by L E May
‘I’m just tired I think, a little bit achy, nothing a good sleep won’t fix.’
‘OK babe, I wish I was there to rub your back or something.’
‘I imagine my back is the last thing you want to rub, you big perv,’ I grinned, rolling my eyes. I heard him chuckle as I closed the laptop.
The following morning Steven was back in his distracted mood. He barely acknowledged me when he arrived and he settled into his work immediately. I called him in for our weekly catch-up meeting to check progress against deadlines and I could tell I only had half of his attention. I put down my pen and looked at him. He looked tired, his hair was flopped to one side, and his chin was sporting stubble.
‘What’s going on?’
He looked at me in surprise and shrugged.
‘Nothing, it’s all good.’
I frowned.
‘Come on, Steven, if nothing else we’re friends and I care about you. But I’m also your boss and I’m not getting your full attention, so what is it?’
His face flushed and he looked at me with sorry eyes.
‘Melissa, I called her last night, told her I would stand by her and the baby.’ He frowned, puzzlement flooding his face, ‘She didn’t react the way I expected.’ He sighed, slumping back in his chair, looking at me thoughtfully.
‘What did she say?’
‘She just asked me if I’d told my father yet.’
My eyes narrowed, and he nodded in agreement at my expression, ‘I know, that’s weird right?’
‘Oh well, you’ve told her where you stand on the situation, I guess it’s up to her what happens next.’ I suggested.
‘Maybe she wants me to prove my commitment by telling my parents, but I just can’t tell them yet, it’ll destroy them.’
‘Are they too young to be grandparents yet?’ I teased trying to lighten his mood, He smiled briefly.
‘They have dreams for me, they met Melissa already at uni, she’s not who they would want me to spend my life with. I mean I don’t want to spend my life with her, but that’s irrelevant.’
‘Maybe that’s why then, she wants the satisfaction of knowing she’s got you despite what your parents think.’
He shrugged and picked up his pile of papers, signalling the end of our conversation. He paused in the doorway and turned back.
‘Ols, it’s Friday tomorrow, we should take James to the pub.’
I hadn’t thought about the pub, I wondered if I could just leave that to Steven to sort out but his expression didn’t fill me with much confidence. I nodded.
‘OK, but first sign of girl trouble and he’s on his own!’ I grumbled.
Despite himself Steven grinned and left the room.
Chapter Twenty-six
Ruth was far more excited about Friday night drinks than was necessary. I had to remind her that meeting Steven was a wasted effort now that he was no longer available to me but she didn’t care, she was curious enough to want to see him in the flesh.
‘What reason am I going to give for you being there other than wanting to check out my staff?’
‘I’m taking you out. I have two free tickets from work for this gig at The Garage, I have to write a review for it, so that’s our excuse.’
I groaned loudly down the phone, emphasising each note.
‘Oh, Olly, shut up, it’ll do you good to come out with me. I could fix you up with one of the band backstage, road test some of your new confidence.’ she teased. I blushed to my roots.
‘Shut up.’ I scolded as she giggled girlishly.
‘Oh come on, Olly, you can’t save it all for Mr Vampire online, get out there and tango with a real man.’ I sighed.
I didn’t need to answer, she knew I would go, if only to keep up the pretence.
That was how I found myself propping up the bar in The Garage on Friday night, watching a strange couple have sex on the sofa in the dark corner. I was trying really hard to divert my eyes but I was just drunk enough that my curiosity got the better of me and my brain function prevented me from behaving appropriately and looking away.
Ruth had met us at 6 p.m. in The World’s End. She was quite mesmerised by Steven, and she kept glancing at me sadly every time he told her something about himself, which inevitably made his likability shoot though the roof. I knew what she was thinking: how could you have let this one slip through your fingers, you idiot! I’d thought it enough times myself in the past few weeks, although not as much lately, my sessions with Chris had given me something new to focus on and I was enjoying my strange romance with him. I was still waiting for a date to go visit him and I couldn’t wait.
