.
Olivia Jones: Really?
Chris Knight: Yes, I was a fitness instructor before I decided to go to uni and study law. I want to represent athletes and sports people. I work part-time in the gym to cover my outgoings.
Olivia Jones: Wow! OK, what do I need to do?
Chris Knight: Apart from the obvious eat less, exercise more, I can’t really say without seeing you, but if you send me some details I could work out a plan for you, if you wanted?
Despite being ridiculously lazy and uninterested in exercise, I suddenly felt excited. I could certainly stand to lose some weight and I suppose, if I did eventually give in to Steven and allow myself to fall into his arms, he might want to do more than just kiss me. Would he run a mile if he saw my horrible figure up close? How could I feel confident and comfortable with him if I couldn’t even bear to look at myself in the mirror?
Olivia Jones: I would really appreciate that, thank you. What do you need me to send?
Chris Knight: Your measurements: weight, height, age. Keep a food diary for a week, every single thing you eat and drink, and any exercise you do. I will base a programme on all that. Starting today. Make a list of everything you’ve consumed and carry it on. Send it to me next Monday.
Olivia Jones: OK that sounds easy enough.
Chris Knight: What did you have for dinner tonight?
Olivia Jones: I ordered pizza, hasn’t arrived yet. I am starving though, hope it comes soon.
Chris Knight: You’ll have to cut that out if you’re going to lose weight.
Olivia Jones: Are you going to expect me to cook?
Chris Knight: Yes! You can’t live off takeaways every night.
Olivia Jones: You can’t? But they’re so easy and tasty.
Chris Knight: And full of fat and salt, clogging up your arteries and damaging your heart.
Olivia Jones: Boring.
Chris Knight: Lol. But it’s all true. You stop eating takeaways and I promise you’ll see the weight drop off!
Olivia Jones: Sounds hell. Is there no other way?
Chris Knight: You could eat takeaways every day but you’d need to punish yourself in the gym daily to burn some of it off.
Olivia Jones: You’re mean!
Chris Knight: You don’t have to listen to me. But if you’re serious about losing weight you would be advised to!
Olivia Jones: Oh, pizza is here. I shall be sure to savour every bite.
Chris Knight: Lol. Goodnight, Liv, speak to you soon. X
Chapter Nine
I was much more awake when I arrived at work the next morning due to the extra hour in bed. Steven was relaxing on one of the sofas in Reception chatting to Dave when I arrived to sign in. He grinned at me.
‘I forgot!’ he shrugged, rising to join me. Dave smiled up at him.
‘Good chatting to you, Ste. Olly, you should get him a key cut,’ he advised me.
‘And let him loose in the office without me? Not sure about that!’ I said laughing, although I was only half joking. I knew deep down that he was a good guy, but the fears I had confessed to him were valid. On the one hand, if his scheme was to ruin my business and take my clients, he would benefit from having access to the office in my absence. On the other hand, if he was genuine and trustworthy, he would probably be doing me a favour, getting ahead of his work load and freeing me up to work on Inspired in-house products. So confusing.
The worst thing about it of course, was that none of this had crossed my mind until I was drunk and needed to explain why I couldn’t get involved with him. Maybe I was just naturally suspicious; I had already found it difficult to relinquish control over my work – I wanted to be the one who did it all. But I recognised that to grow, I needed to expand. Perhaps an internship wasn’t the best way to go – of course he would be ambitious, he would want to learn as much from me as he could and then go off and be a big success. But it wasn’t like I was the only programmer in the world, I certainly wouldn’t be the last. So what if he did leave after a year and set up his own business? And who knew? Maybe he would want to stay at Inspired. I guessed only time would tell. Or would it …? If he were playing a long game, he’d no doubt be able to keep up the pretence of being attracted to me indefinitely. Maybe I needed to see a therapist to deal with my paranoia!
‘Earth to Ols.’ Steven was teasing as he poked me in the side, causing me to jump out of my thoughts and back into reality. ‘What were you thinking about?’
‘I was thinking about conferences actually, there are loads of them all year round. I want us to start being represented at them.’
‘OK, does that mean by me?’ he asked, cautiously.
‘Yes, I’m not a people person – I want to win clients, not scare them away! I’m also considering hiring more staff, but I’ll need to build an office because I can’t work in an open-plan room, not if it’s full.’
Steven raised an eyebrow sceptically but said nothing.
‘I want us working on commissions and in-house projects simultaneously. And I want someone else to do the boring paperwork!’ I finished up grinning.
‘Wow, Olivia Jones, taking over the world one app at a time!’
‘Well you know, Steven, if you are planning on slapping me with a sexual harassment case, I’d better make sure I’ve got enough in the bank to pay you off, hadn’t I?’ I smile sweetly at him and he laughed with me.
‘Well, if I’m the inspiration behind expansion, then I’m glad!’ He frowned, ‘although realistically, you could probably fire me for sexual harassment.’ He smiled awkwardly. ‘I should stop making my intentions so clear, shouldn’t I? Especially if we are going to have company.’ He smiled then and I was relieved he was back to his carefree self. I motioned to the sofa, inviting him to sit with me.
‘How did you find your first week here?’ I asked in all seriousness. I was aware I had paperwork to complete for his intern organisers.
‘It was great, Ols. I really enjoyed it. Glad I’m here.’ His voice was warm, honest.
‘Do you have any future plans, Steven? Have you thought beyond the twelve-month internship?’ We regarded each other thoughtfully. I had no idea what he was thinking but I knew what I wanted him to say.
‘I guess my only real aspiration at the moment is to impress you enough that this turns into a permanent job at the end of my programme,’ he shrugged. His eyes never left mine as he spoke; I sensed he was trying to prove he was telling the truth, proving I could trust him.
‘I love the fact you’re a small, independent company competing with the big boys and holding your own. Sure it would be fabulous to run my own one day, but do we really need another independent games company in the market? I’d rather work on the games you’re putting out – which will get bigger and better as you expand, than try and compete on my own,’ he concluded.
‘I got lucky; Jerk Chicken paid for Inspired, not many people get that kind of chance,’ I smiled. ‘Let’s make Inspired the preferred choice for game apps development then, shall we?’
Steven grinned and nodded.
‘If it keeps me in a job, you have my full support, boss.’
At lunchtime Steph arrived to deliver our sandwiches. ‘Dave asked me to pass this on,’ she said, holding up a parcel addressed to me. I nodded towards Steven.
‘Management decision – Steven is now in charge of the post.’ I grinned at him and took a bite out of my sandwich, sighing loudly in appreciation.
‘What did you order today? Sounds amazing. I’ll have one of those tomorrow, Steph.’ He grinned at Steph who peered at him over the side of his desk, smiling and fluttering her eyelashes at him.
‘Chicken with basil, mozzarella, and tomato,’ she informed him. She frowned as Steven pulled out a pie
ce of paper and wrote it down. ‘Wow, you’re really writing it down!’
‘Oh, this is for Olly; she has to make a note of everything she eats this week.’
Both Steph and I stared at him, Steph waiting for a reason and me wondering how he knew. He looked at me and smiled.
‘Chris emailed me. He doesn’t think you’ll remember to write everything down so he asked me to,’ he explained.
Steph looked at me for further clarification.
‘His friend Chris is a fitness instructor; said he’d help me lose weight.’
She raised an eyebrow in understanding.
‘OK, so who is he?’ She demanded.
‘Just someone Steven lived with at uni’
‘No not him, the guy? The guy you’re contemplating sex with.’
I choked on my sandwich and Steven stared at his screen, I could see him fighting back a smile.
‘What are you talking about?’ I asked wiping my mouth with a napkin. I could feel my cheeks burning. Steph turned her attention to Steven to explain.
‘Olly never dates because she’s scared it might end up in bed and she’s too ashamed of her body to get naked! If she’s trying to lose weight, she must have her eye on someone.’ She looked back up at me, ‘come on, Olly, who is he? Who are you shaping up for?’