‘Seriously, how do you concentrate?’ She hissed at me as we left the pub.
‘I shut my office door and pretend he’s not there.’ She nodded, ‘and I have lots of cybersex with the vampire,’ I grinned. Her eyes widened and she burst out laughing.
‘Now the repressed Olly that I know and love would never have said that. You’ve changed,’ she said accusingly. I grinned and nodded. Ruth linked her arm through mine and we made our way to the tube station.
So far I hadn’t heard anything I liked out of the support bands and hoped the main act would be better, so I was relieved to have something else to entertain me when I spotted the openly amorous couple in the corner. It was hard to see them in the dark corner but I could just make out her movement as she writhed on top of him, their hands tangled in each other’s hair. The pair stopped suddenly as a group of giggling girls stomped up the steps towards the bar. I glanced back at the couple as the girl pulled him up from his seat and wrapped her arms around him.
He sat himself down on a stool, straddling her onto his knee as he stroked her back, reaching into her hair and kissing her. I was mesmerised as she began to gyrate her body against him, reaching down with her hands to undo his jeans. He hitched up her skirt, exposing the flesh of her bottom and yanked at the material. She gasped as the thong broke, digging into her flesh as the material stretched and ripped apart. He lifted her easily as she positioned him beneath her, sinking onto him. The music was loud, and drowned out her moans as she bucked her hips against him. He threw his head back, his mouth wide open as he came, thrusting once more into her and then pushing her off him. He stood up, reaching into his pocket and handed her a note, nodding his head towards the bar. She touched his face affectionately and skipped to the bar. I turned away, not wanting to risk her seeing my shocked expression. Two things had occurred to me; first, that was nowhere near as erotic as the scenarios Chris had described to me and second, if no one has sex like Chris does, I’m going to be sorely disappointed.
I glanced up and caught sight of the girl’s face in the mirror behind the bar and my mouth dropped open. It was Melissa.
I needed to go home, should I tell Steven? I wanted to talk to Chris, he would know what to do. I searched for Ruth to tell her I was leaving.
‘Hey did you see that couple shagging in the corner?’ She giggled when I found her. I nodded.
‘That was Melissa,’ I shouted into her ear. She stared into my face looking for the joke, her eyes wide.
‘Melissa from the toilet? Mother of his child?’ I nodded.
‘Or is she the mother of someone else’s child? I need to get home, I want to speak to Chris about it and see what he thinks I should do.’
‘You should tell Steven, straight away.’ she shouted in surprise.
‘What if he doesn’t believe me? What if he thinks I’m making it up?’ she frowned shaking her head.
‘He knows you wouldn’t do that, Olly.’ I shrugged.
‘I’m going to talk to Chris. He knows them both. He’ll know what to do.’
I hugged her goodbye and left.
I was out of breath by the time I got home and opened up my laptop, waiting for my online contacts to appear and willing him to be there. He was, of course. I clicked his link and requested a call.
‘Come on come on,’ I whispered impatiently until the screen went black
and I heard is calming voice through my speakers.
‘Hey, Liv, where have you been all night?’
‘Did you miss me?’ I teased, distracted momentarily by his words.
‘Of course. I’ve been lonely all evening.’
‘Listen I need to talk to you.’ I said abruptly. I heard him shift in his seat, alerted by my tone, ‘It’s about Steven and Melissa.’
‘What about them?’ His voice was cautious.
‘I saw her tonight at a gig, she was, well let’s just say for now that she wasn’t behaving much like a mum to be.’ Chris snorted.
‘Was she drinking? I knew she wouldn’t give a crap about anything like that.’
‘That’s not all. She was fucking some guy in the dark corner of the venue near the bar.’
‘What?’ He hissed.
‘Yeah you heard, which kinda makes me wonder how she’s so certain the baby is Steven’s.’
‘That little bitch. You haven’t told Steven yet?’
‘No, not yet.’
‘Why haven’t you told him this, Liv? This changes everything. Isn’t this what you wanted?’ I held out my hands helplessly.
‘I was scared he might think I was making it up. It’s too late for us now anyway, too much has changed. I’m not the same person I was when we met.’
‘It’s funny, but I knew how Steven felt about you. I was trying to help you for him as well as for you.’ His voice was quiet.
‘I guess you were to start with but then all this shit happened and our conversations evolved. Could you imagine how he would feel if we were together and he ever found out what you had seen me do.’
I held my face in my hands, the old repressed guilt and shame washing over me. I felt sick. I heard him shushing me gently.
‘Liv, you’ve done nothing wrong, please stop this.’ His voice was commanding and I stopped wallowing in my guilt and looked up at the camera, ‘Whatever happens in your future don’t you ever feel guilty about this. And certainly not because of how Steven might feel. Christ Liv, why shouldn’t you enjoy yourself? There is no shame whatsoever in you enjoying your body.’
I nodded, wiping my face.
‘Will you tell Steven about Melissa for me? I asked quietly, ‘I won’t see him until Monday.’
‘Sure, I’ll call him now.’ I waited for him to say something else but he remained silent. I closed the laptop and went to bed.
I was so confused. Was Steven available again? I expected to be thrilled at the thought of getting a second chance, but I just felt disappointed that I would have to say goodbye to Chris. I had spent all this time using Chris as a distraction from my heartbreak over Steven and as a result, I’d practically fallen in love with him. I didn’t even know what he looked like! But it didn’t matter, I’d developed so much through my video calls with Chris and I trusted him. I wanted to meet him, see if there was something between us in reality. I felt uneasy that our conversation had ended talking about Steven, something about it felt final, as if he was saying goodbye.
I knew I was being silly. He was all the way in Edinburgh and was due to return to America in the summer; it was hopeless. Or maybe I could move to America. I could certainly set up Inspired over there. Nothing was impossible.
I drifted asleep with images of tall buildings and cherry pie floating around my mind.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Ruth had been ringing my doorbell for ten minutes before the sound filtered through to my subconscious and woke me up. I shuffled to the intercom and buzzed her up, and stood in the doorway waiting for her to reach the top of the stairs.
I stared at her through narrow eyes, yawning as she bound past me. She had stayed out later than I had and was still bright and perky. It was a phenomenon I imagined would never happen to me. I struggled to wake up after an early night as it was.
I followed Ruth into my flat and filled the kettle.
‘So what happened? Did you tell him yet?’ I yawned again shaking my head.
‘I told Chris last night, he’s going to pass the message on for me.’
‘It certainly casts doubt about the baby, doesn’t it?’
I nodded as I carried our tea into the living room and curled up on the sofa. I took in Ruth’s outfit; light camel-coloured jacket over a long pale pink vest, black jeans, and flat shoes. The shoes raised my suspicions.
‘Why are you wearing flat shoes?’
‘I’m taking you shopping. You need a smaller wardrobe and that disgustingly handsome employee of yours is back on the market.’ I closed my eyes and frowned. I hated shopping. Ruth threw a cushion at me.
‘I hate shopping,’ I moaned.
‘I know, that’s why you need me to take you. Go take a shower.’ I made a production out of dragging myself off the sofa and shuffling reluctantly to the bathroom. I paused in the doorway and turned round thoughtfully.
‘Actually I do need something. You can help me pick out some sexy underwear. I’m planning a trip to Edinburgh.’ Ruth’s mouth dropped open.
‘What? What about Steven?’ She frowned, confused. I didn’t blame her, I was confused myself.
‘We talked about it last week, haven’t set a date yet but we decided I’d go visit.’
‘You’ve had more cybersex, haven’t you?’ She accused, amusement seeping into her voice. My face flushed in response.
‘Are you going to Edinburgh for a booty call, Olly?’ She giggled and I closed my eyes, trying to suppress the laugh I had bubbling inside me. I nodded and Ruth squealed. She eventually calmed down and her tone turned serious, ‘What about Steven?’ I shrugged.