‘No one,’ I shrugged. ‘I just realised it’s been a long time and maybe I need to think about getting back out there – might as well be ready just in case Mr Right turns up. Can we not talk about this please?’ I felt irritation shoot through me that Steph was being so open with my secrets in front of Steven, and mortified that Steven was getting a glimpse into my pathetic dating history.
‘As long as he’s not Mr Always Right like your last boyfriend.’ Steph shook her head sadly and Steven looked at her quizzically. ‘Oh, she doesn’t like to talk about it,’ she whispered behind her hand. Steven nodded, looking serious, but there was a twinkle in his eye and he turned to me smiling.
‘So come on then, what does this Mr Right look like?’ He asked innocently.
I felt my face flush and I knew Steph would blurt it out.
‘Oh, The Doctor, obviously, the ultimate nerd,’ Steph said without even thinking about it.
Steven turned to stare at me, I couldn’t read his expression, but I was mortified. Hadn’t he already said he couldn’t take anyone seriously who fancied The Doctor? I took a deep breath and without looking at Steven I gathered up my sandwich wrapper and threw it in the bin.
‘OK, Steph, same time tomorrow?’ I said firmly. She grinned and left.
I walked to the sofa and sat down, focusing my attention on a proposal I had drafted. I heard the sound of Steven’s chair rolling away from his desk, the creak as he stood up. I sensed him making his way towards me but I couldn’t look up. I felt ridiculous. For all my protests and arguments for being sensible I couldn’t bear the thought of Steven having a bad opinion of me. Thinking of me like any other mindless girl with a crush on The Doctor. Maybe this is for the best, I told myself. He won’t want you now anyway. I raised my head and peered at him, he stood staring at me, his hands clenched in fists at his sides. I felt a prickling sensation creep up the back of my neck and fought the urge to go to him, put my arms round him, and ask him to forgive me. I remembered that feeling as a child when my mum was angry with me; that if I could just get her to hold me I would know she still loved me. I knew it would be for the best if Steven didn’t love me, but I wanted him to. I realised in that moment that I did want him to want me because I know I want him. But I knew I couldn’t just rush into something – we needed to take the time to get to know each other properly. And the time for me to lose weight and feel comfortable in bed.
‘So, The Doctor, then? He’s your dream man?’
‘Sorry.’ I mumbled.
‘What are you sorry for?’
‘After everything you said, about them making Doctor Who sexy to appeal to a mainstream audience, I thought you would be disappointed.’
‘Oh that’s different, Olly. I bet you fancied the Ninth Doctor too. I’d expect a she-geek to have a crush on all of the Doctors, really.
I frowned.
‘Even Hartnell?’ I asked, surprised.
‘OK maybe not all of the Doctors,’ he smiled, ‘besides which, it bodes well for me that you’re attracted to a sharp-dressed nerd with lots of hair. In fact it’s taking every ounce of my restraint not to kiss you now. Give me a reason why I shouldn’t. Can you deny that you find me attractive?’
My eyes widened in surprise. I shrugged slightly. I closed my eyes and shook my head. He was there in a heartbeat, perched on the edge of the sofa, one arm reaching around my body, the other hand touching my face. I stared at his triumphant face and shook my head, warning him not to.
‘What? Are you saying you don’t like me?’ He asked dropping his hand, confusion replacing his triumphant expression.
I shrugged.
‘I’m saying I don’t know you. OK, you like all the same things as me; you make me laugh, you’re very attractive, and if I wasn’t the owner of this business – if I wasn’t your boss – I’d kiss you right now. I would want to date you. I’d give it a chance if that’s what you wanted.’
‘That is what I want, no one can predict if a relationship will work, Ols; you just have to give it a try.’ He sounded exasperated.
‘And what if it doesn’t work? Coming in here every day, seeing each other all the time? Guess how many of my exes I’ve seen since I broke up with them? None. I cut them out, whether I end it or they do, it’s over. I don’t want to see them again.’ I sighed.