‘I think that ship has sailed. I’m not even sure how I feel about him, I think I got over him around about the time Chris started talking me through the most amazing orgasms I’ve ever had!’
‘Are you sure you want to meet him though? What if he’s really horrible? I don’t know, Olly, I think this could be a really bad idea.’ I felt doubt creeping in.
‘Well, we haven’t confirmed anything yet.’
‘Just think it through carefully.’ She saw my crestfallen expression, ‘but some sexy underwear for your next web chat we can definitely arrange.’ I grinned, eyeing my laptop and wondering if he’d be online tonight.
I stood in front of the mirror and examined the outfit I was wearing. It wasn’t quite as impressive as the Agent Provocateur lingerie from Chris, but it was pretty sexy all the same. Ruth had a good eye for clothing. I was surprised by the size of some of the clothes she was passing me but everything I tried on fitted perfectly. I was finally happy with my figure. But for what reason? Who was going to see it? I wondered briefly about Steven. I wasn’t sure how I felt. I knew I had felt disappointed when he chose Melissa, although I understood why and I’d certainly thrown myself wholeheartedly into my emerging romance with Chris. Now that it appeared as though Steven might be available again I wasn’t sure how I felt; I had thought I would throw myself into his arms and never let go if I was given a second chance, but now that it seemed possible I wasn’t sure I wanted it. Perhaps all this happened for a good reason, perhaps Steven and I were never meant to be – I was his boss after all and that had always felt awkward to me. We had been getting on well since the obvious sexual tension was removed and I really valued his work for Inspired.
I barely even noticed how attractive he looked this week. It no longer set my pulse racing. I felt affectionate towards him of course but thanks to Chris I was over the worst of my infatuation.
Chris made me feel something entirely different. I felt liberated and even when I occasionally felt dirty about what we did, that feeling generally aroused me too.
I smiled at myself in the mirror, the deep red of the satin vest highlighted the slight mahogany tones in my dark hair. The hem of the vest skimmed my thighs, displaying only the bottom edge of the matching satin shorts. It was a prettier version of my workout clothes, equally short and equally loose. I heard the laptop ringing and feeling a flutter of excitement I ran to the
living room to answer the call.
‘Hey beautiful,’ he greeted me.
I flushed with warmth at his words and smiled. ‘Hey yourself, how’s your day been?’
‘It would’ve been better if you’d been here, but I got lots of revision done for my exam on Monday.’ He paused. ‘I guess seeing you like this is reward enough for now.’
‘I can’t wait to visit you, Mr Knight.’ I smiled seductively into the camera. He chuckled.
‘You are incorrigible, Miss Jones, why are you so impatient to see me?’
‘I think you know why.’
‘Is it my Jacuzzi?’
I giggled, ‘Maybe.’
He sighed suddenly and I felt a prickling sensation crawl up my neck, something wasn’t right.
‘Have you really thought this through though, Liv?’ He asked seriously.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I just don’t know if this is such a good idea. You know I’m going back to the States next year. I don’t want to lead you on or anything.’
I understood what he was saying, but I knew I needed to meet him, I needed to experience what he had to offer, just once.
‘When I saw Melissa last night, before I knew it was her I watched her fucking that guy and two things ran through my mind. First of all it was quick, passionless, I noticed that it was the complete opposite of all the things you’ve described to me. Secondly, I realised that if no one else fucks like you do then I am always going to be disappointed.’ I heard him laughing and smiled. ‘Don’t you think I deserve to be completely satisfied at least once in my life?’ I wheedled.
‘Of course you do, Liv. But then again, if you don’t know any different you won’t be quite as disappointed in future.’
‘Well I’m certainly feeling disappointed now.’ I grumbled.
‘You’ll be fine, maybe you just need to find the right man that sets your pulse racing and you can take the lead,’ he reassured me.
‘What? I couldn’t do that!’ I gasped.