‘You were younger then, I’m sure you would handle it differently now.’ He looked hopeful.
‘And you are young now,’ I pointed out. ‘I’m looking for Mr Right, and while you’re looking like a contender for Mr Absolutely Perfect, you’re not at an age for settling down. You’ll pursue me until you get me and then start looking for the next chase.’
‘You’re definitely right about one thing, Olivia: you don’t know me at all, if that’s what you think.’ He snorted.
I shrugged apologetically but glad I’d at least made my point, even if it had offended him.
‘I have to think about the business, this is my life. It has been for three years. If I take on more staff, will they complain that you get treated better because of our romance? Will you expect more from me as the boss? If it doesn’t work out, will you think I’m treating you unfairly? There are a lot of risks, and for peace of mind, why can’t we just get to know each other for a few months? If we still feel this way about each other, then fine, we can think about taking that chance. If not, we’ll have saved ourselves a lot of awkwardness.’ And a lot of naked embarrassment. I wondered if six months would be enough to lose sufficient weight for me to be comfortable with my body.
He scrutinised my face for a long time. I was starting to feel uncomfortable and I couldn’t look at him anymore. He sighed.
‘Is this weight-loss nonsense anything to do with me? Because you should know I don’t give a shit about that stuff, you’re beautiful and sexy to me exactly as you are.’
My stomach did a somersault and I felt a rush of heat flushing my face. I shook my head.
‘I appreciate that, Steven, but it’s my hang up, my self-confidence. It’s not why I want to wait though, if that’s what you mean.’
He nodded reluctantly and stood up.
‘OK then, I’m going to ask you out to dinner once every month. When you know me well enough, you can say yes. Deal?’ I smiled and nodded. He held out his hand to help me up.
I don’t know how it happened, I felt his hand under my elbow steadying me then his arms were around me and his mouth was on mine. In a split second, he was kissing me. His hand reached up to my face, his tongue was brushing against my lips, looking for an entrance into my mouth. I resisted and tried to step away, but he held me tight against him. His body was warm, his smell a mixture of laundry detergent and aftersh
ave – a clean, comforting scent. He was planting swift, insistent kisses on my lips, like knocking on a door to be allowed access. I felt my body relax, defeated, and I parted my lips. His tongue found its way into my mouth, exploring my lips and my teeth, before mingling with my own tongue as they danced together. His arm released me and his hands took hold of mine, placing them around his body, before holding my face; running his fingers into my hair, his thumbs massaging my temple and my eyebrows. My head was screaming at me to stop responding to his touch but I couldn’t. I’d been thinking about this all weekend and I wanted it so badly. This mustn’t change anything that we had talked about. The situation was the same, our agreement in place. He kissed my lips once more before trailing kisses along my jaw towards my ear.
‘Stop thinking about it, and just enjoy it,’ he whispered.
He trailed kisses back towards my mouth and my hands moved to his face pulling away from him to look him in the eye. His eyes were full of lust, but a hint of fear appeared – a worry I was going to stop him. His lips were parted and his breath heavy. He looked beautiful. His dark eyes searched my face for a reaction. I relaxed my hands and his mouth was covering mine instantly, our tongues writhing together. My legs buckled but his arms held me tightly, steadying me, crushing me against his body. My hands found his hair, running my fingers through it, tightening it in my fists. His hand cupped the base of my head, tangling his fingers through my hair.
There was a knock at the door and we leaped apart. I threw myself onto the sofa and he busied himself at the sink filling the kettle as Dave walked in.
‘Good afternoon, Inspired, how are you all today?’ I scooped my dishevelled hair up into a ponytail and massaged some feeling back into my tingling lips. Steven turned around grinning, his dishevelled hair not looking any different to his usual look. He held up the kettle.
‘Hey, Dave. Tea?’
Dave shook his head and I stood up from the sofa. I’d asked Dave to show me some empty units to help me with my expansion plans.
